When it comes to running a news outlet, one of the first things you need to learn is what makes a good headline. It needs to not only describe the story to the reader, but it needs to be engaging enough to catch their attention. This becomes even more paramount with social media continuing to keep our attention divided.
The best headlines are often the ones that make you go ‘huh?’ Whether they are funny, offbeat or just random, the best headlines truly are the most unbelievable. After all, no matter how intense your sewing contest gets, it won’t compare to the editor who got to write about the Meth lab that was found in a Wal-Mart (read more below!).
Some of the best headlines are also ones that are made at the misfortune of others. I may do rebellious things once in a blue moon, but dumb criminals will never fail to make me laugh. If you’re going to commit a crime, why not make sure you took all the necessary steps to avoid being caught? But you wouldn’t believe the way that some of these dumb criminals got caught up.
Last but not least, the best headlines need to contain something that is out of the ordinary. Sure, a story about marijuana gets attention, but what bout the town that burned 3.3 TONS of it?
All of these headlines and more came out in the year 2015, and as we get ready to welcome in a 2016 full of absurdity, it can be nice to reflect on the year that was.
Sit back, laugh, and enjoy the 20 headlines from 2015 that you truly need to read to believe.
20. Drunk Polish hammer thrower pays for taxi with gold medal after celebrating success at World Championships in Beijing
Who doesn’t love to go out and celebrate a little bit after they have achieved something that they are proud of? Especially when what you are, is a champion hammer thrower! Poland’s Pawel Fajdek, had recently won Gold at the World Athletics Champions, and was out on the town celebrating. Much to his surprise when he awoke, he retraced his steps and realized that he had left his gold medal in the taxi the night before! We have all lost things because we went drinking, but it is hard to imagine not feeling that medal around your neck. Thankfully the story has a happy ending for Fajdek who was able to track down the taxi driver and get his medal returned.
19. BBC Accidentally Tweets Queen’s Death
We are not far into 2016, and we have already unfortunately lost many prominent members of beloved members of society such as Alan Rickman, David Bowie and Lemmy Kilmiester. On June 4th, 2015 the world got a bit of a scare as well when it was accidentally tweeted out that the Queen of England had died. The mistake was linked to BBC reporter Ahmen Khawaja who “was taking part in a training exercise to teach staff about how to handle a royal death when a series of misleading tweets were accidentally sent out from her official Twitter account.
The messages began: “BREAKING: Queen Elizabeth is being treated at Edward 7th Hospital in London. Statement due shortly,” and later added, “Queen Elizabeth has died.”
To make matters more complicated, this all happened on the same day that the Queen WAS at the hospital, but for her yearly checkup (and it went well). The BBC was quick to issue an apology for the mistake.
18. Duo Steals Jewelry From Art Gallery, Leaves Names, Number In Guestbook, Cops Say
Who doesn’t love reading about stupid criminals? If you are going to break the law, you know that is a serious thing and you should think about all the potential steps and ramifications of your actions. There are several mistakes that Megan Ohara and David Ziskoski made. First off, Ohara stole a bracelet and ring that were valued at over $6,000. They didn’t get far because when they were confronted by police at the nearby Publix, Ohara had the items in her purse. Their second mistake?
“As officers arrived back to the gallery, the artist said he had noticed something in his gallery’s guestbook. Someone had written multiple fake email entries into the guestbook, including ‘firstname.lastname@example.org,'” according to the arrest report.
Two of the fake emails included the name Meg and one included Ohara’s phone number next to it. Also on the page was a drawing of male genitalia and a woman’s face labeled as Meg.
….Give me a break. When asked about why they did it, Ohara stated “If I knew that they cost that much, I wouldn’t have taken it”
17. Man Starts Gas Station Blaze Trying To Kill Spider With Lighter
Now to be fair, this gentleman is not the only person in the world that is scared of spiders. When he was filling his gas tank, he noticed one of the spiders on the gas station pump. Terrified of spiders, he pulled out his lighter to try and light the creature on fire (which seems excessive to begin with…just saying). The fire spread to the entire pump (because gas is flammable) but was thankfully put out before it caused any significant damage to the man or his vehicle. Credit can also be given to “Employee Susan Adams [who] kept calm and hit the gas automatic stop button and quickly called the Center Line fire department.”
