Massage therapy is meant to be a deeply relaxing experience - feeling your stresses and knots melt away with candles and soft music playing. It’s enough to make anyone fall asleep in utter bliss. Unfortunately, it’s also an environment that can be prone to extreme awkwardness and gross situations from time to time. When you think about it, it’s only natural. Alone in a small room with a half-naked person laying on your table – things aren’t always gonna be smooth sailing.
Some of the more experienced massage therapists out there have seen and experienced it all – and it ain’t pretty! Things have the potential to get fairly disturbing in a massage parlour, both for the client and the professional masseur. Thick body hair, lethal farts, and sexual advances? You name it, these people have had to deal with it and maintain an air of professionalism. Could any of us keep our cool after being propositioned by a half-naked stranger? Kudos to these guys.
Of course, gross clients are not the only reason for an awkward massage session. So-called "professional" massage therapists can sometimes let their ethics slide for the sake of a hot client and offer something that definitely wasn’t on the menu, if you catch our drift. Massages are meant to relieve tension, but some like to put their own interpretation on that! Forget feeling relaxed and refreshed, these stories just make us feel dirty and disturbed. Here are some pretty nasty confessions and secrets from the world of massage therapy.
15 The Client Who Got A Little Too Excited
This must surely be every massage therapist’s worst nightmare and may even be enough to put them off becoming a masseuse in the first place. Alas, all jobs come with an "occupational hazard" (if you wanna call it that) and this one is as disturbing as it gets. One male masseuse describes his painfully awkward experience on Reddit, recalling one of his first ever jobs that ended "happily" for the client and very unexpectedly for him.
The client was face down on his front and had begun grinding lightly into the table. Thinking nothing of it (and maybe presuming he was reacting to the knots and tension being worked out) the therapist carried on with the session. The client later asked for a stomach massage and lay on his back. “I started my stomach routine, but was aware of a different consistency on my hands – something that wasn’t my oil. He tipped me with $100 and left with a big grin”. Vom.
14 The Masseuse Who Massaged Her Creepy Professor
The strange truth about massage therapy is that it is far easier to work your magic on a complete stranger than someone you know. The idea of massaging the bare body of someone you’re familiar with might sound cringey. Even a little wrong. So imagine one female therapist’s rosy-cheeked despair when she found out her professor had requested a massage session from her! A job is a job, though, so she reluctantly agreed to out of politeness (but mostly perhaps the money).
The student explains in a reddit post that he was her psychology professor and had begun asking her for massage sessions to fix a "problem with his shoulders." He initially asked to have these massage sessions in his office on campus, but was told to make a proper appointment and visit the girl at her place of work. Her teacher did – driving an hour out of his way just to get a massage. During the massage, he said to her that he wished he could “watch her.” Creepy AF.
13 The Therapist Who Admits To "Letting Rip" During Sessions
Most of us will feel bad about letting one off in an elevator full of people, so imagine the embarrassment of letting a lethal fart escape during what is supposed to be a relaxing massage session! This is the dilemma faced by a lot of massage therapists, as one worker will testify to. Speaking anonymously, one therapist has admitted to letting out a deadly gas cloud that must surely be pretty nauseating for the client (who often has their head face down on the table at ass level). Gross.
It’s only human nature, though and when you gotta go, you gotta go. The quandary about needing to fart in the middle of a session is the fact that you can’t just excuse yourself from the room and take care of your embarrassing bodily function. Massage sessions are usually timed, so every second counts for the client who has paid to be relaxed. Embarrassingly for the therapist, it’s a case of better out than in (and in a small room with no windows, it might be a case of suffocation for the client!).
12 Creepy Hairy Guy Who Boasted About His "Erotic Massage" Skills
In a perfect world, clients would come in for a massage, keep quiet, and relax. But this isn’t a perfect world and some people on the receiving end of a massage session like to say some really creepy sh*t. One young female masseur on reddit recalled the time a rather "eccentric" older man came in asking for a specific type of Chinese massage. The girl complied and turned to fetch him a towel, but before she could hand it over, the guy had already stripped down to a sparkly blue G-string.
The client was a heavy-set guy of 58 with a gold earring and a body “as hairy as Robin Williams” as she describes it. Things just got creepier from then on. As she started the massage, the man mentioned that he happened to be an expert in "erotic massage" and that he specialized in "body slide" massage (look it up, you’ll be creeped out even more). He later told the female masseuse that she was “really good with her hands.” Gross.
