For those who have trouble scoring with the opposite sex, it can be vexing to come across people who are truly awful human beings yet never seem to struggle in the romance department. Think about that b*tchy stuck-up girl from your high school who was mean to everyone. Yet when prom season rolled around, she had a line of suitors queued up, begging to be her date. Or how about someone like Johnny Depp? Dude is now known worldwide as a domestic abuser, but do you think he has any problems pulling tail? Not a chance.
That said, the old cliche that nice guys finish last and jerks rule the dating game is a bit of an oversimplification. A lot of nice guys aren’t so much nice as they are pushovers (or another word that starts with the same three letters). That trait isn’t attractive to chicks, and those dudes don’t score a lot. But it’s true that terrible people sometimes finish first, enjoying an endless array of dating options. Why does this happen?
The simple answer, in many cases, is that the person is hot. Chicks, even more so than dudes, can get away with all sorts of awful behavior and still never find themselves alone on a Saturday night if they’re attractive. That’s because dudes focus on looks, and we’re willing to overlook red flags if a chick has a beautiful face and a rockin’ body. Don’t believe me? Take a good look at these 15 evil women, then look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t score with them if you had the chance.
15. Casey Anthony
Was there any doubt she’d show up first on the list? Casey Anthony is the poster child for pure evil. Yes, she was acquitted by a jury of her peers and all that legal jazz, but let’s cut the bullcrap. That attorney she was paying with sexual favors pulled some serious legal magic to create the faint appearance of reasonable doubt. Casey was partying in clubs and entering hot body contests while her daughter was missing. Does that sound like a loving mom frantic to get her kid back safe and sound? But about that hot body contest. There’s a reason she entered—the chick is a total smokeshow. She looked better pre-trial, but even after going through the ringer of the legal system, she’s still a solid 7 or 8. Don’t lie. If Casey Anthony showed up at your door and wanted to throw down, you’d go for it.
14. Amanda Knox
Amanda Knox is evil, but she’s also hot and a total freak to boot. In 2007, she was a student at the University of Washington (Go Huskies!) and was studying abroad in Italy. Her roommate for the semester was a British chick named Meredith Kercher. According to police, Knox brought a couple of Italian dudes back to the crib and wanted to have an orgy. Game on, right? Well, apparently, Kercher wasn’t DTF and she made a big stink and confronted Knox about her lascivious behavior. The following day, Knox “found” Kercher’s dead body and called police, but investigators said the whole scene appeared staged and made Knox their prime suspect. Though she was cleared of all charges, most people, particularly those in the village where the crime occurred, aren’t convinced. But let’s be real. If Amanda Knox propositioned you for an orgy tonight, I doubt you’d say no and turn up dead tomorrow.
13. Jodi Arias
Jodi Arias is a convicted murderer after her boyfriend, Travis Alexander, was found dead in his Arizona home in 2008. The couple met at a motivational conference. Because of her religious faith, Arias believed in abstinence until marriage. But that doesn’t mean the couple didn’t get it on. They engaged in an act called Saddlebacking. It’s popular with young religious people. Check Urban Dictionary for all the dirty details. But basically, it’s like saying that as long as you put it in the “other” place, you can still call yourself a virgin. It might cost you your life, but I’m willing to bet you’d Saddleback with Jodi if given the chance.
12. Amber Hilbering
If you score with Amber Hilberling, make sure you’re on the first floor when it happens. This chick from Tulsa, Oklahoma, is serving a 25-year prison sentence for the 2011 murder of her husband, Josh Hilberling. I’m not sure what Josh did to piss Amber off, but it must’ve been bad because she reacted by pushing him out the window of their 25th-floor apartment. He fell 17 stories and landed on the roof of the building’s parking garage, dying on impact. Not an ideal way to go. In a Dateline NBC interview following her conviction, Hilberling called herself a “good wife” if you can overlook the whole “killing her husband” thing. She still looks hot even after a few years in the clink, but I know this for sure: even Ray Rice would be better to ride the elevator to the top floor with than Amber Hilberling.
