How would the world be different if women knew all there is to know about men? Think about it. Would there be world peace with people coming together to sing "Kumbaya?" Would it trigger a global catastrophic event leading to the end of the world as we know it? Or would the world just continue to go on as is, without so much as a tweet?
Well, it's highly improbable that nothing would happen, and maybe if the song was changed to something along the lines of "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus, more people would probably know the words. A global catastrophic event like the one that took out the dinosaurs millions of years ago? Who knows? Maybe that is what took out the dinosaurs—the female dinosaurs evolved to have the extraordinary ability to know all there was to know about their male counterparts. Their hearts turned cold. Procreation became nonexistent. Thus began the Ice Age...
So, back to the guys. They really do wish that the women in their lives knew certain things about them. There is widespread belief that if women knew these things about them, things like miscommunication would be a thing of the past. Can you even begin to imagine the number of relationships that would be saved if miscommunication between men and women was eliminated?
No time to waste. This has the very real potential to be a life-changing read. Let's dig right in and find out these shocking things men wish women knew about them...
15 Mind Reader
Hold the phone. You are not going to believe this one. But, we have confirmed it with several reputable sources—guys can't read your mind.
Guys wish women knew that they can't read their mind. A lot of conflict and miscommunication would be avoided if women realized that men can't hear what's going on inside their heads.
Guy: "Are you upset about something?"
When we ask you if you are upset about something and you say "no," guess what? We don't try and interpret or read too much into your "no." If guys are angry or upset about something, we say it. Why can't women do this? It's unfair to throw us in the doghouse when we have no clue what we did to tick you off.
14 Moving In?
Yes, we had fun. Yes, you are awesome. But, please don't move all your crap into our place. Let's keep things separate for now. We are in the process of getting to know each other and moving all your stuff here will just make it hella awkward if things don't work out between us.
If you spend the night, just bring a toothbrush, change of clothes, whatever else you need with you and then take everything with you when you leave. Does us not wanting your stuff at our place mean we are just after one thing, not looking for anything serious, etc.? No. It doesn't. It actually means the opposite. We like and respect you. We don't want things to move too quickly.
13 Mr. Grey Can Kiss Our...
Channing Tatum. Christian Grey. Channing Tatum. Christian Grey. Yes, one is actually a read dude and the other is a sadistic fictional character that women somehow find appealing.
Channing, we got it. Good-looking guy. He's got the college frat boy, teddy bear, exotic dancer thing going on. We can't compete with that trifecta! Christian Grey, on the other hand? In the real world, the guy would be behind bars. Fifty Shades of Grey should have been called something like Fifty Shades of Sh*t because that's what he treats the women he dates like—complete crap. News flash: Women, you can do way better than a guy like Christian Grey! Please stop obsessing over the guy.
Do you remember watching the Disney film Cinderella? Cinderella, with the help of her fairy godmother, sneaks off to a ball to meet and fall in love with the Prince. She loses her shoe in the process and the Prince turns the entire country upside down searching for Cinderella so that he can return that glass slipper and get a second date. Obsess over that guy.
We may come across as big and tough–maybe even a little cold or emotionless–but deep down, we have a heart. Everyone–male and female–wants someone to love and wants to be loved. Not some superficial love but real love.
It's hard to find real love. It's said that you will find it when you least expect it, when you aren't looking for it. It might even be an inopportune time, maybe you're already with someone or she's with someone. The heart knows what the heart wants.
Guys do believe in love. We aren't all looking for one-night stands or a different girl for every week of the month. Give us the benefit of the doubt. It takes a lot of courage for some of us to get out those words, the words expressing what we are feeling.
Women that trash-talk other females seriously have no idea what it sounds like to us. When you come to us to talk negatively about another female, not only is that highly unattractive, but it also makes you look incredibly insecure.
Why do women need to put other women down in order to feel superior or better about themselves? A guy wouldn't go up to a woman to tell her that another guy was being a jerk because he liked the Facebook post of a mutual frenemy. (Yes, there are probably guys that do this, but we are talking about the majority here.) Women, how unattractive would that be to have guys coming up to you to complain about stupid stuff other guys are doing? "Can you believe he wore that shirt after I just wore the exact same one in my Instagram selfie last Tuesday? Do you think he wore it better? Don't you think he's gained a little weight? He is so blocked."
Contrary to what television and movies would have you believe, guys don't think about it 24/7. Yes, guys think about it a lot, but more like...16/7. If it wasn't for that activity called sleep, then okay, it probably would be closer to 20/7.
There have been so many studies and statistics reported over the years claiming that men think about doing it anywhere from once every eight seconds to 150 times a day. First, there is no real way to get an exact count of how many times a day men think about it. Sometimes, we aren't even aware we are thinking about s*x. Wait, what? Yes, exactly.
In 2011, there was a study done at Ohio State University-Mansfield that actually showed women think about intimacy almost as much as men do during the course of a day. So, just because we are gazing off into the distance, this does not mean we are thinking about s*x–unless of course there's a topless sorority volleyball game going on in the distance–then yes, we might be thinking about it.
Men like to drive. We like to be in control and behind the wheel. Yes, there are always exceptions and yes, there are men out there who hate driving. But for the most part, men and driving go hand in hand. Guys like to drive hard and fast.