11 The Guy Who Didn’t Want His Modesty Covered
When you go for a massage, it’s customary to cover your modesty by draping a towel over your rude bits. After all, your therapist only needs to see the area he or she is working on at the time. Most people would be more than happy to keep to the covered-up rule. We don’t want a stranger to have to see our naked butt if they’re only working on our feet! Then again, some people are a little too confident about being in their birthday suit, to the point where it gets real creepy.
One female masseur recalls the time a slimy male client told her he “wasn’t shy” and that she didn’t need to bother with the whole "draping a towel" code of conduct with him. So far, so creepy. She told him she followed procedure to the letter and insisted he wear a towel over his body. The guy responded rather creepily by saying “You’re a rule follower, are you?” The most disturbing part was when the guy left and the therapist noticed the massage table was covered in the guy's...let's say essence. Nasty.
10 The Client In Desperate Need Of A Shower
Most people will shower before going to the doctor’s for a quick physical, so you’d think massage clients would do their therapist the same courtesy and freshen up before getting half-naked? Not necessarily. Some people aren’t at all phased about their body hygiene it seems, even in the company of a stranger who’s about to touch their naked body for up to an hour. Gross. One poor masseur recalls the gag-inducing time a client had clearly skipped more than a few showers!
“I can totally deal with a little bit of BO...” she recalls on a reddit thread, “...but this guy – holy sh*t – the entire clinic reeked of BO! When he took off his shirt, it was very obvious that this guy did not shower or change his clothes very often.” Unsurprisingly, the massage therapist considers it her worst massage session ever and admits to nearly gagging on the stench.
9 Therapist Was Gifted A "Toy" From A Previous Client
It’s always nice to receive gifts from people – particularly if they’re from a customer. It let’s you know you’re doing a good job as an employee and gives you a warm fuzzy feeling. However, if said gift is a sex toy and you work at a massage parlour, this isn’t going to be so appreciated. One massage therapist received the gift of a vibrator from a previous client. Whatever happened to a bunch of flowers or candy? Even asking your masseuse out on a date would be infinitely less creepy than this.
Whichever weirdo thought up this gesture is presumably the same kind of guy who thinks Austin Powers’ chat-up lines are the height of romance and sophistication. Receiving a sex toy from a customer in any job is always going to go down as creepy as hell, but as a massage therapist? This translates as a thinly veiled attempt to solicit a special kind of "service" from you and it’s enough to make you hurl.
8 Accidentally Popping A Giant Blister During The Massage
Not everybody’s back is smooth or blemish free, but most massage therapists will still be able to work around a few pimples to give the client as good a massage as anyone else. But what do you do when you’re faced with a colossal blister that’s happened to pop halfway through a massage? Our first instinct would be to throw up, but when this happened to one masseur during a couple’s massage, she had no choice but to carry on and avoid the impact site.
Describing the gruesome scenario on reddit, the masseuse working on the lady recalls exchanging disgusted faces with her co-worker who was massaging the man’s back and trying desperately to avoid the area where a pus-filled blister had erupted. Vom. The blister was apparently the size of “a Sacagawea coin” and leaked out a little more every time his masseuse passed her fingers down his back. Whatever this massage therapist was paid, it wasn’t enough!
7 Some Clients Idea Of A Great "Tip"
It’s becoming more and more common in professions other than waitressing to get a handsome tip for doing good work. Unsurprisingly, for those in the world of massage therapy, "tips" can sometimes take on a very different and rather creepy meaning. Some clients prefer to show their appreciation in ways other than a little extra money and some of the more unethical massage therapists out there are happy for them to do so.
In an anonymous admission, one male massage therapist confesses to the not-so professional habit of receiving sexual favours from his clients in place of a traditional tip. It’s sordid secrets like this that perpetuate the stereotype that being a masseuse is often only one step away from prostitution. We can’t be sure of the details, but let’s hope that clients who don’t provide monetary thanks after a massage are not being forced into giving this kind of "tip" instead.
6 Guy Harassing Therapist For A Particular Kind of "Service"
A sad but creepy fact of life is that, some people read a different meaning into the words "massage clinic." One young student found this out the hard way when trying to make it in the massage therapy business. Writing about her early experience as a masseuse on reddit, she describes the time one guy just wouldn’t let go when it came to seeking other kinds of services and persistently offered money for them too. Gross.
