When a guy thinks about polygamy and the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, one of two things come to mind. There is the type of guy that thinks it sounds awesome having more than one wife; to have all sorts of women around you all of the time, literally at your beck and call doing everything you want them to do. Then there is the other type of guy, that thinks the whole thing sounds kind of awful. I tend to be that type. Are you kidding me? I already have one woman that I live with and she drives me crazy! I don’t think I can handle another.
There are polygamists exists all over the world, but here in the United States, it is illegal, although, it still goes on anyway in spirit, meaning there are many men who have more than one wife spiritually, but not legally, such as on the show Sister Wives. Mormons were known to be polygamists, but as time has gone on, they have let go of the tradition, except for those who are part of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. They are fundamentalists who live in hiding, mostly, because their leader is doing a life sentence in prison due to sex crimes. So if you’re interested in knowing what sort of messed-rules these polygamists have to follow, keep on reading!
15. They Broke Away From Traditional Mormons Because Of Polygamy
The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also known as the FLDS, broke away from the Mormon religion mostly because of one thing — polygamy. As odd as a lot of people think Mormonism is, even they admitted that it probably wasn’t all that cool for a man to have a whole bunch of wives worshipping him and being at his beck and call. The FLDS church didn’t agree with that, though, and because of it, they splintered from the Mormons and started their own scene. I have to admit, I am a little bit impressed by all of this. One has to work pretty hard to be even more conservative than Mormons are, but somehow, these guys pulled it off — aside from the fact that there’s nothing conservative about having more than one lady in your life.
14. You Want To Have At Least Three Wives
When it comes to polygamy, there is no such thing as half-steppin’, you have to really commit to it. It isn’t enough to just have two wives — that is just bad form, and even possibly kind of lazy. To be a true polygamist, in the FLDS sense, you have to be rolling with at least three ladies at your side, which means you can reach the highest level of heaven. While this seems a bit arbitrary, it also makes a fair amount of sense, when you think about the men out there that cheat on their spouses, how many would be able to juggle three women and not just two? Having three wives is sort of what separates the men from the boys, and also the polygamists from the playboys. So what are you waiting for? Go big or go home.
13. Doing The Deed Isn’t Supposed To Be Fun
So I know what all you guys are thinking out there. Three or more wives? That sounds like the best thing ever. It’s not what you think. The point of doing the deed with your wives is to procreate and have children, not for pleasure. While we all know that is completely ridiculous, that’s the way of the FLDS. So basically, if you want to have a good time in the short term while you’re in the bedroom, you’ll end up paying for it later on once you end up with 40 children running around. If you think I’m exaggerating with 40, then keep reading.
12. Women Don’t Cut Their Hair
One might think that the reason FLDS women don’t cut their hair is that either they or their husbands view long hair as being very attractive. Although I wish I could say it was that simple, it’s not! The reason the women don’t cut their hair is so that when they get to heaven, they can wash Christ’s feet with it. Also, they will use their hair to wash their husband’s feet as well. While I am for a little pampering now and then, I have to admit that when I think of going to heaven, I am not thinking how amazing it will be to have a whole bunch of my wives around me washing my feet with their hair. That honestly doesn’t do a whole lot for me. Is it just me?
11. Seeing Their Ankles Is A No-No
While it’s cool for women to have long flowing hair, what isn’t cool is to let anyone see their ankles. It isn’t just the ankles, of course. These women are expected to be fully clothed in bland-looking clothes. This is because they don’t want women to be jealous of one another other, and also they don’t want men to be checking out women’s bodies inappropriately. This is the type of thing that just makes no sense when it comes to polygamy. It’s okay to have 30 wives, but not cool for any of them to show any parts of their bodies in public.
10. Warren Jeffs Is One Creepy Dude
One would think that an organization like the FLDS would have a really cool leader right? Just kidding, one would think that the leader of this church is a total psycho, and guess what? He is! Warren Jeffs is still the leader of the church despite being a convicted felon and child molester. While he was on the run, he was featured on America’s Most Wanted. He was convicted and sentenced to life plus 20 years. That is the thing with these types of churches and organizations, they always seem pretty awful, but it would be fine if they were just a bunch of lunatics, and not totally evil.
