Whenever you find out that one of your favorite celebrities is pregnant, you can’t help but wonder which crazy name they’re going to invent for their kid. For some reason, celebrities just cannot seem to open a baby name book like a normal person and choose a name that doesn’t sound completely outlandish.
This is probably because celebrities basically live in a different world from the rest of us, and they don’t have to play by the same rules. For example, when your parents sat down to think about what they would name you, they had to consider what your teachers, professors, and even future employers would think of your name! Whether we like it or not, people definitely make snap judgment calls about our personalities based on our names. But do celebrity kids really have to worry about any of that? Nope. They’re born into wealthy, famous families, and they’ll probably never send out a resume in their lives anyway!
However, just because celeb kids won’t face all the consequences of having a weird name doesn’t mean it will all be smooth sailing. Here are 25 celeb kids whose names are so dumb they’re just asking to get picked on.
25 Gwyneth Paltrow And Chris Martin’s Daughter, Apple
Seriously, Gwyneth Paltrow? We really expected better from her when she announced her daughter’s name. After all, Gwyneth is all about keeping up a sophisticated appearance. She is super feminine and put together. But then again, Gwyneth has proven over and over that she is totally out of the touch with the real world. Maybe this is why she picked such a ridiculous name for her daughter. We’re not going to lie, Apple is a pretty cute little girl. But her name just sounds sillier and sillier the older that she gets. Gwyneth said that she liked the name Apple because it sounded clean and wholesome. But in all honesty, it doesn’t even sound like a name. Maybe Gwyneth just really loves apples but it's still not a good reason to name your child after your favorite fruit. We wonder if Apple would consider changing her name when she’s older.
24 Kim Kardashian And Kanye West’s Daughter, North
When everyone found out that Kim Kardashian was pregnant for the first time, Hollywood basically went nuts. On top of all the tabloid excitement over her pregnancy, everyone who follows the Kardashians just knew that Kim would come up with a silly name for her baby. After all, this is Kim Kardashian we’re talking about—she’s known for being entertaining, not for having common sense. Kim and Kanye West actually decided to name their daughter North based on a tabloid rumor. Basically, a tabloid reported that they were considering the name, and at first, they simply laughed about it. But a few of their friends said that they actually liked that name, so the couple decided to go with it. It would have been cute for them to choose a name that started with a K, but it seems like they wanted to break the tradition and do something new.
23 Jessica Simpson And Eric Johnson’s Son, Ace Knute
The Simpson girls are known throughout Hollywood for choosing strange names for their children. Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson decided to name their son Ace Knute. Here’s the thing—Ace isn’t actually such a horrible first name. Sure, it’s a little trendy and might sound odd when he grows older, but overall, it’s not too bad. But we have to take issue with that middle name. Knute? Seriously? Is that even a name, or is it just a strange little word that Jessica and Eric made up? It sounds like the name of a lizard — it’s pronounced just like the word "newt" but they changed up the spelling, perhaps to make it look a little more sophisticated. Well, Ace might be able to avoid any mocking for his first name, but you know how kids get super embarrassed about their weird middle names — we’re guessing he’s not a fan of his.
22 Jena Malone And Ethan DeLorenzo’s Son, Ode Mountain
You probably remember Jena Malone for her role in The Hunger Games, and with her affinity for playing strong female characters, it seemed like she would choose a dignified name for any kid that she had. When she and her (now ex) husband Ethan DeLorenzo found out that they were having a son, they settled on the name Ode Mountain. Now, this is definitely a strong name, but, um, Jena, real life isn’t The Hunger Games. Maybe something like this would have sounded great for a fictional character in a movie, but not for a little boy in the real world! It seems like she intended the name to express her love of nature — if someone wrote an ode to a mountain, they would probably be stating their love for the mountains. Although it is a somewhat poetic phrase, it simply does not sound right as a name for a little boy.
