The Bible is the single authoritative text on morality and good values in the Christian faith - along with the Quran for Islam and the Torah for Judaism. All three Abrahamic religions have more in common than they do in difference, although judging by history and the world we live in, that could be refuted.
In today’s society - especially in Western cultures - people are more liberated and freer than they’ve ever been, and, for many, the Bible has taken a backseat as a moral guidebook. There are still Christians who try to live their life by the tenets of the Old and New Testaments, but even they go about their days often committing sins without knowing it.
In a changing modern world, the Bible can seem antiquated to many. This list is arbitrary in that the listings do not denote which is a worse sin - all of these 15 entries are forbidden, are blasphemous in the eyes of God, but many of us do them anyway.
15 Wearing Too Much or Too Little
1 Timothy 2:9 states that, “I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety... Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments.”
All those skimpy, sexy outfits that women wear are like expedited tickets straight to hell, as well as anything that resembles bling or flashiness, like wool coats, nice earrings, gold chains, expensive watches, or anything that might resemble a ‘fashion statement.’ If it looks nice or expensive, it’s probably prohibited by the Lord. We’re pretty sure almost everyone in America is guilty of at least one of these.
14 Tearing Your Clothes
Leviticus 10:6 reads: “And Moses said unto Aaron, and unto Eleazar and unto Ithamar, his sons, Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people.”
If you thought that you might get away from #15 in terms of fashion and clothing, think again. Any ripped jeans - which anyone in this generation probably has at least one pair of - is blasphemous as well. Intentional or not, don’t be seen with these damnable garments, and don’t follow the fashion trends of your idols. Like, don’t buy Kanye West’s clothes. But we don’t need to tell you that, right?
13 Getting Tattoos
Leviticus 19:28 says that, “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, not print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.”
With these last three entries, the Bible is telling us to be pure and modest in our choice of clothes, accessories, and markings. The Bible wants us all to be a boring, indistinguishable community, rather than an individual. So if you find your pagan self drunk at 2am and eager to get that lower-back tattoo that you’ve always wanted, resist the temptation, lest you damn your soul for eternity.
12 Wearing Blended Fabrics
Leviticus 19:19 reads: “You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together... Neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.”
This one’s pretty limiting. Not breeding two types of cattle doesn’t seem too hard, but what about dogs? And sowing your field with only one kind of seed? What if you want to eat something other than just cabbage? The Lord tells us not to wear any kind of polyester blend or mixed fabric. It’s 100% cotton or nothing, ladies and gentlemen.
11 Remarrying After Being Divorced
Mark 10:11-12 states that, “Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery; and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.”
Ouch, all those divorcees that get remarried are in real trouble. Donald Trump was married, what, three times? Guess you can’t vote for him, because he’s an adulterous letch in the eyes of God. With an estimated 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it seems that most of the population is at fault here. Basically, if you’re divorced, stay a bachelor. This one is particularly rough for all those who have never been married, but then marry someone who has before - they’re thrown into the same boat as the divorcees.
10 Divorcing Your Partner
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 reads: “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.”
Well, that puts a damper on #11. Not only should you never remarry if you’re divorced, but you should never get divorced in the first place. So if your spouse is a lying, adulterous cheater, or an abuser, it’s simple: work it out; reconcile; honor your marriage. This one is a real slap in the face for feminists (and humanity in general). And if this one is a real downer for feminists and progressives, or advocates of equality in society, just check out the next entry...
9 Women Speaking in Church
1 Corinthians 14:34 states: “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.”
In case you’re wondering if the Bible was written by men, during a very unequal time in history, wonder no more. The misogyny and sexism in the holy text is astounding, especially by today’s standards.
8 Cutting Your Hair or Trimming Your Beard
Leviticus 19:27 tells us that, “You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads... neither shalt thy mar the corners of thy beard.”
Grizzly men everywhere. It’s all or nothing with this statement: either be a bearded mountain man with long, ‘unmarred’ hair and a bushy beard, or be clean cut. Not rounding off the side-growth of our heads... it sounds like God either wants everyone to rock a bowl cut and be a member of The Beetles, or He wants us to be King Leonidas from 300. Nothing in between.
7 Drinking Wine in Church
Leviticus 10:9 reads: “Do not drink wine nor strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with thee, when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die.”
This one is really confusing. The hard alcohol we get: you shouldn’t be hammered at Mass. But the “do not drink wine,” lest ye die?! Any Christian who has ever drank red wine in church, as symbolism for the blood of Christ, is blasphemous and should die. And in case you didn’t know, that’s every Christian ever.
6 Eating Shellfish and Some Other Seafoods
Leviticus 10-11 reads: “And all that have no fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcasses in abomination.”
Most people know this one, but that doesn’t stop us from enjoying Red Lobster or Joe’s Crab Shack. Basically, shellfish such as oysters, clams, shrimp, lobsters, crabs, mussels, scallops, etc., etc. are forbidden. This one really cuts out a huge portion of “seafood” that we’re aloud to eat without being considered a heretical abomination to God.
Leviticus 1916 states that, “Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbor; I am the LORD.”
This one covers quite a lot of ground. As we all know, snitches end up in ditches, so sayeth the Lord. Don’t be a tattle-tell, and also, don’t talk smack behind people’s backs, no matter how drunk you are. Pretty much everyone is guilty of this one. You’ve had a long day at work, your boss was being a real ass, and you finally get to wind down with your friends over a cocktail. What do you talk about? How awful your boss is, of course! The Bible is telling us to just say it to his face - and then get fired. Thanks, Bible.
4 Eating Pork (Or Playing American Football)
Leviticus 11:7-8 reads: “And the pig, because it parts the hoof and is cloven-footed but does not chew the cud, is unclean to you. You shall not eat any of their flesh, and you shall not touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you.”
We all know that the Bible forbids good Christians from eating pork, and this is one rule that many factions of the Abrahamic religion take very seriously. Perhaps it’s because the pig is ‘cloven-footed,’ like Satan, or they ‘chew the cud.’ But did you also know that touching their carcasses - ie) making a pigskin football - is also prohibited? That means that American football players are breaking two holy laws: they’re using the pig’s carcass for sport, and they’re also working on Sundays!
3 Being Homosexual
Leviticus 18:22 reads: “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.”
Ah, the simple sentence that has led to so much strife and bigotry in our world. Apparently there are six Scriptures against homosexuality in the Bible, but this one is the most quoted. Homosexuality is the civil rights issue of our time - whether people want to call it that or not. This writer is not going to get more involved in the politicizing of homosexuality: it is neither harmful nor beneficial to those who do not partake in it.
2 Touching Yourself
1 Corinthians 6:18 reads: “Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
This is another one that nearly every person - faithful or not - partakes in, whether they want to admit it or not. Masturbation is very common, and clearly less of a taboo than it was during the writing of the Bible, but it is still considered immoral, sinful, and the actions of a reprobate. It is clear to see, through most of these entries, that the chief concerns of the Bible are purity, obedience, resilience, temperance, and willpower - and masturbation is an abomination to all of those.
1 Premarital Coitus
Hebrews 13:4 reads: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
There are countless statements and sentences about the immorality of premarital sex in the Bible, and this is perhaps the number one forgotten (or ignored) Christian tenet in today’s society. Even though there might be more verses against premarital sex than any other sin in the Bible, people today are more liberated, and can still be good Christians despite this ‘unholy’ endeavor. Whether it’s masturbation, premarital sex, or being a homosexual, it is clear that feeling sexual joy is prohibited in the eyes of the Bible, unless you’re married and trying to procreate.