Lots of people from all walks of life could only dream that they had celebrities for parents. Imagining a luxurious life filled with fame and fortune sounds a heck of a lot better than living in a ho-hum one-horse town with a set of completely boring parents who have regular blue collar 9-to-5 jobs and a 4-door Sedan — white picket fence optional.
With celebs as parents, the kids, no matter their age, would happily and greedily reap the many rewards of their parents’ star power. From fancy designer clothing to pricey sports cars to exotic island vacations to the VIP treatment no matter where they went, being the fortunate child of a celeb would be a true blessing. Jackpot hit!
But this cozy, comfortable, and super cool way of life may not be all colorful rainbows and warm rays of sunshine. What if the celeb is not exactly parent of the year material? Would all the money and over-the-top glam be worth it if your parent was an embarrassment, a cheater, a party animal, an addict, or a washed-up reality star? Suddenly having an average mom or dad who attends PTA meetings and makes meatloaf for dinner does not sound all that dull.
Here are 15 celebs who have kids, but would you want to be their child? Would the millions of bucks in your trust fund be worth the utter humiliation? We do not get to choose our parents, but if you could have the chance, would you want to call any of these 15 celebs below mom or dad? Or does being dirt poor sound like a better alternative?
15 Britney’s Befuddled
Britney Spears may be everyone’s favorite pop tart, but watching her do her thing on stage is a far cry from watching her pack a ham sandwich and chips for your lunchbox.
Imagine the “Crazy” singer making you do household chores, finish your vegetables, or go to bed by seven?
She may be a nice country girl at heart who has overcome a brief (and very public) breakdown, but the blonde lip-synching pop star does not seem like the kind of mom who brings out a tray of oatmeal cookies and lemonade for your friends. Spears’ two boys seem to be quite happy having Spears as their maternal figure, but would you want a mom who gyrates with a boa over her shoulders or tongue-kisses Madonna for the sake of shock value?
14 Too Close To Steven Tyler
The 69-year-old lead singer of the long-running band Aerosmith, Steven Tyler, is a super-cool dude who can still rock it with the best of them to this day. He is certainly no cookie-cutter fella, let alone your average dad. But he does have kids, one of which is the beautiful and talented model/actress Liv Tyler. She is now 40 years old, so she has gotten used to her pop’s over-the-top antics and rock-star mentality.
But if you had a dad who would approve of an awkward magazine cover like this Rolling Stone one, would you want the fame and fortune?
Sure, this is just an innocent daddy-daughter show of affection, but something seems a little too-close-for-comfort about it. He may sing “Walk This Way,” but we would much rather head off in the opposite direction.
13 Pam’s Too Foxy For Her Sons
Can you believe that Pamela Anderson is 50 years old? The former Baywatch babe is still super foxy, something her sons grew up having to deal with since they were born. All their friends have probably seen their mom buck naked, something that the rest of the world would cringe even thinking about. But when your mom is a Playboy model, you had better develop a thick skin, because the kids in school will be sure to make it known what they think about your mom’s fine figure. Of course, Anderson is more than just a pinup and pretend lifeguard in a high-cut red swimsuit. She must be a caring mom who puts her boys above all else. But would you want a mom with a steamy rep? We’d prefer the Mrs. Brady type, thank you very much.
12 Snooki’s Seedlings
The 30-year-old Snooki (a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi) is a mom of two little ones, but it wasn’t long ago that the Jersey Shore ditzy drunk was falling on her face at waterfront clubs after partying from morning till night. She would hook up with anyone who’d give her the time of day, all on film, no less.
She was a hot mess on the small screen, but she and her castmates brought in big ratings for MTV.
That said, the chick grew up, got married and had two cutie pies of her own. She is no longer a party girl and let’s hope she has cut down dramatically on the drinking. Even though she must be a good mom, we’d rather pass on her being ours. Knowing that old footage still airs on on MTV would be enough to make us hide in our bedrooms forever.
11 What’s (Courtney) Love Got To Do With It
Punk rocker Courtney Love is now 53 years old and has tamed a tad since her heyday as a hot mess on the music scene. But there was a time when she was far from what anyone would call a traditional mother. Then again, she still isn’t close to the “ideal.” Her marriage with the late musician Kurt Cobain was short-lived due to his untimely death, but together they had a daughter, Frances Bean Cobain.
Mother and daughter were estranged for a time and many people understand why Frances would not want Love's unhealthy lifestyle influence her daughter.
They have since been spotted together, but one has to wonder what it must be like to have the lead singer of Hole as your role model. She may be fun to watch, but that’s as close as most would like to get to Love.
10 Teresa’s Jersey Girls
Teresa Giudice is a mom of four, making her a pro, some may argue, in the mothering department, but just because she has four kids doesn’t mean we’d want her to be our mom, too. Fans love to watch the 45-year-old on her Bravo reality show, The Real Housewives of New Jersey. If you have seen her insane antics on the show, flipping a table at a restaurant, for example, then you would have to agree that she is capable of flying off the handle at the drop of a hat.
Not to mention, after she and her husband Joe were convicted of fraud, she spent 11 months in the slammer.
That had to be hard on her daughters. Will we watch her on TV? Sure, if there is nothing else on. But would we want this Jersey jailbird to be our mom? Not even for an episode.
9 West Family Fan-Demonium
Kanye and Kim Kardashian West are probably two of the most famous parents in the world. Kanye would tell you so himself. They have three adorable kids – North, Saint, and most recently, baby Chicago. They seem to be over-the-moon in love with one another and their growing family, but being a child in their highly-public lives must be tough.