If you are on a roadtrip and someone says that you are running late or behind, a guy will take this as a challenge to his manhood. Don't let those words escape your lips unless you are fully prepared for what they will unleash.
You will lose that cool, laid-back driver you had a minute ago that was humming along, and in his place, you will have a Dale Earnhardt Jr. wannabee.
8 Guys' Night Out
What happens during guys night, stays at guys night, right? All the debauchery we get involved in is only for our eyes and ears only. We don't need girls tagging along. No, just because we don't want you with us, doesn't mean that we don't love you. We probably do love you but we would just rather not see your face right now.
When we are with the guys, we want to be guys. We don't want to have to worry about hurting feelings or offending your ears. We want to talk guy stuff.
7 "Amanda, Who?"
Sherry said this about Sara and Tanya said this about Sally and then Jennifer said this about Tara. Can you believe that?! No, we can't. Want to know why we can't? Well, because we don't have a clue who or what you are talking about.
We are not good with names. It's in our genes. It was never our job to remember names as cavemen. All we did back then was hunt, burp, grunt, and fart. The women were the gatherers and would learn names while out collecting berries, fire wood, and gossiping with other cavewomen.
Just blame evolution if you have to blame someone.
6 "Do I Look Fat?"
If you feel fat, go to the gym. Getting told over and over again that you are not fat is obviously not doing anything, so why not go to the gym? Now, would we ever dare let those words escape our mouth? Not if we don't have a death wish!
We really don't understand why you need constant positive feedback about your weight. Seriously, if a guy feels fat, he won't generally keep asking people for their "honest opinion," he will just go to the gym. The gym makes us feel better. Sure, it probably doesn't give you the immediate satisfaction of hearing "Fat? Are you crazy? You are a toothpick!" But, it would definitely help you in the long-term to be more secure in your own skin.
If we suggest going to the gym or working out, don't be offended. We don't see it as telling you that you don't look good now. We see it as more of a self-confidence/self-esteem boosting thing.
5 The Notebook
Guys might moan and complain about being suckered into watching another sappy chick flick like The Notebook, but truth of the matter is, we actually don't mind it. It's not a bad movie. Rachel McAdams is hot. The storyline is pretty good but the best part of the movie is how much you enjoy the movie.
Most guys would agree that after watching The Notebook, their lady loves are much more affectionate than if they were to have just finished watching another episode of Family Guy.
Compromise is also a good thing when it comes to getting a guy to sit through a chick flick. "Tonight we'll watch the chick flick but I promise to go see the new Bruce Willis movie next weekend." Just make sure you stick to your promises and don't back out at the last minute! Who knows? You might even surprise yourself and enjoy the movie.
4 Your Friend Is Annoying
We really don't like having to tell you this but that friend that you think is adorable and funny, well, we find her to be the most annoying person on the planet. She's loud and obnoxious. Her voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard, except ten times worse.
We get that you enjoy having her around as your sidekick and maybe you've been BFFs since grade school but it might be time to cut the cord. We like you, we really do. But if you want a relationship with us, well, we want a relationship with you but just you. If having your friend around makes you more comfortable being around us, just tell us. But, constantly having 'party of three' is getting a little tiresome.
3 Playing Games
Men and women like playing hard to get. They just do. However, there comes a time when we don't want to play anymore. We don't like having to pursue a relationship like we are stuck playing a Monopoly game, the never-ending game. It's mentally exhausting.
If a guy likes a girl and a girl likes a guy, then that's that. Why does it have to be so complicated (isn't that an Avril Lavigne song?). Women make things way too complex and stress themselves out over things that they don't need to be stressed out about.
Say what you want to say. Why is that difficult?
Girls, a guy is not going to climb up to your second-story bedroom window and slide in. Sorry, that's not happening. And, if a guy were to do that, we would fully expect you to immediately dial 911 because that's just downright terrifying.
If a guy is in the middle of something, he is not going to drop everything he is doing when you call or text him to come over. If he does, he is desperate. Do you really want to date someone who is desperate? Probably not.
Guys also don't have millions of dollars stowed away for a rainy day so those Bachelorette *reality* (said very loosely) shows are giving women ridiculously unrealistic expectations. We don't have the kind of cash that enables us to hire a private jet to whisk us off to a remote deserted island in the middle of the Caribbean. We might have enough to get us dinner at Subway and a movie (but no popcorn; that adds an extra $40). But a tropical island? Not happening.
What those *reality* shows don't show you is what happens when they leave paradise and have to live in the real world. Showing how that genetically-blessed couple pays down that whopper of a credit card bill from living it up in Fiji for a month, now that would be a reality show. He has a full-time job teaching but has to get a couple part-time jobs to support her outrageous shopping addiction. She works the night shift at the hospital. They see each other in passing every now and then. Too real?
1 We Can Be Wrong
Yes, it's crazy but true. We can be wrong sometimes. Yes, we often don't like to admit it because...well...who does like to admit that they are wrong? Nobody.
But yes, we can be wrong sometimes, and when we are wrong (on those very rare occasions), please don't throw it back in our face and say "I told you so!" or "I told you to do it this way." That's patronizing. And yes, it's a kick to the ego, and yes, our reaction is pretty immature. But, we are men, and by now you know that we are far from perfect.