To perfect an unflattering cry face, a celebrity must meet several requirements. First, their regular face usually has to be somewhat normal. It’s just mean to make fun of someone who has a face that isn’t great to begin with and then make fun of them when they’re crying, too. Second, their eyes have to do something out of the ordinary. They have to squint so hard that it looks like they’re trying to push their eyeballs through the other side of their head or that their face is going to implode. Third, their mouth and lips have to look like they’re either trying to crap a fire hydrant or someone just cut off their toe without anesthetic.
The final and most important element of having an ugly celebrity cry face is that people must not be able to avoid the irresistible laughter when looking at them. Even though crying is supposed to evoke a sense of empathy in other people, some celebrities cry so ridiculously that it’s impossible to take them seriously. When a celebrity has an ugly cry face, people must say to themselves, “Are they serious with that face? I mean, isn’t having empathy understanding what other people are feeling? Right now, I don’t know if they’re trying to scare me, make me laugh, or punish me.” Applying all of the above elements, these celebrities pass the ugly cry test with hilariously flying colors.
Quick disclaimer: We're not commenting on any of these celebrities' looks; all are attractive individuals. This is meant as a lighthearted article, not a jab. Let's face it: everyone's an ugly crier.
10 James Van Der Beek
Having an ugly crying face is far too often looked down upon in society. Instead of looking at James Van Der Beek’s crying face as a liability to his celebrity, what if it became a weapon? What if it became a force for good and America got every ounce of its usefulness?
9 Lindsay Lohan
8 Michael Jordan
7 Farrah Abraham
There is usually a scene in most horror movies where one of the hopeless victims does something incredibly stupid that the audience goes, “Now why would you do that!?” This usually happens when the audience knows who the killer is and the victim makes some mistake that inevitably gets them killed.
6 Leann Rimes
Leann Rimes picked the wrong career. Sure, she’s a well recognized country singer who made it big as a teenager. Sure, she’s won two Grammys, several Country Music Awards, and a dozen Billboard awards for her music, but this was never her true calling.
5 Britney Spears
4 Claire Danes
500 years from now, students at Mars University will inevitably come across an ancient copy of Homeland, pop it into their virtual reality player, and probably be horrified the first time they see Claire Danes burst into tears. They will write papers and conduct studies about how people of the 21st Century expressed themselves.
3 Heidi Montag
In the voice of David Attenborough, nature show narrator:
2 Tobey Maguire
As told by a New York City television reporter:
1 Kim Kardashian
Ever see a person stand in front of a fan that’s blowing really hard? Their whole face just kind of peels back as they squint their eyes real hard. They kind of bare their teeth a little bit because there’s just this onslaught of wind. That’s kind of what Kim Kardashian’s face looks like whenever she starts crying.
Even Kim’s own family can’t keep a straight face when she starts up. It’s so hard to take her seriously because everyone is probably thinking, “Did someone leave a fan on or is Kim upset about something?” Kanye must really be in love if he can overlook that.
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