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Nuns Gone Bad: 15 Photos Of Nuns Who DGAF

High Life
Nuns Gone Bad: 15 Photos Of Nuns Who DGAF

The man upstairs sure does love the ladies, doesn’t he? He created them in his image after all, the vain deity. According to stories and bibles, when the big guy felt that Adam needed a friend he simply crafted Eve from one of the guy’s ribs – which is thankfully, no longer an ability we men possess. Clearly he didn’t want Adam to be lonely, nor did he want the great human experience to end with the first couple. So he made Eve into a stone cold fox so the couple could get down…um…Adam and Eve style.

If the great creator did in fact make all of this, then he didn’t want his padres and other men of the cloth to be lonely either and decided that there would be ladies of the church too, Nuns.

As devout to the good word and the good lord that these ladies are, even they need a social life. What, did you think they were all just stuffy old broads who taught Sunday school? They all had senses of humor at one time, and the ones on this list never lost them when they took their oath of chastity to the almighty.

For better or for worse, doing good while being bad, doing the lord’s work, or just having twisted senses of humor, check out 15 Nuns Who Just DGAF.

15. Nuns At The Bar

The Sisters of the Cloth get thirsty too sometimes. Some even want to party while they drink and Communion wine only gets you so far. So it’s off to the local bar for a pint or two. Even though they’re Nuns, guys like the creeper on the right still can’t help but check out the Sisters’ “legs.”

And the lovely penguin ladies don’t mind obliging him, and tongue-in-cheekily giving the come hither over the shoulder stare and smile. These ladies clearly aren’t the sheepishly uptight stereotypical prudes you’d see teaching Sunday School in the movies with their weaponized rulers.

These ladies know how to have some fun and play with the “sexy nun” fantasy. While none of them would actually go down that “other” territory, at least they all seem to have a good sense of humor about it, and it also makes for a good picture discussing the duality of good and evil, chaste and not so much – but let’s leave that discussion for the scholars.

14. Rock Out With Your Socks Out

As you’re going to learn a lot about nuns while reading this article, even though most nuns live under vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience and dedicate their lives to serving everyone and everything else, a lot of Nuns just like to have fun too – perhaps these nuns are covering the Cyndi Lauper tune, “Nuns Just Want To Have Fun.” (is that how the song went?)

We know that people of the Church love their hymns and their gospel songs and some also love to partake a whole lot more than just drinking the body of Christ – these two ladies are letting their hair down, or at least their feet out, since their hair isn’t allowed to be let loose.

The real interesting question is – just where is that guitar plugged into? With no amplifier in sight, is she playing electric or acoustic and if it’s somewhere else, perhaps that’s why she’s making that wincing face? Similar to the licks of a tootsie pop, the world will never know.

13. Holy Snowball Fights

Every nun at one point in their life was a little girl and every little girl, like every little boy at one point in their life (unless they lived where snow doesn’t exist), experience the joys of playing outside in the snow in the dead of winter. Making snow angels, building snow forts, building Frosty, and then heading inside for some piping hot cocoa to warm up.

The childish feelings never go away when the snow starts to fall. Even when you devote yourself to helping others, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a great snowball fight, perhaps this nun thought smashing her fellow sister in the face would help her, since she’s clearly too busy probably trying to help others by unloading some salt on the ground so no one in the flock slips on the ice when they come to worship.

She needed to be reminded to have some fun, too.

12. Nuns Bumping Nuns

In case you didn’t know Nuns are allowed to drive. They’re more or less allowed to do all kinds of things, but the stereotypes that these ladies have is that they have no interest in fun, and are only devoted to the good lord, so pictures like this one are refreshing.

The neighborhood fair is such a cool thing – most places no longer have smaller, stationary places like Adventureland where kids and parents could go just to have fun. So when the carnies roll into town, where are the fairs usually held? The local church of course!

Why wouldn’t the nuns ride the Zipper, the Pharaoh’s Eye, or the Teacups – they’re all right in their back yard? How about shooting water in the clown’s mouth, or tests of strength? Of course the saintly ladies would want to jump in the classic carnival staple of the bumper cars and smash into one another for funsies. Even nuns get angry from time to time and before beating each other with their rulers they could have their own Grand Theft Auto moment.

