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15 Craigslist Ads That Are Creepy AF

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15 Craigslist Ads That Are Creepy AF

Buying and selling online always has its risks, but Craigslist encounters take the cake when it comes to things going wrong, and fast. The site originated as a way for people to exchange goods and services in a kind and fuzzy-hearted way, but the leeches of the world took something that was supposed to be communally wholesome and turned it into a dirty street walker. In fact, ladies (and men!) of the night used the platform as a sure fire and sneaky way to offer up their services. People trusted strangers to come and check out items they were selling or rooms they were renting. It didn’t take long for seedy characters to begin abusing the system, and as the years have gone on, the crimes have gotten more brutal.

After the Philip “Craigslist Killer” Markoff went on a sex-driven murderous killing spree back in 2009 and the number of other site-related deaths, Craigslist was pressured by various local authorities to make some changes to their infrastructure. They rid themselves of their adult services section where it’s believed that thousands of people were engaged in human trafficking. The strange people who used to post ads for housing, jobs, gigs, personals, and services at one time needed to use code words and slick language to hide their misdeeds. That’s no longer the case as more bizarre and alarming people are becoming more brazen with their Craigslist ads making experiences with meeting people off of the site exceedingly dangerous. To think all you wanted to do was sell an old guitar only to be plagued for weeks by nudes from a stranger…and he didn’t even buy the guitar!

15. Doing The Deed With Pregnant Women Only

The pregnant body is a beautiful thing and if you have a carrying-a-human-inside-your-body fetish, you just can’t get enough. It’s not an easy feat finding a preggo woman on the street who’s willing to get a little kinky with you in the bedroom, but Craigslist was the perfect place for this guy to go looking for the woman of his fantasies. We wonder how many responses he was able to get and how many moms to be got down and dirty with this sober gentleman.

“Thanks for reading this post. I am a well built and drug free gentleman with a strong sexual drive. I have a desire to be with an expecting mother (Pregnant)and want to make this fantasy come true. There is something so beautiful about pregnant women and I would love nothing more than to please one. I play no games and ask that you do the same.”

14. A Strange Way To Meet God

People will say the darndest things to get what they want. They’ll make certain experiences sound as if they’re glorious walks in the park if you just let yourself go and don’t fight the urge to run for life. You know, like sodomy. Look, if you like to have a bit of bum play, that’s none of our business what goes on in your bedroom. We do believe, however, that you’ll be hard-pressed to find another creepy Craigslist ad coaxing you into sex by telling you that it’ll make you see God.

“Sodomy is the ultimate act of trust. You could really get hurt if you resist. But pushing past that fear, by passing through it, lite rally the joy that lies on the other side of convention … If you’re an atheist, you will get to know God experientially, from being f–ked in the ass.”

13. I’ll Be Watching You

At least this person admitted that his post came across as creepy after writing out all of his voyeuristic experiences with his neighbor. Note to all: close your blinds. And don’t be naked while you do it because we can almost guarantee that this guy is watching.

“You moved into the two floor condo across the culvert from me a couple months ago. I used to stand on the balcony and have a couple beers in the evening, and you used to leave your blinds open. I’ve seen you walk around naked many times — you have an amazing, fit body, shoulder length black hair. One night you stood fully naked directly in your window facing me and slowly closed the blinds — I know it wasn’t for me, but it felt that way a bit. You’re not alone there, but I’m not clear on exactly the living arrangements. I thought perhaps I saw you in the kitchen a couple weeks ago trying to get a preteen kid to dance with you — the silhouette of your body was so perfect in the poses and dance moves.”

12. Free Room For A Sexy Maid

Craigslisters have made millions defrauding people in housing and rental scams on the site, but the posts that really make your skin crawl are those who offer exchange of strange sexual services for living spaces. If you’re looking for a free suite, get your sexy maid outfit out of your closet and get to the household chores.

“Offering a room in my house and free use of shared facilities for woman housemate willing to carry out household chores naked or in a sexy lingerie. This will be the extent of your obligation, and nothing else will be expected or asked, in return you get a free en suite double bedroom in my house, and free use of shared living room, kitchen/diner and all facilities.

“You will be responsible for all housework and chores (vacuum, duster, washing up dishes, cleaning etc — no cooking required) which will be carried out according to a schedule that we will set between us.”

