Alright, so you thought you knew all of the celebrity plastic surgery dirt there was to know, didn't you? You knew who did what and when and you often even knew why. Well actually, the “why” is pretty easy now, isn’t it? Celebs get plastic surgery because they can and because Hollywood is a vicious mess of infighting, rumors, and innuendo, especially for female starlets as they age. But anyway, you were keeping up with the Kardashians, as they say, as they glided across your TV screens and into their plastic surgeons’ offices.
And then, in one fell swoop (or maybe swipe, depending on how the surgery actually played out) Kardashian matriarch and “Momager” Kris Jenner had to go ahead and up the ante even more, in fact, to epic proportions. For those of you who have been living under the proverbial entertainment rock, I’m talking of course about Jenner’s reveal on last week’s Keeping Up with the Kardashians, that she has always felt “insecure” about the size of her earlobes and so was getting earlobe reduction surgery to correct the “problem.” About all I can say to that is “Wait, what?” This is some serious next-level plastic surgery ridiculousness. Most normal people (i.e. you and I) hardly, if ever, think about our earlobes. But hey, I guess if you have the time and money to obsess over parts of your body that most of us generally ignore, more power to you.
It got me thinking, though, about some of the more insane plastic surgery stories we have heard from our favorite celebs over the years. There have certainly been many, but here are the 16 most ridiculous ones.
16 Kris Jenner
So Kris Jenner is only the latest in a long line of lady celebs who have gone under the knife as they felt time creeping up on them. Jenner herself isn’t even close to a first-timer which is why last week’s earlobe “tuck” isn’t actually as surprising as it initially seems. For some stars, getting plastic surgery is basically like getting tattoos — it becomes almost an addiction. Now while Jenner’s most recent surgery may seem insane it turns out there are plenty of legit reasons for having it done. One prominent plastic surgeon, Jessica Kulak, says it’s incredibly common: “Both otoplasty [ear pinning] and lobuloplasty [earlobe reduction like Jenner had] are common in my practice. Otoplasty is usually done under sedation and patients will typically take a week off from work, while lobuloplasty is done awake with local in the office. It usually takes around 30 to 40 minutes for both sides and you can go back to work the next day with sutures coming out at a week. Lobuloplasty is also great for earring pull-through injuries or if the earring hole is enlarged from gages or stretched from large earrings that pull down the hole…” Who knew?
15 Caitlyn Jenner
When the former Kardashian/Jenner patriarch (and Olympic gold medalist) decided to embrace his feminine side, the plastic surgeries to follow seemed inevitable. A few years back, she got breast enhancement surgery — perhaps not a horrible idea for a man becoming a lady. But boasting about the surgery on her show I Am Cait and alienating her sons in the process was maybe a bit ridiculous. Then there was the 10-hour feminine facial “transformation” surgery she underwent which may have cost almost $100,000. Last year, the reality star was reportedly considering “more of everything,” which, again, does make a certain amount of sense for a trans in her very public position, but one also has to ask where and when will it all ever stop for her?
14 Kenny Rogers
Kenny Rogers was a country and Western icon back in the day. The guy who wrote “The Gambler” was a full-on legend with the ladies because of his silky-smooth crooner’s voice and his righteously awesome full head of hair, moustache, and beard (Hey, it was the '80s). Rogers was also easily popular with the guys because he came off as such a cool customer. So it’s weird that the tall, handsome, and slightly mysterious hit maker decided to have so many facelifts and turn his classically chiseled face into a puffy mess. Rogers himself seems pretty happy with his choices — he even makes fun of his “obsession” with plastic surgery ,so I guess that’s all that matters.
13 Renée Zellweger
Here are some plastic surgery choices that seem fairly ridiculous. Of course, way back in the day, you, me, and everybody else loved Renee Zellwegger. She was one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood at one point and Bridget Jones’ Diary made her into a huge, huge star. Now when I say she was one of the hottest stars in Hollywood, I definitely don’t mean foxy, though. Zellwegger was never that kind of Angelina Jolie-esque actress. Rather, she cultivated the kind of cute, kind of ditzy girl-next-door persona. She was just as much a great actress as an attractive woman. Then she disappeared from Hollywood for a while, leading to rumors she wasn’t getting parts as she got older. When she returned to the spotlight something was different. A clearly older Zellwegger has also just as clearly had a little help, most noticeably with an eye lift (or so observers said) and a face tuck. She certainly didn’t look awful, but she also sure didn’t look like the fresh-faced, innocent beauty everyone remembered.
