With the force of a category five hurricane, "Hotline Bling," the hot new single and music video by Drake, has swept across the nation, leaving all it has touched forever changed. Like many key events in this nation's history, we will all remember where we were when Hotline Bling first graced our ears. I was eating Cheetos on my friend's couch in Wicker Park, Chicago, when a sweet melody arose from his laptop speakers, drifted across the room, entered my ears and warmed my soul.
Not only is Hotline Bling the hottest song of the fall, but its iconic music video is both unforgettable and borderline dangerously addictive. Drake dances behind a surreal backdrop, back lit by changing club colors, dancing a dance so goofy, yet so hilariously imitable. It is like Drake is mocking the way we all awkwardly break it down at the club with a few too many drinks egging us on. Don't be surprised if you start seeing many of Drake's new patented moves appearing on a dance floor near you.
The song details Drake's soft spot for an estranged lover. He's basically whining the whole time about what she's probably doing with other men. Properly enjoying this song requires ignoring the lyrics and simply rocking out to the unbearably groove-inducing tune.
Regardless, Hotline Bling is a decade defining video. A timeless staple of the 2010s that will undoubtedly live on in the annals of pop music history. There's no escaping this song as it's everywhere, at least until the next viral sensation distracts us. Just let it into your heart and join the masses dancing stiltedly, proclaiming, "I know when that hotline bling/ that can only mean one thing."
And thanks to the bored masses of the Internet, Hotline Bling has become a viral parody sensation. Virtually all segments of pop culture have been combined with the Hotline Bling song or video to create comedy gold. Here are the best of the best, the Hotline Bling parody videos I found particularly hilarious.
10 Pokemon Master
Watch as Drake lives out our childhood fantasy, throwing Poke balls with reckless abandon. Which Pokemon has Drake chosen? Will his Pokemon fight for the good of the land? Or for evil forces like Team Rocket? We may never know. But as Drake duels with an unknown Poke opponent, there is only one question that matters: Does he have what it takes to catch them all?
Whoever is responsible for this vine is a genius. It evokes memories of our childhood where Pokemon reined.
9 Star Wars Jedi
We all know that Star Wars Episode VII does not come out until mid December 2015. If you are brimming with excitement as much as I am and have no patience to wait that long, you need to watch this video.
Drake has the finesse of Yoda, the impassioned intensity of Darth Vadar, all combined with the uncontested badassness of Darth Maul. Just play this video on loop until the December 17th release date and it just might quell your Star Wars cravings long enough for the movie to come out.
8 Vote for Pedro
This video has left me downright spiritually conflicted. I want to honestly say that Drake's moves in Hotline Bling are the pinnacle of corny/awesome dancing. But then some anonymous Internet stranger decided to pull this old Napoleon Dynamite clip and make a near perfect cross-over. Napoleon's jerky motions are uncannily timed with the beat of Hotline Bling and give Drake some stiff competition.
Whether Drake or Napoleon Dynamite is the king of dorky dancing, this video will surely leave you chuckling at the universality of Hotline Bling and its ability to combine with any medium.
7 The Carlton
While Drake was still a young lad, growing up on the mean, clean streets of Toronto, Canada, Carlton Banks of Fresh Prince of Bel Air fame was pioneering goofy dance moves, setting the foundation on which Hotline Bling rests. At last these kindred spirits, separated by the decades, can boogy down, side by side with comparative cheesiness. Perhaps Carlton can come out of retirement and film a real Hotline Bling video, one that's better timed with the music.
6 Feel the Bern - Bernie Sanders
Are you feeling the Bern? I know I am after watching the sensual dance moves of Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. It is a true testament to the power of Hotline Bling, that even a 70-something-year-old socialist can look sexy dancing to this tune.
Let's be clear, this is not an endorsement of Bernie Sanders for president. This is an endorsement of Bernie to become Drake's next backup dancer. If Drake really wants to revolutionize hip hop he needs to stop hiring conventionally attractive backup dancers and hire someone who will dance for the concerns of everyday middle class Americans. Come on, Drake, he's got the moves and maybe about five or 10 solid years of dancing left in him.
5 Wii Tennis
Move over Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Rafael Nadal, Maria Sharapova, we have a new tennis champion. See the precision and deftness of those swings? Was there topspin on that last one? The fact that so much talent can fit inside one man is a modern marvel. Drakes swing puts the aforementioned tennis stars to shame. Drake is truly the 8th Wonder of the World.
The YouTuber in charge of this vine has made a lot of money off this clever vine. Tennis? Who would have put silly dances and tennis in the same thought process.
4 Pizza's Here
Drake is a marketing god. He can literally sell me anything as long as it's in Hotline Bling form. After watching this video I was uncontrollably compelled to call that number and max out my credit card on 32 extra large supreme pizzas. I was too busy dancing to Hotline Bling, however, to eat them. The siren call of Hotline Bling creates a hypnotic effect more sinister than anything that came out of the MK-Ultra experiments. So if you want any stale pizza, just bounce me an email.
3 Hotline Pug
Wait a second... That's not Drake! It's actually his far cuter and charismatic canine equivalent. The attention to detail in this video is amazing, right down to the dweeby sweater vest and the owl logo hoody. This video makes you wonder if all music videos would dramatically improve if the people were replaced by animals in human clothing. Uptown Funk and Blurred Lines sound like two obvious candidates. Let's make this happen, small animal owners!
2 Drakes Cakes
I would let Drake bake me a cake any day, especially one emblazoned with the maple leaf of his Canadian homeland. The way Drake so naturally moves from icing to displaying to eating the cakes, makes me think he might just be preparing for Food Network's upcoming Ace of Cakes reality show. Drake is truly a tour de force, multi-talented prodigy, so why would competitive baking be outside of his repertoire?
1 Can't Stump the Trump
Last but certainly not least comes the classiest Hotline Bling video out there that's definitely not for LOSERS or people with low energy (sorry Jeb Bush). Featuring none other than the Donald, this luxurious video encapsulates the true spirit and panache of the Trump brand with the gleam and elegance of a Trump tower, fragrance or tie. Watch as Trump wards off unwarranted and salacious attacks by his opponents with but a mere grimace or wag of the head, proving once and for all that no one can stump the Trump.