As a young wannabe masseur, she was told to seek out her own clients so she enthusiastically posted her ads in as many local places as possible in hopes of getting a gig as a massage therapist. It wasn’t long before she got a text from a man asking how much the rates were. When she responded with the standard charges, he replied that he was “willing to pay extra” for other services. She advised he go to Craigslist for those kind of services, but the texts didn’t stop. He asked the poor girl to “name her price” in return for the kind of service he wanted. Eww.
5 The Guy With Back Hair "Like Chewbacca"
Whenever you see promotional images for massage parlours and spas, you very rarely see a guy who could be related to Bigfoot on the massage table. Come to think of it, you hardly see any body hair at all. Presumably, massage therapists don’t turn down clients with less than smooth chests or backs, but there has to be a limit somewhere. One poor lady recalls the time she was massaging a guy’s back that was so hairy, he almost resembled everyone’s favourite Wookie!
While working out the hairy guy’s muscle knots, the massage therapist describes having to untangle another kind of knot – the one caused by his thick back hairs! Ewwwww. She reveals “I literally got my fingers tangled into his back hairs. It made me nauseous.” We really hope he paid this poor girl extra. Hopefully she can look back on this disturbing massage session and laugh. We’re kinda curious as to whether this guy was making happy Chewbacca noises halfway through his session.
4 Giving Someone A "Happy Ending" (While His Next Client Was Waiting Outside)
Massages with "happy endings" have been a common theme throughout this list, but what makes this confession so shocking is how close this therapist came to getting caught. One masseuse was seriously playing with fire while "servicing" a particular client and didn’t seem to care that his reputation could be on the line. Of course, the thrill of getting caught may be what spurred him on to do this in the first place.
In an anonymous confession to the site Whisper, one male masseuse revealed that he was once pleasuring a client as a way to round off the massage session and all the while, his next client was waiting outside the door. Whether or not his client in waiting could hear or see any of this going on isn’t mentioned – but they might have become suspicious when the previous appointment ran over time. The fact this supposedly professional and licensed massage therapist had the, um...balls to try something like this is astonishing.
3 When Professional Massage Turns Into Sensual "Rubbing"
In the role of a massage therapist, it clearly must be hard to hide feelings for someone you’re attracted to, as one masseuse admits to on Whisper. When a hot guy would be on her massage table, she confesses to unconsciously changing her technique – from neutral professional to horny teenager! “Sometimes, when there’s a hot client of mine, I’m turned on the entire time and sometimes catch myself rubbing their body instead of massaging. I don’t even mean to.”
Yeah, sure. We believe you. This is a pretty naughty confession from a professional masseur, but it can’t be an uncommon one – especially if you're single. For any Friends fans out there, this confession will remind you of Phoebe’s character and her struggle to massage a really hot guy while resisting the urge to "explore" his body. To stop herself from thinking unsavoury thoughts about her client, she tries conjuring up a really dull and unsexy image (which happens to be Chandler). Poor guy.
2 Harassed By Guys On Tinder For A Free Massage
Sometimes, your profession can put a crimp in your love life - especially if you’re a masseuse. As one woman discovered, online dating isn’t as simple when your occupation involves rubbing oil into half-naked strangers. After posting on her Tinder profile that her job titles included personal trainer and massage therapist, she had creepy guys figuratively queueing around the block in hopes of a free massage.
This woman found guys swiping right on her profile in the hopes that they could be in for a free massage session if they dated her. As soon as she made it clear to these creeps that they would have to pay like everyone else, they immediately "unmatched" her profile from theirs and subjected her to sexist harassment. Sadly, there are some sad a-holes out there who cling on to the stereotype about female massage therapists and their desire to give "happy endings." Here’s hoping none of them find a happy ending while using Tinder.
1 Being A Masseuse Can Sometimes "Kill" Your Libido
You’d think that working as a masseuse would make you more responsive to what people like and make you more in tune with your own body and pleasure. Sadly, this can sometimes have the opposite effect, with some massage therapist claiming to have lost their "mojo" after working as a masseuse for many years. For some, it can be due to the obvious reasons – massaging other bodies for a living might make the whole act of being intimate with your partner trivial and familiar.
Considering the kind of creeps massage therapists can come face to face with in their line of work, this can also be a factor in lowering their sex drive. If you associate being naked and intimate with the risk of being touched inappropriately or treated in a way you find uncomfortable, it’s not hard to see why your libido could be affected. For some in the masseuse field, it can sadly be a case of familiarity breeding contempt.
Sources: thethings.com, reddit.com, whisper.sh