Although he was given generous visitation rights, Tom Cruise really has not been a part of his daughter's life since his divorce from Katie Holmes. In fact, recently, it was reported that Suri was disappointed, yet again, this year on her 12th birthday because her father did not show up to see her. Of course, he sent her a nice, expensive present, but all she wants is to see her daddy again. Unfortunately, she's technically been labeled an enemy of Scientology, which Cruise is a loyal member of, and that means that he really cannot have a relationship with her.
Since the action movie star is a member of the controversial group, he, obviously, has his own set of beliefs on how a child should be raised that differed very greatly from Katie's. Scientologists believe that children should be treated like adults, and as such, they are not coddled or comforted like a normal child would be. Instead, they are put to work. Tom raised his first two children that he adopted with Nicole Kidman on these principles and believed he would do the same with Suri. Katie loves being a mother and has placed an importance on having a close bond with her daughter and her overall happiness— both things that Scientologists do not value. However, Katie has been questioned about her own parenting techniques, which include bottle-feeding Suri until the age of three and allowing her to wear makeup at the age of five. Here are 10 parenting rules that Tom Cruise follows and 10 that Katie Holmes abides by.
20 Tom Believes That Kids Should Be Treated Like Adults
Children in Scientology are not treated like kids. In fact, L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the church, has written a lot about raising children, saying that they are no different than adults and that they are just occupying smaller bodies than a full-grown human. This leads to the inappropriate treatment of children within the church, which can range from parents putting their young kids to work to not providing them with the proper emotional support and in many cases, leaving them subject to abuse.
Children's minds are, obviously, still developing and they are actually vastly different than a middle-aged person who has had life experiences. Anyone with common sense could see that. But somehow, L. Ron Hubbard has convinced Scientologists, including Tom Cruise, to avoid babying their children and to treat them just like they would treat anyone else. According to Anti Dianetics, children were often put to work— doing anything from shovelling gravel to clerical work— for sometimes up to 40 to 60 hours a week, which is considerably more than most average full-time jobs, and we are talking about kids. Children are also encouraged to write up "security checks" on their friends and family members, just like adults were, which created a sort of "tattletale" environment.
19 Katie Bottle-Fed Suri Until She Was 3, Despite Advice Against It
Katie's parenting techniques have been criticized in the past. Now, we are not doubting that she is a loving and caring mother, but some of these things, like allowing Suri to drink from a bottle until she was three, are a bit questionable. Little Suri Cruise was photographed by the paparazzi until the ripe age of three, sucking on her beloved bottle.
Some may agree that a bottle can provide comfort for a child, but most childcare experts and paediatricians agree that parents should start to wean their babies off of the bottle at around 12 months.
According to Us Weekly, Dr. Charlotte Cowan, a paediatrician and the author of popular parenting books, said, "Most paediatricians recommend a bottle should be given up by age one — almost certainly by 18 months." However, she also theorized that Suri may have been kept on a bottle for so long because of the family's frequent traveling, "When babies are challenged, their diet is upset, their sleep is upset," so it may have just been easier for Katie to feed her with a bottle. Still, that does not mean it was necessarily the best option for her daughter. Thankfully, Suri is well beyond her bottle years and has developed a healthy appetite on her own.
18 Tom Would Not Take Suri To The Doctor
Scientologists are strongly opposed to psychiatric care. In fact, they refer to psychiatrists as some of the evilest people in the world. Any member of the Church of Scientology who is caught going to therapy or receiving medication for a mental illness could be expelled from the organization and labeled as an enemy. The church is also not the biggest fan of traditional doctors, and they would suggest trying any and all things before visiting your general practitioner or allowing them to prescribe medication.
Scientologists believe that they have the ability to fix any injury or illness within themselves with the power of their own being.
This, of course, is not true, which leads to the suffering of many, who continuously try to cure their own ailments. Anti Dianetics revealed that children would not be tended to or brought to be looked at by a professional if they were injured. Instead, the child would be made to do a "contact assist," which basically meant they were to hit the spot that hurt over and over until it felt better. This just caused a lot of kids to lie to their parents, saying they felt healed because they would not have stopped otherwise.
