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15 Failed Crimes By Dumb Criminals

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15 Failed Crimes By Dumb Criminals

Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot, at least according to Batman.  They come in many forms and their catalyst for attempting to or flat out committing crimes can vary in different ways.  In many ways, we glorify crime and make heroes out of people who turn “crooked” to make a better life for themselves and of course, their family.  This leads to people perhaps thinking they can emulate and take matters into their own hands.  In fact, many of these individuals most likely have tragic and dare I say, sympathetic backgrounds or “origin stories” that could make adults weep like babies.

If one were to think about it, it’s absolutely fascinating albeit even enlightening in some ways to find out why people feel they have no choice but to resort to criminal activity. With all of that said, that’s all thrown out the window when the criminals are dumb AF.  When you resort to committing a crime one would think you have to carefully design the blueprint for successfully achieving the illegal act.  One would think a lot of it comes down to good ol’ common sense.

Well, for these batch of morons that’s certainly not the case.  These D-level class of criminals failed miserably when it came to attempting their criminal acts.

15. Christopher Wallace Snapchats His Hiding Place

It was all a dream, I used to read–no not THAT Christopher Wallace people.  This particular Christopher instantly became “notorious” for being completely and utterly dumb as **** for basically putting out his hiding place to SnapChat.  You know, one of the most popular social media apps in the world?  Yeah, that SnapChat.  Wallace, who was then 22, stole a propane cooking stove and a cast-iron wood-burning stove from a campsite located in Maine’s Pierce Pond Township.  When he returned home he posted to Snapchat, not keeping in mind that he was wanted for theft.  Even worse, he posted ANOTHER Snapchat indicating that he’d been hiding in a cabinet from police.  The cops received a phone call and underwent a deeper search eventually finding (and arresting) the culprit.  Talk about being dumb.  Are you kidding me?  Not only did Mr. Wallace need to bury his head in shame, he also should strongly consider changing his name because this moron shouldn’t have any semblance of an inkling of comparison to the other Christopher Wallace, even if it’s pure coincidence. SMH.

14. Levi Charles Reardon Likes His Own Wanted Poster

“White Male, 5’11, 160lbs, wanted on: Forgery (common scheme) felony, total bond $2,500.” That more or less describes the wrongdoings of Mr. Reardon.  Reardon’s dastardly crime involved stealing a wallet and cashing four checks.  It turns out the Great Falls / Cascade County Crimestoppers Facebook Page posted Reardon’s photo along with brief descriptions of the crimes he was wanted for.  Levi, being the generous and opportunistic individual he is, saw fit to like the post.  Yes, the wanted criminal, liked his own wanted poster post from a page that focused on locating perpetrators throughout the area.  It really doesn’t take a brain surgeon to see that it’s probably not the best idea to like your own wanted post if he wanted to get away with the crime.  Much to Mr. Reardon’s chagrin, he got arrested shortly after liking his own crime.  The funniest bit of information is that not one but two warrants were issued for Reardon’s wrongdoings.  Geez, what a moron.

13. Hiding Under A Bed From The Cops…With Your Legs Out

Jan Sivak should have stayed with his day job because he is an absolute failure at evading police. Sivak failed to turn up in court for a burglary. The manhunt ensued and culminated at his home in at Halifax, West Yorkshire. The cops thought that finding the 30-year-old was going to be, well, much tougher than what actually ended up happening. Not only did the cops find him, they found him HIDING UNDER HIS BED WITH HIS LEGS STICKING OUT. I’m not even talking about a foot or a knee, I’m talking about a both of his damn legs all out from under the damn bed. Are you serious? The cops decided to have some fun and take photos of the attempted hideout…They posted the photo on Facebook saying:

“A male in Calderdale who was wanted by Police decided to try hiding this morning when they went to his property looking for him. You will not be surprised to find out that yes we did find him – he will not be winning any awards for hide and seek champion soon!!!”

Talk about a major fail.

12. Mocking Police Via Email…Except They Can Trace Your Email

7 Years ago in Berlin, there was a man that surely one-upped the cops. He just knew that he got one over the authorities this time, and there was nothing they or anyone else could do to catch him…The bank robber, who was 19 years old was dissatisfied with reports about his heist. He decided the most logical solution to this problem was to send emails to police in an effort to point out factual errors in the report of his crime. The teenager made fun of the police for getting his age, height, and accent wrong. He even told the cops that he escaped in a car instead of being on foot, which the original report erroneously stated. The cops made sure to point out that the cat and mouse concoction definitely went in the wrong direction. The cops found this young man through an intense and groundbreaking investigation when they traced his email and arrested him a few hours later in a gambling hall. Dumb!

