Way before Keeping Up With The Kardashians was a thing, people were tuning into the lives of Jessica Simpson and her then-hubby, Nick Lachey. In the early 2000’s, reality TV was just starting out, and other than The Osbourne family, Jessica Simpson and her boyband singer beau, Nick, were taking over the airwaves when they launched their hit MTV show Newlyweds. Overnight, they became the nation's sweethearts and gave us equal amounts of fun and drama.
With the arrival of social media (not to mention the Kardashian clan), getting a sneak peek into the lives of celebs is no longer the novelty it once was. But for those of you who can remember, Newlyweds was one of those shows you couldn’t seem to switch off from, partly because Nick and Jessica were such a chalk and cheese couple, but mostly because Jessica Simpson did nothing for the dumb blonde stereotype with some of her infamous quotes!
The pair might have (been long) divorced since then, but the internet won’t let us forget some of Simpson’s most bizarre moments and personal quirks. One man who definitely won’t forget–but probably wants to–is her ex-husband, Nick. Here are 20 glimpses into life with the pretty but ditzy singer according to her ex...
20 Lachey Had A Rocky Relationship With Jessica’s Dad
Since splitting from Jessica in 2006, Nick Lachey has revealed that one of the blessings of being divorced from her is that he wouldn’t have to deal with his father-in-law anymore. Ouch. All dads are pretty protective of their daughters to a certain extent, but according to a tell-all interview that Lachey did with Rolling Stone magazine, Jessica’s dad, Joe Simpson, could be a bit overbearing throughout their marriage.
Addressing the rumors that were circulating at the time of his father-in-law’s role in their divorce, Lachey dished, “I don’t pretend to understand Joe. I don’t know if he ever liked me. Even to this day, I couldn’t say. It was painful. Do I think Joe drove a rift between us? No. Was he an influence in our marriage? Absolutely.”
19 Jessica Only Brushes Her Teeth Three Times A Week
Gross. Yep, Jessica dropped this disgusting bombshell in an interview with Ellen a few years back when
she admitted that she has never been one to brush (or floss) her teeth on the regular.
We’re not sure how her ex, Nick, felt about this when they were an item, but he probably got around it by only kissing her on the “clean” days. Yuck! What makes this even more gross is when you remember just how much junk food Jessica was putting away on the Newlyweds show back in the day. All those buffalo wings (more on that later) and fried cheese meals had to be coating her teeth, so the idea that she let this fester is nasty AF. We’re not sure if she’s cleaned up her act since being married to Nick, but for the sake of her new man, Eric Johnson, we sure hope so.
18 And In-Between Brushing, She Uses A T-Shirt...
Weird but true. Jessica also revealed that in-between the days she actually picks up a toothbrush, she uses whatever’s nearby to take care of her teeth the rest of the time like, say, a t-shirt or a sweater. No, really. She told Ellen DeGeneres that she doesn’t like her teeth to feel “too slippery” (um, Jessica, that’s an indication that they’re clean but whatever).
So, on days when she gives her brush a vacation, she likes to use a shirt to wipe those pearly whites.
That’s another astonishing thing about this. Jessica Simpson is one of those celebs who’s kind of known for her big white smile. Ironically, she's even the national spokesperson for Operation Smile! How she has managed to keep all her own teeth still despite this gross confession is a mystery.
17 She Was Saving Herself For Nick Lachey
Growing up as a traditional southern girl with a strict Christian background, it was important to Jessica that she waited until tying the knot before doing the deed. Unlike fellow singers of her generation like Britney and Christina Aguilera, Jessica’s entire image was of the innocent girl next door. Eager to remain a good role model to her fanbase, she frequently spoke about her “promise to God, her father, and future husband” that she would stay pure until the time was right. The time was finally right on October 26th, 2002 when she wed Nick Lachey after 3 years of dating, and shortly after the couple got hitched, the press were interested to know how she and Nick’s wedding night went.
Simpson later revealed that it was worth the wait:
“It was the most amazing moment of my life. I’m so lucky I didn’t lose my virginity in the back of a Jeep or something!”