11. F– The Bible?

The sisters of the cloth definitely love reading the good book of the lord. One would assume it’s one of their favorite pastimes, right? They could do it anywhere they need to and most know it by heart. Hold their rosary beads, open to their favorite passage and start with a little bit of “the lord is my shepherd” action.

But even the stuffiest of nuns get super annoyed when their being interrupted when they’re reading their favorite piece of literature, fiction or non–fiction. Like the one in this picture, who is just trying to enjoy herself while smoking a cigarette and reading some psalms. When interrupted to take the picture, you get the holiest of bird flips for your error.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but heaven will reject the ever living heck out of you if you disturb a nun reading her tomes.

10. Obligatory Hot Nun

Oh good gawd! In an article of Nuns who DGAF, here’s one that looks like she might give a few (ba-dum-tum drum noise). With Nuns this naughty plus a depraved mind and the thoughts pretty much write themselves. So in the spirit of an old Letterman top 10, here are The Top 10 Captions For This Pic.

10. Kneel Behind Her And Pray

9. Naughty Nun Needs Ruler Discipline

8. Still Mostly Covered, Still Mostly Chaste…Or Not So Much.

7. The Church’s New Recruitment Drive For Young Teenage Altar Boys.

6. The Power Of Lust Compels Her

5. Paradise Found

4. Does That Ring On Your Finger Mean You’re Married To God?

3. Before She’s In God’s Hands, She Could Be In Your’s

2. Dads Are Signing Up For Sunday School

And the number one caption for this picture

1. Oh God, You Devil

9. Have No Fear, Nuns Are Here

If you’ve ever been to one of these church/carnival type of fairs, then you know that sometimes the rides aren’t in that great of shape. It could be quite the scary scenario when and if a ride breaks down and stops while you’re on it – imagine the zipper breaking while you’re in the very top car…and it’s pouring rain and the kid next to you won’t stop spinning the car because he’s terrified.

What if that ride was already nun-tested and nun-approved. Certainly, the ride wouldn’t have any defects if a bride of Christ was on it? You’d be free to not worry, keep calm and ride on. All those horror stories you’ve heard over the years of rides killing people might have been averted if there was a Nun or two aboard the rickety old rides.

Perhaps that should be a new rule at the neighborhood fair ride – Nuns and other church personnel need to test and bless every ride.

8. Nuns With Guns

Brides of Christ unite and take up arms! Who on this mortal coil would dare mess with this holy army of holy mothers? We all know not to mess with a mother protecting her kids, how about a whole slew of nuns protecting their flock?!

More likely than not, the nuns are probably just blasting away at clay pigeons or some other target, but hopefully they’re all great shots since they’re mighty close together. Hopefully they’re good shots in case they’ll ever need to use those shotguns for real one day.

If From Dusk Til Dawn has taught us anything, a blessed bullet in the hands of a blessed soul makes for a “mean mother-f*cking servant of God.”

7. Gatorade’s A Bad Influence

Dollars to donuts, more likely than not everyone knows how cold and wet snow is. Sure when you’re a kid, it’s one of the coolest wonders of the world. But the older you get, the more tedious the giant piles of white stuff get. Building snowmen and heaving snowballs is replaced with plowing roads and shovelling walkways.

Then again, these nuns clearly watch too much of the holy game of football (isn’t that why it’s played on Sundays?) Whenever a team wins the big game, some of the more fun loving members of the team decide to dump a huge vat of Gatorade on their coach.

So then these two sisters of the cloth showed no mercy when it came to romping around in the snow and took a page of out of the NFL players handbook and decided to pretend that they just won the Super Bowl…hopefully the holy “coach” wasn’t reading the bible.

6. Nuns That Bite

The holy ladies can’t all be so holy, and while most of these pictures are just plain old fun, there are few that highlight not giving a f*ck in a different way. In 15th century Europe, there was seemingly an epidemic going on involving nuns biting other nuns. No, they weren’t zombie nuns (that we know of). Justus Friedrich Karl Hecker a physician who died in 1850, quoted 15th century doctor, Jerome Cardan.