17 Katie Allowed Her Daughter To Start Wearing Makeup At The Age Of 5
Like we said, some of Katie's parenting decisions have been a bit... questionable— that's the nicest way to put it. Holmes has been known to have been allowing her daughter to wear makeup since the age of five! Most girls don't even start playing around with mascara until they are at least 12.
In 2010, Suri was even spotted at Sephora, going on a full-out shopping spree, spending thousands of dollars, according to Hollywood Life, and she was probably only five or six at the time. Must be nice, huh, Suri?
Now, all mothers want their daughters to grow up believing that they are beautiful and special, right? But when we start allowing young girls to wear full faces of makeup so early on in life, it teaches them that this is how they need to look in order to be pretty, which is not the case. Children should be able to play and enjoy their youth without worrying about what they look like, as they will have plenty of time to fret over their appearance as an adult. Is Katie robbing Suri of her childhood? Or is she simply allowing her to play some dress-up and experiment with fun looks?
16 Tom Does Not Provide His Children With Emotional Support
As previously mentioned, parents who belong to the Church of Scientology do not believe that they need to provide their children with any physical affection or loving, emotional support. Children are recognized as spiritual beings, occupying young bodies, according to Scientology Newsroom, and as such, they are on their own spiritual journey within the Church of Scientology— they could not possibly need or want their mommies or daddies— could they?
Most children in Scientology are encouraged to join the Sea Org, which is an organization consisting of individuals who have given their lives to volunteering for the church, signing a billion year contract.
Once the children are a part of the Sea Org, it is pretty unlikely that they will ever have a normal relationship with their parents ever again. Tom's first two children, Isabella and Connor, were made to join the Sea Org. People basically believe that the children were brainwashed there because afterward, they would not speak to their mother, Nicole Kidman, who had been labeled a Suppressive Person after divorcing Tom. The traditional family unit is not valued in Scientology, and a close bond between parents and children is not exactly encouraged. There have been many reports of parents joining Scientology, only to become distant from their own children and an aloof figure in their lives.
15 Katie Has Been Buying Her Daughter Designer Shoes Since She Was A Tot
Suri Cruise is definitely one of the best-dressed celebrity children around. Her mother, Katie, has been spoiling her since the day she came out of her womb. Suri has been rocking designer shoes, which cost thousands of dollars, for as long as she has been alive! At the age of five, it was reported by The Daily Mail that she already had a $150,000 shoe collection. She's sporting high-end labels like Christian Louboutin and Marc Jacobs, of course, many of which were custom-made for the tiny tot.
Suri has everything from kitten heels to sneakers, and flip-flops to Ugg boots— there is no event that Suri Cruise won't have the perfect shoes for!
Now, buying children expensive, designer shoes does not exactly seem like a cost-effective activity, seeing as children's feet (and bodies, for that matter) are constantly growing, so they are constantly sizing out of their shoes. This means that there must be a consistent flow of incoming designer shoes for Suri Cruise on a monthly (or dare we say, weekly?) basis. She definitely does not have to worry about getting bored of her styles because she'll outgrow them soon enough and get to go pick out a new pair!
14 Tom Subjects His Kids To Auditing, Too
Because children are treated no differently than adults in the Church of Scientology, they are also subject to a regressive therapy technique called auditing. L. Ron Hubbard claimed that auditing was a way for Scientologists to "get clear," by revealing all of their past grievances and clearing their minds. People have to sit with someone who will ask them questions while they hold on to an electropsychometer, also known as an E-meter, which supposedly measures the changes in small electrical currents in the body, according to Rolling Stone. This is supposed to prevent people from lying as they are disclosing the answers to the questions they are being asked by the Scientology official.
If you thought getting away with mischief when you were a kid was tough, that's nothing compared to what a Scientologist kid goes through.
They are constantly questioned about their whereabouts and activities, and sometimes, they can even be coerced into admitting something that they didn't do. Of course, auditing is really just a way for the church to know everything that is going on with all of their members at all times and having the detailed information they would need to blackmail someone who was trying to leave or harm the church.