16 Jessica’s Blonde Moments Were Genuine
If you ever watched Newlyweds back in the day on MTV, you’d be forgiven for thinking that Jessica Simpson’s many (many) moments of being more than a little clueless about the world around her was just an act to appear more adorable or get the show more ratings. Nope. This was just a case of truth being stranger than fiction, and both Lachey and the crew on the set of Newlyweds can confirm that it was all pretty real. Sue Kolinsky, who produced their Newlyweds show back in 2003, remembers several incidents when she truly hoped that Jessica was joking. But as she admits,
the more time she spent with the couple, the more it seemed like these ditzy moments were entirely genuine:
“There was one time when there was a dead mouse by their pool and when Nick said it was in rigor mortis. Jessica shot back ‘Riga-what?’ I truly believe she had no idea what that meant.” Wow.
15 ...Even This One…
Easily one of the best moments on the Newlyweds series (or, in fact, any reality TV series) has to be when Jessica and Nick were out having a fried chicken dinner with friends when all of a sudden, Jess came out with the phrase “No thanks. I don’t eat buffalo.” Jessica couldn’t understand why they were called ‘buffalo wings’ in the first place if they weren’t made from buffalo! The rest of the table laughed but Nick had the world-weary look of someone who’s always embarrassed by these moments.
If moments like this one were caught on camera, imagine what else Nick Lachey must have heard in his time?
Poor Jessica. This is a moment that never seems to leave her alone no matter how many years have passed since that episode aired. Buffalo wings and Jessica Simpson are almost as synonymous with each other as Daisy Duke.
14 Jessica’s Dad Gave Her A Purity Ring At Age 12
The good girl image that Jessica Simpson has always tried to portray wasn’t manufactured by her record label as it is with so many other pop stars. It was actually ingrained in her since she was a young girl. Jessica had a fairly conservative Christian upbringing, and as you can expect, her parents were pretty insistent that she remained ‘pure’ until she was a married woman.
This is where things get extra awkward. Her dad, Joe Simpson, presented Jessica with a purity ring when she turned 12 years old. Having the whole birds and the bees conversation with your folks is awkward enough, whatever your background, but the fact that this is what Jessica got for her 12th birthday? Yikes. We just hope her dad didn’t make her open it in front of all her friends!
13 She Almost Had A Career As A Child Singer
From a young age, Jessica always had powerful pipes and definitely had the talent to make it as a child singer, but a number of setbacks meant that Jessica never really made it as big as her fellow singers, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. When Simpson was just 13,
she was talent-spotted while singing at a summer church camp by the founder of a Gospel music record label. She recorded an album with them, but they soon went bankrupt and that was that.
Her second try at young stardom wasn’t such a success either. When Jessica auditioned for the Mickey mouse club that would be the launch pad for Britney, Aguilera, and Justin Timberlake’s music career, her audition didn’t go so well. The young Simpson was apparently so floored by Christina Aguilera's powerful performance that she forgot the words. Oops.
12 Jessica Turned Down A Role In Coyote Ugly
That’s right, the role of aspiring singer Violet in the 2000 sleeper hit Coyote Ugly was originally offered to Jessica Simpson instead of Piper Perabo. One of Simpson’s BFFs, Jewel, was also considered for the main role, but in the end, we think they made the right choice. Simpson’s singing career was just getting started and more than that, Jessica had never dabbled with acting before (not that this stopped her when she took the role of Daisy Duke 5 years later!).
We also might never have been given the Leann Rimes hit Can’t Fight The Moonlight, as Simpson might have suggested recording the tune herself. Turning down the role was probably just as well. Knowing Jessica’s often ditzy nature sometimes, she probably misread the film title and presumed she’d be wearing an ugly disguise the entire time. Either that or that it might involve her dating an actual coyote!
