The internet is great for a lot of things like checking the news and weather, sending and receiving emails, performing financial transactions and shopping. One of the many gifts the internet age has brought us is the marvellous Google search engine. What would we possibly do without Google today? How would we search random facts, articles and images? There’s no doubt that Google has become a necessity in the 21st century.
It’s no secret that the internet has a dark and scary side. You can come across search results for bunnies and rainbows just as easily as you can find images of gory crime scenes. Adults sometimes choose to put parental controls on search engines to shelter their kids from the scary side of the internet. But, the truth is no one is really immune to stumbling across inappropriate and disturbing Google searches these days.
The internet is tricky. Searching what may seem like an innocent word can have you a few clicks away from images that make you want to rip your eyeballs out. That’s exactly what this list is dedicated to, seemingly innocent keywords you never want to be caught Googling. If you ever hear the terms “Goatse” or “Meatspin” and are curious to see what they are, please wait until you’re in the privacy of your own home to Google search them. You’ll thank me.
15 Cake Farts
Ok, so after enjoying a dairy-filled dessert like cake, some people could experience some gas I suppose. I’m not a doctor, but I’d assume that has something to do with lactose intolerance. That’s it. The end. There’s no need to Google “Cake Farts”, so for your own good, don’t.
The act of a “Cake Fart” is when a woman squats her bare bottom into a cake and breaks wind into it causing the icing to spatter (I’m sorry, this is as politely as I could put it). Some people find the Cake Farts craze laughable and amusing. Yet, hilariously (and disgustingly), there are also some perverts who find watching it pleasurable. Yes, the Cake Fart fetish is an actual thing and so Googling these seemingly innocent words could lead you into some nasty territory.
14 Blue Waffle
If you’re online searching for some new recipes, beware the “Blue Waffle”! It’s not something to serve your kids for brunch and it’s not something cute you should be serving at a gender reveal party. In fact, the Blue Waffle isn't even food. On the contrary, a Google search for the delicious sounding item could actually have you losing your lunch.
Images of the Blue Waffle started making they're rounds on the internet in 2010. The ghastly pictures show a woman’s genitals severely infected with a sexually transmitted disease causing the area to turn blue. Thankfully, the disease is said to be fake. However, that doesn’t mean anyone is immune to a misguided Google search. The nasty photos will still show up, so don’t do it. Really, don’t.
13 Mr. Hands
If you have small children and ever hear about “Mr. Hands” he is NOT a character on a kid’s television show or a puppeteer. So, for the love of god, do NOT put on this video for your kids to watch. Actually, don’t put it on for anyone to watch, including yourself.
Kenneth Pinyan was into zoophilia which means he had a sexual fixation on animals. He and a few buddies would often videotape their own sex acts with horses and distribute the zoophile porn on the internet. Pinyan used the stage name “Mr. Hands”. During one of their disgusting sexcapades, he actually died from receiving rectal intercourse from a stallion. By Googling the video for Mr. Hands, you’re signing yourself up for a front row ticket to that horrifying show.
12 Four Girls Finger Paint
Again, this is nothing you should Google for your children. 4 Girls Finger Paint isn’t an art tutorial for your kids. The “girls” in this video are actually full grown women, and the “paint” most definitely is not paint. I think you can see where this is going…
4 Girls Finger Paint is a disturbing video that made its way onto internet porn sites. It can be compared to other nasty videos like 2 Girls 1 Cup. It involves four naked women, defecating and vomiting. Without being too graphic, the four females defecate onto each other and into each other. They then continue on with their sexcapade by drawing on each other with their feces and vomit using their fingers and tongues. If that description doesn’t keep you from Googling 4 Girls Finger Paint, I don’t know what will.
11 Wet Koala
Thank God, this Google search is much more innocent than the rest. But, I still warn you to beware. Koalas are some of the cutest, most adorable animals on the planet. With their fluffy fur, big ears, beady eyes and soft noses. If you’ve ever wondered what a Koala looks like after a swim, don’t Google “Wet Koala”.
The Wet Koala image was put on the internet to forever tarnish the cuteness of the Australian marsupial. The photo is of a dripping wet koala, looking like a drowned rodent with sharp fangs and rage in its eyes. Luckily, it was discovered that the picture was photoshopped and koalas remain to be as lovable as ever.
This is another tricky one that could have you looking for recipes one minute, and stumbling onto disturbing videos the next. The Meatspin website does NOT tell you how to make rotisserie chicken. Googling “meatspin” literally has you one click away from watching porn, so DON’T get caught searching it.
The website’s home page begins by playing the Dead Or Alive song, “You Spin Me Round" (Like A Record). With a few scrolls down you’ll all of a sudden be watching a GIF of gay male porn. The male on the bottom does his thing while the male on top has his junk spinning around in circles. Yes, this search could be a funny trick to play on a friend. But don’t fall for if yourself, especially while on an office computer for instance.
9 Lemon Party
A “Lemon Party” sounds like some sort of flavour bash in your mouth when biting into a lemon meringue pie. Or maybe it could be some sort of political party? Well, it’s not. So, if you’re researching politics or looking for some sort of lemony recipe with bursting citrus flavour, don’t Google Lemon Party.