11. Getting Some Perks With The Rock

It’s important for people to know the perks of moving in with a stranger they met on Craigslist, so those looking for new roommates often include all of the benefits their housing comes with. That typically includes pools, jacuzzis, washer and dryer units in the apartment, central air—the amenities that not all locations provide. This beefcake was quite specific when seeking out a “sexy young roommate” who he hoped was a student with college debt. He seems like the generous type, even offering to start up an ecommerce business where she will make $1,500 to $2,500 weekly and let his potential new roomie know that she’d even be hanging out with celebrities.

“Free room, board, income, security, and lots of fun![…]I am an easy going man, non smoker, non drinker and no drugs. I am a professional Body Builder who competes and spends a lot of time in Las Vegas at shows. I travel their [sic] often to have dinner with close friend “The Rock” who you will meet as well as other celebrities. You can continue on just surviving on delusional hopes with untested boys or you can…Move Forward with your life by a proven and tested Man and enjoy life with peace, security, travel and lots of fun!”

Wonder what the girl has to do for all this “fun”?

10. Please Take This Baby

The adoption process isn’t an easy one. Hopefully parents sometimes spend years on waiting lists to bring a beautiful child into their home, but it usually isn’t met with buyers remorse. At least, not so quickly. This Beverly Hills mom and her husband adopted little Wing from China, but she didn’t live up to their standards in both beauty and personality, so the mother offered her up for sale or trade.

“When Lauren walked in, it was swaddled in blankets. I named her Wing, right then and there. A combination of Wang and Ling. I had never been happier, holding little Wing in my arms. But it was all downhill from there. I pulled back the blanket from her face and that’s when I saw the problem. Not only did Wing not look like [I] wanted her to, but she was BALD! I had been given a BALD looking baby. My vertigo hit me like a wall. Since then I’ve been trying to send Wing back to China, but they won’t take her. I filed a complaint with the adoption agency, but they didn’t accept “bald baby” as a reason for returning it.[…]She’s not a bad baby, I just think we can find a better one. Thank you for your time. Serious inquiries only.”

9. Not Meth Skinny For Obvious Reasons

Good parents are constantly trying to teach their kids life lessons that will hopefully help shape them to be productive members of society. One thing that almost all parents experience is dealing with children who don’t want to eat some particular item on their dinner plate which turns into them fighting their little monster over a spoonful of peas. This tired mama turned to Craigslist for help looking for a skinny person hungry enough to possibly eat off their trashcan to show her children that there are starving people who would love their food.

“I’d love to avoid meth skinny for obvious reasons. Also actual hunger skinny because that meatloaf is staying in the trash. Also would like to avoid some sort of body-image-malfunction skinny because my daughter is so impressionable right now (which is why it’s prime time to teach this lesson). My #1 choice would be parasite skinny, but I know chances of finding that are slim.”

8. Let Me Love You Down

Like a good foot rub and looking to rent a huge room that’s fully furnished? Then come on down! All this poor English bloke wants is to find a nice girl who will let him rub her feet, on her time, just because he has a twinkle toes fetish. In exchange she gets to live there for free and have her own bathroom. We know that some of you ladies would consider it.

“I’ve got a foot fetish and I’m willing to rent a room to a girl any age basically for free, the only thing I want in return is to massage your feet whenever you feel alright for it, nothing more than that, I’m not a pervert, just really appreciate the beauty of a woman’s feet and I like to give them a foot massage, that’s all, I’m not seeking for some sex in return if I wanted that I could just go to an escort service. So if you don’t think I’m being a freak, just give me an email, I think that is a great offer especially if you actually like your feet massaged.”

7. Pizza Pits

It’s safe to say that somebody really likes pizza.

Us pizza lovers usually have a particular style of cheesy (no non-cheesy) goodness that we prefer, complete with our favorite toppings that make our favorite pies delicious, like this guy. He just wants a companion to share in his large, deep dish, pepperoni, and extra cheese pizza. Well, that what we think he wants because this all can be a euphemism for something much more kinky.

“It’s large and very greasy. Come over and rub a slice on abs and chest. Let me see your ripped arms and legs covered in sauce and cheese. Put your legs up on the couch! Let me help you rub pizza in your pits after a hard day. You want pizza pits? I’m your man. Reply with your fav toppings and I will see what we can do…”

The couch? That will definitely stain.

