‘I’m pregnant!’ It’s a statement that can send a wild range of powerful, disparate, complex feelings through a man’s body. Maybe it’s surprise, maybe it’s excitement, or some combination of nervousness, pride and fear. More than likely, it’s any or all of those plus a whole lot of others, all of which collide and disrupt and send the soon to be father into a tizzy.
It has to be the most magnified truth when it’s the first child for the man and the sheer unknown awaits. Sure, childbirth and fatherhood is as old as time, but no matter how often a day it takes place, no matter how many people you know that have gone through it, and no matter how much you read and research and investigate, it stands to reason that until you’re in position, you can only speculate. The suspense can be debilitating.
One reaction is most interesting: nervousness. Nerves arrive from the very real and drastic changes that are about to take place in a man’s world. While there is surely concern and care for the mother and child, nerves can manifest in selfish ways too. That is to say, there is certainly a lot about a man’s lifestyle that will be altered, rather substantially if not irrevocably, as a child enters the world. Those are what we want to investigate. Those secret feelings, those selfish thoughts that occupy a man’s mind in the nine months and surely beyond. It’s fear masking as curiosity about what is perceived as negative changes in one’s familiar world. So much can change, and surely once a child is born, there is a new perception of the life. Again, it’s hard, maybe impossible to imagine such a situation when you’ve only known this one world in which you are seemingly freer and without so much responsibility. Therefore, we take a look at the seeming universal selfish fears that men have as they await a child into the world.
12. Takes A Long Time Getting Ready
Everything takes more time and care with a baby. It’s like going out during the winter. You can’t just run out the door and hop in the car when you have a baby, and it certainly takes much longer when you’re taking a flight somewhere. You have to make sure you have everything you need, and then you have to make very certain the baby has everything, and then double check. There is the stroller, the car seat, the high chair, and all the diapers and wipes and bottles. You certainly aren’t speeding to get wherever you’re going either, so you can forget about being on time.
11. Potentially No Drinking
Depending on the relationship, the man may not be allowed to drink because the woman isn’t drinking. However, even if that isn’t the case (which would be rather strict though not entirely unheard of), the two certainly aren’t drinking together. There has to be too this little bit of guilt in the back of the mind though, when the man doesn’t get to go off and throw a few back. She’s not drinking because she can’t, and presuming the two often enjoyed drinks together, now it’s just him having a good time. Sure, he may not be forced to abstain so as to go through the pregnancy together, but he may have to be wary about having too much fun out on the town when she’s home alone.
10. No Sleeping Through The Night
Before the baby comes, the man really has no idea of when and how the kid is going to choose to sleep. Likely it will be waking up throughout the night, and that means a lot less sleep for the man. He’s going to have to stumble out of bed for late night feedings, and get up early to tend to the baby again. You better be well rested and not stay out late, because you sure aren’t getting a full night’s rest for months and years to come.
9. Labor Will Be Inconvenient
In life, timing is everything, and for the selfish male, giving labor isn’t exempt. Sure, it’s relatively easy to pinpoint a time frame of a couple weeks, but what if that window is around the Super Bowl? Or the Masters? It doesn’t even have to be sports: what if it’s a concert he’s been eagerly awaiting, or there is a weekend trip planned to Vegas or a best friend’s wedding? When a pregnancy is discovered, it becomes a ticking clock and everything planned needs to have a question mark next to it.
8. Embarrassed About Pregnancy Classes
There is something innate in most men that makes them uncomfortable when it comes to the maintenance and functions of the female body. Thus, when pregnancy occurs, the man may get more than a little squeamish about going to the OB-GYN. There are also going to be Lamaze classes, and there too will be activities, even shopping, that will for the selfish, less nuanced male, feel emasculating. He may likely immediately pretend to embrace this learning process while secretly hoping he can sit out.
7. Looking Bad During Labor
For all the macho tendencies a man might have, forever trying to look calm under pressure and heroic at the opportune moment, being a part of labor for the first time can be startling. Until the birth takes place, there is always the fear of fainting or vomiting or looking bad when the big moment arrives. Perhaps he can’t handle something that takes place thousands of times a day around the world. What’s more, the man may be offering emotional support, but somewhere the selfish part of him may even get jealous that he isn’t the doctor leading the actual birthing process.
6. Losing Circle Of Single Friends
This can start to happen even before you have a baby, because there are some circles of friends that are shaped by where each individual person is at in his or her life. If you have a baby, then you’re going to see your baby-less friends much more infrequently than you did before. Conversely, you’re going to be spending way more time with those who have babies. So for social times, get ready to talk about everything your baby does, and listen to the same from others because such new responsibility dictates a different social mindset.
5. Less Freedom, More Responsibility
When the baby comes, it’s time to stop being reckless, and remember that you are responsible for another life. This means being available much more often, and on a more general scale, doing less adventurous things for fear of something terrible happening. On a smaller note, it means having to set aside certain ‘guy nights’ or simply a day in the week in which you can have a night to do you what you want. That is, no more impromptu, spontaneous outings and excursions. Without a baby, this can happen as well. Once you have a kid, though, you have to check in and plan, and then keep in mind you still won’t get away.
4. Afraid The Baby Isn’t His
Depending on how secure a man’s feelings are and how stable his relationship has been, there is this worry deep down that the baby may not be in fact his. It’s another emasculating thought, but it’s still there. With a baby comes a sense of pride, but if the baby isn’t his, not only has he been cheated on, but he also is made a fool for being so proud for something he didn’t do. Even if there is no doubt, the similar concern is that the baby will look much more like the mother than the father, which could establish a division. Albeit a selfish division existing only in his warped mind.
3. Wife Will Becomes Less Sexually Attractive
Obviously, a woman’s body changes during the pregnancy; for some men though, despite likely not admitting it, they may fear those changes aren’t ideal. This is one of the most selfish fears of the sex-driven male mind. He wants sex, but what if this pregnant and post-pregnant wife is different physically and he isn’t as thrilled? What if he watches the birth and he is turned off by the image? It’s completely unfair and particularly selfish, especially since the man doesn’t have to endure such bodily changes.
2. Less Quantity and Quality Of Sex
With someone new in the house to be aware of and take care of, the time and energy invested in sex may drop, and it may drop significantly. Never mind just being tired more frequently from taking care of the baby. Perhaps gone will be impromptu romances, and at any time it’s possible the baby is roused and needs taking care of. The sound of his or her wail will stop what’s happening immediately in it’s track, and as the man knows well, the moment is then gone. And when sex does take place, who knows how invested both parties will be, and with what amount of energy and enthusiasm.
1. Wife and Baby Will Love Each Other More Than Him
With sex taking two of the top three in this list, we can give love the top spot, but they are all close. In one part of the male mind, somewhere deep down, the baby is a threat. Because the child was made inside the woman, there is a connection and bond that cannot be duplicated by the man, no matter how hard he tries. The mother and child will forever have this unique tie, and thus the man has to take a back seat. This would seem all the more logical if the child is a girl. Maybe this bond translates to more love, but the threat is there that maybe not only will the mother like her child more than the father, but that the baby will reciprocate such strong feelings. That leaves poor daddy and husband left as the third wheel.
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