There are many absurd lies that North Korea’s official or authoritarian sources have declared as true and that its citizens are obliged to listen to. Much has been said, and is said, about the current dictatorship of Kim Jong-un, some of these claims being so ridiculous that they seem to be completely invented. The influx of refugees, combined with sporadic visits by some tourists to the hermit country, seem to confirm some of these rumours.
The late Kim Jong-il was not only one of the most brutal tyrants any country has suffered in recent decades, but his son, Kim Jong-un is doing everything to surpass him. The worship of its leaders in this country even surpasses the Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt. However, there are those who believe that the North Koreans, deep down, do not believe most of these lies that the dictatorship is trying to put in their heads. But the truth is, when you don’t have any kind of communication with the outside world, it is even easier to brainwash the masses. These are just some of the “facts” they are bombarded with.
15. Kim Jong-il was the best at everything
Kim Jong-il, the leader of North Korea from 1994 until his death in 2011 was surprising in every respect. According to official biographies, he was able to walk three weeks after birth and speak at eight weeks. But that’s not all. In college, he wrote 1,500 books in three years, and composed six operas that seem to be better than anything anyone else has composed in the history of classical music. But his most incredible achievement was scoring thirty-eight shots in his first round of golf, including eleven holes in one.
14. Kim Jong-un was a genius child
Like father, like son. When Kim Jong-un, the successor to Kim Jong-il, took over his country’s leadership in 2011, he needed legends of his own. In 2015 a handbook called Revolutionary Activities by Kim Jong-un was introduced to teachers to teach students in schools that their new supreme leader was a gifted child, being able to drive a car at age three, which posed the next question. Did he really drive or was he just in the car when his father forgot to put on the hand brake? The manual also reported that Kim Jong-un was a great champion sailboat sailor, being able to beat a foreign executive at the age of nine.
13. Kim Jong-il had a strange “superpower”
Has your stomach ever hurt from holding a gas? When Kim Jong-Il went out on dates, he never had that horrible, mortal problem. According to his official biography, he never had to go to the bathroom for what you already know. His dazzling physique and brain power was so efficient that he didn’t expel human waste of any kind, liquids or solids. The incredible Kim Jong-il’s mind control stretched from his bowels to the weather, which was said to change according to his mood. It may not be surprising for a man who was born on a volcanic mountain in North Korea under a burning star and a double rainbow, although there are records that he was born in a small fishing village in the Soviet Union.
12. North Korea has a miracle “bean” that makes people taller
Five-two feet tall, big and stout Kim Jong-il really hated little people. Maybe that would explain his rag hair and platform shoes. According to a tutor, for the preparation of the World Festival of Youth and Students in 1989, Kim Jong-il relocated those with disabilities from the capital and ordered pamphlets advertising a cure for smallness, but it really was a trap: those who responded to the publicity were exiled to uninhabited islands. Several deserters claim that the government has established a village with dwarf people where residents are forced to sterilize themselves so as not to contaminate the purity of the race that inhabits the rest of the country.
11. Parliamentary elections are democratic
After World War II, the allies divided Korea into two zones. The north occupied by the Soviets and the south by the United States. In 1948, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea was born under the dictator Kim-il Sung (grandfather of the current leader), but how democratic is North Korea? Well according to the reliable North Korean news agency, the democracy of a single political party is thriving. The 2014 elections had a 99.97% participation rate, in which all voters approved candidates for their districts. Obviously, there was only one name on each ballot, although voters could reject candidates by crossing their names off with a red pen or leaving their ballots in a different box, but all under the watchful eye of officials and soldiers with guns ready to fire. Surprisingly, no one did. That’s what I call a democracy, bro.
10. North Korea has the cure for everything
How have they done something that the world’s largest powers have not achieved in tens of years of research and after investing millions of dollars? The North Korean news agency recently reported that state scientists have developed a cure for AIDS, but also for MERS (a viral respiratory disease) ebola, tuberculosis and cancer. In short, if you suffer from something that is almost fatal in other countries, North Korea can solve it, because, as one Pyongyang pharmaceutical company says, “Everyone has the right to be healthy.” The drugs are grown from fertilizers mixed with rare earth elements and micro amounts of gold and platinum, because apparently, these people can do whatever they want.
9. Kim Jong-il is the inventor of hamburgers
What would you do if you controlled everything people might know? If you could make people believe what you want, obviously you tell them you invented burgers, or not? In the late 1990, North Korea suffered a brutal starvation that caused widespread malnutrition that still continues today. According to a state newspaper in 2000, Kim Jong-il created a sandwich for college students: he called it double bread with grilled meat, also known in the rest of the world as a hamburger. This also raises unanswered questions, such as: Did this fella also invent chips and apple pie? Why don’t they say he even invented chocolate?