11 Nick Was Constantly Waiting On Her Hand And Foot
When watching Nick and Jessica: Newlyweds back in the day, you always got the sense that Jessica was the spoiled princess figure always out shopping while her hubby, Nick, was the sporty guy who just wanted to kick back and watch the game. (Kind of similar to a more modern celeb couple we can think of.) And sometimes, these polar opposite personalities clashed, which may have made for good reality TV, but not so good for their marriage.
The cracks in Jessica and Nick’s relationship really began to show whenever Simpson would ask Nick to do some of her errands while she fixed her hair and makeup.
In 2003, Rolling Stone magazine uncovered one time when Jessica had bossed Nick around to the point of ironing her $238 blouse, paid for by Jessica’s studio. Lachey grumbled that his studio “never gave him money” and was always a little ticked off that she earned more than him.
10 She’s Very Generous
Yes, Jessica Simpson might have had her dumb blonde streak and showed moments where she could be a little shallow on the Newlyweds show, but
according to Lachey and the lifelong friends in her life, Jessica could also be generous to a fault.
Despite her millions earned from her singing career (and more recently, her whopping $1 billion fashion line), Simpson rarely ever lets people treat, even choosing to go dutch for most of the times she and Nick went out to dinner. If you don’t believe the ditzy blonde shopaholic had a sweeter, generous side, just ask Jessica’s friend and co-star from her 2008 movie, Private Valentine: Blonde and Dangerous, Vivica A. Fox. Vivica joked that paying for dinner behind Jessica’s back would not be easy: “I’d have to go in, put a credit card down, and tell the waitress ‘If you let the bill go her way, I will choke you.’” Scary!
9 Jessica’s A Natural Brunette
As it turns out, all of Jessica’s dumb blonde moments were really ‘dumb brunette’ moments after all, proving that it’s definitely not just us peroxide gals who are prone to making blunders. That’s right, Jessica Simpson’s natural hair color is, in fact, brunette, while her kid sister Ashlee’s natural locks are actually blonde. Shook! I guess you always want what the other person has. Maybe Jessica spent her teen years dressing Gothy and listening to punk? But somehow, we doubt it. Since Jessica liked to rule the roost on the Newlyweds show and occasionally boss ex Nick around,
maybe getting him to top up her platinum blonde roots every few weeks was one of his many tasks while married to her.
We can’t believe that the whole “Chicken or tuna fish” quote came from a brunette girl. Our whole life has been a lie.
8 She’s Just Like One Of The Guys
It seems weird to even suggest that Jessica has a tomboyish side to her. With her platinum blonde tresses and love of pink clothes and lip gloss, Simpson has always been thought of as the ultimate ‘girly girl’ kind of celeb. But as you’ll find out from reading on in this list,
Jess is definitely not the perfect proper Barbie she appears to be (not unless Barbie brought out a new doll with a loud burp and fart function!).
In fact, while directing her on the set of two of her most popular music videos for ‘A Public Affair’ and ‘These Boots Are Made For Walking’ from The Dukes of Hazzard reboot, filmmaker Brett Ratner was surprised to find out how laid-back she was, saying, “She’s not such a girly-girl. You can hang out, drink a beer with her, and tell dirty jokes.”
7 While Living With Nick, Jessica Didn't Hold Back (At All)
After being together for a while, most couples grow to become pretty relaxed with each other when it comes to letting all our disgusting habits show. And then there was Jessica and Nick (admittedly, more Jessica than Nick when it came to bad manners). Jessica once said,
“To be my man, you have to put up with a lot. I toot under the sheets.” Nasty.
Jessica even took pride in the fact that she loved to flaunt her flatulence power when she sported a t-shirt in her music video for ‘With You’. It’s only for a brief moment, but in the 2003 music vid, Jessica can be seen playing golf wearing a t-shirt with the words “Stinky A*s” on the back. Apparently, “stinky a*s” was a cute nickname Nick had given to her. TMI.
