Rednecks and white trash are pretty much the only people that you can make fun of on the internet without somebody getting really upset. We’re not saying this is right, though, and we understand why people in minority groups that have been persecuted for decades if not centuries are much more likely to get annoyed by you poking fun at them. However, rednecks are very likely to bring a lot of the criticism on themselves, almost as if they have no self-awareness whatsoever, just doing what seems to come naturally to them and then finding it surprising that everybody else finds this funny.
Without wanting to delve into the deeper problems here, we decided that we’d go on Reddit and find the funniest stories of Rednecks getting exactly what was coming to them. If you engage in this sort of behavior, can you really be surprised when things don’t go your way? It’s no wonder that we’re having a laugh at their expense because of the sorts of things we’ve got on this list.
So, are you ready to find out some of the most ridiculous Redneck stories that we could find on the internet? Think it’s about time that there was a little bit of karmic retribution for Rednecks across the world? Well, sit back, and take a look at how justice was served to these white trash people.
15 Not Even Once...
"Man on meth throws cash register at store clerk. After pursuit that ends when he is captured on the roof of the bowling alley, he ends up in the hospital for having broken an ankle running; tiny emergency room means he is placed in one of the two neighboring beds, the other being occupied by the store clerk."
Look, we’re obviously not trying to condone what this man did, but we have to say that meth is clearly giving rednecks some serious superpowers if everything in this story is true. We’d find it impressive enough to see somebody pick up a full cash register and manage to hurl it at someone, and that’s before he manages to break an ankle but keep running on it! The way that the story ends is just the icing on the cake for us. The meat of the story is what had us hooked.
14 How Is This Acceptable?
"2 of my cousins got into a fight at a wedding over who would have first crack at one of the bridesmaids. My sister turned them both down."
Believe it or not, we’re sort of fundamentally okay with incest as long as it’s between two consenting adults and they don’t choose to procreate. The heart wants what it wants, and while we may not want to engage in that sort of behavior ourselves, that doesn’t mean we feel like we have the higher ground to look down upon anybody else in this world. That being said, when you get to the point where everyone in the family is comfortable to watch two of their family member throw it down because they want to try to get it on with their cousin, you should really have a think about where it all went wrong. That's just not okay.
13 Time To Start Reading Books...
"I lived in a redneck town as a teenager, and we had lots of native kids and one Indian kid (from India). One day, a native guy named Chuck and the Indian kid got into an argument over who was the best Indian."
Having grown up with fairly forward-thinking parents and in a progressive environment, stories like this just don’t make sense to us. How can somebody who isn’t Indian be more Indian than someone who was literally born in India? Also, we don’t want to stereotype the sorts of places that Rednecks live in, but is it a normal occurrence for a family from India to end up living in the backwoods areas of rural America? Is this just something that we’ve never heard about before? If it is, we’re genuinely interested in what made these immigrants feel like that was the best place for them.
12 This Is How You Prank Someone!
"My brother's roommate once dumped 200l lbs of corn in our driveway, blocking us in. It was fucking hilarious. We shucked all the corn, and put all the shucks in his yard."
If we're being honest, we've never really been a major fan of pranks, in general, unless they're incredibly smart or done in a very specific way. They have to be something special for us to really pay any attention; otherwise, we just keep on walking and don't look back. However, this is the sort of thing we can get behind. Not only did they get to prank someone, the nature of their prank meant that they could end up being pranked back if the people with the corn were smart enough, which they thankfully were. Plus, who doesn’t like a good bit of corn at lunch?
11 We Reckon This Is What He Looked Like Afterward
"I was fourteen, and my cousins and I found a fifty-gallon barrel. I squeezed into the barrel, and my cousin twisted the barrel around and let it rip. It was intense. So, after the first round, I told my cousin to help me out and that I couldn't do that again. He wound it up one more time. I barfed all over his new cowboy boots."
One of the main reasons we never really let ourselves get into situations like this as a youngster is because we didn’t trust the people around us. We’re not sure why children are so horrible, but even your best friend can end up doing horrible things to you, things that he would never dream of doing once he's an adult. Thankfully, this kid got his own back when he vomited all over his cousin's new boots. Nobody should be wearing cowboy boots anyway.
10 Seriously, Ouch...
"I hurt my leg when I fell off a sled being pulled by a 4 wheeler. It was July."
Okay, we know that he definitely got what he deserved, but that doesn't mean this one isn't still pretty unpleasant. Sure, once you get yourself into a position where you're trying to sled in July while being pulled by a car, you can't really complain when you end up getting hurt, but that's one of the most painful sentences we've read in a long time. We're cringing as we write this; just the thought of hurting yourself in such a way causing us to flinch. If you’re thinking about doing something like this over the summer, please think again before you end up costing yourself some serious money once your hospital bills come back.
9 Some People Shouldn't Have Children
"Burnt myself as a youngster by riding the hood of a car being pulled down the road by a pickup truck."
We feel like we go on about this quite a bit, but people need to start realizing that having a child is a privilege, not a right. When you see images like this, it's hard to come up with an excuse for why this man should be allowed to look after children. Sure, you can't tell exactly how fast he's going, but no matter what speed they're traveling at, those children aren't strapped in properly and shouldn't be taking part in this. Also, hearing someone say he burnt himself while riding the hood of a car makes us feel more uncomfortable than pretty much anything else on this list. There’s something really visceral about that description. It’s like we can feel it.
