For approximately fifty percent of the population, when the word breast, or one of its many, many…many slang terms are used, thoughts of sugarplums might dance around in their minds – or you know, breasts. The female body part is nothing short of spectacular, they more or less promote beauty for all cultures and all shapes and sizes, and they’re generally speaking they should be listed as one of the new wonders of the world.
But man, do they also cause a stir. You can’t show them on TV (Janet Jackson and her boobs have barely been seen since Nipplegate), and if you actually use your boobs for sustenance, you might get more than a few nasty looks from people, because how dare you feed your baby.
Every woman who nurses knows the struggle, the exhaustion, and then the complete annoyance at anything and everything when it comes to nursing. So you can imagine their fury when someone feels the need to comment on what they’re doing or express disdain for it. A lot of us know someone who has horror stories, so whether they’re scary to the mom or to some other bystander, here are 15 scary breastfeeding stories.
15. Breastfeeding Puppies
Not all of these stories are scary; some are downright odd, if not bordering on insanity. That insanity feeling is certainly something a lot of women experience for nine months and then after giving birth as well. The female body takes on a lot of changes no man can actually understand fully and it’s more likely than not, a little more than a little harrowing.
So if a new mom wants to whip out a boob and start feeding her kid, no one else should have an opinion about it. But nursing to save an animal’s life? That’s a notion, that no matter how noble, that should be examined at least in this article.
In 2014, a woman in Colorado, who had been nursing her own newborn at the time, began to let a baby black lab start feeding as well. The dog’s mom had recently died and the woman (who chose to remain nameless for fear of a backlash), took mothering into her own hands and nursed the puppy back to health.
Thankfully, the one-time event shouldn’t have caused a lot of issues but according to a veterinarian, there are things that can be passed between puppy and baby, so readers be careful when and if you decide to breastfeed your pooch.
14. Breastfeeding Can Cause Death
Of all the scary stories you’ll read on this list, this one might be the most heartbreaking. Daily Mail reported a story in 2003, a three-day-old was home with mom and had tragically asphyxiated himself while attempting to latch. Sadly, the new mom didn’t realize for almost 20 minutes. She thought the baby had fallen asleep and looked down in complete shock that little Leon was not breathing.
“I knew straight away that something was terribly wrong…” Miss Jerrison, the baby’s mother told the news. Since the tragedy, the family had another boy, born the same day as Leon but Miss Jerrison still thinks of Leon every day. “Losing Leon was like losing a part of me,” Jerrison said.
13. Foreplay, Thy Name Is Breastfeeding
All of this talk about breastfeeding and it might be easy to forget that a whole heap of men absolutely adore a whole heap of non-milk producing boobs. Generally speaking however there’s plenty of odd ducks in the world so there are all kinds of turn-ons, even grown men wanting to experience nursing from the very boobs that are attached to the women that they married and mothers of their children who actually need to feed.
According to one mother on experienceproject, she eventually acquiesced to her husband’s cries of “our baby is so lucky he sucks your big boobs. I also wanna suck your nig beautiful boobs. Can you feed me?”
So in a bit of a reverse Oedipus Complex, hubby’s on one boob and baby’s on the other. But luckily for this family as weird as you might find it – mommy gets off on it. “I love it when my husband sucks my milk! It makes me so h*rny. We always end up making passionate love.”
12. Breastfeeding Is Creepy
While so many women look forward to the day they can hold their newborn bundle of joy in their arms and watch him or her latch on and drink up until the little cutie pie is in milk coma heaven. It’s one of the great moments in a woman’s life and only a woman who breastfeeds would understand why.
The community of breastfeeding moms is usually a very tight knit one due in part at least to some of those understandings. So when a new mom, who happens to edit a parenting website elects the way of the bottle for her baby, a small uproar is bound to happen.
The new mom had actually felt that breastfeeding was a creepy thing to do, she wasn’t chastising others for doing it, but she decided she wanted to keep the twins intact. “I formula fed. So what?” Kathryn Blunell, editor of Mother and Baby said in a 2010 article “I wanted my body back (and some wine)…I wanted to give my boobs at least a chance to stay on my chest rather than dangling around my stomach.”
“They’re part of my sexuality, too – not just breasts, but fun bags. And when you have that attitude (and I admit I made no attempt to change it), seeing your teeny, tiny, innocent baby latching on where only a lover has been before feels, well, a little creepy.”