13 Katie Spoils Suri With Shopping Sprees
As we mentioned, Suri Cruise has a shoe collection that anyone would envy. So of course, her wardrobe is similar. Katie makes sure that her daughter is always the best-dressed child in the room. The two enjoy wearing matching outfits and playing dress-up—all of which sounds like it would be incredible, while draped in designer threads.
Suri owns some pretty outlandish items that no normal child would ever be able to get their hands on. For instance, Suri was gifted a $62,000 diamond-encrusted tiara and a toy SUV that is worth 12,000, according to The Daily Mail. Katie believes in letting her daughter experiment with her fashion sense so she let her pick out her own clothes to wear when she was younger and genuinely seems to value her opinion. She'll even pick out stuff for her mom to wear. Suri's wardrobe has been estimated to have a value of over $3.2 million, which is insane, considering her age.
She's 12 now, so she is definitely developing her own sense of style and has the freedom to buy whatever she wants!
She is also set to get $10 million when she turns 21, which will surely help to support her shopping addiction.
12 Tom Does Not Let His Children Ask Questions
Children might be treated like adults, in the sense that they are put to work and are provided with no emotional support, but they are not privy to all of the information that the adults have. Tom's children are not allowed to question Scientology in any way, or else they will not be a part of his life— just look at what happened to Suri. After Katie divorced Tom and refused to allow the Church of Scientology to be a part of her or her daughter's life, Tom stopped being an involved father. When the actor divorced Nicole Kidman, his children sided with him and lived with him, participating in Scientology, so losing his daughter, Suri, to his Suppressant ex-wife had to have been painful for him.
Once someone has turned their back on the church, there is no returning from that. Suri is also not able to ask her father any questions she may have regarding her parents' divorce and, unfortunately, she may never get the answers that she needs from him.
There was once a time when the actor would speak about her nonstop in the media, and now, he never even utters her name, according to Baby Gaga.
11 Katie Lets Suri Go Wherever She Wants, Whenever She Wants
Now that Suri is no longer a tiny tot, she has the ability to go wherever she wants, whenever she wants, thanks to the bodyguards and caretakers who Katie has hired to keep her safe, according to In Touch Weekly. In fact, Suri has a lot more freedom than most 12-year-olds–surely, more than she would have had if she were growing up as a member of the Sea Org and in Scientology with her father, Tom. Suri pretty much has access to her mother's bank account and can go anywhere she pleases at the snap of a finger.
She definitely does not need her mother's permission or accompaniment to venture out on her own.
Hopefully, this will teach Suri to be more independent but it might end up turning her into a spoiled brat... only time will tell. Katie has done a lot to provide her daughter with a more "regular" life after her divorce from Cruise but some things, like having personal security, are not really an option when you are a public figure, so Holmes is likely just trying to keep her kid safe in the city. However, it is more than likely that now that she does not have Tom's big budget for security, she has been taking a more hands-on approach.
10 Tom Believes That People, Including Children, Are Responsible For Things That Happen To Them
Scientologists have a belief that says that every individual is responsible for everything that happens to them— good or bad— whether they are an adult or a child. This kind of belief can have a whole host of issues. For instance, in the former Scientologist and fellow celebrity, Leah Remini's, docu-series, Scientology and the Aftermath, one person revealed that they had gone to their mother, telling her that they were being hurt and abused. This person (who was a child at the time) was told that they brought that onto themselves and was provided with no help to escape the situation.
Scientologists are also made to believe that the criminal justice system is not reliable and that crimes committed by members are to be handled within the church, Rolling Stone reported. These people, children included, are taught that when bad things happen to them, it is a result of their past crimes from a former life. Oh, and the only way to make yourself feel better? Pay to take more Scientology courses, of course! Children inside this organization obviously grow up to feel as if anything horrible that happens to them is their own fault, which can cause a lot of issues later on in life yet. This is what Tom would subject his children to.
9 Katie Encourages Suri To Participate In Extra-Curricular Activities
Unlike in Scientology, where children are only told to focus on Scientology, Katie believes that it is important for her daughter to participate in extra-curricular activities outside of school. Suri has been spotted leaving gymnastics classes and dance rehearsals with her mother, Katie. The actress has previously revealed that her daughter "loves ballet." According to HotBaby.com, Dr. Jonathan Alpert, a social psychotherapist, has said, "Ballet is a great way for kids to learn about discipline and, even more importantly, self-confidence." It is always good to get children involved in a variety of activities at a young age, so they can learn what they do and do not like, as well to help them learn what their individual skills may be.