8 What Do These Places Even Look Like?
"I was in a basement bar where two guys in business attire got into a heated argument that devolved into a fistfight. What was the argument about you ask? It was over which was the bigger redneck."
We've been to enough bars in our time to know what a basement bar is, but what exactly does a bar that caters to rednecks in business attire look like? What sort of decor do they have going on down there? Usually, you'd be expecting guns and confederate flags all over the walls, but then, how do you cater to those who are clearly attempting to dress up as something more classy? Maybe it’s time that people came to terms with what they are and fully accepted that. This way, we won’t end up being confused when somebody starts talking about rednecks in suits.
7 This Sentence Is Almost Art To Us
"My brother and his friend got into a fight over who could win in a fight."
As people who pretty much spend every day putting words together and thinking about the best way to write something, we can tell you now that this sentence is borderline a work of art. Could you imagine walking down the street and hearing two people shouting about this? We can’t fault them choosing to settle the whole problem by getting into a fight, as that’s certainly the only way to bring this whole thing to a close, but the very fact that they ever got into this problem in the first place is what we find astounding. This is the sort of sentence that we're really happy to see make it out of people’s mouths. Sometimes, you just want people to speak before they think. It’s rare, but we still like it to happen sometimes.
6 Why Would You Bother?
"Watched my parent's neighbor try to tow his car with a lawnmower."
Maybe we're just proving how redneck illiterate we are here, but why would anybody ever try this? It's obvious that it isn't going to work. That's just a fact. Unless you’re driving on top of something that you’ve managed to put a lot of power into while nobody was looking, that lawnmower is never going to help you do anything other than mow the lawn. As a side note, we've never managed to find ourselves one of these lawnmowers to have a go on in our lives. We’re looking forward to the day even though we’re sure that it’ll be a total let down once we eventually get to it. If any of you can set us up with one that has a proper engine in it, we'd be very happy.
5 How Is This Even Possible?!
"I know a guy who got 'removed' from Wal-Mart for 'inappropriate appearance and behavior.'"
Honestly, up until this point, we generally believed that there was no way anybody could actually get themselves thrown out of Wal-Mart, but it's nice to see that we were wrong on this one. We'd just like to see what the person looked like and what that person did to get thrown out because we've seen some specimens walk around that place and be allowed to stay. If you know anybody who's managed to get himself thrown out of this place, could you please get in touch and let us know exactly what it was he did to get on people’s nerves so much he was removed? You really have to be a proper piece of work to get on the nerves of somebody who already works at Wal-Mart.
4 There's No Place For This Sort Of Stuff In A Modern World
"I know a crazy chick who got fired from Walmart for racism."
Rather than try and make you laugh here, we think it's important that we take a stand against this sort of stuff because while you could once laugh it away as a freak occurrence, it's steadily becoming a major problem in many developed areas of the world. It's important that we stop this as soon as we can. The longer you allow these racists to mobilize, the harder it will be to eventually stop them once they try and change things in this world for the worst. Sadly, institutionalized racism is far from fixed, so if you see somebody acting in this manner, make sure you speak out. We're all human beings, and we should attempt to look after each other no matter what.
3 Somebody Had Quite The Night!
"At 18, I got drunk one night on a fifth of Jack. On the way home, I made the driver stop because I had to pee. Apparently, I actually used the phrase 'yall hold my beer and watch this.' I proceeded to pee OVER a fence. All was well and good until I lost some of the pressure and the stream's arc touched the electrified portion of the fence. This shocked my junk to the point I passed out..."
We really do think this is the definition of getting what's coming to you. If you choose to take part in behavior like this, it’s only a matter of time before you end up getting what you deserve. Honestly, we’ve done some pretty stupid things in our time, but this is really taking it to a whole other level that we hope to never achieve in own lifetimes.
2 When Will People Learn?!
"I have a scar on my knee where I slid from a cart that was being pulled by a motorbike on a dirt road; also, I was bathed in beer after the rollover."
The fact that he was bathed in beer is just the icing on the incredibly painful cake here. Can we just point out to anybody who's reading this and considers himself to be a redneck, you now know enough stories to see that trying to have any vehicle pull you along is just a bad idea right from the very beginning. The likelihood is, it isn't going to go as well as you're hoping, and you'll probably end up really hurting yourself. That being said, beer makes us all do pretty ridiculous things, so it’s unlikely that you’ll end up listening to us if you spend enough time getting drunk.
1 We All Know This One Must've Hurt...
"Went to test out some new tires on my wagon... got stuck, and we ended up ripping the rear bumper off trying to get me out."
Look, we may not understand it ourselves, but there are a lot of people out there who take their vehicles very seriously, to the point where we wouldn't be surprised if this one hurt just as much as some of the more unpleasantly painful entries on this list. Believe it or not, but there are some people out there who see their cars as such a close extension of themselves that any damage done to their car is like damage done to them. You can see the pain and fear in their eyes when something happens to their beloved vehicle; it's as if they’re watching an old friend or lover being hurt in some way.