21 Ashlee Simpson And Pete Wentz’s Son, Bronx Mowgli
First of all, let’s just have a moment of silence for that strange period of time in the early 2000's when Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz were actually married. Okay, now back to talking about the weird name they gave their son. Ashlee and Pete named their only child Bronx Mowgli. Now, Bronx isn’t such a bad name, compared to the names that many other celebrities give their children. It’s definitely a bit trendy but it’s also kind of cute. However, combined with that middle name, Mowgli, it just sounds awkward. Pete Wentz said that he and Ashlee chose the middle name Mowgli because they both bonded over their love of the movie The Jungle Book. That’s kind of sweet, but did they really have to give their kid that middle name? What if Bronx Mowgli decides that he actually hates The Jungle Book?
20 Ashlee Simpson And Evan Ross’s Son, Jagger Snow
We had a lot of fun jamming to Ashlee Simpson’s catchy radio hits back in the early 2000's, but while this girl was great at putting out pop tunes that got the whole room dancing, she absolutely screwed up when it came to naming her kids. We’ve already talked about how she named her son with Pete Wentz Bronx Mowgli. But what about the name she gave her second kid? Ashlee later went on to divorce Pete, and she ended up marrying the actor, Evan Ross. The couple had a son together named Jagger Snow. Now, we understand that Ashlee is in the music business, and Mick Jagger is a music legend, but is that really a good reason to name your son after him? We’re going to go ahead and say no. Plus, giving your kid the middle name “Snow” just makes him sound like a character on Game of Thrones.
19 Sam Worthington And Laura Bingle’s Son, Rocket Zot
When you were a little kid, you probably had moments when you wished you could change your name to something a little cooler. Thankfully we weren’t allowed — imagine if you could have picked your own name as a kid? Well, it might have sounded a lot like the name that Sam Worthington and Laura Bingle gave to their son! This couple named their son Rocket Zot. Now, as a little boy, having the name “Rocket” probably makes you feel like the coolest kid in the room. Who wouldn’t want to be named after a rocket? But as this kid grows up, he is probably not going to be so happy with his name — ESPECIALLY his middle name. Did his parents really not consider the fact that “zot” is only one letter away from the word “zit?” We’re going to say no. This name has way too much potential for teasing.
18 Zooey Deschanel And Jacob Pechenik’s Daughter, Elsie Otter
What else would you expect from Zooey Deschanel? This woman is known for playing quirky, adorkable characters in movies and TV shows. She has basically earned a reputation as Hollywood’s real-life “Manic Pixie Dream Girl.” So when everyone found that she was pregnant, we knew that the name was going to be a little different than anything you would find in a baby name book. Zooey and her husband Jacob Pechenik named their daughter Elsie Otter. Elsie is a perfectly fine first name, so we’ll give her that — but the word “Otter” is just not acceptable as a middle name. Zooey says that the inspiration for the name came from sea otters, but she didn’t want to make her daughter’s first name “Sea,” so she chose Elsie instead. It’s a cute idea, but that middle name is just too much. No little kid wants to admit their middle name is Otter.
17 Jamie Oliver And Juliette Norton’s Daughter, Petal Blossom Rainbow
Jamie Oliver is a famous chef who is known for two main things — his incredible cooking skills, and the weird names that he has given to all five of his children. Seriously, not a single one of the Oliver kids have a normal name, and they all could have easily earned a spot on this list. But for now, we’re just going to focus on the name that he and his wife, Juliette Norton, gave one of their daughters. They decided to call her Petal Blossom Rainbow. Um, is she a Powerpuff Girl, or a real kid? Seriously, this name sounds like something that a couple who met at a hippie commune back in the 1960s would come up with. It also kind of sounds like the name of a cartoon character. Either way, this poor girl is probably going to be a bit embarrassed growing up with that name.