11. Mechele Linehan
In 1996, Mechele Linehan was a “dancer” at a classy joint called the Great Alaskan Bush Company (wonder if it changed its name once waxing came into vogue). She was engaged to a dude named Kent Leppink but was apparently still knocking boots with John Carlin, a former lover. Leppink was found dead in May of that year with three .44 caliber gunshot wounds. Three days before his death, he had changed the beneficiary on his $1 million life insurance policy to Linehan. Despite this smoking gun, it took investigators a decade to arrest Linehan for the crime, claiming she conspired with her lover, Carlin, to kill her fiance. They both got convicted and Carlin got bludgeoned to death in prison. Then Linehan appealed her conviction and won. That means she’s a free woman and ready to mingle! She’s 20 years older than her glory days at the Bush Company, but she’s clearly got a freaky side and you don’t age out of that.
10. Lilli Nicole Hurt
When a chick is this fine in a mugshot against a cinderblock wall in a Kentucky jail, imagine what she’d look like dolled up for a night in South Beach. What’s more, Lilli Nicole Hurt has already proven that she likes to get intoxicated and make terrible decisions. You’re as good as in! Back in 2012, the small-town girl rolled into a convenience store hammered and decided to help herself to some money from the register. She met some resistance from a store employee and another customer. So she stabbed them both repeatedly. Hey, a hot chick wants some money, so who are they to stop her? Luckily, no one died but Hurt was convicted on a host of charges including attempted murder, armed robbery, and assault. She’ll be locked up until 2027, which means you’ve got 10 years to get your conjugal visits in.
9. Lorraine Thorpe
Like every chick on Tinder or Match.com, Lorraine Thorpe would probably tell you she looks better in person. Let’s hope she’s right because she’s not winning any modeling contests with that picture above. But even if she’s no beauty queen, who wouldn’t want to say they’ve scored with the youngest double-murderer in British history? Isn’t that on every dude’s bucket list? In 2009, Thorpe killed her father and some random chick on the same day. The two victims weren’t together, nor did they even know each other. It was two completely separate incidents. Thorpe just felt like doing some killing that day. A psychiatrist testified at the trial that after looking into Thorpe’s background she determined the killer had been raised with no concept of right or wrong. So that probably means she doesn’t have a problem with promiscuity either. Game on!
8. Dakota Lynn Castner
The Bellamy Brothers once sang that “a redneck girl likes to cruise in daddy’s pickup truck. And a redneck girl plays her heart when she’s down on her luck.” Know what else a redneck girl likes to do? Get in fights with chicks at the trailer park and stab them to death in the neck. Meet Dakota Lynn Castner of Carrabus County, North Carolina. Let’s see. Lives in a trailer? Check. Has a double first name that includes both a truck model AND Lynn? Check. Fights with other chicks (sometimes to the death)? Check. Forget about cruising in daddy’s pickup truck. DKJ might be the ultimate redneck girl. If that’s your gig, I’ve got good news. Dakota got a sweet deal in court and had her murder charge vacated in exchange for a guilty plea to manslaughter. That means she’ll be out of the slammer and no doubt looking for a man in three to five years!
7. Jane Andrews
Jane Andrews, born in 1967, is a hot a cougar. But if you’re planning to score with her, you better put a ring on it and I’m not talking about the kind of “ring” you buy at the adult video store to improve your male performance. Andrews is serving a life sentence in the U.K. for killing her former boyfriend, Tom Cressman, after Cressman basically told her, “I don’t want to marry you, but let’s still knock boots on the regular.” Before becoming a convicted murderer, Andrews lived a pretty charmed life. She was the Royal dresser for the Duchess of York. In 2009, she decided prison wasn’t really for her and broke out of that bad boy. But the cops caught up with her three days later when she was holed up in a cheap motel with her parents. That didn’t do her any favor when she applied for parole in 2012. She was flat denied. So if you want to score with her, you might have to break IN to the prison to do it.
6. Sarah Bunch
Sarah Bunch is a hot chick from Ohio who, in 2008, decided to use her hotness to make some extra cash on the side. She was 21 at the time and her 60-year-old neighbor offered to pay her to let him take some semi-nude photos of her. Given that a recession was on and she was broke, Bunch decided, if it’s worth it, lemme work it. She went to his house to have the photos taken. A few hours later, the neighbor was dead and his house was burned to the ground. Bunch maintains it was self-defense. The neighbor, she claims, started making unwanted advances. But the unconvinced jury returned a guilty verdict in her murder trial. She got 13 years in prison, meaning she’ll be in her mid 30’s—a woman’s sexual prime—when she’s released.
