Since the hit movie The Bucket List, starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, the term Bucket List has become firmly entrenched in the cultural lexicon. A Bucket List refers to a list of amazing and adventurous things that people would like to do before they die, or as the phrase goes: “kick the bucket.” A Bucket List is usually a wonderful array of a number of out of the ordinary things, which often include extreme hobbies like skydiving out of a plane, or deep sea diving, to more genteel choices such as going on safari in Africa, or learning to play a musical instrument.
To some, the idea of leaping out of a plane at 20,000 feet could be the freshest level of hell that anyone could imagine… as could the monotonous, repetitive strumming guitar strings as someone tries to delude themselves they have a shred of any talent close to Jimi Hendrix to another person. Although many Bucket Lists share a common theme and many recurring selections, they can be as individual as the people who create them and tick each one off. However, imagine flipping the coin? As much as there is a standard model of activities people want to indulge in or experience before they die, there is a polar opposite.
15. Go Bankrupt
Morally bankrupt or financially bankrupt isn’t sunshine and rainbows, of course. Perhaps the former will permit some risqué fun for a time, though the latter is significantly more troublesome. Our society is constructed in a way where money has come to mean everything. So a declaration of bankruptcy is not something to throw a party over. Being lost in the wilderness is one thing, but being stuck in the middle of the fast pace of life having lost everything; one may wish to want to be mauled by a bear instead! Money makes the world go around as they say, so the notion of being bankrupt is like being stock still, whilst the rest of the planet spins around you…
14. Getting Stranded
Movies like Cast Away and Life of Pi paints elements of being lost with wonder and romance. The TV show Lost itself created a mad sense of, “WTF?” to being marooned in the wilderness, with no obvious clear sense of how to get back to home and civilization. Having virtually no idea how to source food, make shelter or fend off opportunistic animals, eager for a side of human ribs, wouldn’t make interesting viewing in reality (no matter how hard Bear Grylls tries!) Being on a tropical island would mean finding water and evading a sweltering tropical sun. Whereas being stuck up a mountain would mean being freezing and running out of food. At least being stranded alone means not resorting to cannibalism… although stuck on a mountainside offers the added “bonus” of altitude sickness and eventually frostbite, resulting in the loss of limbs. This won’t happen on a tropical island, though madness might…
13. Being On The Run From The Law
Movies like The Fugitive may look fun and thrilling, from the comfort of a living room sofa and behind a box of popcorn that is! In reality, no one would clearly relish the constant life of needing to look over the shoulder and being able to trust no one. Especially as this is the human equivalent to a game of cat-and-mouse, as getting caught in the lion’s jaws becomes being caught behind the equally unforgiving bars of a jail cell. Also, the majority of people on the lam in movies are highly skilled individuals just as dangerous, perhaps more so, than the people pursuing them. Whereas in reality, being a fugitive would consist of being tired, cold, hungry, thirsty and probably homeless.
12. Getting Food Poisoning
We are what we eat and food is one of the few recurring pleasures for many people across the globe. For the western and developed world at least, food has evolved from a necessity of survival into a ritual of often pure enjoyment. Humans have taken every food stuff from their surroundings, whether it grows out of the ground, walks on it, swims or flies. Producing dishes almost as varied as the flora and fauna they are created from. However, although most dishes are worth having a taste of, it is on the proviso that they are cooked to the right specifications. Half reheating some rice, for example, can turn those innocent looking white grains into lethal weapons! Not only are some plants poisonous (fungus especially), there are also other risks.
11. Injuring Yourself During Sex
The Horizontal Tango, or however people wish to label the often bizarre and complex human mating ritual is always supposed to be about pleasure and fun. It can for some people even be about pain, as 50 Shades of Grey ever so delicately informs its legions of (mostly female) fans. But when does a light tap on the rear end cross that line into… “OH, THE PAIN!?” Business in the bedroom, or the variety of other places people like to copulate in (or out) varies from person to person and so do the dreadful mishaps that can result of getting perhaps a little too enthusiastic when it comes to “lovemaking.” Toppling out of bed and a bone going crunch embarrassing down below prolapses and even a dreaded scenario, for men, where being too horny can cause said horn to curve beyond all recognition! There exists many a horror story of guys who have endured the agony and misery of their penises snapping through: “making love too energetically!”
10. Getting An S.T.D.
Every guy and gal likes to get laid now and then. Whatever the age, whatever the orientation, it is true for most that people like a good roll in the hay. Add a nightclub, throw in some copious amounts of stomach roiling or emptying booze, loud music and sexy singles… and inhibitions can fly out of the window like a kite caught in a tornado! So far it be it from putting the kibosh on anyone wanting to have fun, there are many people who throw caution to the wind (and fail to throw condom wrappers into the bin) and indulge in a wild night of erotic abandon – only to wake up the next morning with a smelly discharge and persistent itch! No one wants to be infectious, people will be cautious around others if they spot symptoms of a bad cold… and pulling some boxer briefs to look at the little fella, is a far more obvious way to check for symptoms!