12 Donatella Versace
Fashion designer and icon Donatella Versace has only ever admitted to getting Botox injections in her face. Granted, those injections were all over the diva’s face, but she won’t admit to any other, more serious work being done. Now that seems patently ridiculous when you look at her. I mean, no one ages that poorly, do they? Some outlets have reported her post-Botox (sure Donatella, sure) look as “cartoonish” while others have reported it to be “horrifying.” I can’t decide because honestly, I don’t want to look at her visage for that long. What I can’t wrap my head around is why someone would go out of their way to look this bad. Didn’t she do any research into what might happen from these procedures? Or perhaps research a better doctor? Because the fashion house owner is certainly not the epitome of high fashion with that restructured face.
11 Lisa Rinna
Okay Lisa, please, just please, stop messing with your lips — you’re being ridiculous! Lisa made her bones as an actress on Days of Our Lives before marrying Harry Hamlin, the L.A. Law star, like a million years ago. Then she started “shooting up”collagen like it was nobody's business. I will say again, those lips are ridiculous! She seems like a vaguely nice lady, at least as far as anyone who stars in The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills could ever seem that way, but even she knows her sins. She had told In Touch magazine that she had “gone too far” with her plastic surgery and was taking “at least three months off” of a face filler called Juvederm. I don’t know what “Juvederm” is, but I’m pretty sure old Hollywood ladies shouldn’t be endorsing something with “Juvie” in its name.
10 Lil' Kim
I always thought Lil Kim was pretty cool. She was a tough lady rapper at a time when there weren’t many of those around and she also survived a hard upbringing to become a big star. Remember when she used to change out her hair in all of those crazy colors? Remember when she had that number-one hit with Christina Aguilera? Remember when she had to go to jail for covering up a friend’s involvement in a shooting? Yeah, Lil Kim has lived the #ThugLife alright and been hugely successful. She's also, in the past few years, hugely changed her face due to a ridiculous collection of plastic surgeries gone bad, including rhinoplasty and eye lifts, among other things. She also appears to have gone along the “I want white skin” route a little bit too far.
9 Meg Ryan
Perhaps the ultimate America’s sweetheart for many years, Meg Ryan, could do no wrong. When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle, two very different romantic comedies, are still considered standard bearers in that genre — she was that good in both of them and many other romcoms as well, making a lasting mark on movie history. But she also stunned her former fans when the somewhat reclusive actress, who hadn’t made many public appearances recently, started showing up at events a few years back looking like she had taken all the Botox and fillers ever made and had a few nips and tucks as well. Meg has denied surgery, but the once-sweet-faced star definitely looks like someone who has had a lot of work done and also definitely doesn’t look like Meg Ryan. And that my friends, is just ridiculously wrong.
8 Heidi Montag
Do you remember when everyone loved The Hills and Heidi Montag was a huge star? I sure do and it seems like Heidi herself did too. Maybe that’s why she went totally, completely over-the-top crazy about plastic surgery as the show (and her reality star) started to fade. The most noticeably ridiculous surgery Montag had done was a breast augmentation to the tune of a size F. Yes, you read that correctly — she wanted to be huge and she was; until she realized some things are just too big for your own good. However, our gal Heidi also went a little bit wacky, as in ten-plastic-surgeries-in-one-day wacky. I don’t even know how she found the time out of her day to do such a thing, but at least she has enough sense now to say perhaps she wasn’t thinking too clearly when she pulled off that particular stunt.
7 Jennifer Grey
Sometimes it’s not the ridiculous, over-the-top plastic surgeries that hurt a starlet’s career. Sometimes, it’s a seemingly tiny little procedure that messes up everything that they have worked for. That’s exactly what happened to Jennifer Grey, the diminutive star of Dirty Dancing (the real one) alongside Patrick Swayze. Grey became a sensation because of that movie and one of the reasons was her angelic looks, nose bump and all. The problem was she herself hated the bump and decided to try rhinoplasty to correct the perceived imperfection — it’s a fairly common thing for actresses to want to fix their noses. The operation was successful but the fallout? Not so much. It turned out that the adoring public that had made her into a superstar didn’t like her new “slimmer” nose and many people didn’t even recognize her! She struggled to stay relevant when people didn’t remember her with her new nose. Talk about plastic surgery backfiring.