11. Stealing A Safe That Doesn’t Fit Into The Getaway Car

So…You come up with this elaborate plan to go for broke and steal a lot of money…Not only do you put the plan in motion, you accomplish the illegal goal, only to have the accomplishment fail in grandiose idiotic fashion. Who’s fault is it? Yours. The perpetrators were Joel Perez and Oscar Perez, two young men that really didn’t execute their robbery to the best of their abilities. The two Perez’s broke into a house in San Marco’s Texas and stole a big ass safe. That safe was basically the size of a fridge. The two were able to drag it back to their vehicle…The problem is they were driving a 2003 Toyota Camry, a vehicle that’s definitely great for travel, but absolutely awful for carrying fridge-sized (stolen) safes. The break-in sounded a silent alarm for the homeowner and the cop arrived to both Perez’s trying to stuff the over-sized safe into their Toyota Camry. Talk about an utterly uber fail.

10. Cash Me Ousside, How Bou Dah?

Okay, so let us imagine ourselves committing a bank robbery.  I would like to assume that we would want all participants to come out unharmed and we only want to receive oodles of cash and ride into the sunset on route to being happily ever after? Right? We surely wouldn’t go parading our advances in life all over social media during what undoubtedly is a social media era right? Right? No one is stupid enough to do such a thing, except John Mogan and Ashley Duboe.

The “Bonnie & Clyde” wannabes were charged with robbing a bank in Ashville, Ohio.  It turns out that Mogan walked into a bank and handed a note demanding the teller to hand over cash.  Mogan, who had a ****load of tats on his face, had makeup applied by his accomplice (Duboe) to cover them all up during this particular robbery (Mogan was serving parole after serving a 5-year prison term).  The couple figured it would be cool to post Facebook photos flaunting their exploits.  Mogan posted a selfie with a stack of cash in his mouth bragging about his life…Let’s just say Mogan and Duboe were charged with robbery and are now locked up.

9. A Fake Cop Pulling Over A Real Cop

Anthony Kenneth Mastrogiovanni carved out a niche of impersonating cops. In fact, it sounds like he really liked impersonating cops. He liked it so much that he would actually fool people into thinking he was the real deal. Somehow, someway, it seemed to work enough for this man to continue to press his luck. His luck came to an end when he apparently tried to pull over a man who turned out to be an actual cop.

It turns out that Mastrogiovanni told the off-duty cop that he was a military police officer from Louisiana. He told the real-life cop that he was speeding. The true officer then made sure to tell Mastrogiovanni that he had no jurisdiction to pull him over and that it was actually illegal for Anthony to have emergency police lights in his truck. Mastrogiovanni left but the off-duty officer made sure to follow him and subsequently arrested and charged him with impersonating a police officer. Mastrogiovanni was released on personal recognizance and is waiting for a court appearance.

8. Mind On Money And Money In…A**??

A cop from Marion County, Florida pulled over Pattreon Stokes for speeding. The officer got a big whiff of marijuana and thus searched his car. He found 3 different types of drugs; talk about one hell of a party! To top it all off, the cop also found a scale (gee, I wonder what that was for).

Stokes was subsequently arrested and brought to the Marion County Jail. When he got to the jail, authorities noticed that the money that was discovered was gone. Stokes tried to claim that the deputies already collected the moolah but they noticed something peculiar about the whole situation. They observed $20 bills falling out of the Stoke’s behind. The deputies had no choice but to perform what they called a “necessary but undesirable” procedure. It was revealed that Stokes literally stuck $1090 dollars up his you-know-what.

7. Worst. Dealers. Ever.

Blame Canada….BLAME CANADA! Okay, that was a very dated reference, but South Park fans will totally get it. In this case, it’s two hot girls having a great time traveling around the world shipping millions of dollars in cocaine. Wait, for what? It turns out that Quebec natives Isabelle Lagacé, 28 (at the time), and Melina Roberge, 22 (at the time) were charged in a $30 Million coke frenzy after posting photos of their scheme VIA INSTAGRAM. When the ship (the MS Sea Princess) docked at a Sydney Harbor, the two smugglers were taken into custody.

It turns out the ship became the focus of a multinational investigation that featured the Canadian Border Service Agency and the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. 95 kilograms of the drug were confiscated from the luggage of Lagacé, Roberge, and a third individual in his 60s named André Tamine. Who knows what could have happened, all I know is that maybe it wasn’t the brightest idea to document a drug-fuelled luxury cruise extravaganza.