9. Some Of Them Don’t Celebrate Valentine’s Day
While they used to do so, now they FLDS church doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day anymore. This is one thing that I can stand behind. It’s hard satisfying just one woman on Valentine’s Day, and if you have ever had an affair, you will know how much harder it is to make two women happy on this day. Just imagine if you had 20 wives that you have to take care of and splurge on this romantic holiday. That sounds like an absolute nightmare.
8. FLDS Polygamists Are Hardcore
The FLDS has around 7 to 10 thousand members, that live mostly in a couple of towns in Colorado and Utah. It’s hard to know exactly how many because they tend to be somewhat secretive, which is what happens when your leader, who you say is a prophet that is chosen by God, ends up going to prison for sexually assaulting kids. No matter how you slice it, these guys don’t play around. Another thing that this church routinely does is kick out teenage boys to reduce competition for wives. When you think about it, it kind of makes sense. How can you be a good polygamist if there aren’t enough women to go around? I don’t know about you, but it sounds to me like getting kicked out of this church is a blessing.
7. Warren Jeffs Has 250 Kids
Warren Jeffs was the only person in the church allowed to perform weddings and also picked the brides for the men. One of the main reasons he was targeted by the FBI was that they found out some of the brides that he was picking out were as young as 10 years old. This is obviously not only wrong, but totally disgusting, and even more so because Jeffs himself is the father of around 250 children. Think about that for a moment. How do things get so incredibly messed up that a guy has 250 children, and how does something like that even occur? I mean how many women would a guy have to do it with to have that many kids? Glad you asked, read on to find out.
6. Warren Jeffs Has Around 80 Wives
We’re just as shocked as you are. We’re left wondering, once again, how did it even get this far? Maybe at some point when he had 20 or 30 wives, one of his buddies might say something like, “Oh Hey, Warren, don’t you think 35 wives is enough? Why don’t you check yourself before you wreck yourself?” But when everyone around you believes you are a prophet chosen by God, there aren’t a whole lot of checks and balances. I can pretty much tell you, without a doubt, that at some point along the way, Jeffs probably couldn’t even remember the names of at least 10 of his wives, he must have called a lot of people “baby.”
5. A Lot Of FLDS Members Say Jeffs Is The President Of The United States
A lot of these total oddballs in the FLDS church don’t vote in the presidential election, although they do often vote for senate and congress, and it isn’t because they don’t care, it’s because, as far as they’re concerned, they already have a president, and his name is Warren Jeffs. They follow him blindly. When someone has so much control over his followers, the situation could easily lead to violence. Some say that Jeffs is even more powerful now that he’s in prison because the whole thing has turned him into a martyr for the cause.
4. Many Members Of FLDS Have A Genetic Condition
It goes without saying that when you have a small group of people that are all together and procreating with one another, there is going to be some genetic issues sooner or later, and the FLDS Church, is no exception. There is a lot of what is called “Polygamists Down’s” occurring where most of them tend to live. You would think people would do their best to make sure they have healthy children and understand the potential consequences that come with incest.
3. The Color Red Is Forbidden
Of all the really odd things about the FLDS church, one of the oddest is that members are not allowed to wear red. This is not for the obvious reason that red is not conservative enough, it’s because the color red is supposedly what Jesus is going to wear when he returns to Earth during the End of Days. One of the funniest, or saddest, things about this is that Warren Jeffs was driving a red car when he was picked up by the FBI, even though he was the one that banned the color in the first place. Are we really that surprised?
2. Moms Shouldn’t Kiss Or Hug Their Children
Well at least with all the kids around and all the mothers there to take care of them all of the time, the kids are getting a whole bunch of love from their mothers, right? We’re sad to say that’s not the case. In the FLDS Church, the only people that are allowed make a child feel valued are either the head of the household (which is a dude if you aren’t paying attention) or the prophet. The women are barely allowed to do anything aside from cater to their husbands, and we’re now told there are restrictions as to how much they could bond with their children. Well, at least they get to grow their hair super long so they can wash their husband’s feet in Heaven, so you know they’ve got that going for them.
1. The FLDS Hates Regular Mormons
One would think that the FLDS would be on the same page as other Mormons, but this is not the case at all. The FLDS hates pretty much everyone that isn’t a member of their church, especially those of a different race. They also disagree with “idol worship,” forbidding their people from watching sports, movies, and TV shows and using the Internet. They probably hate The Richest!
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