11. Is Twelve Too Old For Public Breastfeeding?
Five year olds, husbands, and animals oh my! If a woman wants to breastfeed, it is her legal and god given right – she was born with the technology to do so! But there are still unwritten societal rules. In theory, twelve years old might be a tad too old to breastfeed, certainly in public, while waiting in line for movie tickets.
Anyone with even a base understanding of psychology knows that is just not what society at large considers normal. But Nicole Mullen, who wrote the piece for thoughtcatalogue, and was the mother in question just felt as if she was any other mother being persecuted for breastfeeding in public.
“Sure, it’s a little jarring when people see what appears to be a grown man sucking on a woman’s breasts, but it’s natural and their discomfort is not my problem,” Mullen wrote.
10. Lactating Lips
We’ve all heard the term muscle memory before?
Strangely enough, seemingly even if you move the location of certain muscles and/or body parts, they might retain some of their original muscle memory. A user names princesshdrider on the website storknet had an interesting case of this phenomenon – similar to phantom limb, she seemingly had phantom boob!
She posted about the breast enlargement surgery she had prior to giving birth, she also had lips done prior as well. Her doctor had taken scar tissue from her areola and put it inside of her lips. Then princesshdrider’s baby girl was born and as she tried to nurse, her breasts got bigger (naturally), but so were her lips!
“Bigger and bigger, to the point where I couldn’t talk, barely eat and had to go around with my hand over my mouth because they were so huge! I told a doctor about it and asked if maybe he thought my lips were trying to lactate? He laughed and said it was quite possible that tissue had retained some memory.”
In probably the most infuriating entry on this list, imagine if someone else was breastfeeding your kid. Now imagine it was your own mother-in-law. There are tight-knit communities and families that love to pitch in when a baby is born because “you gotta see the baby,” but this is just ridiculous. We’ve all heard of the controlling mother-in-law stereotype, but again this is just ridiculous.
One new mom wrote to the advice column, Dear Prudence on slate. She heard her bundle of joy crying but when she saw her MIL head to him, she waited for grandma to bring the baby over and when she didn’t, new mom was working on the assumption that her boy was being rocked back to sleep. Needless to say, horror struck when she eventually got up to check and caught her MIL breastfeeding her newborn.
8. Apparently, You Can Put Baby In A Corner, Or An Alley, Or A Bathroom
No matter how you might feel about the subject, it is a woman’s legal right to feed their baby wherever, whenever. When your baby is hungry, if you so choose can just plop out your boob and start feeding your baby. Even Pope Francis has given breastfeeding in church his blessing.
So when a woman wants to feel like a woman and not so much a mom and heads to Victoria’s Secret to do so, you can imagine the outrage when she was told she couldn’t nurse her baby in the dressing room. A mother Ashley Clawson had even spent a good chunk of change in the store when she was told no – “…She actually told me to go outside and walk down an alley where no one ‘usually’ goes and nurse him. Seriously?!? Lost a customer for sure,” Clawson said on the site mamamia.
She’s definitely not alone, and plenty of other people have had similar stories. Another lady on the site was feeding her kid in the food court of a mall when another shopper suggested she feed in the bathroom. Much like the woman said in retort, ask yourself “would you eat in the bathroom?”
7. Breastfeeding Until Five
How old is too old to be breastfeeding? As far as British “mum” Samantha Williams is concerned, five is still young enough. She actually feeds more than one kid at a time, but one of her three kids actually is five (!), according to the Mirror.
“It will do more to promote breastfeeding than anything that could be said by every doctor or parenting expert in the whole country,” Samantha said.
Of course, this is a very taboo subject – most every nursing mom and even naysayers “know” that breastfeeding is for babies and no one else, so of course Williams has caught a few stares and cross words.
“I don’t cover myself with a blanket. I just feed them. I’m not trying to make a point – I just believe it is natural…and some people think I’m being selfish – that I can’t let go of my babies. I ask them if they really think you can force a child to breastfeed if they don’t want to.”
6. Accidental Daddy Breastfeeding
In some circles it does seem like some mothers feel all alone when they’re breastfeeding. It’s not like their husband can help with feeding (unless you’re pumping and the baby will take a bottle). Truth be told, men aren’t terribly bright or perceptive when it comes to their wife’s troubles and tribulations of breastfeeding, not to mention the nine months prior to them.
Doesn’t mean they don’t care, it just means they’re like their sitcom counterparts and a little dumb, but in the silliest ways. For example, according to a post on storknet one mother who left her baby with daddy so she could use the bathroom and at just three days old the little lady seemingly couldn’t care whether she got milk or not and had latched on tight to dear old daddy’s nipple.
