Hilary Duff has some harsh words for her next-door neighbor due to a disgusting smoking habit.
We’ve all had neighbors we hated. Maybe they play loud music in the middle of the night. Maybe they have a rancorous relationship that ends up with a hole through the wall into your apartment. Or maybe they horde cats and it always smells like kitty litter in the hallway.
It used to be there was nothing you could do about it save for move away. But we live in the internet age, and that means we now have a powerful tool at our disposal to get people to do exactly what we want: public shaming.
The Perfect Man star Hilary Duff knows this well. That’s why she’s taking her lousy neighbor to task by roasting him on her Instagram story page in the most hilarious way possible.
"Calling all New Yorkers with asshole neighbors—really open to any advice you have," the former Project Runway judge begins her rant. "My neighbor smokes cigarettes and weed all night long. My apartment reeks. Seriously, what do I do?"
Her next rant is no better for Duff’s unfortunate neighbor. "We know your parents pay your rent. We know you've never worked a day in your life—must be nice," she continued. "Have some respect for your neighbors who work hard to live in that building. Don't be a dick dude—and put your trash down the chute.
"Worked 15 hours yesterday and back at work again at 5:30 a.m.," wrote Duff this time instead of her recorded voice. "This is the real world Dieter the [eggplant emoji]. Your smoking ain't delicious."
For those who don’t know, the eggplant emoji is internet slang for a male’s private parts. Just in case you were wondering.
At this point in Duff’s story she seems fine to leave her neighbor’s identity a secret, but pretty soon she learns a better tactic is to make her neighbor's identity a matter of public record. Dieter Addison is then taken to task.
"Found youuu," she wrote over a picture of his Instagram page. "I know [you're] still sleeping. I really hope your [hangover] hurts."
She followed this up with several close-up images of Addison with colorful cat ears and whiskers doodled on his face. Each image was captioned with the word “meow”.
"Meowwww Dieter meowww,” Duff says afterward while apparently having her eyebrows done. Clearly, the lack of sleep is getting to her.
For most people this would be enough, but Duff isn’t one for half-measures. She goes for the jugular just like a mother bear protecting her cub. "And another thing... stop breaking all your furniture when you fight with your girlfriend or boyfriend,” the Material Girls star said.
"It scares me and my kid," a reference to her six-year-old son Luca. "Therapy is cheaper."
"Dieter get a vape," she concludes.