16 Pharrell Williams and Helen Lasichanh’s Son Rocket Ayr
Pharrell Williams is basically one of the most famous and successful guys in the music industry. He has worked with pretty much everyone, and do you remember when his song “Happy” came out? You couldn’t turn on the radio without hearing it! You might think that a guy who's been so successful could also succeed at coming up with a decent name for his son, but that’s not always how it works out. In fact, Pharrell and his wife Helen Lasichanh gave their son the same name as another celeb kid on this list. Yup, that’s right, they named their son Rocket. And his middle name is just as bad as Rocket Zot’s. This kid’s middle name is Ayr! We get the concept — a rocket shoots up into the air. Pharrell says that his son’s name is meant to represent shooting for success, but he was already set up for that.
15 Ginger Spice And Sacha Gervasi’s Daughter, Bluebell Madonna
The Spice Girls were the most successful girl group of all time. They sold millions of albums, toured the whole world countless times, and for a while, everyone had a favorite Spice Girl! If you were obsessed with Ginger Spice (whose real name is Geri Halliwell), you may know that she now has a daughter with her ex-boyfriend, Sacha Gervasi. And what did she name her daughter? Well, try not to cringe, but her daughter’s name is Bluebell Madonna. We get why Geri would want to name her daughter after a music icon. Madonna is also a world-famous singer, who Geri probably looks up to. But how about that first name, Bluebell? Geri says that she liked the idea of naming her daughter after a flower, but was Bluebell really the best choice for that? What about Rose, Rosie, or even Rosemary? Sometimes we don’t understand what goes through these celebs’ heads.
14 Bob Geldof and Paula Yates’s Daughter, Fifi Trixibelle
Bob Geldof is one of the most successful musicians to ever come out of Ireland. He’s had a long and storied life. He is also the father of three daughters, all of whom had strange names. But for now, we’ll just focus on one. Bob’s ex-wife Paula Yates gave birth to their first daughter in 1983. And what did they choose to name their first child? Fifi Trixibelle. We have so many problems with this name that we do not even know where to begin. First of all, let’s just point out the obvious — Fifi Trixibelle honestly sounds like a dog’s name. Can’t you just imagine calling out “Fifi!” and seeing a fluffy little Pomeranian running towards you? Trixibelle also sounds like it could be a dog’s name, maybe for a poodle who really likes to be pampered. As a general rule, giving your kid a dog’s name is a bad move.
13 Steven Spielberg And Kate Capshaw’s Daughter, Destry
Steven Spielberg is one of the most popular and successful directors of all time. His movies are often regarded as masterpieces. Working for him is probably an intimidating experience, so we can’t imagine what it’s actually like to be his kid! Spielberg has seven children with two different women, and we can imagine that they’ve been under a lot of pressure to be successful for their entire lives. So, what did this incredibly talented director decide to name his children? Well, you might be surprised by a few of his choices. Spielberg’s youngest daughter with his current wife, Kate Capshaw, is named Destry. We are one hundred percent sure that this just a weird word that they made up because we have literally never heard of that name before. Honestly, it just sounds like a messed-up version of the name Destiny, which would have actually been a much better choice.
12 Beyonce And Jay-Z’s Daughter, Blue Ivy
Sorry, Beyonce, we love you, and we know that you’re one of the most incredible women in the music industry, but we did have to give you a spot on this list. When Beyonce got pregnant for the first time, everyone freaked out. We all knew that this kid was destined for stardom, and we were all wondering what the child's name would be. Beyonce kept us in suspense for nine months, and finally, her daughter came into the world. Everyone was a little surprised to hear what her name would be: Blue Ivy. Now, is it this as bad as many of the other names on the list? Definitely not. But Beyonce and Jay-Z made a big mistake when choosing this name because once again, it kind of sounds like a dog’s name. Remember the show Blue’s Clues? Maybe Ivy would have been a better first name.
11 Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt’s Daughter, Shiloh Nouvel
We know, we know, it’s hard to even talk about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt because everyone was so heartbroken about their divorce. But let’s throw it back to happier times for Angie and Brad, when they were busy being in love and adopting kids from all over the world. Angie and Brad have been known for allowing their children to pick their own nicknames as they got older. Angie gave birth to their daughter Shiloh Nouvel in Namibia to avoid the media frenzy surrounding her pregnancy, and we have the same criticism of this name that we have had of some of the other names on the list. Once again, this girl has a popular name for dogs. Shiloh isn’t an awful name, but honestly, it’s not a great name either. Celebs need to put a little more careful thought into naming their kids!