5. Boobs Are For Pugs Not Babies
Elsewhere on the list, you read about a woman who as weird as it might sound to some, she saved a puppy’s life by breastfeeding it, since the pooch wasn’t taking any dog formulas. It was a selfless act that only a devout animal lover would have done. But how much do you love your family dog?
For the ladies, do you love your little Pug enough to nurse him all of the time?
As far as Terri Graham, a California born mother of two is concerned, there’s only one “kid” who was able to nurse on mommy – yep, you guessed it – the family dog, Spider. Her human children were not able to nurse so one day in order to feel “complete” and get the total “mom” experience, she started nursing Spider.
“Having Spider suckle on my boob means I finally feel complete and a better mother,” Graham told Closer magazine. So the next time your dog accidentally licks your baby’s bottle (like Spider did), who knows – maybe you too should start breastfeeding your pup.
4. Not Being Able To Breastfeed
Often times in the eternal battle of boobie versus bottle, sometimes it’s easy to forget just how difficult breastfeeding can be for some women and for others, it is heartbreaking when they, try as hard as they might, physically cannot express milk to feed their babies naturally.
For many women, who most likely meticulously plan their lives out even when they’re little girls – or least like the one in this entry – dreaming they’ll be married to their celebrity crush and lead the blessed life where they’re the most totally awesome mom ever. Of course real life swoops in and more and more items need to be scratched off your fantasy life check list.
“Handle chapped nipples” had to be scratched off one blogger’s list at scarymommy. While it didn’t deal a terribly crushing blow to her psyche, she still feels bad when pro-breastfeeding moms talk about the “poison” formulas other moms give their babies and she has to remind herself not question if not breastfeeding is the reason one kid has a cold and the other thinks he’s a pink cat.
3. Being Scared To Breastfeed
When you work with babies as a nurse and you’re a very pro “breast is best,” kind of person who already raised three kids and are getting ready for your fourth, something fierce must have happened for you to be scared of breastfeeding your latest bundle of joy. Chaunie Brusie, an RN who breastfed all three of her other children and does her best to help new moms confessed that she is scared to feed number four the same way.
When you suffer horrible mastitis, it’s not hard to understand Brusie’s pain, if not physically feel it. Her case was so bad that she battled a 102-fever and damaged one of her milk ducts permanently, and she still successfully nursed three kids while enduring excruciating pain as they all fed from the injured breast.
“I cried almost every time I fed them on that side, and it wasn’t uncommon for me to notice blood mixed in with their milk. Because the ducts are damaged, that side produces less, so they have to work extra hard to get the milk out, leading to blisters and fun stuff like that.”
2. Good For The Whole Family
See that picture above this entry? You’d make that face too after what you’re about to read…
A reader of the Mirror website had written to “Dear Coleen” her tale of woe, in which her sister-in-law still nurses her boys and the oldest one is 13. There’s no shame in the matter either and she would do it when company is over too, just as if she had real babies and not tweens. As odd as that is imagine the horror to walking in to see your sister–in–law nursing your brother!
Again no shame – “Poor love, he’s got a bit of a cold and this will do him good.”
The advice columnist wrote back and echoed a whole lot of your own possible sentiments – “…I think it’s weird. This is all about her, not her kids. There is no health benefit from breastfeeding children this age…she doesn’t want her kids to grow up or not relay on her any more, and now she’s even including her husband.”
1. Did Boobs Versus Bottles Cause Death?
Most people have heard about postpartum depression, like depression in general it’s hard to comprehend for anyone not suffering from it. Now toss in previous debilitating depression from having suffered a miscarriage and you wind up with a dangerous concoction that could even lead to a severe tragedy. With just a few other outliers, it might even lead to death.
After suffering a miscarriage Joanne Bingley finally gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in 2010. But PPD and the troubles of breastfeeding were taking their toll. According to Bingley’s husband, Chris, Joanne asked for help and practically begged for it. Unfortunately no one even bothered to suggest switching to bottle feeding to alleviate some pressure. Nothing and no one helped and when baby Emily was ten weeks old, Joanne decided to take a walk to the train tracks, lay down and wait for death.
Thanks to hospital policies, no one suggested a bottle – the hospital was putting Joanne’s physical health in front of her mental health. Chris has spent the years since raising Emily and doing all he can to let women who are struggling to nurse know that it doesn’t matter how their baby is being fed as long as they’re being fed.
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