Holmes loves raising her daughter in Manhattan because of all the culture and opportunities that await them each and every day. She encourages her Suri to take advantage of all of the potentially amazing experiences she could have. The mother-daughter duo enjoy going to museums on the weekend and checking out art. She told People the reason she loved the city, saying, "There is so much at your fingertips," adding, "we just saw the Picasso exhibit" and that she loves "the Natural History Museum.
8 Tom Does Not Allow His Children Freedom
Scientology is, obviously, a huge part of Tom Cruise's life. It is such a major part that he is willing to forgo his family if need be. Tom's children did not grow up with any freedoms that normal children do. Children are made to take Scientology courses just like adults, as they are seen to be on their own spiritual paths as well. If they decided to question his faith or his religion, they were ostracized immediately.
Kids are taught to live, sleep, and breathe Scientology. In fact, a lot of them don't even get a traditional education!
Children that grow up within the Church of Scientology do not have a fun upbringing, to say the least, and personal freedom is not something that is allowed for any members of Scientology, let alone children, according to Rolling Stone. For a long time, Tom's older children, Connor and Isabella, were forced to abide by their father's rules and had to live within the societal expectations of Scientology. He attempted to provide Suri with a similar upbringing but could not convince Katie to let Suri join the Sea Org. Now that Suri is in her mother's hands full-time, she will, fortunately, know what it is like to have her own personal freedom but had she grown up in Tom's house, the same cannot be said.
7 Katie Believes That Suri's Happiness Is Key
Katie Holmes one and only parenting rule: Suri's happiness is key. It's pretty clear that we cannot say the same about her father, Tom. For Katie, Suri comes first over everything and anything else, which is not the case for Cruise, who places an overall importance on Scientology. According to TODAY, Katie has said in the past that she listens to her daughter, which is why their bond is so close. She also rewards her for her hard work, teaches her the meaning of an accomplishment, and always takes her opinion into consideration.
It is also important for her to help Suri grow into a well-rounded individual, so she has said that she does a lot to "put life in perspective" for her daughter by volunteering and doing "small acts of kindness," which teaches Suri the importance of being a good and decent human being.
While she has been questioned for a lot of the parenting decisions that she made early on in Suri's life, she has said that every mothers' number one job is to "raise good humans" and that is exactly what she is trying to do.
She does not take the criticism too harshly and chooses to do whatever is best for Suri when it comes to raising her.
6 Tom Thinks That Children, In General, Are A Distraction
By now, you can clearly tell that children don't have the best reputations in Scientology. I mean, they are kids, but they are not treated like them, but they are also not allowed to do all of the things that adults are. As proven in Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, the religion basically has no respect for traditional family units, they do not value having close parental bonds with your children, and as a result, many children are neglected.
Scientologists basically believe that children are a nuisance, or a distraction, from the greater good or the higher mission. Adults are too focused on their own journey within Scientology, taking the courses, and climbing the ranks within the organization so there was not much time to take care of the children properly at the end of the day, Rolling Stone reported. Of course, a celebrity like Tom Cruise may hire a nanny or something, but still, it is unlikely that his kids would ever receive the appropriate amount of attention from their father because he is too busy doing things for Scientology.
5 Having A Strong Mother/Daughter Bond Is Important To Katie
Having a close-knit bond with her daughter is very important to Katie Holmes. Clearly, she is aware of what could have happened in the divorce— Suri could have ended up with her father, been forced into the Sea Org, and would not have been allowed to communicate with her mother— so maybe Katie feels even more of a desire to ensure her daughter's happiness. She wants what is best for her daughter and she wants to have a close relationship with her, which is totally normal!