6 They Were Always Fighting About Money
Constantly rowing about money is a red flag in any relationship, but you’d think a couple with Jessica and Nick’s wealth wouldn’t have let this become an issue. The truth is, even the super rich get hung up on how the other half spends their cash. And in Nick and Jessica’s case, this would sometimes cause the biggest rift between them. According to the producers and crew on the set of their hit show Newlyweds, Nick Lachey was a pretty frugal guy, so it’s no surprise that he and Jessica would often come to blows when she would splurge on clothing sprees. The Newlyweds producer, Sue Kolinsky, reveals that
Jessica had “excessive taste,” and this just didn’t sit well with Nick Lachey’s sensible, spend-thrifty nature.
“They were two very different people.”
5 Jessica’s No. 1 Crush Is Brad Pitt
Simpson might be married to NFL player Eric Johnson and have two kids together, but it doesn’t mean a girl can’t fantasize. And the one celeb Jessica has a massive crush on is none other than Brad Pitt (yeah, get in line, hun!). If Jessica ever becomes single again, though, she may have to fight over Pitt with her nemesis, Britney, as Spears has admitted that she has it pretty bad for Brad too.
When it came to actor crushes, Jessica also had a thing for Hugh Grant. In fact, it even came up in an argument that the pair had on an episode of the Newlyweds when Nick was trying to watch a football game and suggested that Jessica should leave him alone and “go watch a Hugh Grant movie,” to which Jessica snapped back, “I’ll watch Hugh Grant, that’s for sure.” Salty.
4 She Can Belch The Alphabet
As it turns out, Jessica Simpson was more than just a pretty face and a good singer. She was also pretty adept at burping the alphabet. (Nick must’ve felt like the luckiest guy around when they lived together!) So, not only did Jessica have a talent for expelling gas down south, but she was also pretty skilled when it came to her belching powers. In fact,
her and younger sister, Ashlee Simpson, would practice and challenge each other.
Speaking to celeb gossip site PageSix, Ashlee Simpson opened up (a little too much) and mentioned the fact that she can burp the alphabet too, but not as good as her big sis: “My favorite letter is G. It’s an open consonant and is at the beginning when my wind is strong. Jessica has better wind and is a much better belcher though.” Hawt.
3 Jessica Refused Marriage Counselling
Nick and Jessica may not have been the failed celeb couple they are today if Jessica had given their relationship one more shot back in 2005. Although, according to Nick, it was already doomed. When Jessica sprung the idea of filing for divorce on Nick, he has since admitted that while they were drifting apart. Her decision to split so suddenly left him stunned. Lachey told People magazine that
he and Jessica were out to dinner one night when she told him it was over on the car ride home.
Nick was insistent that Jessica slept on her decision first and asked if they could see a marriage counselor. But apparently, her mind was already made up: “I basically said, ‘Please, let’s sleep on it.’ But when we woke up the next day, Wednesday, she was still sure.” Harsh.
2 She’s Allergic To Pizza, Corn, And Coffee
Despite being a Texan babe (born and raised), Jessica Simpson is allergic to a lot of the stuff you might find in a typical southern American diet. As well as having an aversion to “buffalo wings” (sorry, Jess, we couldn’t resist), Simpson has also suffered from an allergy to corn and the odd cup of Java for as long as she can remember.
In addition to these, Jessica has recently been found to have an intolerance to things like cheese, wheat, tomatoes, and hot peppers,
making it impossible to eat some of the main ingredients that make up pizza. Normally, this wouldn’t be such a problem, but Jessica has had starring roles in many Pizza Hut commercials in her time and was even a spokesperson for the company! Oh dear.
1 She Collects Lucky Pennies She Finds On The Street
She might have a designer fashion collection worth over $1 billion, but Jessica apparently likes to keep it real by picking up pennies she finds in the street. We didn’t spot her doing this during the run of Newlyweds, but maybe she hired someone to collect some shiny pennies for her? Truth be told, though, Jessica doesn’t keep up this weird hobby for financial gain (at least we’d hope not!), but because she thinks of each find as her new lucky charm. Speaking to People magazine about her love of self-help books, Jessica revealed that she likes to make her own luck,
“I collect lucky pennies on the ground and keep them all in a Ziploc bag.”
We’re not sure when she started this weird hobby, but she can’t have found many while being married to Nick Lachey.