6. Double Homicide

People looking to rent sometimes put potential roommates through extensive background checks to make sure that they’re not dealing with a homicidal maniac. You have to remember that just because your new roommate comes with a clear record doesn’t mean that the company they keep aren’t nefarious characters.

“One of my best friends from high school found a new house mate off of Craigslist. Her references check out, she seemed cool. Then about a month in, her psycho ex found her, maybe thought they were a couple or something and killed her and left my friend for dead after stabbing him in the neck and set the place on fire. My friend survived for a couple of month in the burn unit before he died.”

5. Free Meat

Nothing to see here, folks, just a counter full of raw meat that we can’t really figure out. Cow? Pig? Human, maybe? Wherever it comes from, it’s free! This person needs to get rid of it as soon as possible because they most likely don’t have enough space to store all of this bloody flesh. There’s only one sure fire way to get rid of it all, of course: in a Wal-Mart parking lot.

“Got a lot of meat unexpectedly and I need it gone asap. Meat me at the east last Wal-Mary parking lot between 2 and 3 am tonight. I will be in a brown ’96 Econoline w/ busted tail light. Keep the cooler.”

So, meet a person who will be waiting in an old van (that may or may not have windows) in order to receive meat of which you don’t know the source. Sounds legit.

4. Cigars Don’t Go There

It seems as if former President Bill Clinton wasn’t the only man who had a thing with female genitalia and cigars. This dapper gentleman threw caution to the wind when he posted an ad on Craigslist looking for women who didn’t mind him indulging in his fetish with the use of their bodies, of course. By the look of things, it seems as if he’s either in a relationship or married seeing that he made it a point to say that he “cannot host.” For those of you who don’t know internet talk, that means things are definitely not going down at his house.

“I have a cigar insertion fetish.[…]Let me insert some cigars into your wetness and coat them so I can savor them. Must be clean, open minded, discreet, drug and disease free. Cannot host. I am a sincere, safe, sane, and professional gentleman who loves sex and smoke cigars.”

He ends the post by calling himself the “Snapper Lapper.” *chuckles*

3. Age Limit

When many people reference pedophilia (sexual interest in prepubescent children), hebephilia (sexual attraction to early adolescent children), or ephebophilia (sexual interest in later adolescent children), they are primarily talking about adult men. However, there are adult women who live and even act on those same urges, which makes them just as much of predators on children. Because having sex with a minor is pretty much illegal in the United States (and many other countries), seeking out a relationship with a teen, without specifying that you’re talking about one of legal age, makes you look like a creep.

“My name is Miranda, I’m 27 years old and single. I am very athletic. I go to the gym 5 days a week, play tennis and soccer, and love to cuddle. What I love even more are teen men. :) If you are in the area, send me a pic, and maybe we can meet up for a fun time.”

2. The First Kill

Tulsa, Oklahoma police are still investigating a cryptic Craigslist post from an anonymous user who claims to have killed someone. In what sounds like a serial killer in the making, the writer says that they murdered a stranger to throw police off their tracks, and it wouldn’t be their last kill. He also names a probation officer and a judge in the post, saying that they’re the people who helped begin his killing spree. Investigators still can’t figure out if this is real, or a well-played hoax.

“I was wanting to thank Tulsa for letting me have my first kill, it all started here so was thinking it should be also my first, I was nervous as hell but I will get over it, it was a stranger on stranger so the police will have a difficult time, it will not be my last though, thinking about going to [Oklahoma City] for next, to the people who started it all Julie Free (D.O.C.), Judge Glassco.”

1. Violent Fantasy Wanted

Once again, a person with a particular fetish reaches out to strangers on Craigslist for help fulfilling their sexual urges. This man let it be known that all he wanted was to have a rape fantasy, albeit a safe one. If true, this seemed like an open invitation for aggressive creeps to storm your house and violate you, and not in “safe play.” These types of Craigslist posts have been used by people who are looking for revenge and often they leave an enemy’s address or location. However, seeing as how this guy was chilling at a Hampton Inn, we think that this is just a man looking to be anally raped by multiple strangers all night and morning.

“Submissive bottom here looking for one or more aggressive guys to come by late tonight or early morning. I’m staying at the Bensalem Hampton Inn. Room door will be unlocked and I’ll be asleep. Just walk in, drop your shorts and bury your d–k in my jock-strapped ass. Safe play only!”

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