10 Spike Lee And Tonya Lewis’s Daughter, Satchel
Spike Lee has directed a number of popular films, and unlike many men in Hollywood, he has only married one woman, and he is still with her to this day! Congratulations, Spike and Tonya Lewis—this shouldn’t be regarded as a huge accomplishment, but in today’s society, it definitely is, especially for a celebrity! Spike and Tonya’s first daughter was given an unfortunate first name — Satchel. Yup, we know it sounds like a purse. Satchel isn’t really even a name. It’s a term for a bag! It’s a nice sounding word, but that doesn’t mean that it works as a name. Now, we highly doubt that anyone actually teased Satchel about her name while she was growing up, because who would want to pick on Spike Lee’s daughter? But if she wasn’t Spike’s kid, she definitely would have been mocked. Satchel won’t be topping the list of popular names any time soon!
9 Penn And Emily Jillette’s Daughter, Moxie Crime Fighter
Penn Jillette is one half of the skeptical comedy duo, Penn and Teller. These two have spent years debunking myths and making fun of some of the crazy ideas that are popular in our society. It’s obvious that they’re not really interested in following the heard — in fact, most of the time, they’re doing their best to go against it! So it’s clear that when Penn became a dad, he wasn’t going to give his daughter a typical girl’s name. Nope, Penn and his wife, Emily Jillette, decided to name their daughter Moxie CrimeFighter. We’ve got to admit, Moxie is kind of a cute first name, even if it is a little silly. It will definitely sound a bit strange when she’s older, though. However, her middle name, CrimeFighter, is just off the wall. Who decided that this was a good idea? There’s no way she’ll escape being teased over that.
8 Jason Lee And Beth Riesgraf’s Son, Pilot Inspektor
Alright, take a deep breath and get ready to hear one of the weirdest names on this list, because you are about to burst out laughing once you find out what Jason Lee and his wife Beth Riesgraf named their son. They chose the name Pilot Inspektor. Yes, you are reading that correctly. They actually decided that out of all the possible names in the entire world, Pilot Inspektor was the best name for their son. How can you carry a baby for nine months, give birth to him, look at that precious newborn sleeping in your arms (or maybe crying), and then say, “Yup, Pilot Inspektor would be a perfect fit.” We genuinely do not understand what in the world these two were thinking when they decided on this name. It makes no sense — there is no such thing as a “pilot inspector” — and it doesn’t sound good, either.
7 Nicholas Cage And Alice Kim’s Son, Kal-El
Nicholas Cage must be a big fan of Superman because he decided to name his son Kal-El. For those of you who aren’t big fans of superhero comic books or movies, we’ll give a little background explanation on where this name comes from. This is Superman’s real name in the original comic book series. Nicholas Cage’s son’s full name is actually Kal-El Coppola Cage. Okay, we’ve got to give him credit for one thing — his son’s full name does flow nicely. But Kal-El is kind of an awkward, clunky first name. There were probably other decent names from the Superman series that he could have chosen for his son if he really wanted to make that connection. Kal-El’s middle name is clearly a nod to the director, Francis Ford Coppola, one of the most important film directors of all time. Basically, this kid’s whole name is a reference to other people!
6 Sting And Frances Tomelty’s Daughter, Fuchsia Catherine
With a name like “Sting,” it’s pretty obvious that this famous musician wasn’t going to be giving his children normal names. Sting’s real name is actually Gordan Sumner, but he says that he hasn’t answered to the name “Gordon” in years — in fact, he even says that if hears someone call out “Gordon!” he would probably just walk right by without realizing they were talking to him! Naturally, his kids were going to have pretty wacky names. His first daughter with his ex-wife, Frances Tomelty, is named Fuchsia Catherine! Fuchsia is a fun shade of pink, but it doesn’t work so well as a name. Sure, there are lots of little girls out there who would love to be named after the color pink, but is it really the smartest idea? Hmmm, no. This name probably sounded much stranger as she grew up—maybe she just goes by Catherine now.
