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Musicals. Everybody loves them (well not everyone and those that don’t will be dealt with soon enough), and why shouldn’t they? They are the costume-crazy, sing-a-long, feel-good productions of the past, present, and future. Musicals can make you jump, jive, or reach for the tissues, from The Phantom of the Opera to the Book of Mormon. Most musicals are incredible experiences — then there are the Jukebox Musicals.
For those not in the know, traditional musicals such as Les Miserable use original music. For Jukebox Musicals, however, they take the music of well-known artists and stick it in their productions like a poorly placed Post-It note. To emphasize this point here are 10 of the worst Jukebox Musicals that are not enjoyed, but endured.
Mamma Mia!
Using the music of the “popular” Swedish pop group ABBA as its crutch, the musical known as Mamma Mia! The story centers around a daughter attempting to find out which of three potential men might be her father so that she can invite that father to her wedding. Sounds absolutely wonderful and should be totally choreographed to and sung at full volume.
The music itself (however enjoyable) is outdated and doesn’t suit the “plot” of this production. Mamma Mia is not a pleasant experience to sit through. However, it became popular enough for the musical to be adapted into a Hollywood movie, which itself became popular enough to warrant a sequel. So taste is clearly something that died out years ago.
American Idiot
Don’t want to be an American Idiot? Tough! There’s not much that can be said about this musical that hasn’t been said. The idea to base a musical on the admittedly well-received GreenDay Album of the same name might have sounded like solid gold back when GreenDay was still relevant. However, that’s not the case with this musical. No-one can or should replace Billy Joe Armstrong as the lead vocalist of these rocking tunes, this musical proves that. This ‘concept’ musical isn’t a rock-opera or a punk-musical as some have called it, it’s like being in a pub and watching some drunk moron step up to the stage to prove they could have been a rockstar. Next!
We Will Rock You
More like we will rock you to sleep! Right? Right. We Will Rock You is not the Queen-style Jukebox rock-opera that Ben Elton might have convinced people it was back in the anesthetic-haze of 2002. The story of We Will Rock You is a bad fan-fiction of one of rock’s greatest concepts, Rush’s 2112. Clearly not understanding what plagiarism is, We Will Rock You takes place in a world where fashion, music and all that good stuff has been eliminated and or forbidden. It is up to our “heroes” to bring back these elements and overthrow the ruling power. This is so manufactured as a piece of ‘Instant money’ entertainment that it hurts to even type.
Rock Of Ages
Very much in the same vein as We Will Rock You this rock jukebox musical doesn’t feature the music of Queen this time around but instead the glam and classic rock tunes of the 1980s. Oh yeah! This mixtape of some of the most glamorous rock songs of that particular decade can be credited to Chris D'Arienzo. The acting (in the UK version) isn’t great, with the singing not really being singing but more SHOUTING! Is it possible to sit through hours of SHOUTING? Most say no, they couldn’t. The final sin for this musical is that the songs of this ‘musical’ are not played in their entirety, so it’s not even worth the ticket for the music either. What a waste.
Viva Forever!
Does anyone still really care about the Spice Girls past the 90s/early, early 2000s? No? Not a single person? Then why did someone decide to make a musical about them? This is the truly confusing entry on this list, a Spice Girls musical? Why? The musical Viva Forever! doesn’t have any positive merits to speak of.
With reviews that describe the story, music and acting as all being ‘charmless,’ ‘clunky,’ ‘scummy’ and one of the biggest disappointments of 2012, no one should have to endure this ‘un-theatrical’ nightmare. If there’s still someone that suffers from Spice Girls fever in the late 2010s/2020s go and see a doctor, seriously, just go.
Lennon
John Lennon was a music icon, as 1/4 of The Beatles and having written some of the most well-received songs of his time. John Lennon’s life, it could be said has always been linked to music, so a musical about him feels like an obvious choice. The John Lennon musical, simply named LENNON takes an interesting route with its jukebox music choices, only deciding to use Lennon’s solo work, neglecting all of the music of The Beatles which elevated Lennon in the first place. Having a lack of iconic music made by Lennon, the musical doesn’t and didn’t really jive well with audiences, having less than 50 performances in its whole performance lifespan. Oh, dear.
Hot Feet
Taking the music of Earth, Wind & Fire and making it into a musical seems like a nutty idea on paper, so how well did it do as an actual production? Not well. The story of the musical (as much as there is a story) recontextualizes the tale of The Red Shoes and focuses on a dancer that really, really wants to be a Broadway dancer - a tale as old as time. The major problems of this musical come from its length (2 hours 45 minutes) as well as the poor placing of the jukebox tunes within The Red Shoes story. This Nuclear Meltdown of a musical as one critic put it, did not last long, lasting less than 30 days in fact. Some musicals come and go and are missed, this one? Not so much.
Good Vibrations
A California-based, band of buddies coming of age tale set to the music of The Beach Boys? Sounds like a feel-good, good-vibrations musical experience, so what went wrong? The musical Good Vibrations takes the old tropes from the Grease musical (not joking) and tries to be worse somehow. This ill-conceived musical lacks a lot of elements of a good musical; good choreography, good music, good acting, and a good story. The production was described by critics as cliched and embarrassingly bad, from the sets to the surf lingo, this jukebox musical makes the audience wish that the cast and crew would each grab a surfboard and ride into the ocean, preferably holding large stones and dumbbells.
Leader Of The Pack
The musical Leader of the Pack is quite famous as far as jukebox musicals that no-one’s ever heard of goes. Famous not for its music or its cast or its story, but for being one of the most well-known disappointments in musical history. Leader of the Pack tells the tale of Ellie Greenwich, the singer-songwriter from the flower-power sixties and recounts her life and her music, as well as her rise to stardom. The concept isn’t flawed, but the execution was. The less-than 100-minute musical was critically panned and left to rot back in the 1980s. The musical has seen a recent revival and seems to be actually good now, let’s see how long that lasts.
Desperately Seeking Susan
Last on this list, Desperately Seeking Susan is an adaptation of the 1985 movie of the same name. Adapting a musical from a movie is not uncommon, especially now when both Heathers and Beetlejuice now are massively successful Broadway musicals. This jukebox musical opts to choose the music of Blondie as its crutch. This might seem apt considering the time and place of the musical, however, that is not the case. The show has been described as ‘painful’ and ‘trampy’ and ‘not unique.’ These comments refer to the musical’s tonal whiplash, having a punk aesthetic and sound but including jazz hands, finger-clicks, and pirouettes, these things to not go together.