What a Lemon Party actually is, is more internet prank bait for unwitting users. By Googling the words, you’re just a few clicks away from some disturbing images. A Lemon Party is multiple old (and I mean old) men engaging in a hardcore orgy together. So on one note, never Google Lemon Party, and on another note, if your unsuspecting grandpa gets invited to a Lemon Party warn him to stay home.
8 Kids In A Sandbox
As you can imagine, the title of this internet video is extremely misleading. It has nothing to do with kids, and nothing to do with a sandbox, at all. So if you’re searching for some stock images of kids in a sandbox, try using other variations of the words. Because stumbling upon the “Kids In A Sandbox” video could be absolutely traumatizing.
Kids In A Sandbox is an adult video which starts out normal enough, a girl and a guy getting it on when all of a sudden things take a turn for the worst. Or, what would seem like a turn for the worst, but the man’s reaction is quite surprising. The female in the video takes a sex toy and shoves it down the man’s urethra…and he seems to love it? Gross. Don’t Google Kids In A Sandbox.
7 Lazy Sundays
We all have Lazy Sundays. They usually involve staying in your PJs all day, cuddling up to a movie or maybe a bit of baking. But, in the world of Google, it can mean something entirely different. So, if your’e looking for some relaxing weekend inspo, do not search “My Lazy Sundays”.
My Lazy Sundays is a nauseating video of three old men showering together. As you can imagine, they’re doing more than just shampooing their hair and washing behind their ears. The old man trio in the video wash each other and get very “handsy” with one another if you know what I mean. So, unless you wanna see rub-a-dub-dub three geezers in a tub, don’t Google My Lazy Sundays.
6 Blue Angel
I’m going to assume most people know what a Blue Angel is. Some may think it’s a literal indigo coloured angel– they’re right. Others could think it’s a 1930s German tragicomic film– they’re also right. Or maybe you think it’s the name of the United States Navy’s flight demonstration squadron– that is also correct. But, if you know what the nastier version of a Blue Angel is, you know Googling it could have you stumbling upon some hilariously immature videos.
Doing a “Blue Angel” is the act of igniting one’s flatulence by holding a lighter near the butt while passing gas. This will result in a bluish-coloured flame due to methane combustion. Voila…the Blue Angel. Not only should you refrain from Googling this at work, but you should also refrain from trying a Blue Angel. They’ve been known to sometimes cause severe burns.
Krokodil is the street-name for a drug with fast-acting opioid effects. The toxicity of the drug can cause serious damage to the skin, bone and muscles. The street-name was actually chosen because of the drug’s potential to turn addict’s skin green, scaly and bumpy like a crocodile’s. Now, read carefully, the Googling of this word will cause these gross skin images to popup and they will cause you to vomit on your computer screen. Just a warning, so just don’t do it.
4 The Helicopter
The Helicopter. Simple enough, the type of rotorcraft that can take off and land vertically, hover and fly forward. That's what most people think of when that word is mentioned. But of course, in the fashion of this list, things are not always what they seem.
You may know what The Helicopter is if your boyfriend or husband has ever tried to turn you on in a very, um, questionable way. As seen on the movie “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”, Jason Segel’s character greets his girlfriend by emerging from the shower, dropping his towel and rotating his hips to make his “junk” move in the way of a helicopter blade. That, my friends is The Helicopter, also sometimes referred to as the helicockter…for obvious reasons.
Ew. For the sake of the list, I had to Google this one for research. I’m seriously warning you not to do it. What could simply be mistaken for a cute pet-name can lead you to some traumatizing images on Google.
The “Goatse” image has nothing to do with a goat, shockingly. It entered the internet realm on a shock website, created to prank unsuspecting viewing victims. The image on the home page shows a naked man stretching open his rectal area with both hands to the approximate width of a fist. It’s disgusting, and has become a notorious image used for internet memes. There’s no telling whether the image is real or not, however it’s quite realistic looking *gag*. I sincerely hope for the man in the photo that it’s not.
2 Pearl Necklace Facial
The Pearl Necklace Facial sounds like something rich housewives do to keep their skin glowing and looking young. Well, it’s not actually something you’d have done at a spa. Actually, it’s something that would happen in the bedroom behind closed doors. Yes, it’s another one of those Google search warnings.
The Pearl Necklace Facial is a sex act in which a male ejects his “stuff” onto another individual’s neck or chest area. Some genius out there came to the conclusion that the “stuff” on the other person’s neck resembles translucent white pearls like that of a pearl necklace. So sexy…not. So, if your mother or wife if looking for the hottest new facial trends out there, please advise her not to Google the Pearl Necklace Facial.
1 Daisy Chain
I think we all remember tying daisies together as kids. Maybe to make a cute necklace or flower crown? Well that’s what most people think of when they think of a Daisy Chain. However, there also seems to be a sexual meaning behind the term. A Google search of “Daisy Chain” could quickly land you into some pornographic territory, so be careful.
A “Daisy Chain” is a phenomenon found in adult videos, where multiple women perform oral sex on each other in a circle formation. The sex act is somewhat of a chain reaction where the females all give and receive the sex simultaneously. I’m sure for some this may sound incredibly intriguing. Fair enough. But do yourself a favour, and don’t get caught Googling Daisy Chain at work. Watching porn on the job is a big no-no.
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