On one hand, daycare workers have the best job in the world. In what other profession does a person get to wake up and say, “You know what, I think that I’m going to spend the better part of my day just taking care of little kids. I think that I will start with just playing some games with them, then I may actually teach them how to read, and after that they will take a nap while I get caught up on the news. When it’s all over, their parents are going to pick them up and pay me for doing all of that.” It sounds kind of like a dream job, right?
Well, that depends on who's asking. Like with any job, being a daycare worker can also suck the marrow out of a person’s bones. For every person that wakes up thinking they are Mary Poppins, another person wakes up and thinks, “Okay, today, I can get through this. Little Bobby likes to bite, but I’m wearing long sleeves so maybe I can avoid it this time. One of the other kids likes to call me ‘bubble head’ every time he sees me, exploiting the insecurities I have about the size of my noggin. And God help me if another parent asks why their kid’s cheeks are red. I may just tell them, ‘It’s because he’s ugly, just like you.’ Ok, it’s ok. I can do this!”
So, it’s obvious that, like any job, some people are completely okay with the work, others may hate it. One thing that binds all of them is that they each have their own little secrets that they keep. Here is a collection of 15 of the most shocking confessions from daycare workers you will read and a brief analysis of how crazy they actually are.
15 No, They're MY Toys
“I work at a daycare and when the kids are napping, I play with their toys.”
So let’s take a quick second to consider this before jumping to conclusions. On one hand, it is extremely disconcerting that a person is playing with children’s toys when they are supposed to be supervising the children. Yes, they are napping, but you certainly do not expect that they are going to touch things that aren’t theirs. Isn’t that the first thing they teach kids at daycare? Keep your hands to yourself? It’s weird.
On the other hand, kids toys are hella fun. They are not like when you were younger. Those toys were stupid and they didn’t come loaded with interactive applications. Consider now that it is entirely possible that a 10-year-old kid may have not only a cell phone, but also a virtual reality headset they may bring with them for “therapeutic” purposes to daycare. I highly doubt that any person’s hands wouldn’t be trembling the second his eyes closed. You know you would snatch it up in a heartbeat.
14 What? I Was Hungry!
“I ate part of the kids’ lunches.”
Kids are notorious for two things: the amount of work they require, and the awesome food that they eat. With the first one, there is no question. In fact, the reason the whole daycare industry exists is simply because parents have to find a way to feed the little ankle biters. For whatever reason, kids need to eat every day so mom and dad have to go to work every day. Plus, since little kids can’t watch themselves without it being “against the law,” some semi-responsible adult has to at least make sure they don’t choke themselves on candy. But the other part of kids, the part with the awesome food, is the best part. There is a 99% chance that most of the readers of this article are chewing on a Pop Tart, had a bowl of cereal this morning, had goldfish for a snack, or are dreaming of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Even for the “I only eat responsibly raised chicken crowd,” they will go wild if someone brought pizza bagels into work. Here’s the thing though, parents send their kids to daycare expecting that their kid, and only their kid, is going to eat their food. It would never be okay for a co-worker to come in and steal lunches from everyone else, so why would it be okay for someone being paid to watch the kids to do so?
“Kids at the daycare were left to starve all day.”
One daycare worker in Australia witnessed that some kids were left to starve for the day if the kids did not like what they were being served. This is troubling on so many levels, but it’s important to review. First, kids are notoriously picky eaters. For kids under the age of 7, they usually only eat four kinds of foods: juice, macaroni and cheese, pizza, and anything in nugget form. Aside from that, they will not eat. Do not try to feed kids anything organic. Do not try to feed them anything that comes from a farmer’s market. Unless it has cartoon characters on the front, they will not eat it. The problem with this, though, is that it is important that kids at daycare do not go hungry because they are picky. Kids have been picky as long as there have been kids, but miraculously, adults have found a way to get them to eat. Refusing to feed them is every bit as petulant an act as refusing to eat anything because you don’t like it. In the big picture, this is inexcusable.
12 Just A Little Bribe
“I nailed a kid with a ball and his nose started bleeding. Then I bribed him with chocolate to be quiet.”
If you ever want to see a parent freak out, tell them that their kid is injured. It could even be something as simple as a scrape or a cut. If the kid isn’t wailing at the top of his/her lungs, the parent surely will be. On one end, it’s only normal that this would occur. Children are probably the only beings that others would give their lives for; even if they're total strangers, it's a kid. No questions. They are as innocent as one can be and free from the ills that may befall some of them as they grow up. So, seeing them hurt can be as painful for the adult as it is for the child. What’s worse is when a daycare worker, the person responsible for watching them, not only caused the incident, but covered it up, then bribed the kid with chocolate to keep quiet. Just imagine the nuclear explosion that will erupt when one of those jerk parents (and there are many) finds out. For that daycare worker, they may want to look for another job.