8. Kim Jong-il’s fashion sense made him a global icon
Remember 2010 when Kim Jong-il’s khaki tunic with zipper and pants took the world by surprise? From the runways in Paris and Milan to the streets of New York, Kim Jong-il’s look was the sensation, at least according to the website controlled by the North Korean state, which claimed that the iconic look of the supreme leader had become a popular fashion trend around the world. His style was completed with his extensive collection of kimonos and his permanent sunglasses. Kim Jong-il’s son and successor, Kim Jong-un, is said to have undergone plastic surgery to resemble his father.
7. North Korea discovered a den of unicorns
In 2012, the North Korean media reported that local archaeologists had confirmed the existence of a unicorns’ lair, where a unicorn was once mounted by the founder of the ancient kingdom of Goguryeo. The funny thing is to know how these intrepid archaeologists knew it was a den of the unicorn and not another animal, or did they find rainbow hair? To be fair, the word unicorn was actually a translation of the Korean word Qilin, an Asian mythological creature with a lion’s body, fish skin, deer horns, that was usually wrapped in flames. This creature is associated with serenity and prosperity. For simplicity’s sake, in Europe and America it is sometimes called the Chinese unicorn, even though it has two horns.
6. You can’t get pregnant before you get married… biologically speaking
We’re not talking about the stigma attached to women who get pregnant before marriage, but the idea that it is biologically impossible to get pregnant before marriage, according to North Korea at least. Ridiculous as it may seem, this lie is taught to girls from birth. According to students in Pyongyang, the country’s capital, not a single instance of unmarried pregnancies is known. For some reason, a woman couldn’t really get pregnant if she hasn’t been married before, no matter how much she indulges in her carnal desires. If you look at it properly, maybe this is the paradise for adult actresses, because they will not have to fill their bodies with hormones or invasive surgeries to avoid becoming pregnant.
5. Mickey Mouse and Coca Cola were created by the Chinese
This pair of incredible facts were revealed by the famous French photojournalist Eric Lafforgue before he was expelled from the country. Apparently, North Koreans are convinced that two of the most iconic and world-renowned brands in the United States, such as Disney and Coca Cola, are of Chinese origins. They say that when Lafforgue showed Jong-un an image of Mickey Mouse, the leader smiled and said, “It’s just a mouse. And he’s Chinese.” The surprising thing is not that Jong-un believes this, but thankfully he didn’t say Playboy is also of Chinese origin as well, as things would have gotten a little out of control.
4. Cars are bad for your health
“The government wants you to exercise” is a highly replicated phrase by the authorities towards their citizens. Pseudo-scientific propaganda against the use of the car has much support from government agencies. In theory, politicians do not want lazy citizens, so the only ones allowed to own cars are the National Leader, his cohort, the political class and a few ordinary citizens. The rest of the country must get around on foot, by bicycle or by public transport. And to make sure that their citizens abide by this “rule” certain measures have been taken. For instance, they have been bombarded with all sorts of “studies” that talk about the health hazards of cars, such as obesity and respiratory diseases.
3. The world envies North Korean prosperity
At the big Annual Games, spectators receive an impressive show of artistic and athletic performance that reinforces the claim that North Korea is happy, prosperous and an enviable nation. And its inhabitants believe that this is how the world sees them as well. But the truth is totally the opposite. In fact, outside the capital, poverty is widespread and malnutrition is rampant. The truth is that Kim-il Sung (and his dynasty) have lived a rich life, while hundreds of thousands in his country starved to death. Moreover, North Korea has been repeatedly accused of having one of the worst human rights records in the world.
2. North Korea is the second happiest country in the world
According to North Korean researchers, the happiest country in the world is China, and theirs is the second one in the world. But the funniest thing is that the research said the United States was the least happy country on the planet. A team of journalists from the Russian news agency RT entered North Korea during two of its main festivities: the anniversary of the arrival of Kim Il-sung and Kim Jong-il in the world, and their report provides an unknown and interesting insight into the Asian country, gathering testimonies from its inhabitants. According to them they are the happiest people in the world. Similarly, many North Koreans worship their great leader because, for them, he plays a fatherly role who takes care of all their needs.
1. South Koreans will not let North Koreans into their country
The North Koreans have been sold the idea that their supreme leader Kim Jong-un is such a good man that he would welcome any South Koreans entering North Korea, despite the fact that the South Koreans would shoot any North Koreans who dare set foot in their country. It seems that the North Korean government has its own version of the children’s tale of Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, except that instead of the Wolf we have a South Korean army ready to shoot you if you try to visit their country. However, North Korea of course is very friendly when it comes to visitors, and they will welcome you with honey jars and freshly baked cookies.
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