When it comes to parenting young children, all mothers and fathers fail at some point. In one way or another, all parents, without fail, will mess up. There’s no way around it. Some parents may mess up less than others, but a perfect parent simply doesn’t exist. Our f-ups can be foolish, funny, dangerous, life-changing — you name it. Today, we’ll focus on the amusing parenting fails of the redneck variety. And let me tell you, some of these parents are pretty creative when it comes to things for their children.
Now, even “good” parents consider other “good” parents as messing up — breastfeeding moms look down on moms who bottle-feed, and working moms turn their noses up at those who stay home with their children (and vice-versa). The list of child-rearing violations and mommy-shaming goes on and on. What I’m talking about with these redneck parents transcends any of that. These real photos will have the breast and bottle feeders alike cringing in a state of total WTF.
So without further ado, 16 epic parenting fails by the trashy folks we all love, the rednecks. Eat your hearts out, judgy moms!
16. Makeshift Baby Seat
And it’s high enough for baby to kick her feet, too! To build this contraption, one would only need a blank wall, a roll of duct tape, and maybe a stuffed animal or two to keep baby company. The downside is she can’t walk or roll around anywhere (although in this household, that may be a good thing…). But she can kick and chill with her yellow ducky friend and have a very good view of what’s going on all around her. Her innovative parents even made sure to construct this silvery mess of stickiness in a way that resembles a real baby seat: the loops through her groin area, extra security around the middle, and shoulder straps all look well thought out. Let’s just hope they also thought to put a soft landing mat (or at least a pillow) underneath, in case that tape decides to give out. In any case, baby seems pretty content — at least for the moment!
15. She Loves C–k, She’s a Pole-Dancing-6-Month-Old
If I didn’t know any better, I would swear that little girl is Sophia Abraham, daughter of Teen Mom star/p*rn star/businesswoman Farrah Abraham. They have the same coloring, the same hair, are roughly the same age… but no. Even the infamously terrible human being that Farrah is would not have her daughter wearing an outfit that proudly declares, “I love c–k.” Farrah may be many things, but a redneck is not one of them. When it comes to clothing, at least (but not much else), she’s pretty classy. Anyway, whoever this girl’s mother really is, I’m suspecting by the outfit, pink hair, makeup, and diva-ness that she’s created a monster. But still, an “I love c–k” top? Really? That child is like six! And don’t even get me started on the fishnet-wearing, pole-dancing six-month-old.
14. Are You F-ing Kidding Me?
Not only are these parents not teaching their children the dangers of smoking, but they’re actively encouraging the gross habit and at an age when their kids are very impressionable. Toddlers will, without a doubt, grow up thinking smoking is the way they should go if they’re force-fed cigarettes for as long as they can remember. On the left, the adult nearby is lighting the cigarette for the baby while it’s already in his mouth (oh, and he’s holding a beer in the other hand, because of course). On the right, one mom chills with her young daughter and they both puff on the cancer sticks. And the girl looks quite practiced at the art of smoking, even though she looks like she’s three! Something tells me the little boy’s parents may be doing this as a joke, but just look at that mom on the right; she’s cool with giving her child cigarettes and smoking with her. Mother-daughter bonding at its finest, folks.
13. Makeshift Stroller
Because if you don’t have a stroller (or a wagon, or a car, or a back for piggyback rides), it only makes sense to push an entire crib down what looks to be a potentially busy street. This mama must be desperate to get somewhere because she’s huffing and puffing down that street to get somewhere that must be pretty important. At least I hope it is because if this is just her afternoon stroll, it doesn’t look too leisurely. The good news is that kiddo looks comfortable enough. And why shouldn’t he be? He doesn’t know that it could be possibly dangerous to ride on the side of the street in a baby’s crib or that everyone they pass is likely judging his mother up the wahoo (so am I). Basically, this strange photo really just leaves me wanting to know more; I like really need to know why this is happening. Sadly, I probably never will.
