The industry of male facial hair is a multi-million dollar one, from dyes, to trims, to shaves, and more. Shaving companies have started to pride themselves on creating devices that can better create a customized look. Believe it or not, there are even competitions dedicated to the art of male facial hair, which contestants will take years to prepare for.
When it comes to facial hair, it seems that men have so many options. From beards, to mustaches, to a clean shaven look, men have the ability to entirely change their faces with a simple shave. There are a variety of reasons why men might change their facial hair, from themed months including “March Mustache Madness” to “Movember”.
Over the last few centuries, facial hair has evolved with the trends of the time. A celebrity could start a facial hair trend with just a nod in a movie; a recent example is Robert Downey, Jr.‘s Tony Stark look, inspiring a mustache/goatee hybrid seen on men the world over in 2015.
But there are definitely some inexplicably awful facial hair trends that need to be buried and bid farewell.
Here some of the worst male facial hair trends to have ever graced human faces. Don’t try these at home.
10. The Pencil Mustache
Unless you have the looks and facial structure of Clark Gable, don’t even think of sporting a pencil stache. There is a right way and a wrong way to do a pencil stache, and it’s all about size and position on the upper lip. Most people, even Justin Bieber, tend to make their pencil mustaches too small and too close to the upper lip.
Men who try this also might take off too much hair, or not enough hair. They might now comb it down and leave it scruffy instead. The pencil mustache doesn’t work for most people and it’s best if it’s avoided at all costs. Plus, let’s all come to agreement that it just makes you look like a major creeper.
9. Mutton Chops
Unless you’re a Civil War general, it’s best to stay away from mutton chops. Sure, in the late 19th century these were probably the most masculine thing a male could sport to woo the ladies and intimidate his rivals. But today, this trend is not only dated, but it’s pretty darn ugly. The name “mutton chops” says it all; it looks likes a leg of mutton.
For those in today’s modern age who try to sport this look, it looks almost purposefully creepy.
8. Amish Beard
This trend has worryingly moved into the mainstream, being usurped by hipster culture. But really, unless you’re Amish, then you need to grab your electric shaver and change your facial hair as soon as possible.
There’s not much appeal to having a long beard that grows past your nipples. The Amish have a specific religious and lifestyle motivations for this style. But for those select individuals who sport this style as an attempt to look cool, some reflection and reevaluation needs to take place. It’s almost looks like one stuck their head through a hole in a blanket of hair and this is the unfortunate result.
7. The French Fork
We’re sure that at the time when the French Fork first became popular, which was in the late 19th and early 20th century, it was a big hit among the elite and wealthy folks. But this is 2015, and the French Forks that we see today look more like a beard that’s so long and bushy it has awkwardly parted down the middle.
But we have to give credit to the guys who try this style out. It takes a decent amount of dedication and time in order to grow out enough hair to try to pull this look off.
This style has never really taken off, even in the history books. This was a look that was fairly popular among the old wealthy gentlemen of the Reconstruction period who spent time in their studies in their smoking jackets.
6. The Handlebar
This facial hair style was pretty popular when it came out, in the late 1800’s through the early 1900’s. Now, in an ill-advised attempt to revive it, hipsters are sporting increasingly ridiculous variations of the handlebar.
The hipsters are, apparently, trying to be non-conformist with this subversive facial hair. But here’s a newsflash; when every other male is sporting this mustache, to the point that it’s commercialized to death, it’s not going against the grain. It’s aligning yourself perfectly with the grain.
While this may be a popular trend, and graphic artists have practically gone nuts over handlebar silhouettes, it’s a style that needs to stay in the past where it came from.
5. The Neck Beard
To the people who have been behind this trend, we have only one question for you: Why? Could you not afford a scarf? Were you trying to hide an unfortunate kinky neck bruise? It’s hard to grasp why this style was ever a trend in the first place. We suppose it could be used to slim down the face, or as a shield from anything that wanted to bite your neck…
But this style is just odd overall, and it’s not very easy on the eyes. Is there nothing more romantic than grabbing onto the hairy neck of your man as he leans in for a kiss? If you’re clean shaven, but are still sporting neck beard, you’re committing a cardinal style sin.
4. The Horseshoe
You might recognize the Horseshoe look from its biggest ambassador, Hulk Hogan. Also known as the Biker mustache, this trend looks more like an upside down U or a horseshoe than anything associated with a tough guy. But thanks to Hulk Hogan, this facial hair style is an ongoing trend, among wrestlers, wrestling fans and even other sports stars. Today, the mustache is considered to be dated – it hit the peak of its popularity and fizzled out in the eighties and nineties.
If this trend didn’t have Hogan to toughen up the look, it is likely that it wouldn’t have survived even for as long as it did. Today, you don’t see it all that often, except on the professional wrestler. Let’s hope there isn’t another hipster resurgence of this style anytime soon.
3. The Duck Dynasty
The Duck Dynasty look can be achieved if you basically stop cutting and trimming your hair for a long period of time. It’s supposed to make one look more manly and rugged, but studies have shown that people perceive long beards as being associated with someone who is poorly educated and lacks class.
Unfortunately, because we humans tend to be copycats, this facial hair trend has become incredibly popular in the last few years, thanks to the Duck Dynasty crew. But unlike the cast of the television show, most people don’t have stylists waiting on hand to trim and style these iconic beards. Which means the ones being grown by regular folks look just terrible, and even messier than the Ducks’.
2. The Pedro
“The Pedro” was named after the iconic character from the film, “Napoleon Dynamite” – it should have stayed on the screen. This facial hair style is reminiscent of a teenager who recently hit puberty – there’s barely enough facial hair to completely cover the upper lip, leaving patches of bare skin. Indeed, the mustache looks more like someone placed a skinny caterpillar along the upper lip.
Consider “The Pedro” to be a stepping stone towards more trendy facial hair styles. If you don’t grow facial hair all that quickly, you’ve probably had to deal with a Pedro once in a while until the rest of your hair came in. Which begs the question, is it better to deal with a Pedro-stache temporarily, knowing that it will eventually lead to better facial hair? Or just shave it off?
1. The Toothbrush
Unfortunately for this facial hair trend, German dictator and mass murderer Adolf Hitler ruined it. Despite the fact that the Toothbrush was supported by big actors like Charlie Chaplin, the stigma will forever be attached to Hitler. The story behind Hitler’s iconic mustache, so the legend goes, was due to having to trim it so that his gas mask would fit.
Today, if anyone tries to sport the Toothbrush, it is considered to be gravely offensive – you’ll likely be heckled off the street until you can find the nearest sharp object and shave it off.
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