On April 30, 1945, Adolph Hitler and his wife Eva Braun, committed suicide in his Führerbunker rather than be captured and face justice for his crimes against humanity. This year will mark the 71st anniversary of the death of this monster, and even though we know pretty much everything about him – and then some – people still believe some really bizarre stuff, most of which has been debunked over the years or simply never had any basis in reality.
A lot of conspiracies tend to make Hitler and the Nazis out to be a hell of a lot more technologically advanced than what was actually available at that time – sort of the 1940s equivalent of “the planes that hit the World Trade Center were holograms”, but with space travel – because conspiracy theorists are pretty good at mixing fact and fiction.
In writing this article I’ve delved into the ugly recesses of conspiracy theorist forums, the worst of the worst online tabloids, and the absolute bat-crap that are the related comment threads to show you all the weird stuff that people still believe about Hitler and the Nazis. I’m never going to be the same. Seriously, if you thought going down the rabbit hole of Wikipedia could be bad, you have a lot to learn about the internet. When reading this, remember: we haven’t stepped into an alternate timeline, The X-Files is a television show and not a documentary, and people will say absolutely any freaking thing ever to defend their pet theories, no matter how ridiculous it sounds or makes them look.
Oh, and one more thing before we start: never argue with a conspiracy theorist. Smile, nod, and run away.
13. Hitler’s Connections to… Barack Obama?
This one seems to be relatively new, but I’ve been seeing stuff going around that Hitler and Barack Obama share a common ancestor. It’s mainly shown up on right-wing websites, of course, so that should be a really good indicator of how reliable this information is (that is, not at all).
And yet, people actually believe it, and are defending it as being legitimate, even though it’s not. At all.
12. Hitler’s Weird Genitals (Apparently)
There have been dozens of theories surrounding Hitler’s junk over the past mumblemumble years. Everything from a missing testicle to a micropenis, it’s been thought up and spouted as truth, even though there isn’t actually any proof of abnormalities – Hitler’s childhood doctor has been quoted as saying that everything was, you know, normal. The fascination with Hitler’s genitals isn’t just disturbing, it’s also really stupid. Look, somebody doesn’t have to have something wrong with their bits to morph into a gigantic jerk.
11. Nazis in Space: Hitler on the Moon
This sounds like the title of some weird sci-fi movie, but it’s a real theory that people have and actually believe.
It goes like this: in 1942, the Nazis landed on the moon with their top-secret UFO technology and established a base on the dark side. When the war ended, many Nazis fled to said moon base, including Hitler, and they’re planning on returning some day. Also, they have high-powered lasers and control the Earth’s tides. Some variations on this theory say that all of this happened much earlier.
Yeeeeeeeeeeah. Do I really need to explain why this theory is ridiculous?
These conspiracy theories are often cited in the same breath as “the 1969 moon landing was a hoax!” (because it’s so easy to keep several thousand people working on something for a decade and have them all stick to the same false script without somebody screwing up, not). There’s such a massive lack of evidence to conclusively prove that there’s a base and the technology to even get there.
Germany did have an early ballistics missile under development, along with their ME 262 jet aircraft, but they weren’t quite far enough along to have won the space race so early.
10. The Chancellor of Germany is Hitler’s Daughter
Despite all evidence to the contrary – like the fact that we know who her parents are, and that she’s from Hamburg – conspiracy theorists are totally convinced that Chancellor Angela Merkel is Hitler’s offspring. They cite all sorts of reasons that their version is true, every single one of them relating somehow to random women that Hitler’s been seen in pictures with, or some massive other conspiracy to keep Germany under the rule of his family line. Mainly via artificial insemination, even more conspiracies involving the pope and Soviet Russia, and whatever they pull out of their backsides this week.
It’s really difficult for these jokers to imagine a woman reaching a position of power without there being some massive song and dance behind such a thing.
9. Hitler Was a Left-Wing Socialist
Trotted out by people that either don’t know better or do know better and ignore every single aspect of Hitler’s reign of terror, the idea that he was anything other than an extreme right-wing sort of politician is ridiculously mind-boggling. His hostility toward anybody that was on the left side of the typical political spectrum should be enough of a hint as to his own beliefs, but, y’know, all the evidence we have is simply not enough.
8. Hitler was Really Good for Germany
No. No, he wasn’t. Not only did he have millions of Germans killed – on the streets, in cruel experiments, in concentration camps, through assassinations or being worked to death – he started that war, you know the one, World War II? You’ve heard of that, right? Killing more people all over the place. Sending soldiers into Russia was a death sentence.
It’s often argued that he improved employment rates. It’s easy to make it look that way when you cut out the demographics that your government doesn’t like, and when you send tons of people off to fight and die in the battlefield.
7. Hitler’s Hidden Wealth
It’s said that Hitler had a massive stash of gold hidden beneath Lake Toplitz in Austria. There were some metal boxes that were dumped into the lake near the end of the war, but when they were pulled up in the late 1950s… bad news. Those boxes were just full of fake money. A real letdown for folks hoping for some hidden Nazi gold, for sure. However, there’s a lot of missing stuff that was taken from the victims of the Holocaust and was never recovered.
