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10 Weirdest Services Offered on Craigslist

The Poorest
10 Weirdest Services Offered on Craigslist

Via hexjam.com

Since it started, Craigslist has been more than just a classified site for jobs, housing, items and services. It has been a market to sell and seek out unique needs and services that you wouldn’t normally find. These are the 10 weirdest services offered on Craigslist.

Craigslist has rules and terms and does watch for illegal activity (as do law enforcement agencies), but that doesn’t keep out all the drugs, sex and bizarre services. The anonymous forum is a draw for many despite the potential creep factor that lingers.

Honorable mentions go to someone looking for a tester for his “ass kicking” machine. Yes, it’s a wheel with boots on it and it spins. Pretty much what you would expect, I guess. No word on what that quality assurance position pays. The other one that caught my attention, but misses the list is a post looking for a babysitter for druggies. A couple of people are planning to do a lot of drugs and want someone to look out for them, or I guess call 911 in the case of an overdose. That almost makes sense.

We’ve got alternative security classifieds, interesting trades and lap sitters. Yeah, that’s pretty much what it sounds like. Here are the 10 weirdest services offered on Craigslist.

10. Home Security

Via thisis50.com

Via thisis50.com

An African-American microbiology student at Duke University offered his services via Craigslist to residents of white neighborhoods in Raleigh, North Carolina. Quite simply his proposal was that he could guarantee your home would be safe by showing his presence. There were four levels of service offered. The first level was $100 and was the student and other students studying in your front yard dressed in baggy clothing and gold chains. The second level for $350 kicked it up, adding fake Chinese writing tattoos and Snoop Dogg music. Level 3 the group was topless and then finally level 4 was the group driving up in an Escalade (his Dad’s, blasting Snoop Dogg) and spending the whole day hanging out. I don’t know if this was effective or not and am afraid to say anything.

9. Arch Enemy

Via businessinsider.com

Via businessinsider.com

This person was looking for a nemesis. This guy may be the most bored person in the world, looking for someone to steal his parking space, knock over drinks and even whisper into his ear things such as “We meet again.” Strange? Yes, very, oh and a British accent preferred, of course. I sort of understand this (assuming most bored guy in the world), but there are a couple of open questions. First, what does this pay? Please don’t tell me there is someone else also looking for a nemesis and replying to this ad. Secondly, is there retaliation? I mean, if someone is going to pay me to be a dick to them, I may actually consider this, but not if he’s going to knife me just because I tripped him.

8. Human Footstool

Via deviantart.com

Via deviantart.com

This is a specific variation of a service that is actually very popular. Today you can find many classifieds for “man servants”, guys that will spend time and cater to your every need. However, this particular ad was unique in that he apparently only offered his service as a footstool. That’s right, he wanted you to pay him to be used as a footstool. No specifics as to where or when – I guess if you wanted a footstool while riding the train, he’s available. Want to kick back at the beach and looking for a human footstool? He’s available. Clearly there is a foot fetish thing going on here and he’s thinking, hey, might as well get paid and get off.

7. Rock Drummer

Via businessinsider.com

Via businessinsider.com

This one was from a couple of years ago. It wasn’t that he was a musician looking for a band, it’s that he noted “no pussy L.A. bands” in his ad. He could have just said no Winger or Poison wannabees, but I guess that just wasn’t his style. The picture showed himself sitting on his drumset, smoking a cigarette and wearing a headband, not a bandana, a headband to collect sweat. That shows how serious he is! It takes a lot of confidence and also increases expectations for bands seeking out his service. They may be expecting the Lemmy Kilmeister of the drums. I don’t believe this guy was the Lemmy Kilmeister of the drums, given the John McEnroe type headband. Probably not even close.

