When you take a gander at the world right now, it's pretty clear we have become some sort of satire of ourselves. It is like the movie Idiocracy, only in real life. One example of this is the simple fact that Donald Trump wants the American presidency. No one is going to push their political leanings on you and say whether that should or shouldn't happen in this piece. Rather, what if we went somewhere absurd for a moment and thought about some of Donald Trump's capabilities. What can the man do? Well, um, give us a second...
He has money!
So what can you do with money? Honestly, pretty much anything. As a matter of fact, one of the world's greatest fictional superheroes became a hero using only that - money, training and a tortured past with dead parents and stuff, but we digress. The funny thing is, Donald Trump has Batman kind of money, the same levels of financial stability. So what if, in some insane twist of fate, this very world we are living in right now had a Batman? A man who was rich and dressed up as a bat to fight crime and keep everything all fairly level? And now to throw an even bigger "what if" into the mix...
What if that very man was Donald Trump? What would happen if Donald Trump used his excessive riches to turn himself into Batman? What would be the end result of that? We think it would go a little something like this...
10 Hairpiece Cowl
Do you actually think someone as vain as Trump would want to cover up his face and delicately crafted hairpiece (which is actually a wild animal) with a huge, black cowl? No way. He would make sure someone created a special hairpiece for him that had the bat points just like Batman's mask.
9 Firing Everyone
One of Donald's "Trump cards" is his catch phrase from his show, The Apprentice. YOU'RE FIRED. Man, what a catch phrase, huh? That man is a true wordsmith. Anyway, it seems when you watched The Apprentice, he always took great pleasure in pointing his chubby stubs at someone and telling them they're fired.
8 His Daughter Would Become Robin
Okay, we're not even mad about this one. Most people know Trump has a lovely daughter and many comic book nerds know that Batman takes on a female Robin in The Dark Knight comics. Why don't we put two and two together and assume BatTrump's Robin would be Ivanka?
7 Forced Migration
Keep in mind, one of the first things Batman realizes when he dons the cape is his power. He can kind of do anything and has a limitless reach. Add to that his money and the people he probably has as contacts, and you can see BatTrump doing some pretty extreme stuff.
6 No Hidden Identity
Here is one thing about BatTrump. He is not humble or quiet or doing any of this altruistically. He wants ALL THE WORLD to know they are in debt to him for his crime fighting and such.
5 New Bat Signal
The bat signalfrom Batman is the coolest thing of all time. When there's trouble abound, we shine a big light in the sky with his symbol as a sort of phone call. It is grandiose, and the closest Batman comes to being more Trump-like i.e. very egocentric.
4 Batarangs with a Big "T" On Them
One thing about Trump is, he LOVES stamping his name on everything. Rumor is he uses a Sharpie to write a big T on the foreheads of all the women he beds. It's just a rumor, mind you. So think about some of Batman's crucial items. You really think the batarang would stay the same?
3 His Villain Gallery Would Be Amazing
It should be said that there are two camps right now: the people who love Trump, and the people who hate Trump. The people who love him would side with him and cheer for him and call him the greatest Batman ever. But the people who truly despise would become part of his rogues gallery, meaning they would all become his Penguin, Joker and Two-Face.
2 Men Would Get Saved A LOT Less Than Women
Like any man with power and money, Trumps like bedding beautiful women. Who can blame him? But it could be said Trump as Batman would take his focus off of men being robbed and mugged, and turn said attention more towards saving women - more accurately, saving attractive women.
1 Batmobile Driven by Chauffeur
This final thought is so humorous and true; Trump is not one to take himself from place to place. If he could, he would fly his Trump jet everywhere. But that is not how life works. Sometimes, you just need to get across town.
Imagine a Batman who refused to drive himself because he was just so self-righteous and rich. Crime across town? BatTrump has to call his driver, wait for him or her, and by the time he gets there, the crime is done.
In that sense (and many others), Donald Trump would make the worst Batman ever. Hilarious? Yes. Entertaining? You bet! Useful? Not so much.
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