11 Special Needs Kids = Easy Targets
“Kids with special needs get blamed for everything all the time.”
The term “special needs,” gets thrown around a lot. Those terms are used to sum up the myriad conditions that some people struggle with beyond their control. Special needs could mean something as simple as a kid that has trouble articulating his words, to a physical disability, to some mental disorder that a kid is struggling with. The trouble is that kids with special needs can be a handful at times. Just imagine if your brain told you, “Go jump on that couch for two hours.” Chances are, you would end up breaking something. This daycare provider said that when a child with autism had trouble communicating, he would get in trouble. When people would bully the poor kid, he would get blamed and isolated from the rest of the group. The worst part is that none of the daycare workers did anything to stop it. If you have kids of your own, consider the loneliness and sadness a special needs kid goes through when all they want is a hug from mom and dad.
10 The Dreaded Diaper Change
“Some kids did not have their diapers changed all day while co-workers sat in their car and talked about their sex life.”
Anyone that has had to experience the horror of changing a baby’s diaper understands extremely well that it is one of the worst experiences in the world sometimes. If a baby is feeling particularly explosive, it can look like they were dipped in a vat of brown gravy up to the waist and pulled out. It’s awful. On the other hand, a daycare worker is there specifically to handle some of the jobs that most of the world will not take. Leaving a child in a diaper to talk about sex in your car is probably more childish than crapping your pants when you compare the two. An unchanged diaper can lead to rashes, infections, and other bacteria that seep right into the baby’s skin and bloodstream. By refusing to do it, especially to talk about the one thing that leads to babies, is just terrible.
9 Just Throw Them Out
“I threw away a legally blind kid’s glasses.”
Most of the world, fortunately, is not blind. The world is built by and for people that can see. If you have ever been to Disneyland or Disneyworld, it is made better only because at 9pm every night, you can see these amazing freaking fireworks in the sky. It is so much better than anything you have ever seen before. The problem is you have to be able to see it. For some people, like the kid in this story, they are legally blind. This means that they can see a very limited amount, but hardly enough to drive or live what we would find to be a normal life. This daycare worker had accidentally stepped on this poor kid’s glasses and instead of owning up like a grown up, she threw them away in the garbage and pretended as if he just lost them. In her words, “This was a new low in her life.” Indeed.
8 Fired For Bad Aim
“I got fired for hitting a kid in the nuts with a ball.”
Not only did this woman get fired for hitting a kid with the nuts in the ball, she was out of work for four months after the fact. She said she had to couch surf that entire time because she was penniless after losing her sweet gig that included just kicking a ball around with kids. What’s even worse is that the person who fired her was her own sister. Well, that depends on a person’s definition of “worse.” Getting hit in the old nether region with a ball is probably the worst fate to befall a boy of any age. It is the one area where every man, no matter how powerful, is completely vulnerable. This daycare worker managed to exploit that; albeit accidentally. The word to the wise here is that accidents happen, but injuries to children that young in their private areas are nothing to joke about. Okay, maybe you can joke about it a little.
7 What Do You Mean It's Not Kid Friendly?
“I accidentally let the kids watch Deadpool.”
For most adults, Deadpool was one of the funniest movies of the year. Unlike so many other campy Marvel action movies like Captain America, where somehow his hair never manages to look ruffled, Deadpool was the one movie that took the veneer off of comic book movies and brought everyone into the real world. He curses, he yells, he’s horny, and he is extremely violent. In this story, the daycare worker was supposed to download some movies to DVD to play for the kids. Out of all the comic book movies in the world, he accidentally downloaded Deadpool, and the kids saw the opening credits of the movie. If you can’t remember, there is one part where the credits say, “Produced by Asshats.” There is no telling whether the movie continued playing, but trying to explain why one of the bad guys turned into a puddle of goo to a parent may be a tough sell for that guy.
6 No Future For Daycare Workers
“I work at a daycare, but I feel guilty because I want to find another job that will help me grow for my future.”