9. Go To Prison
The big house, the joint, stir… all nicknames for a place that is as far from a five-star hotel or resort as it is possible to get. Three meals and a roof over one’s head may be available, but so is being neighbors with psychos, murderers and other wholesome individuals that need to be segregated from society, for society’s benefit! So no one in their right minds desires a stop over in jail. Sharing a cell with an occupant who possesses an unhealthy interest in you that could range from rearranging your face, to rearranging your relationship status to one that involves a bizarre incarcerated marriage fantasy… to guards that may wish to teach people a lesson for no reason and perhaps can seem more mentally unhinged than the people locked up. One too many prison dramas perhaps have soured the view of life inside? Let’s not ever find out!
8. Become Homeless
What’s worse, prison or being homeless? This is a question that no one actually cares to study for themselves. Being shoved from place to place, endless layers of dirt mounting a successful attack on the body and cardboard being the strongest average defense against the elements. That is without being deemed as a social pariah by every person that walks past because they are lucky enough to get into the shower each morning and into a bed each night. All the while sifting through their trash for the things they were too good to finish eating! Perhaps the bars of a jail cell is preferable?
7. Locked Out of the House… NAKED!
The odd gust of wind can catch even the most aware of us by surprise, as Marilyn Monroe so aptly demonstrated in the classic film, The Seven Year Itch. Yet what happens when said gust of wind spitefully catches the edge of the front door to a house or an apartment? It’s awful enough when the keys are inside the house, peacefully whiling away the gap between here and a pants pocket on a hook, but it is a total disaster when getting shut away from the coziness indoors when there no are pants on? Imagine having to call for a locksmith with your own front key and back keyhole hanging out for the whole world and neighborhood to witness?
6. Soiling Yourself In Public
Highly embarrassing, as everyone is caught short every now and again. Although for most, disaster is soon avoided as a public toilet is soon located and relief is induced! Although the odd mishap happens – usually in the form of someone unceremoniously throwing up the contents of the last several hours on a sidewalk – and of course, a man can avoid this by slipping down the nearest alley for relief. Yet sometimes life isn’t simple and losing control can be as simple as it escaping away down the leg, to the horror of yourself and everyone around you!
5. Getting Amnesia
Keeping life and living it to the full is the purpose of being in this crazy universe, filling it with experiences, memories of fun, friends and family. But what if you forget all of that? Amnesia is where people can completely forget certain aspects of their lives and that can be a partial or total wiping clean of every aspect of life in the past, brought on by head trauma or disease. To the more psychotic of people, it could be deemed a boon for it all to slip away and undergo a total reinvention. Everyone has bouts of forgetfulness now and again, but forgetting if you have left the stove on, compared to not even being able to recognize the faces of your parents, is certainly a line that no one wants to cross!
4. Being Kidnapped
You’re walking down the street, minding your own business… when suddenly a group of gun wielding maniacs seize your person and hurl you into the back of a car, demanding a ransom for your safe return to the world and every day life! This is hardly something the vast majority of the population ever has to worry about, of course, yet being removed from family, being tied up and beaten until someone relinquishes money, or the police burst in and fill captors full of lead, isn’t a fulfilling experience either! What’s more is the risk of developing Stockholm Syndrome, where the captive develops an affinity and a bond with their captors. Being friends with the person who beats you and keeps you chained up? That’s taking 50 Shades of Grey to a WHOLE new level!
3. Playing Russian Roulette
This has been something prevalent in the cultural consciousness since the thrilling and dark scenes in the hit movie, The Deer Hunter. The game involves a classic six-shooting revolver where all of the chambers are empty except for one, which contains a bullet. The chamber is then spun and closed. So the contestants in the game where life is the most precious prize, have only random chance to save them from painting the surroundings with their brains. Originating from a novella in 1840, the lethal game has been recorded as taking place several times in reality throughout history. Yet for those not insane enough or placed in a horrific scenario where the game is being forced to happen, there are always the drinking game alternatives. One where six shot glasses are filled, five with water, one with vodka. Then there is “The Beer Hunter,” where one can from a six-pack is shaken and cans are opened directly under the player’s noses. The one who is sprayed by the foam is the loser.
2. Breaking Bones (Bad!)
This may be a rather obvious one, but most humans (with an ounce of common sense… *ahem Jackass cast!) are programmed the best they can to avoid pain at all costs. This sensible approach minimizes our risk of injury and slims down our chances of pain. So it is really not a good idea to try and bypass the ingrained urge for self-preservation, but every now and then mishaps occur and accidents befall us. Reaching out with an arm, hearing snap and the all-consuming agony that follows is low on anyone’s list of achievements. Only to endure weeks of having a solid lump of plaster wrapped around your arm afterwards. People signing their names doesn’t take away such an annoyance!
1. Passing A Kidney Stone
Apparently this is the sole pain men can experience that is allegedly on a par with labor pain. As the only usual method for dealing with these crystallized lumps is to pass them naturally whilst you pee, but don’t be fooled by the term “stones,” as they are often compared to passing shards of glass through an aperture that is too small. Every one of us has had burning pee when we’ve had to go and have a good idea of how sensitive it can be down there. So no one wants to have to push a scratching piece of horrendous lumps out through that route either… such a “rocky” ordeal!
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