5. Jade Ransom
I’m not sure if it was the subprime mortgage crisis or the GM bankruptcy or discontent with the Bush administration or what, but the year 2008 sure brought out the worst in a lot of hot chicks. Here, we have another chick, Jade Ransom, who was convicted of killing a random dude, Jesus Dimas Rodriguez-Marquez, on the street that year. Jade was a really pretty girl until she went all Pontius Pilate and killed Jesus. Maybe you like chicks with a dark side and still find her hot. I’m not judging. Besides, Jade claims it was self-defense and that she was just trying to stop him from s*xually accosting her. But witness testimony contradicted her story and the jury found her guilty. She got a 10-year sentence in 2013 with the possibility of parole after 8 1/2 years. Plus, she received credit for the five years she served before and during her trial. Doing the math, that means she’s a free woman now! Go get her!
4. Kristen Gilbert
Kristen Gilbert is a former nurse (hot) and serial killer (hot, if you like living dangerously). She worked at a VA hospital in Massachusetts. Her victims—four of them we know for sure about—were all patients at the hospital. Gilbert’s M.O. for killing her victims was downright sinister (as opposed to all the benevolent killing styles). She would fill their IV bags with lethal doses of epinephrine, triggering a heart attack. Then she’d respond to the coded call and play the hero by attempting to resuscitate them. For this, she earned the nickname “Angel of Death.” The warning signs were there. While in college at Bridgewater State University, the school ordered her to undergo a psychiatric evaluation after repeated incidences of self-harm and suicidal behavior. This prompted her to transfer to Greenfield Community College, a.k.a. “Harvard on the Highway,” where she received her nursing degree. She’s now incarcerated for life, but still not bad-looking for an ageing serial killer.
3. Karla Homolka
What’s even better than having a hot wife? Well, it’s having a hot wife who helps you score with other chicks when the urge arises. Paul Homolka, Karla Homolka’s husband, had it made back in the ’80s and early ’90s. He had a hot wife in her 20’s who was totally down with him knocking boots with other chicks. She even joined him on the hunt. But then, things took a malevolent turn. See, some of the chicks they approached said no, and instead of respecting that knocking boots with a dude while his wife watches isn’t every chick’s cup of tea, Paul and Karla decided not to take no for an answer. With Karla’s help, Paul forced himself on at least two women. Then they killed the women afterward to keep the whole thing quiet. During the trial, Karla threw Paul under the bus and downplayed the extent of her involvement, and the jury bought it. She was convicted of only manslaughter. She’s now a free woman living in Quebec if you want to try your luck.
2. Andria Kerchner
The story of Andria Kerchner personifies every parent’s nightmare when their teenage daughter starts dating. You see, before she got mixed up with local ne’er-do-well Brandon Bradley, Kerchner wasn’t evil. She was a normal teenage girl who did normal teenage girl things with her normal teenage girl friends. Then, along came Bradley. Before long, Kerchner, following his lead, was selling drugs and robbing businesses. After they robbed a hotel in Melbourne, Florida, it didn’t take long for the cops to pick up on their trail. During the ensuing confrontation, Bradley fired at the cops, killing one of them. Unfortunately for Kerchner, Florida has a law that says if you’re committing a felony (e.g. robbery) and someone (e.g. a cop) dies in the process, you can be charged with first-degree murder even if you weren’t the killer. But she copped a plea deal and got only 12 years, so she shouldn’t lose too much hotness while behind bars.
1. Christa Pike
If Christa Pike wants you as her man, she’s going to make damn sure no other woman has you. Back in 1995, Pike fell for a dude named Tadaryl Shipp who was a fellow student at a Knoxville, Tennessee job training center. But, another chick at the center, Colleen Slemmer, also had her eye on Shipp. Pike should’ve just upped her bedroom game and made Shipp forget all about Slemmer. But instead, she lured Slemmer to a remote park, bashed her head in with a cinder block, then took a piece of her skull as a souvenir. The cops found it in her dorm room when they investigated the murder. For her efforts, Pike earned the distinction of youngest female ever sentenced to death in the United States. Now 41 years old, Pike is still on death row awaiting execution. Better hurry and make your move before her appeals run out!
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