12. Hillbilly Heaven
I must admit, this does look like a good time, if you can get past the fact that you’re swimming in a dumpster that God-knows-what was living in. I can just see people’s old food floating around in there, too, and I don’t care how many times it may have been rinsed or scrubbed. Plus, there’s the issue of it being pretty deep, and although this particular redneck swimming pool doesn’t look to have a cover, it’s not the only one around, and if another garbage truck pool did have a cover, that could prove to be quite dangerous. It doesn’t exactly look like they’re in a place with a quick way to the nearest hospital. Just saying.
11. Cage Babysitting, the New Thing
Yeah, I question if this is idiot parents using a dog cage and a fish tank as a babysitter, and this borders on abuse — or neglect, if they really left them alone like that. The photo on the left is slightly less troubling because it could very well be that some goofy parents put him in there just to take a photo and then took him right out. That could also be the case on the right, but it doesn’t look like it. That fish tank has a carpet of some sort and pillows for this newborn, who can’t be more than a few months old, to lay on. She can’t even hold her head up, so what’s she doing in a freaking fish tank? Blows my mind. I’m really crossing my fingers that both of these babies’ redneck parents didn’t seriously leave them in these cages. At this point, I’m just happy there are no dogs or reptiles or other animals in there with them.
10. Like Father, Like Son
Yeah, yeah, we get it — it’s Halloween, and it’s cute to dress all matchy-matchy with your kid. But you had to choose to dress him like a box of disgusting cigarettes, while you tower over him in your own alcohol bottle costume? Sadly, people these days think more about the cute photos they’ll post to their social media than they do about what they’re actually doing. This poor child has no choice in the matter, and with any luck, will not remember that day. He will see it, though, because the internet doesn’t let your past escape you. Good work, Dad/Jack Daniels. Dressing a two-year-old like a bunch of cancer sticks is neither cute nor funny, and the only way it’s laughable is in the way that people will be laughing at you for being such a terrible parent.
9. No Diaper Needed!
This is ingenious; it really is! Cutting a teeny-tiny, weeny-sized hole in one of those little Dixie cups would save a fortune on diapers — plus, they’re reusable! It’s oh-so-practical… unless the baby rolls over, or kicks, or even has a big sneeze. Then you’ll have quite the mess on your hands. The other tricky thing is that poor little baby could get cut, pinched, or scratched from the cup, and be in a lot of pain. If you have a baby girl you don’t have to worry about this — and actually, if you have a baby boy, you shouldn’t be worrying about this. I love to laugh at the idea, but in reality, it’s pretty ridiculous and definitely not comfortable or safe for a new baby, especially if he’s just been circumcised. And let’s not forget, where does the number two go?
8. Handy-Dandy Booze Dispenser
You know when you’re on one of those loooooong walks to the park or around the neighborhood (or, you know, a creepy back alley like this guy is in) with your baby and you think to yourself, “Man, I just really wish I had some beer or liquor right about now”? Well, problem solved! It appears as though this brilliant redneck father has invented a stroller dispenser for just those kinds of annoying predicaments. He should probably take his invention on Shark Tank and show the world that you can, in fact, have it all: a leisurely stroll with your baby (in a very interesting outfit, I might add), and a drink to keep ya going. That’s some good thinking, redneck dad.
7. One Dad, Two Girls, and a Four-Wheeler
Well, this looks safe! I wonder if their mother approved of this little joyride. As a mother myself, all I see when I look at this picture is pain, pain, and more pain. Probably some screaming, definitely a godawful mess to contend with, and those would be the least of my concerns. Seriously, this guy has his twins attached to the front of his four-wheeler in laundry baskets. I get that they fit just right and it’s a cute photo-op, and yada, yada, yada. But none of that is worth the potential for complete and utter disaster if these three knuckleheads take off on their joyride. Hopefully, this Dad is just doing this for show and that if he did take a ride, he went very slowly. And he should probably deal with the whole twin-hitting-the-other-twin situation, too. Yes, I am the parenting police, thank you very much.