6. Patrick Rempe’s Driving Skills

When Mr. Rempe was 24 years old he managed to drive his 2002 Toyota through the front door of an Indian River County Jail Building.  Wait, what? Why? Well according to WFTV.com, he was only trying to visit friends in the jail and somehow managed to smash his car into the front door and then into a fence…But wait, there’s more! Rempe tried to climb up the fence he crashed into, only to get tangled in the razor wire on the fence.  Are. You. Kidding. Me?! Rempe had to be rescued by emergency workers, only to tell them that he was “high on flakka” and trying to visit his friends at the local jail.  Patrick faced charges of aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, battery on a law enforcement officer, and three counts of felony criminal mischief, as well as with leaving the scene of a crash with property damage and driving under the influence.  Damn! Enough already!

5. Falling Asleep At The Scene Of Your Own Crime…

Here we have yet another moron….This time it’s Kanyoni Sedekiya. He was armed with a gun at his apartment complex, he was in a spat with his roommate and he demanded money…It looked like he was pretty damn serious; serious enough to hold his own roommate up at gunpoint, binding the roommate in the process. What happened next wouldn’t be far off in some comedic movie about a dumb criminal, except this was real life.

The gun-toting roommate FELL ASLEEP at 4AM, giving the bound victim the opportunity to get free. The freed roommate escaped to his neighbor’s apartment and called the cops while Sedekiya was sleeping. Let’s just say that when Sedekiya woke up the bright flashing, flickering, lights he saw were red and blue police lights. Sedekiya surrendered with no resistance. Sedekiya was held at a Taylor County Texas jail on an aggravated robbery charge.

4. Umar Mirza’s Criminal Job Application

Umar Mirza might need to seriously consider another line of work because robbing people at gunpoint is not his forte…Mr. Mirza failed to get a job at the Paddy Power store, a gambling store located in Birmingham, England; Birmingham is the second largest city in England.  So what does he do? He robs them of $22,016.  He walked into the store wearing a hood and mask, and packed immense “heat,” sporting a (fake) black gun. He sure one-upped those guys right? WRONG! An overconfident Mirza removed his mask, enabling his identity to be seen on camera.  The police were also able to identify Mirza because the boss of the store he robbed ALREADY HAD HIS RESUME.  To add “insult to injury” police found a note at his home “politely” saying “I have got a gun, open the door or I will shoot you.” Mirza had a long battle with gambling addiction and realized that robbing the store he applied to while revealing his identity on camera was the best way to concoct a robbery…Come on man!

3. Man Gets Stuck In Vent During Attempted Robbery

Jorge Romero pulled perhaps the fail of all fails when his genius theft attempt was thwarted by…GETTING HIS HAND STUCK IN A VENT.  You can’t write this stuff people.  You can’t make this up.  This isn’t a movie; this actually happened!  Romero trotted his way up to the roof of a bar named Winners Bar located in the Elmhurst section of Queens, NY.  Romero broke open the cap to an exhaust vent and made his way inside…Well, that didn’t happen.  Let’s just say that he got stuck…

A woman who lived near the bar heard Romero screaming and struggling and called 911 after seeing his hand sticking out of the vent.  Police showed up around 11:30 am finding Romero waving at them in utterly helpless fashion.  The fire department was called and the firefighters only option was to cut Romero out of the vent.  Romero was taken into custody and was charged with burglary, trespassing, and criminal mischief.

2. Robbing A Store In The Buff

You know, alcohol will make people do a lot of things.  Apparently, for Drema Setliff, a little liquid courage will certainly get the job done in regards to robbing a convenience store while being naked.  According to witnesses Setliff walked into the convenience store carrying a towel, grabbed a female clerk by her hair, and demanded that she open the store’s safe.  For reasons that are completely unknown, Setliff managed to stay hidden in an electrical closet.  The 30-year-old told the cops to take her to jail and that the towel she was holding wasn’t being used to cover her naked frame, she was just holding it to hold it.  It wouldn’t be far-fetched to surmise that drugs and alcohol could have been involved in this one…Let’s not consider that and let’s just assume that this woman was straight up dumb.  Setliff, unsurprisingly, was charged with robbery.

1. If All Else Fails, Follow The Snacks…

Back in 2010, Stephan Crane was arrested for breaking into to the Ravalli Republic’s newsroom.  Crane broke into the room through a window and managed to make sure he enjoyed himself, literally.  Crane watched adult entertainment on the computers he found inside.  He also figured it would be an equally great idea to log into his MySpace (wow that was still being used by back then?) and Facebook using his own name.  Wait, that’s not the dumb part of this whole “incident.” Crane wasn’t done.  He sprayed the room with a fire extinguisher before making his exit. Wait, there’s more!  The then 19-year-old was found shortly after the crime had taken place at his sister’s apartment, which was across the hallway from the paper’s newsroom! Why?  All the cops had to do was follow the trail of stolen trail mix and M&Ms to the door of Crane’s sister’s apartment. Crane ended up getting charged with burglary and criminal mischief.

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