A nun in a German nunnery fell to biting all her companions. In the course of a short time all the nuns of this convent began biting each other. The news of this infatuation among the nuns soon spread and it passed convent to convent throughout a great part of Germany principally Saxony…as far as Rome.”

There were several real to surreal reasons given, but as soon as authorities threatened to beat the tar out of any nun who’d bite another nun – things shaped up quickly, who was going to take a whooping in the Dark Ages?

5. Bad A** Hero Nuns

The nuns that are part of the Talitha Kum decided that if people weren’t going to give a f*ck about the very real problem of human trafficking, that they would start giving a f*ck about all of the kidnapped girls.

Like something out of a superhero comic, complete with a super-secret sounding super hero group name, the Talitha Kum is a network of nuns spread across the globe doing their best to stop human trafficking and slavery. According to the group’s spokesman, John Studzinski, “these sisters do not trust anyone. They do not trust government, they do not trust corporations, and they don’t trust the local police. In some cases they cannot trust male clergy. They work in brothels. No one knows they are there.”

Leave it to women who devote their lives to saving and helping others to possibly compromise their own beliefs in order to save and help others out of the hard road to hell.

4. Pot Growing Nuns

More and more in the United States, the stigma of marijuana is fading away almost as fast the smoke from a baked out car fades away. As science keeps finding ways that the plant could help alleviate pain, more states have legalized the drug.

Leave it to uber-progressive California to have uber–progressive pot-growing hippy nuns. The Sisters of the Valley aren’t just growing dope though for recreation, they’re growing them to help people with their suffering – crafting salves, lotions, and tinctures that are grown in Merced and sold on Etsy.

Their product actually has little to no THC, but is still very potent in helping people with their nausea, seizures, anxiety, and depression. The pair are licensed growers and do follow religious tenets and habits but have no affiliation to any religious order.

3. Like A Virgin Nun

Early on in Madonna’s career, Madge would use all kinds sweet, innocent, and religious iconography to get herself over with fans and stir up controversy since controversy does create cash. She also apparently inspired at least one nun with her lyrics to her first hit “Like A Virgin.”

Sister Cristina Scuccia was and is an Italian nun who auditioned for the 2014 season of Italy’s version of The Voice by singing Alicia Keys’ “No One.” Scuccia was either that good or her fellow Italians thought the Holy Father might smite them if they didn’t vote for her because she actually won the whole competition. During auditions, all four judges turned their chairs around and during the competition; she of course sang Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer.”

After winning the whole show, she came out with an album of covers which included the “Queen of Pop’s” classic, “Like a Virgin,” more likely than not, the video is a little more wholesome than Madonna’s.

2. They Pose For Calendars

If you’re reading this thinking what a hilarious gag gift a calendar of these ladies of the church would be, you are in luck, praise Jesus! The girls have had a calendar, “Nuns Having Fun,” for several years now. If you think this list is fun, how about 12 months’ worth of Nuns “behaving badly,” or a desk calendar to have a nun per day.

Besides these 15 shots, the calendars have shots of nuns stand up kayaking, bowling, and even playing croquet. They’re seemingly doing everything to get people to forget that their foremothers had no problem thwacking their students with rulers.

The calendar was the brainchild of Maureen Kelly and Jeffrey Stone, who also co–authored a book of the same title, where they have all kinds of fun facts, which are legit and tongue–in–cheek, like describing different kind of nuns such as sporty nuns and devout nuns.

1. They Rob Banks

Ok so clearly these jerks aren’t actually women of the cloth, but neither was “Miss Sexytime” Nun from an earlier entry. One of the great movies of the past ten years, The Town told the story of four Beantown buddies who grew up learning how to case joints and then come in and rob the place blind. Naturally, one of these guys finally longs to get out of the life.

The film is filled with several harrowing bank robbery action scenes and perhaps the most memorable, especially since it’s splattered all over the posters, is the quartet dressed as nuns with ragged wrinkly old face masks racing through the streets of Boston to get away.

Unfortunately, the movie gave some morons a grand idea of pulling off the same thing in their own town. About a year after the flick came out, two yahoos decide to recreate the film’s most iconic scene and robbed a bank in Palos Heights, Ill.

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