There’s a lot of speculation about what the rock star life is like. In Straight Outta Compton, there’s a scene where the N.W.A. boys are partying in a hotel room and one of them is humping a girl in a bed in front of everyone. Actually, pretty much anytime there’s a movie about someone’s rise to fame, there’s a scene where they show how sexually deviant they’ve become. It seems like it’s just part of the process of becoming an acclaimed musician. But what about actual, firsthand testimonies? Fiction might be based in reality, but it’s not the same thing as a real person saying what really happened.
Okay granted, many of these examples have been culled from internet threads calling for this kind of story. In other words, their reliability is questionable. Who’s to say that some random user is telling the truth? What if it’s just a case of he-said, she-said? But on the other hand, they jive so perfectly with the celebs’ personae that it’s hard to disbelieve them (just check out what one person had to say about Justin Bieber and tell us you don’t think that actually happened). The reason they’re so interesting is not because they disprove the personae, but actually because they end up reinforcing its authenticity.
Curious? Read on for these ten saucy confessions from groupies who’ve slept with celebs.
10 Lil Wayne Is Really… Generous
Apparently, Lil Wayne likes to thank girls for their trouble. After performing a show in Washington D.C., Tunechi invited a girl back onto his bus with him. They got down and dirty, doing the deed. When they were all done, Weezy took a $100 bill from his wallet and tossed it towards her. He then brusquely kicked her off his tour bus. If he lit up a blunt afterwards, then he really made his song: “P***y, Money, Weed” come true. This is actually mostly interesting because he has a tattoo that says: “Money Over B*****s” on his chest, leaving us to wonder if he literally means money ON TOP of women, or simply that her prefers the former to the latter (which is obviously not true if he’s giving away money in exchange for you-know-what).
9 Uncle and Nephew LMFAO Have 3-Ways
Until recently, we had no idea that the two guys from LMFAO were related. That’s right, Redfoo is in fact SkyBlu’s uncle. Who would’ve thought? But that makes it all the weirder that they had a threesome with a girl. We get that it might make them closer and get their creative juices flowing. But still… come on, guys! Either way, when the girl woke up, she was wearing a free teeshirt (generous, considering a surprising amount of celebrities’ revenue comes from merch) and had her breakfast comped. Now, when the girl’s friends ask her if she’s ever met a celebrity, she can say: “I slept with LMFAO and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!”
8 Justin Bieber’s Hotel Room Cult
After meeting a girl at Muzik nightclub in Toronto, Justin Bieber took her back to his room at the Hazelton Hotel. There were several other girls there and they all had to sign non-disclosure agreements about what they were seeing. They also had their cellphones taken away, much like people who are being enslaved in foreign countries get their passports ripped to shreds. Anyways, all night long, the Canadian pop star referred to himself as JB, his initials, to make himself sound more thug. He also continuously smoked weed and forced people to listen to him sing. Presumably, no one even ended up sleeping with Justin Bieber because all he wanted to do was "choke the chicken" while staring at himself in the mirror.
7 Jack White Thinks He’s A Great Prize
In the same vein as Lil Wayne, Jack White really wanted to show his sexual partner his appreciation after they were done intercoursing. When she got up to get dressed, the lead singer of the White Stripes got up to give the girl he had bedded some of his signed memorabilia. In his mind, she had done him the favor of giving him her living, breathing body, and so he thought he would go tit-for-tat by giving her a signed 8x10 and maybe the signed, deluxe edition of his latest album. Although it’s rather callous, in his defense, if she were a big fan, she’d be thrilled, and if she weren’t a fan, she could sell them online for, like, a LOT of money.
6 John Mayer Does Target Practice
He might sing: “Your Body is A Wonderland”, but John Mayer doesn’t really care much for it, according to one story. Apparently, after a concert for the events at V-Tech, the sappy singer invited a girl to go off and fool around with him. She accepted, unlike another girl, who apparently rebuked his advances because, according to him, telling people you’ve turned down John Mayer is a better story than telling them you slept with him. But rather than have good ole intercourse with her, John Mayer undressed the young lady and then used his own hand to finish himself over her. This could’ve been fun if they’d at least done IT first, but this was the beginning, middle, and end of this girl’s tryst with the infamous womanizer.
5 Lance Bass Is Straight?!
This one is a story in and of itself. As we mentioned last week, Lance Bass was forced to come out of the closet a few years ago. And so it seems, he was even closeted privately at that point. According to this story, Lance Bass slept with a girl. We understand gay men wanting to project the image of womanizers publicly, showing up at events or galas with women on their arms. But what exactly is the point of sleeping with women when no one will know about it? Maybe he’s bisexual, or maybe he figured it’s like sushi: an acquired taste. Impossible to know, but this girl certainly thought she was as she was getting down n’ dirty with the now gay man.
4 Usher Is A Gentleman
Usher may have made himself seem like a jerk in his super-successful album Confessions because he talks about cheating on his girlfriend and getting his side-chick pregnant. But apparently in real life, he’s a total gentleman. After taking this one groupie, an unmarried mother, out for dinner, he bought her champagne and wooed her back to his place. They made sweet, sweet love, Usher using his stage moves to tickle and excite her, then fell asleep in each others’ arms. When she woke up in the morning, Usher done smiled at her and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. He was too busy to bring her home himself, but in truly polite fashion, he provided her with cab fare.
3 Calvin Harris Sends Helicopter Pics
And no, by helicopter pics, we don’t mean shots that he took when zooming overtop the city in a chopper. We mean pictures of himself in the mirror, swinging his member around and around and around. Calvin Harris is now dating Taylor Swift (details are unclear as to whether the pictures stopped when he entered the relationship), but apparently at one point, after sleeping with one of his fans, he kept her contact information “for posteriority”. Periodically, she would get text messages from the Scottish DJ of him “helicoptering” his member for her, which was probably meant to look enticing, but really just looked painful and uncomfortable.
2 A$AP Rocky Works On His Aim
A$AP Rocky wanted to finish himself off on a bruise… ASAP. That’s right, the rapper most recently remembered for his collaboration with Selena Gomez “Good For You” slept with a groupie one time and wanted to finish the deed on a preexisting bruise. Allow us to clarify: he didn’t create a bruise for the purpose of finishing on it. He saw the bruise as he was, you know, “heading towards the light”, and decided that that was where he wanted to do it. The girl let him, even though it was kind of weird, maybe because she really liked his music. It sounds to us like A$AP likes a challenge and wanted to see if he could be precise even in this moment of total forgetfulness.
1 One Direction’s (Presumably) Biggest Secret
We feel as though this one is best coming straight from the source. According to trowwayk: “So not a groupie as such, but one of my friends is mates with a certain member of a certain boyband that is insanely popular right now. So we went to a gig of theres and afterwards went backstage to hang out with them. This certain member of said band spent the night chatting to me and buying me drinks (well I assume when I say he bought me drinks, the concert organiser did). Anywho still really nice of him. Anyways we end up hanging outside alone, and we make out. He takes me off in his car, my friend by this point had gotten bored and gone home. We pulled up a ways away from his flat just in case of photographers and s**t. And we walked back, I tried to look casual. We got back, [had sex] and fell asleep. Next morning we had breakfast then I left. I didn't want his number cause I couldn't deal with the bulls***. Oh yeah did I mention I'm a guy?”
Uh-oh! Looks like one of the 1D boys bats for the other team. We can’t say we’re surprised, but we can say we’re dying to know which one it is!
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