Sex is always a juicy topic of discussion; people want to know when their friends are having it and how it was, they want to compare the pros and cons of their latest conquest, but better yet they want to discuss the embarrassing situations that they have found themselves in (one time too many). Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, fun and most of all, feel good but when your partner is a complete knob and manages to say the utmost ridiculous things, the experience turns from okay to a quick downward spiral. Men seem to be clueless when it comes to saying the right thing before and even worst, after sex; however, they completely drop the ball when they say outlandish, ridiculous and generally offensive things during sex. Ranging from random comments to distasteful questions, these guys really have no clue what to say when they are on what is called a sex high. There are several topics that one would know is without question not up for discussion, but it seems as though it is not common sense to infer about new sex positions, acting surprised, or criticize your significant other when involved in an intimate act. Guys, let this be a lesson to you; next time you are engaging in a sexual act with a significant other, a one night stand or even a friend with benefits, please remember that most women do not want to try anything new with you, get freaky in any way that may leave a stain, they do not even want to know what an amateur you are in bed. Fake it till you make it (or in this case fake it till you’re finished).
11 Let’s Try Something New
When a statement like this comes up during sex your mind automatically starts racing; what do you mean try something new? What would this “new” entail? Why would you be suggesting this during the actual sex act, are you bored? Normally if you want to spice up your sex life it would be beneficial to discuss that at a more appropriate time, maybe when you are both sitting in an upright position. Rash sexual decisions made in the heat of the moment generally turn into regrettable decisions that no one is happy with. There is always a better time and place to talk about the new things you want to try in the bedroom.
10 Can We Tape This?
Believe it or not, there are guys out there who think if they bring up an idea last minute (because we girls are so turned on), we will say yes to anything. People taping themselves while having sex has been proven time and time again to be a horrible, not to mention ridiculous idea; it almost always comes back to bite you in the rear end. You have basically made your girlfriend into a pseudo amateur porn star and let’s be real, there is a level of disrespect that comes along with the suggestion of turning on a camera during an intimate moment. Bottom line, if it's the kind of thing you think she might be into, wait till the right moment to ask.
9 You’re Doing It Wrong
This one is just insulting. What do you mean I am doing it wrong? How can you have sex wrong? Hell, how can you even give a bj wrong? As long as your mouth is where it is supposed to be you’re good to go, right? His comment is not only insulting but it is ignorant. There is no wrong way to have sex. Yes, there is a lack of experience and some things that most girls just won’t do but there is no "wrong way". Suggesting that she is doing something wrong is a quick way to find yourself on the cold side of the bed with no covers and no happy ending.
Nope, there is no place for “ew” anywhere in the sex vocabulary, especially during the act. First, what are you saying ew to and second, could you not hold your apparent disgust until after the act (like a good several days after, when you are not in her presence and preferably not even in her life anymore). Quite frankly you cannot say ew to someone during sex and then expect for there to be room for another incident like that to occur. Oh, but before you disappear please explain what the ew was about so we can assess the situation ourselves and see if you were right or just being a jerk.
7 Can You Hurry Up?
Wait, is it not your job to make that part happen? Why are you asking me to hurry up? I’m waiting for you to do what you are supposed to do. There must be some confusion here; if she is taking long to climax, you as the male could possibly be doing something wrong. Let’s try an experiment; time how long it takes for you to satisfy her and then time how long it takes for her to satisfy herself, of better yet how long it takes another guy to satisfy her and then we will figure out the reason why she takes so long with you.
6 Are You Finished? Or…
Stop asking if she is finished and just enjoy the moment. If you are worried because you are finished way before her, then use your imagination and figure out a way to help her out. Asking a girl if she is finished is rude, uncomfortable and makes it seem like you are bored, which in turn makes her feel insecure. The last thing you want is a girl who feels weird around you (chances are you will never see her again because she is too embarrassed to be with you). Just think about it, how would you feel if a girl kept asking you if you were finished? Amateur move guys.
5 I’ll Just Pull Out
Obviously a conversation should be had before you do the deed in regards to protection, but sometimes in the heat of the moment things happen and believe it or not guys, not every girl is on birth control. The statement “I’ll just pull out” strikes fear in the heart of every single mother out there; chances are that is the way that a majority of them ended up becoming a single mom. It is like a scene from a horror film when a guy says those dreaded words; this is why you should only be having sex when you are old enough to know that pulling out is not a proper form of contraception.
Nothing is worst than dead silence. Only a negative outcome can come from this. Silence usually means something awkward happened and silence during sex or after sex usually means that the sex was either disturbingly bad or ridiculously good. However, experience will tell you that it was probably horribly bad. If you are not a huge talker after sex that is cool too, but maybe make that known so we as the woman do not automatically think that it was us and something we did wrong, or worst off think that your silence is a way of telling us to get up and go.
3 Random Dirty Talk
Talking dirty is an art form, it is something that must be practiced and mastered; that being said if you have no experience doing it, then please keep it to yourself. Telling someone to f*** you is redundant when they are already doing it, and making the mistake of saying something dirty that you think is hot but could actually be a huge turnoff for the girl is risky. It also makes for an awkward experience when you ultimately say the wrong thing which is very likely. Save the dirty talk for someone who you have an actual relationship with and you are confident you know what they want to hear. There are plenty of things to do with your mouth during this time besides talking.
2 Does It Feel Good?/Do You Like That?
If it did not feel good, don’t you think something would have been said? The alternative to something not feeling good is something feeling bad; what girl in her right mind is willingly going to endure any kind of pain to ensure not to bruise the ego of her significant other? Alternatively, if you are asking if it feels good because you are fishing for a compliment, then you are being narcissistic and it's annoying that you need constant reassurance. During the middle of a sexual act is not the time to evaluate your sexual experience, nor is it the time to assume that it's okay to even ask for an evaluation. For the time being; yes, I like it, yes it feels good and it will stay that way until it does not; thanks.
1 Is It In?
If you have to ask if it is in, then you are an amateur and should probably finish sex education before you attempt to have sex again. One of the first things that everyone should know about sex is where everything goes, so asking if it is in raises a lot of questions and suggests that you are not ready to take the big step into a sexual relationship. When you think about it you are kind of insulting the girl asking if it is in because there is definitely some kind of sensation to be felt when it is in, claiming to not feel a sensation is suggesting that she is not so tight which is inferring that she sleeps around a lot and ultimately you are calling her a tramp, no? Okay, maybe that’s over thinking it.
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