Of course, these kids don’t know what life is like any other way, but when they leave their home and the paparazzi is following their every move, it must be unnerving and upsetting.
These kids will never know what privacy or “normalcy” is like. Would it be fun to have all the riches the Wests can provide? Definitely. But having some anonymity is something to cherish. And these kids will have a hard time ever achieving that, being that they are already on reality TV.
8 Nicolas Cage Is Crazed
Many would argue that Nicolas Cage is one of the best actors around, but when it comes to his parenting style, it seems like he is still putting on a show even when the cameras are not rolling. Here we see the 54-year-old actor and his younger son walking the city streets. Sure, a nice father-son day of bonding, but can Cage’s son get over dad’s top hat and furry coat? We hope Cage isn’t hurt and that cane is only a prop, but if that is the case, what’s the story with that?
Cage can come off as quirky, but his son has never known any different.
So, Cage’s son is used to the old man, but we can tell from the outside that pop is a pinch peculiar.
7 Yes! You Ar(nold) The Father
The 70-year-old Arnold Schwarzenegger is an interesting and accomplished man. From bodybuilder to actor to politician, this pumped-up pop has done it all. And he has done them all, if you know what we mean. While married to the beautiful and intelligent Maria Shriver, Schwarzenegger got it on with the live-in housekeeper,
resulting in a hidden pregnancy and son that he didn’t claim as his own until a couple of years ago.
Joseph Baena is now 20 years old, and it looks like he and his pop are making up for lost time over a couple of drinks. Here we see the dynamic duo at what looks like an Oktoberfest celebration. While Baena may not be old enough to knock one back, it seems like a “when in Rome” situation. Like father, like son, but would you want to be the “illegitimate” child of Ahhhnold?
6 “Speidi” Reality Son
Who could forget Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, a.k.a. “Speidi,” from MTV’s program The Hills? The blonde couple made for great reality-ish television, but who would have guessed they would eventually marry one another and have a child? The two seemed to be headed for disaster, losing lots of money, going on all sorts of reality shows, and acting like two total grown-up screw-ups. After Montag had all that head-to-toe plastic surgery at once, people thought she was out of her mind, but Pratt stayed by his woman’s newly-sculpted side.
Now that they are new parents to a baby boy, let’s hope this couple can keep it together for his sake if nothing else.
It is safe to say that most people would rather raise themselves than have “Speidi” rearing them.
5 Tom Cruise(d) Out Of Suri’s Life
The 55-year-old Tom Cruise is an acting A-lister. He has been in so many movies and fans love to see his awesome work on the big screen. He was married to actress Katie Holmes until 2012 and they had a daughter together named Suri. She is one cute kid, but Cruise doesn’t see much of her — allegedly.
It's one thing if he doesn’t live with her due to the divorce, but some reports say he has not seen Suri in person in years.
Suri needs her dad, not just his child support payments. Fan or not, would you want a guy like this to be your father? If money is what you’re after, then your answer is probably yes, but if a relationship with a father figure is what you seek, you may be sorely disappointed. Go to Cruise’s movies, but don’t expect him to adopt you.
4 Dream’s Dream Mom (But Not Ours)
Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian were together for a while, but that relationship only resulted in one positive thing – baby Dream. She is so adorable and precious, and both mom and dad must be in love with their little one, even if they are no longer in love with each other. That relationship seemed doomed from the get-go, but without protection, babies are made — health class 101.
Chyna seems like a doting mom, but with her wild ways, we would not want her to be our maternal moral compass.
Maybe she will get back together with Kardashian one day, but for now, she is a single mom raising Dream and her older child from a previous relationship. Dream on if you think the Kardashians are going to crown her mother of the year, though.
3 “Octomom’s” Entourage
Remember “Octomom”? Her real name is Nadya Suleman and she is now 42 years old. She made headlines all over the world after giving birth to octuplets in 2009, but she has 14 kids in total. That is a lot of responsibility and plenty of mouths to feed. Even if you would want “Octomom” to be your mom, she won’t have time for you anyway. She’s got too much on her plate to even consider you as her newest child.
Then again, after 14 kids, what’s one more?
While supermom Suleman is not in the spotlight much anymore, her story will not soon be forgotten, and neither will those photos of her enormous belly filled with the eight growing babies. We will have to assume Suleman considers her family complete at this point.
2 Just Say NO.J.
Recently released from the slammer, 70-year-old O.J. Simpson is now a free man who is able to roam the streets and do as he wishes. He has five children, all of whom must have mixed emotions about their dad, regardless of their love for him.
Some people believe Simpson is innocent and others believe he should be locked away for life.
But would you want a dad like Simpson? Even if you are a die-hard fan, it would be quite a spectacle to go to the store or out for dinner with your pop. Paparazzi would follow you and people would yell all sorts of horrible things at him. Is this the sort of dad that would be a good influence on your life? Well, maybe he could teach you a thing or two about football.
1 Apollo’s “Away”
Do you watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta on Bravo? If so, you must know all about Apollo Nida, the ex-husband of Phaedra Parks. She is no longer a cast member on the show, but who could forget the trials, tribulations, and troubles this couple went through?
Now, the 39-year-old guy is in jail and he leaves his two young sons without a father figure present in the household.
He was sentenced to eight years in prison for a $2.3 million money-laundering scheme. Eight years away from your kids when they are small is like a lifetime. They will not get to know their dad very well, making their upbringing not as positive as it could have been. If you want Nida to be your daddy, you’ve got serious issues.