6. Human Cat for Adoption

Via tombroadbent.com

Via tombroadbent.com

So we’ve all heard of furries and if you haven’t that’s a totally different list you need to check out immediately. Go ahead, educate yourself, I can wait. Okay, so this guy wants to be your human cat. No talking, only nuzzling with his head and I assume lots of purring. The only rule is you must treat and care for them as a cat. Right, so there are a lot of open questions here, right? First off, how long is this for? It says adoption, is this a life-long commitment? What’s the litter box situation? Judging from the classified, there is no situation, there needs to be a litter box. Can you imagine bringing a date home and trying to explain this? Actually, if you are adopting a human cat you’re not dating so that’s really not an issue.

5. Toilet Head Flushing

shutterstock_Toilet

People handle anger in many ways, some take medication and others resort to violence. This particular person took out a classified looking for a person whose head they could flush in the toilet. I guess for the right price someone may be interested, but here’s the kicker – while your head is getting flushed, Hall & Oates will be playing in the background. Why Hall & Oates? That’s the question and that’s where most would draw the line and realize this person is clearly insane. Again, assuming you could be guaranteed safety (note: there was no guarantee offered) what would be your price? Personally, I’ve never had a “swirly”, but assuming it’s an unused toilet I would set my starting price at $500. This increases to $2500 with Hall & Oates playing in the background.

4. Trading Records for Companionship

Via noisey.vice.com

Via noisey.vice.com

This particular classified really cracks me up and I can picture the person who created this ad (note: wasn’t me, seriously, it wasn’t). The offer is for a female to hang out with this guy and in exchange for “hanging out” he would be willing to trade records with her. Obviously the best part of this is that he isn’t giving away records, but trading records. I guess giving away records would be too much like prostitution. Anyone interested in a classified such as this one really needs to follow up and find out what kind of record collection we are talking about here. Maybe it’s vintage Elvis records or maybe it’s several Huey Lewis & The News records a la Patrick Bateman. Or worse, maybe most of his collection is Beach Boys. Yeah, there really needs to be some follow-up here.

3. Lap Sitter

Via mediamediamedia.tumblr.com

Via mediamediamedia.tumblr.com

There are several variations of people requesting massages and other therapeutical services, but requesting someone to sit on your lap for four hours because it’s “good for your back” does not sound legit. I’m not going out on a limb assuming this was a man and was only looking for women. This is way more fetish territory versus therapeutic and no way it does not turn sexual, at least for the person requesting the lap sitter. What really gets me is that he was only willing to pay $10 an hour. Using my fetish calculator that’s at least $40 an hour less than the bottom range for this type of service. In fact, if someone did respond he should be concerned, very concerned. No idea how this turned out, probably nothing happened, or maybe he found his lap mate and true love forever and ever…

2. Confidential Computer Repairman

shutterstock_Man Computer

I sort of understand this offering, but that doesn’t make it any less creepy. This person offers a confidential service so others won’t judge you (or worse) for what is on your computer or browsing history. What type of person uses this service? Either someone is into some illegal stuff or they are really into “adult entertainment” (or maybe research for blogs, just saying). The concern here is also blackmail. At $100 an hour it’s not like this person couldn’t turn the tables, especially if it’s something illegal. Anyone seeking this service is already admitting they don’t want others to know what is on their computer. What if it’s the computer of the lap sitter? Man, I can’t imagine what his browsing history contains.

1. Marinara Hot Tub Party

Via youtube.com

Via youtube.com

This particular person was looking for someone to come to his place and sit in his hot tub full of marinara sauce. It simply stated, get naked and sit in my hot tub with me. Also, noted that he will have on a Rolex and Ray-Bans. Not enough for you? You would either get to listen to Barbara Streisand or Wu-Tang Clan. The classified went on to say that it wasn’t nothing too sexual, just nudity and marinara sauce. Not to get all Bill Clinton on this guy, but what does “too” mean in the phrase “not too sexual?” Who knows, maybe this is exactly what a girl who is bored needs, a night in the marinara hot tub. Maybe she would like it and come back for baked ziti night.

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