Every mother wants to have a close bond with their daughter, but as we know, things can happen, just look at Nicole Kidman, who wasn't even invited to her and Tom's daughter, Isabella's wedding in 2015. Katie also has a deep desire to be like her own mother, who she has a close relationship with, according to People. She admired her for being so "kind" and having such a "pure heart." It is important for Katie's whole family to be close, so her mother (Suri's grandmother) visits often. Katie has said, "It's always a blessing to be able to have time with my mom." Hopefully, Suri will feel the same way about her own mom someday!
4 Tom Teaches His Kids That Leaving The Church Is A Bad Thing To Do
Clearly, Scientology is number one in Tom Cruise's life— even above his children. The Church of Scientology basically teaches its members that leaving the religion, or even thinking about leaving, is the most shameful thing a person can ever possibly do. Of course, they begin to engrain this in their members' minds from a young age, so kids are instilled with fear to prevent them from thinking about leaving. They hammer this into their brains with the hope that one day, they will not become rational and exit the group on their own.
As children, Scientologists are able to keep them in the organization, as long as their parents are a part of it but once they are adults, they are free to do as they please. Their goal is to get into their heads while they are young and impressionable. It is surely something that Tom has tried to convince his children from a young age and it seemed to have worked with his first two children, Isabella and Connor, as they are still Scientologists, according to The Daily Mail, but Suri was taken out of the situation before she would even have to make the choice of whether to stay or leave the church.
3 Katie Is Introducing New Parental Figures Into Suri's Life
It has been a long time coming, but five years after her divorce from Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes has finally been spotted publicly with her long-time rumored boyfriend, Jamie Foxx. It was highly assumed that the two celebrities were romantically involved for some time now, but Katie and Jamie were not going to go public with their relationship until they were ready—or... allowed?
It was widely rumored that Katie may have signed some kind of a clause in her divorce agreement that did not allow her to date anyone publicly for five years, according to The Daily Beast. Although they have now attended a few public events together, the couple still refuse to speak about their relationship. Jamie has two children on his own, one daughter who is in her twenties but another who is 8, which is closer in age to Suri. It can only be assumed that, since the two have supposedly been together for so long, Jamie and Suri have been introduced. According to Hollywood Life, Jamie is a "family man" and "things are finally starting to get a little easier" with him around. It will probably be beneficial for Suri to have an upstanding male figure in her life.
2 Tom Does Not Allow His Kids To Interact With Suppressive People (Including Family)
One thing that Tom Cruise made vehemently clear when he divorced his second wife, Nicole Kidman, was that his children would not be contacting their mother, who had been labeled a "Suppressive Person," also known as an "SP." The couple's adopted children, Isabella and Connor, chose to live with their father after their split, which meant the end of their relationship with their mother. To this day, Nicole has said that she wishes she were closer to her children, according to The Daily Mail. Kidman has even refused to speak publicly about Scientology, as to be respectful of her children's beliefs.
The Church of Scientology has a strict policy, forbidding its members from having contact with suppressive people, which has led to families being torn apart. If one person decides that belonging to the Church of Scientology is no longer the right decision for them, and the rest of their family are still devout believers, they will lose their entire families. Now, we are seeing the opposite happen with Suri, where Tom is refusing to have much contact with her at all because she is technically a suppressive person. Tom wanted Suri to be a part of the church and to be a part of his life, but once Katie drew the line, he was done with both of them.
1 Katie Teaches Suri Not To Regret The Past
One thing that Katie thinks it is especially important for her daughter, Suri, to learn is to not regret the past. What is in the past should be left in the past, and that's that. The Dawson's Creek actress is extremely thankful and fortunate for where she and her daughter are at in their lives and she knows that it would not be this way if it were not for the decisions that she made in the past.
While we can learn from our mistakes, Katie thinks that is important not to hold onto any regrets because we cannot change the things that we have already done. We can only change the way we will do things in the future.
It certainly sounds like as the years have gone by, Katie has learned to value more important things in life than material items and has put a lot of effort into raising Suri to grow into a happy and considerate person. Katie loves her role as a mother and has said that she and Suri have never been happier. Suri misses her father and wishes that he was still a part of her life, according to Hollywood Life, but she knows that is not likely to happen unless he was willing to give up his life as a Scientologist for her. In the meantime, she is happy and healthy, living under Katie's roof and she seems to be doing just fine.