16. Mr.T Lands Home Improvement Show ‘I Pity The Tool’
There is no shortage of former celebrities that have tried to revamp their career by having a reality TV show. When you are Mr.T, famous for your slogan “I Pity The Fool!” you would be INSANE to not take the opportunity to star in “I Pity The Tool.” I wasn’t aware how being a celebrity makes you good at house renovations, but hey it worked for Vanilla Ice. The show seeks to show Mr.T tearing down and remodeling your house, but don’t worry, he still is going to keep his traditional Mohawk (because otherwise this would be ridiculous, right?).
15. Boyband Member Collapses On Flight After Wearing All His Clothes To Avoid Extra Luggage Costs
When it comes to going on flights, one thing that people need to be prepared to pay for is to store your bags. If you have too much stuff? Too bad, pay extra, or you’re going to lose it. Boyband ‘superstar’ (from the band Rewind) James McElvar was told he would need to pay a 45 pound charge because of his excess clothes. Instead of pay the charge, he attempted to wear all of the clothes (because that’s the smarter option!).
“In all, McElvar wore six T-shirts, five jumpers, three pairs of jeans, two sweat pants, two jackets and two hats.” and required medical attention after being concerned that he was suffering a heart attack. He wasn’t…he was just hot because he was wearing a stupid amount of clothes.
14. Florida Man Calls 911 To Brag About Muscles, Hits On Dispatcher
Did you know that Eduardo Garcia is totally ripped? Like seriously guys, you should really check out his muscles. Garcia was out camping in Lake Griffin State Park when he called a police dispatcher to ask if she was single and to brag about how big his muscles were. After the dispatcher hung up on him, Garcia called back twice more. When police were sent to his location, they found Garcia surrounded by beer and it was identified that it was his cell phone that called 911. After being arrested, Garcia then attempted to headbutt an officer and stated how he wanted to kill them. They better watch out, I hear he’s totally jacked!
13. Parents Force 14-Year-Old To Live In Woods After Eating Pop Tart
There is no doubting that James Driggers and his wife Crystal were well deserving of being arrested for child neglect. They were arrested after it was found that they sent their 14 year old daughter to live in the woods for a week after eating a pop tart without permission. To be fair, she was also given a “flashlight, a roll of toilet paper, a whistle and a watch.” Deputies say the parents told the girl she had to meet someone at a fence at specific times to get any food.” Their daughter was in the woods for two nights (including one that saw the area get hit with severe storms) before she was found.
12. LeBron James Wants Colleges To Stop Recruiting His 10 Year-Old-Son
Now it’s hard to blame LeBron for this one! I get that when your father is arguably the greatest basketball player of all time, it is only natural that people are going to always be asking if you play basketball too. Plus there is no doubting that LeBron James Jr. is a talented basketball player, but he’s also, y’know…10 years old. James mentions that it should be a violation trying to recruit 10 year old kids, even if your father happens to be one of the all-time best. This is extra ironic when you consider the fact that James skipped college to play professional basketball right away.
11. Woman Texted “Driving Drunk Woo,” Just Before Fatal Crash
Mila Dago was not having herself a great night when she was out bar-hopping with her friend Irina Reinoso. Dago was having problems with her boyfriend, and was angrily texting him the night of the car accident that took the life of her friend. Among the texts sent was “drunk driving wo,” though it would have been clear even without the text that Dago was intoxicated. Her blood alcohol was .178, which is more then twice the legal limit. Texting and driving is bad. Drinking and driving is bad. When you combine them, you can get disastrous results.
10. Texas Grandmother, 81, Smashes Beer Mile, Says She Could Have ‘Run A Lot Faster’ Drinking Scotch
When you get older, you may start to feel like there are certain things that you cannot do anymore. One thing may be that you are unsure if you’ll be able to run a mile when you are 81, much less as you chug a beer. That’s exactly what Vera Montes did however when she participated in the 2015 FloTrack Beer Mile World Championship. Montes says that despite the feat, she still is not a big beer drinker and would have preferred to run while drinking some scotch. Her motivation to enter was one that anyone can understand, “I don’t have any secrets, I just wanted to prove to my daughter that I could run and drink beer,” and that she did!
9. Radio DJ Plays Wham’s “Last Christmas” 24 Times In A Row After Barricading Himself In Studio
Now one thing that people cannot deny, is that one of the best ways to get into the holiday spirit is to listen to some Christmas songs. Yet by the time Christmas rolls around, you may find yourself being sick of any and all songs. Now imagine if you listened to the same Christmas song for TWO HOURS straight. That’s what Joe Kohlhofer put his listeners through when he played the song on repeat despite callers begging him to stop. It was only when the radio DJ’s 4-year-old daughter called into the station, that he finally stopped playing the song. While the station claims the stunt was unplanned, something tells me the story definitely didn’t hurt the site’s publicity!
