Sex is a natural act. We all know things can get a little funky when it comes to sexual intercourse. It’s an act that is very enjoyable for some and even more so for others. Some people tend to be shy in bed while others are more adventurous. Whatever your cup of tea, sex is a widely accepted activity that goes far beyond just making babies. And sure, while the primary purpose of intercourse is to make another little version of you, the act itself is so much fun we pretty much put procreating as a secondary bonus. Our primary focus is to have a good time and enjoy the sensation with someone we hand select.
Now there are all kinds of sex. You can have regular missionary on the bed sex or there are people who opt to go a little more on the fun side and mix up the sexual locations. Maybe one day it’s on the stairs? Maybe the next it’s in the shower? Maybe it’s on the couch in broad daylight with the window curtains open while your gardener is mowing the front lawn less than twenty yards away? No matter how you like it or where you like it, there are thousands of variables that go into having sex. And we think that’s just swell.
And then there are those that go for the gold. They go to such extremes, that their adventurous nature lands them in the hospital with the kinds of injuries that cause doctors and nurses to rush out of the room to hide their laughter. Yes, there are those who are experts at having sex and then there are those who fumble the ball and end up with a terribly embarrassing tale to tell.
These are the 10 Strangest Sexual Encounters That Landed People In The Hospital.
10 Clogging The Wrong Pipe
One of the most common issues hospitals see is when a patient arrives with something stuck up their rear end. Late at night, they often will see a patient who is walking like they have a stick up their rear (which they might) and with a giant red suction cup mark on their butt cheeks. Why the suction cup looking mark? Well, their partner attempted to extract the object by using a plunger or the end of a vacuum cleaner hose. Obviously, pulling a cucumber that went way too deep into the anal cavity cannot be extracted with a plunger alone. The number of varying objects that get stuck up people’s rears include broom ends, appliances, vegetables, small animals (yeah, that one is scary to me as well) and of course, sex toys. In addition, the common excuse made is, “I fell on that cucumber and it just got stuck up there.” There is no limit to what people can get stuck up their rear end. That is, until you read the next one.
9 Laying Cement
Okay, there is stupid and then there is really stupid. Two gay men enjoyed their sexual experiences so much that they decided they would have some fun and make cement castes of their anal cavities. This was bad news for the first guy up to bat. When they poured cement into the first rear end using a funnel, things went array. Clearly, pouring cement into someone’s butthole is not the most scientific way to make a good replica. But these two road scholars did just that and the unlucky slouch ended up with a very heavy rectum and a lot of explaining to do at the ER. I’d love to see that one on network television someday. Someone call Shonda Rhimes and let her know we have the next plot for Grey’s Anatomy!
8 Sex With A 440-Pound Virgin
So, what do you do when you’re a 440-pound 21-year-old virgin from New York? Well, when you have a girlfriend and you’re watching TV under her bedsheets one night, it is a big green light to sow your oats. They decided to go for it with the standard missionary position. The only problem was, they were on a twin size bed and with the boyfriend on the bigger side, he got a little too excited and a little too sweaty. When he over-thrusted, he sent his girlfriend’s head through the wall. After a few whoozy moments and a headache, they had to head to the ER and explain the mishap. Well, having your head get rocketed through drywall is not an easy explanation when you arrive at the ER. They managed to explain what happened and he fortunately was not arrested for battery.
7 Hickey Gone Bad
Normally, giving someone a hickey is a fun, silly way of showing how passionate two people are about one another. But what happens when you suck really hard? Well, a lot of people have done just that to leave the love mark on their significant other. But when you end up sucking so hard that a blood clot forms and travels to your girlfriend’s brain causing a minor stroke, I’d say you are one hell of a sucking machine. That happened to a woman from New Zealand and fortunately, doctors cleared up the clot before she suffered permanent brain damage. I blame this on Twilight.
6 Power Tool Vibrator
So vibrators have long since been used to pleasure women. But some women aren’t satisfied. In this fateful incident, an American woman decided that her vibrator lacked the kind of power she required to have the ultimate satisfaction she craved. So naturally, she hooked up a power saw to her vibrator, comically thinking she would get the most bang for her buck. As common sense would tell anyone, hooking up a sharp power tool to something that’s going by your privates is never a good idea. This woman found out the hard way and had to be rushed to the hospital with numerous cuts to her privates and inner thighs. Only one word can describe this: Darwinism.
5 Put A Ring On It
Sure, sex toys can be a fun way to spice up your sex life. And men are constantly looking for varying ways to satisfy their spouses. So what happens when you create your own kind of sex toy and place an 8-inch steel ring on your penis and it gets stuck? Well, that’s when you head to the ER with an erection that is frozen in time due to the restricted blood flow. Doctor's saw this mess in Chicago and had to send an intern out to Home Depot to get a special diamond-tipped saw to remove the silly contraption. The man had to sign a document giving the doctors permission to cut his penis off. The doctor had even more concerns as they were cutting off the metal ring and had to worry about the curtains catching fire from the sparks flying all over. Needless to say, when you have to sign your penis away, I’d say you did something pretty stupid.
4 Sex On A Tombstone
It’s always nice to pay your respects to a fallen relative and visit their grave site. For some people, it’s a cathartic way of getting over the passing of a loved one. For one young American woman, the excitement of visiting the graveyard with her boyfriend by her side was naturally too much. She got so worked up by the whole graveyard thing (red flags everywhere!) the couple began to engage in sex right on top of the grave site. They were so involved, they failed to see the tombstone they dislodged and it fell and on her leg, pinning it to the ground. Her broken leg put the couple’s sexcapade on hold while she was escorted by paramedics to the hospital. We just hope she wasn’t doing it on top of grandma.
3 Getting Decked
How much fun is Kamasutra? For some, it is an exciting lifeline of sexual excitement that leads to many fun adventures. For others, it is a call to the paramedics to help them out of an embarrassing situation. A middle-aged Russian couple was engaged in the Kamasutra “Deck Position.” Both parties facing upwards, the man is on the bottom, seated opposite to the woman, with their privates meeting in the middle (Google it to find out more). With the woman enjoying herself greatly, and her feet shoved into the man’s armpits, she had a massive muscle spasm that caused the man to awkwardly get stuck inside her. After being unable to pry themselves free, they had to make the embarrassing call to the paramedics. When arriving on the scene, one paramedic stated: “we couldn’t stop laughing looking at them.” We can only imagine. Off to the hospital they went.
2 Oral Sex Gone Wrong
Safe sex is a great way to maintain a healthy lifestyle. People who engage in casual sex or even discover new sex partners, should always be safe. After one woman gave a man oral sex she developed a cough and cold that wouldn’t end. Doctors were baffled. After a while, they opted for more intensive tests. That is when Doctors discovered a used condom in the woman’s lungs. Yes, she sucked the condom right off the man and into her lungs without realizing it. After the condom was removed, she was back to normal and probably hasn’t returned to oral sex.
1 Nut Problem
For men, the size of their southern unit is of great importance. There is much debate over who is big enough and how men can maximize their God given sexual potential. For one Malaysian welder, he decided that a welding nut was the way to go. He was hoping to yank his sensitive part repeatedly and stretch it out to maximize his own sexual potential. Alas, his organ was so jammed inside, he couldn’t get the nut off. Well, what wasn’t funny was when doctors were forced to remove the top layer of his penis in order to remove the nut. Probably not what the welder had in mind when he started this disaster.