Hank Moody is a self-loathing, under-achieving, alcoholic jerk and we all love to indulge in his inability to make the right decision. For the last 7 years, he has crashed and burned in every aspect of life except one area. Sex. When all else fails — and it usually does — Hank can always rely on a good shag and the notorious womanizer has encountered some of the sexiest women in California and New York.
Now, Hank is as much a stranger to sex as he is to drama so we know why he had sex and it didn’t go anywhere. But looking back on our time spent with the self-destructive narcissist, all of us are just like each and every one of these women. We love Hank Moody. From The Blonde and One Night Stand Girl to Jill and Julia, we have witnessed a beautiful variety of women who were lucky — and unlucky — enough to sleep with Hank.
With his agent and best friend Charlie Runkle by his side, Moody has slept his way through life to distract himself from his personal demons. Despite honest intentions to prove to his family that he could be the responsible husband and father they always thought he would be, he fails. Still, Hank tells himself that he got it right the first time with Karen but these women are just a small reminder of all of the inexcusable things that he’s done. As we prepare to bid farewell to our favorite anti-hero, these are 10 of Hank Moody’s hottest hookups.
10. Heather “The Nun”
Hank Moody’s first on-screen hookup: The Nun. Will Rogers famously said “You never get a second chance to make a first impression” and Hank Moody certainly made the most of his debut. The Nun instantly set the tone and basic expectations of the self-destructive tendencies that consume our favorite struggling writer. Hank walked into a church and started confessing to “JC” when The Nun appeared and offered to solve all of Hank’s problem with one incredible blowjob. Just when it was getting good, Hank woke up from his dream to find himself in bed with Heather… “The Nun”.
9. Abby Rhodes
After Karen, Abby Rhodes was the closest thing to a consistent lady for Hank Moody. Unfortunately for Abby, it didn’t turn out the way she had “secretly” hoped. Despite her best judgment, Abby spent 10 episodes fighting herself as her attraction to Hank overruled her moral ethics. But, when Hank was charged with assault and then charged with statutory rape, Abby was there and kept an undeserving Moody out of jail.
Mia has come a long way from the deceivingly mature girl we met at the bookstore in the pilot episode. Much of Californication’s initial success can be credited to Hank’s best known hookup with Karen’s ex-fiance’s then underage daughter. Her borderline obsession with Hank quickly spiraled out of control until the one-night stand came back with a vengeance. At least Hank found some benefit from the mistake after Mia became the inspiration for his long overdue sophomore novel, F*cking & Punching.
Hank Moody has a pretty questionable track record in terms of sleeping with crazy women, but Carrie was a different kind of unstable. Carrie’s character was even introduced rather abruptly as Hank’s latest girlfriend who he attempts to break up with just as quickly as she’s arrived. Unfortunately, the beautiful New Yorker came with some strings as she proceeded to burn down his apartment in NYC after Hank tried to calls it quits when he returned to the West Coast.
6. Annika Staley
Rolling Stone reporter, Annika Staley caught Hank’s eye during season 2. Naturally, Hank couldn’t help himself and slept with her in the same episode that they met. If she still seems a little unfamiliar, recall Hank’s infamous post-sex electrolyte rejuvenation called “va-jay-torade.” Canadian actress Carly Pope unfortunately only made two appearances on the show as Annika Staley but it was more than enough time for her to make the cut.
After Mia, Jackie is arguably Hank’s next most controversial hookup on the show. Jackie was one of Hank’s most promising creative writing students during his bizarre teaching gig at a Southern California college. She is also a very talented stripper. Unfortunately for Hank, he was unable to persuade her to focus on her writing abilities and made a poor (yet understandable) judgment call after he’d gone to visit her at work. Of the three women Hank was stuck between during season 3, Jackie was definitely the cream of the crop.
Becca’s mother. Hank’s muse. The love of his life. Karen Van Der Beek. English actress, Natascha McElhone has been flawless throughout the 7 seasons of Californication and no matter how many women entered Hank’s life (or bed), everything always seemed to bring him back to Karen. Even Sasha Bingham said Karen was beautiful and asked Hank how he messed that up when the two women met.
3. “Surfer Girl”
Mysterious “surfer girl” was almost too much like Hank for him in reality to absorb. The love ’em and leave ’em beauty went from supermarket small talk to blazing and vinyls to sex and a morning after Les Paul guitar keepsake. Luckily, “surfer girl” had a bit of one-night-stand remorse and returned Hank’s classic records along with the infamous Gibson guitar and offered more sex to secure a peace treaty. Even though “surfer girl” was only with us for 3 brief episodes, that iconic rainbow bikini top with daisy duke shorts on roller blades is a hard image to forget.
The only bad thing about Kali was that her character was not introduced sooner. It was only in the season 5 premiere that Kali made her first appearance as an up and coming R&B singer with a hot-headed rapper boyfriend played by Wu-Tang Clan’s RZA. Kali often sported skimpy outfits and string bikinis when Hank visited her boyfriend, “Samurai Apocalypse.” American actress Meagan Good played Kali for 7 glorious episodes during 2012.
1. Sasha Bingham
Hank’s hookup with Sasha Bingham was life seriously imitating art… imitating life. Bingham was a young, sultry actress, cast as Mia in the film adaptation of F*cking & Punching during season 4. Despite not showing much interest in Sasha at first, Hank caught on quickly when she took her top off in a meeting and Hank found himself forced outside of her hotel room later that night. Even when Bingham quit production, she still hoped to sleep with Hank at least once, if not twice more. Unfortunately, Hank screwed this one up pretty badly when he unknowingly slept with her mother.
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