5 Gwen Stefani And Gavin Rossdale’s Son, Zuma Nesta Rock
Gwen Stefani is known for being a bit quirky — remember her love of the Japanese Harajuku Girls? Gwen and her husband Gavin Rossdale have a son together named Zuma Nesta Rock. Wow, there is a lot going on in that name. First of all, does any kid really need two middle names? No. In fact, kids usually feel embarrassed about their middle names, so why give them two and make it worse? “Nesta” and “Rock” aren’t exactly the type of middle names that a kid could say with a straight face but that’s not even the worst part of this name. This poor guy’s first name is Zuma. It reminds us of the name of the shoe store, Zumiez. Honestly, it sounds more like the name of a brand or even a city than the name of a kid. It’s clearly a name that Gwen and Gavin made up.
4 Mariah Carey And Nick Cannon’s Son, Moroccan Scott
Is anything about Mariah Carey’s life normal? Absolutely not. So why would she give her kid a normal name? That would actually be more shocking. Mariah has been married twice, and she has two children. Mariah had her son, Moroccan Scott, with her ex-husband Nick Cannon. Now, that’s an interesting choice for a name! Neither Mariah or Nick are Moroccan, although, both of them do have African-American heritage. So, how did they come up with this name? What is their connection to Morocco? It turns out, neither of them has any real ties to this country. Nick says that they decided on this name because he proposed to Mariah in a “Moroccan style room.” Well, that’s one way of naming your kids, but it’s clearly not the best way. This is actually a case where the kid would have been better off with his middle name as his first name!
3 Chris Brown And Nia Guzman’s Daughter, Royalty
Chris Brown has been known as a “bad boy” in Hollywood for the past few years — and no, we don’t mean that in a funny, endearing way. For a while, it really seemed like Chris’s career was over due to the fact that he abused his ex-girlfriend, Rihanna. He has made a comeback with his music recently, but has he really changed his ways? We’re not sure, but we hope that he has — after all, he does have a daughter now. Chris and his ex-girlfriend Nia Guzman have a daughter named Royalty. Yup, her name is literally just Royalty — you read that right. It seems like giving your daughter a name like “Royalty” means that she is destined to be a diva. Many people think that children do live up to their names, so if that turns out to be true, naming your daughter Royalty might not be the best idea!
2 David Duchovny And Tea Leoni’s Son, Kyd
Sometimes, naming your child something simple is just the best way to go. There are all kinds of short, classic names out there that will sound good during any phase of life. A name like Michael, Nick, or James is always a safe bet for a guy. Naming your daughter something like Anna, Maria, or Elizabeth will always be in style. But if you really want to go the easy route, just take a look at what David Duchovny and Tea Leoni named their son. David and Tea decided to name their son Kyd. And yes, it is pronounced “kid.” So they had a kid and chose to name him exactly what he was — a kid. Okay, we have to admit that this is pretty funny, but it’s still not a smart idea. Imagine being thirty years old and having to introduce yourself to someone as “Kyd?” Yea, that’s awkward!
1 Frank Zappa And Adelaide Sloatman’s Daughter, Diva Thin Muffin
Frank Zappa was a musician and filmmaker, and he was widely known for being a nonconformist. He did not care about following the crowd or paying attention to trends — he did things his own way and didn’t care what society thought of him. Clearly, this mindset worked out for him just fine, because he was very successful throughout his life. However, you already know that a guy like this would come up with some very, um, creative names for his kids. Frank had four children, and every single one of them had a weird name. The worst was probably his daughter, Diva Thin Muffin. We have no idea what would have inspired him and his wife, Adelaide Sloatman, to choose such a name for their daughter. Sometimes we can’t believe it’s even legal to give your kid a name like that! Well, you’ve got to admit that it’s a unique choice.