WTF is all I can really even think about this horrible picture. What on earth is this horrible woman doing with her baby? I’ve tried in my mind to think of various scenarios that would have led to the baby being in this position, but none of them work. She couldn’t have scooped him off the ground this way without hitting his head, nor could she have gotten him out of the stroller and into this position. The only way for a child to be carried by his ankle upside-down like this is to do it gently, like if a dad picks up his child, slowly lowers him into that position, and then swings him lightly for fun, how dads do. But this child is awfully young, and that woman is quite distracted. She literally looks like she’s just handling another diaper bag or an inanimate object. All in all, this is a total parenting fail, redneck or otherwise.
5. I Think He’s Hungry…
Where do we even begin with this oh-so-redneck (but oh-so-funny) picture of baby and a blow-up doll? I must say, I’m happy that at least, in this photo, the baby appears to be in no danger (except for that electrical outlet in the background — parenting police, like I said). And it’s good that this child is too young to retain any memory of such foolishness. He’ll be teased endlessly about it when he’s older and his friends see it on social media somehow, or in a photo album of his parents, but it’s all in good fun. His parents are probably standing behind the camera cracking up, but what possesses the parents of a new baby to A.) Have a sex doll in the first place, B.) Leave it lying around the common area, and C.) Let their baby play with it… in that (or any) position? Ew.
4. Oh, Hell No!
What sane person on the planet would purposely set their toddler on top of a scalding hot grill and then let her try to get the meat off herself? The dad or grandpa or whoever he is stands close by, at least, looking amused. But as close by as he is, he’s not ready to help at a second’s notice; he’s holding a plate with burger buns in one hand, and a coffee mug that likely has more hot stuff in it in his other hand. What’s this guy thinking? What are the people taking the picture thinking — meaning why are they letting this happen? That little girl is at the age she can hardly even walk with coordination, but this numbskull has put her on top of a burning grill. Nice one.
3. Hanging at the Diner With D-Bag Parents
If I ever saw her doing this, this lady had better hope that that baby is one of those birth control dolls they give teenagers to make them not want to have unprotected sex. This photo is grainy and not the easiest to make out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that were a real baby whose mother is ready to come at any haters like “It’s my baby! I’m right here! She’s perfectly strapped in!” She’s lucky I didn’t see this because she would have gotten an earful, and then her baby would have been taken from her after I called the authorities. That is just so insanely unsafe. How any mom could let her baby hang from the back of a diner swivel seat so you don’t have to be bothered to hold her is beyond me, and such people probably shouldn’t be parents. Fingers crossed this is a What Would You Do? moment and John Quinones is going to pop out at any second.
2. Already Failing Motherhood
This one may take the cake because this mom-to-be hasn’t even given birth yet, and look what dangers she’s putting her unborn child in! I cannot imagine what she’ll be doing down the road. The sad truth, though, is that some moms just don’t get it. This woman probably either has some sort of twisted God complex and thinks nothing can hurt her and she’s just that great a skateboarder, or in the more likely scenario, she doesn’t even realize she’s acting very dangerously. The worst-case scenario is that she does know but she just doesn’t care. Either way, I worry for the future of that baby — both in the seconds following when this photo was taken and for the rest of his or her life with that idiotic mother.
1. Eight Slaughtered Reindeer
Alas, I must give credit where credit is due. This dad or grandpa obviously is full of love for his kids or grandkids, so much so that he went out of his way to make their Christmas special. And for what it is, he did a pretty good job of it. But despite his creativity, sadly, this whole reindeer/sleigh/Santa thing looks more creepy and gross than warm and fuzzy. I mean, he has eight severed deer heads fastened onto his tractor-sleigh thing. At least there’s no blood, but I’m pretty sure this Old Saint Nick is about to be bombarded with a slew of questions from his little ones. And as we parents know, redneck or not, explaining religion, death, sex, or anything else that little minds cannot comprehend is no treat. Ho, ho, ho!
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