8. Texas Man Accused Of Assaulting Girlfriend After She Wouldn’t Smell His Armpit
There are absolutely no excuses to ever engage in physical violence with your partner. This has to be one of the most outrageous cases, as a Texas man went up to his girlfriend and asked her to smell his armpit while she was washing dishes. After she refused (because, ew), he punched her in the back of the head and then held a knife to her. The gentleman, Robinson Pinilla-Bolivar, was charged with aggravated assault. When asked, he claimed that he did not threaten her and instead threw the knife into the sink because he was very angry.
7. No Liquid Allowed in Carry On, Woman Drinks Entire Bottle of Cognac at Beijing Airport Security
Now it is one thing if you are trying to go through security and you are not aware that you had a bottle of pop in your bag that needs to get confiscated. Yet for Miss Zhao, that liquid happened to be an entire bottle of Cognac which is not only tasty but expensive. In order to solve her problem, Zhao proceeded to drink the entire bottle. The only problem with that? It’s highly alcoholic and before long “Zhao started acting wildly and yelling incoherently. Due to her massive inebriation, when Zhao fell to the floor, that’s where she stayed. When police arrived at the scene, they decided not to let her board her flight out of concern.” Talk about not thinking your problems through!
6. France Train Gunman Ayoub El-Khazzani ‘Dumbfounded’ At Terror Allegations, Claims He Found AK-47 ‘By Chance’ In A Park
Now the main problem that El-Khazzani ran into, is that he claimed he found the gun by accident in the park. Now I don’t know about you, but when I find a gun, my first instinct isn’t to take it. Apparently El-Khazzani He “planned to hold up the train, then shoot out a window and jump out to escape.” But he didn’t seem to explain why that was the case. Police believe that El-Khazzani planned to kill passengers aboard the train. Thankfully, he was discovered and subdued when someone encountered him in the washroom.
5. Motorhead Frontman Lemmy Has Switched From Whisky To Vodka for Health Reasons
One of the biggest tragedies of 2016 was the passing of Lemmy Kilmister, the founder of the rock group Motörhead. One of the funniest and most outrageous headlines of 2015 however, was an interview with Lemmy in which he stated he has stopped drinking his classic whisky and coke. While the interview also includes the unfortunate quote “apparently I am still indestructible” which may tug at fans’ heart strings, it’s also a great headline that personifies a person who was about so much more then just the music.
4. Nintendo Of America Hires Bowser as New VP of Sales
Sometimes there is someone that is just so perfect for the job, you can’t believe you didn’t see it before. Such is the case when Nintendo hired Doug Bowser to be their new Vice President to help lead the United States sales. There is reportedly no relation to the villain Bowser, but we cannot be too sure! Plus you know he must have a business card that literally says Nintendo, and Bowser on it, and if that doesn’t command respect then I don’t know what does!
3. Man tries to ‘time travel,’ drives his car straight through the wall of a shopping center
If you are going to ram your car through the wall of a shopping center, you might want to make sure you have a good excuse. The driver was not injured in the crash which ironically also took out a coffin-making business. When police questioned the man, he told officers that he was trying to time travel right before the crash. While it did not work this time, boy would we all look foolish if it had! Maybe the next time he tries it out, he makes sure that he is driving a DeLorean?
2. Meth Lab Found Inside Walmart Restroom in Indiana
Now to be fair, if it was Walter White that was making meth in a Walmart, I bet it would have been an incredibly exciting episode. Sadly, this is real life so it probably wasn’t him. Police were called after employees noticed a suspicious looking backpack in the bathroom that looked dangerous. When police arrived, they identified an active meth lab inside of the backpack. While police are unsure of who was responsible, they were told to pay extra close attention if they hear anyone being called a “bitch.”
1. Police Burn 3.3 Ton Pile Of Cannabis And Get An Entire Town High
Do you know that if you light marijuana on fire, it can get you high? I know, that’s an incredibly shocking thing, but for some reason, cops in Indonesia didn’t think far enough ahead when burning 3.3 TONS of it. Now sure, they had gas masks for themselves (duh) but didn’t realize that it was going to end up getting an entire neighborhood high as a kite. There were several reports of people going to the police complaining of a headache and feeling dizzy. There were no official reports on the impact that this event had on the town’s overall Dorito availability, but I imagine they became hard to come by.
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