6. Hitler Created the Nazi Party
I’m not sure where people got this idea. The party already existed when he joined in 1919, and was lead by a man named Anton Drexler. Hitler became the party’s leader in 1921 after he was ousted, and as a way to appease him and convince him to re-join. This one is really easy to debunk for anybody that picks up a book or does a Google search on the history of the Nazi party.
5. Hitler Started the Holocaust by Taking Guns From the Jewish People
There’s a really popular conspiracy that’s taken root among American conservatives that claims that Hitler signed a law in 1938 that restricted access to guns to basically everybody and ushered in the Holocaust, and it also claims that if the oppressed groups had access to those weapons, this mass slaughter would never have happened.
The truth is that the above-mentioned law actually reduced restrictions for everybody except the Jewish people and other oppressed groups, and even if more guns were available to them, they’d never have been able to rise up against the professional fighting forces that Hitler and his Nazis had available to them. The act of possessing a gun doesn’t automatically make somebody able to save the day with it.
4. Hitler’s Antarctic Conquests
This sounds almost like a potential Indiana Jones plot.
In 1938, the story goes that Hitler arranged an expedition to Antarctica because he felt that there were remnants of an Atlantean civilization there, or something. Maybe. The reality is that he wanted to survey the continent and lay claim to some of it as part of an economic plan for Germany, and maybe to built up some whaling stations. Nothing ever really came of it, but to this day conspiracy theorists insist that there’s a secret Nazi bunker or underground Nazi lair or something. It connects to our earlier Nazis in Space segment, too, as claims of Nazi UFOs (I’m saying Nazi a lot) have also been connected to this particular project.
3. Hitler’s Secret Wormhole Time Machine?
Okay, so, it’s common knowledge that the Nazis were working on advanced weaponry, or at least new sorts of weapons, during WWII. At least one of the weapons they were working on killed more people during its development than it killed while deployed. Another so-called super-weapon of the Nazis is referred to as Die Glocke, or “The Bell”, is often described as having been about 9 feet wide and upwards of 15 feet high, full of weird liquids and made up of a couple counter-rotating cylinders. Oh, and it gave off deadly radiation that made it necessary to use prisoners to work on it instead of having the project’s scientists work directly with the device.
Weirdest part: conspiracy theorists believe that the Bell is real, it’s a time travel device or anti-gravity engine or something equally bonkers, and it may be used for opening wormholes and interdimensional travel. Something like that. It all blends together after a while.
The good news is that this object has developed a sort of sci-fi fandom around it, but there are still enough people that take the idea of this thing seriously that it’s really rather sad. It’s commonly thought that the development of the V-2 rocket may be the culprit behind claims of this “Nazi Bell”. That, or overactive imaginations.
2. Hitler Didn’t Die in Germany
Let’s get this one out of the way first, because it’s the most popular and has been the go-to conspiracy since news of Hitler’s death first broke.
In 2011, Simon Dunstan & Gerrard Williams published just one of many variations of the “Hitler escaped” theory in their book titled Grey Wolf: The Escape of Adolf Hitler. It told what could be a convincing tale of Hitler and Braun fleeing to Argentina and living out their lives there, with Hitler dying in 1962 after the divorce. This “they had a couple kids and lived sorta happily ever after” tale basically relies on nobody noticing Hitler, Braun, and one other person leaving the bunker and taking a plane out of Germany during the course of the massive firefight that marked the end of World War II.
It also relies on people being able to keep that quiet for any length of time, which is pretty unlikely since the guy would be the most wanted man in the world if he, without a doubt, actually, conclusively managed to make it out alive.
Why this theory is nucking futs: The FBI has, since the end of WWII, looked into every single so-called sighting of Hitler and Braun and found them completely lacking in solid proof. On top of this, the reason that theories of Hitlers escape exist at all is because of the then-Soviet government’s disinformation policies – the first time such a theory was even announced was in June 1945 by Georgy Zhukov under orders from Stalin himself. Modern versions of this myth are simply piggy-backing on the stuff Stalin wanted people to believe. On top of this, Soviet files have been released that show that the Russians found Hitler and Braun’s remains first and moved them around in some bizarre corpse hide-and-seek game before finally destroying the bodies almost entirely in the 1970s.
1. Hitler and the Illuminati
Conspiracy theorists love the Illuminati. Thanks to ‘The Secret World’ MMORPG, I can’t associate the fake organization with anything but that game, so I have a hard time forming a connection between Hitler and the “sex, drugs, and Rockefeller” bunch.
Certain brands of conspiracy theorist tend to link Hitler and the Illuminati with such gems as “the Illuminati put Hitler into power”, “he was an Illuminati agent”, “the Illuminati have Hitler’s brain in their possession”, among others. It’s basically this massive grab-bag of bizarre and the same people that follow this line of thinking just so happen to think heterosexuality is in need of protection, that men are an endangered species, that there’s some massive gay agenda (which I still haven’t been informed of), that feminists want to Kill All Men, etc., etc.
What I’m saying is: if somebody mentions the Illuminati, Rothschild family, and Hitler in the same breath and does so with a straight face and no references to the MMO I mentioned earlier, congratulations. You just found the bottom of the barrel of humanity and you get to suffer with me. I shouldn’t need to explain this to you – “Illuminati confirmed” is a joke/meme for a reason, and that’s zany conspiracy nuts and the ridiculous nature of every single claim surrounding this “secret society”.
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