6 Joan Rivers
Now this former “Queen of Mean” was well known for her disdain of people who committed fashion disasters. In fact, Rivers, who got her start as a stand-up when women didn’t do stand-up and was buddies with Johnny Carson, made a career out of making fun of other people. It’s no surprise, then, that she was perfectly able to make fun of her own ridiculous predilection for over-the-top plastic surgeries. Joan didn’t look even remotely like the attractive young woman she started out as in the business by the time she was ripping all and sundry apart on the red carpets of Hollywood. But hey, she always dished against herself more than anyone and that’s gotta count for something, right? Here’s my favorite Rivers self-ridiculing quote: “I wish I had a twin so that I could see what I looked like without plastic surgeries.” Classic Joan.
5 Pamela Anderson
For a certain percentage of the adult male population from a certain time — okay, that number would actually be at about 100 per cent — Pamela Anderson represented the absolute epitome of the hot Hollywood blonde. Forget for a second her ridiculous tape with then-husband Tommy Lee or her various “comebacks” over the years. When Pam was queen of the universe back in the day, it was because she not only rocked that iconic red one-piece on Baywatch, but was also perhaps the greatest Playboy Playmate the world has ever seen. Everybody wanted a piece of Pamela Anderson, quite literally. So a few years ago, when she showed up at Cannes (by the way, come on now! Pamela Anderson at Cannes is like Traci Lords showing up at Sundance) looking like she had just had all the plastic surgery in the world, it was kind of sad, even if Pam looked pretty good. The problem was that she didn’t look like Pamela Anderson (plastic surgery will do that to you) and that was so very, very wrong.
4 Carrot Top
His career high notes (if they could be called that) were before most of our time and I almost feel bad bringing this guy back into the limelight. But the siren call of duty pushes me on. That and the chance to talk about one of the most ridiculous plastic surgery jobs any celeb has ever undertaken. Carrot Top was already a strange, unsettling stand-up comedian — and really not that funny — when he suddenly decided to turn his face into something you might see coming for you in a late night slasher-flick or a Stephen King movie. I mean, he was a weird looking dude to begin with and then he had enough facial reconstruction to join Insane Clown Posse without even dressing up. On top of all the crazy face stuff going on Carrot Top also appeared to have taken everybody’s steroids all at once, causing his body to swell up like a built Jabba the Hutt. He went from looking slightly off-kilter to looking like your worst nightmare. Thanks plastic surgeons!
3 Tara Reid
Tara Reid was hot as hell in American Pie. She seemed like she was the ultimate party blonde and parleyed that look into a huge career. The only problem for Tara was that she actually really was the ultimate ditzy party blonde. She kind of ruined her career by behaving like a totally ridiculous “silly person” (to use the old Monty Python joke) and ended up starring in awful sh*t like Sharknado. Okay, so Sharknado was actually totally awesome, but I think you get my drift, right? Tara was a hot mess and what do you do when you’re a hot Hollywood mess? You go and get plastic surgery of course! Tara, however, managed to get some of the worst work any celebrity has ever had dropped on them. Her breast augmentation in 2004 is, to this day, one of the “go-to” starlet surgery malfunctions of the ages. Everything looked worse after she did it. Reports claim that she has had multiple surgeries since to “correct” what happened, but the damage was already done.
2 Michael Jackson
He was a strange, complicated man who always felt he was misunderstood and maybe he was. Or maybe he was a full-on freak. It’s hard to unravel the mysteries of the “King of Pop,” but it’s not hard to see the progression of surgical enhancement Michael Jackson underwent over the course of his lifetime. Honestly, I don’t even know where he found the time to go under the knife so often — wasn’t he supposed to be touring or cutting an album or getting in trouble on his estate? By the end of his life, Jackson looked nothing like he did as a young man. Especially when you take into account that on top of all the nose jobs and other procedures, he was reportedly bleaching his skin to make him whiter looking. Now that is full on ridiculous to the extreme.
1 Jocelyn Wildenstein
We end our trip through the sometimes funny, sometimes sad, and almost always ridiculous world of celebrity plastic surgery with a lady that many of you have probably never heard of. I guarantee she’s a celeb, just not a very good one. Jocelyn Wildenstein is a New York socialite who is best known for her wild party life (makes sense, she’s a socialite, after all) and her extravagant tastes. Unfortunately for Wildenstein, those lavish tastes aren’t necessarily limited to Cristal and caviar. It seems that she is quite indulgent on the plastic surgery front, reportedly having spent massive amounts of money on her surgeries. What’s really sad though, is that it didn’t take. Instead, the heiress has ruined any sense of what she may have originally looked like because of all the work that she's done to her face.