Again, it is important to analyze this shocking statement from two perspectives. From one perspective, how terrible is it that there is a man or a woman who is working a daycare job who doesn’t want to actually be there? While they are supposed to be watching children, they are secretly surfing Monster.com to find anything else they can do other than be there right at that second. It’s a horrifying thought that little Susie could be choking down a plastic toy while her daycare worker is updating her experience to read “Crappy Job, 2015-Present.” From the other perspective, it is also totally understandable why this is the case. Daycare workers are almost routinely underpaid in the United States and elsewhere. Coming in at a whopping $9 an hour in the U.S., it is possible that the only way they can apply for jobs on the internet is at work because they can’t afford wi-fi in their own apartment. Without a sugar daddy or sugar mama, it’s hard for daycare workers to get by.
5 Terrible Back Pain
“I work at a daycare and I’m afraid my back is going to give out on me.”
For those who have kids and are reading this, please spare your daycare worker the embarrassment of giving him or her a full physical exam the next time you drop off your kid. It is scary to think that a person who decided to take a job chasing around people who totally don’t give a damn about anybody but themselves when they have back problems. Children, especially young babies, require a lot of physical work. This means that a grown-up has to bend over about 500 times a day to make that happen. When they are getting paid to do it, there is a reason to believe that they had better be extremely limber to make that happen. On the other hand, daycare workers are not cyborgs (at least not yet). Just like the person in the next cubicle who sits on his rear all day, but has one of those fancy, high-backed, expensive “accommodation” chairs because of his back problems, people who have to actually bend over for a living are at an extra special risk. Regardless, she should use what can only be assumed to be her terrible health care insurance and get that looked at.
4 Baby Fever
“Working at a daycare makes me have baby fever.”
This may not come as a total shock to most people. For anyone that has spent any legitimate time around babies, it can be difficult not to think, “Well, what if I had one that looks just like me? Wouldn’t that be great?” Here’s the issue with this, though: those kids are someone else’s baby. There are no shortage of stories where children have been kidnapped. In fact, most kidnappings occur not from some random stranger, but from people that the child actually knows. So, imagine that the woman who made this statement is single, approaching 40, the baby years long behind her, and she’s getting baby fever. Can you start to see the Amber Alert scrolling across the bottom of your television screen now? On the surface, this statement isn’t that shocking, but a careful analysis of the statement reveals something that makes it far more sinister, far more scary, and potentially much more dangerous.
3 All The Terrible Parents
“Today’s parents really need to teach their kids how to be respectful. As a daycare worker, the amount of total disrespect I see on a daily basis is unreal.”
There is a preconception that parents are wonderful people. This stereotype is particularly true of mothers. When most people think of moms, they think that they are the sweet, apple pie baking, comforting, warm people that have helped society become less terrible with each generation. While much of that is true, it can be easy to forget that moms and dads are still people. And sometimes, people are jerks. Just because someone is a parent does not make them less of an asshole. Having babies does not make a person special, rather it makes them just a regular human being. How they treat people is what makes them special. For jerks, the fact that they are a parent just gives them an excuse to be mean to people, especially daycare workers. Whatever you do, do not buy into the hype that parents of small kids are good people. They are just people. Sometimes, rude, disrespectful, mean people who are less than savory.
2 So Much Noise!
“The worst part about my job as a daycare worker is listening to the toys that make sounds and don’t have an off button.”
On one hand, one has to have a little bit of compassion for the person that has to deal with loud toys all of the time. Some toys can be so obnoxious that even the thought of spending 8 hours a day hearing something go, “The cow says…” can drive even a normal person completely insane. For those that work or live near an airport, you may eventually get used to the sound, but you can also forget about having a normal conversation about fifty times a day because of the noise. On the other hand, when someone is being paid to put up with loud toy noises, it is shocking to hear that this is the worst part of his job. If loud toys at a daycare with little kids is the worst part, what else would set this person off? Diapers? Cartoons? Safety? The possibilities are endless for someone annoyed with something so petty.
1 Kiss On Da Lips
“A kid once kissed me on the lips.”
So, just for a little perspective, the kid in this story actually turned toward the daycare worker at the very last second when she was going to kiss him on the cheek. What a player. Regardless, kissing little kids is adorable. In fact, little kids need kisses more than any other type of person on the planet. It is a total reaffirmation of the love and affection an adults, the most important people in their lives, have for them. A kiss can signal that the child is accepted and loved. If you don’t think it is important, ask your friend whose mom and dad never showed them any affection. If you can pry the beer bottle away from their mouth and get them off of the political message boards, you will find out the root of their unhappiness. Alternatively, the fact that a daycare worker had their lips anywhere near a child’s is enough to shock the senses. Kids at daycare need affection, but save that stuff for their parents at home.