For some reason, the age-old idea of younger women going out with older men refuses to die. I guess there’s just a lot that the two can share with each other than can’t be shared with someone of the same age. For the most part, life in a relationship with an older man and younger woman is just like life in any other relationship. There’s love, fun, fights, good days, bad days, and honest connections. But since the two of you are from different generations and are physically very different, there are some things that happen to 99% of couples who get into these kinds of relationships. From the girl’s POV, they wonder about a lot of things. Such as if the older gentleman thinks you’re in it for the money or maybe wondering if he can really keep up with your vital body.
Surely, the fear of losing him too soon will be her biggest concern. Even if there’s only a ten-year difference, it has to be known that chances are, you’ll be alone for years after he passes. For those in committed relationships, this is hard to take. Make it a twenty-year age gap, and things are even more intense. But what about the men? What do they fear? What moment in their relationship really stands out? What happens to every man in a relationship with a younger woman? We’ve gathered the fifteen top things that happen to every man who has ever dated a woman much younger than they are.
16. Thinking She’s In It For The Money
This will 100% happen at one point or another. Even if you make minimum wage at McDonald’s, there is going to be that time where you think, “Maybe she doesn’t know I’m broke since I’m old.” You could be 30 and she could be 18, and this will still cross your mind. In your head, you’re young and barely making it, but you’re sure that in her mind, she thinks you’re an endless supply of cash.
Chances are, she doesn’t think this at all. But with movies and society telling us it’s the only reason she would ever want you, it will absolutely cross your mind. This will probably happen early on and hopefully pass on quickly after you realize she genuinely likes you and could care less what you make. Sure, she’d like the expensive gifts on occasion, but most girls would also love the cheapest of gifts that come from the heart.
15. Wondering If Intimacy Will Be A Problem
This is a given. You’re not 22 anymore, and she just might be. Or at least it feels like it. Intimacy will not be the same for her as it is with guys her age. At first, this will scare the heck out of you and you’ll want to run and scream. But give it time and you’ll see the truth. She’s not an idiot, she knows that things will be different. But she also might be counting on your “experience” making up for other things.
She’s seen wrinkles before, she knows that you don’t have a six pack. Don’t be ashamed of your body. There will be a moment where you go, “Oh crap! I haven’t shown my body in front of a 22-year-old since I was… uh… 22!” How you deal with it will tell you everything you need to know. Or more importantly, everything she wants to know.
14. Learning To Make The Rules
There comes a time in every man’s life where he gets into a relationship where he realizes that it’s his turn. No more submitting to a woman’s every beck and call. The time usually comes when you’re in a relationship with a younger woman. You may want to pamper her pretty face, but when it comes to relationship rules, you make them. You’re older, experienced, and know what will work out. This also means you know what to say, and how to say it.
Young guys are impulsive and selfish. You, on the other hand have been that guy who partied hard, got around, and lied to your girl. Not this time, you realize early on that if you want this to work, it’s time to not replay the mistakes that you (and her) have made in past relationships. Your knowledge and wisdom is key to making this once in a million relationship work.
13. Dealing With Young Guys Hitting On Her
Not that she’ll relish in it, but this is bound to happen at some point. You’re at a bar, having a nice chat when the bartender gives your lady a drink “on the house” without casting you the slightest glance. She may smile and wink or she may say, “No, thank you, I’m taken.” That’s not the point. The point is that whenever that young hunk flirts with her, it will make every bone in your body want to jump him right then and there. You will have a moment of feeling inferior and it will drive you insane.
You can’t count on her to make you feel better about yourself again. You need to realize that it’s going to happen again and that she’s with you… not that other guy. She likes you for a reason, and if she wanted that dumb chap, she’d have him. You give her something she could never get from him.
12. Having No Idea What She’s Talking About
There aren’t two people in the world with identical minds. So whenever you have a conversation, there are going to be moments when you get lost. This happens much more often when you’re speaking to someone from a different generation than yourself. Even a lover. When you’re here stuck on how amazing the invention of the Walkman is, she’s telling you about how the newest storage device (this is when you picture a 18-wheeler’s trailer) is smaller than a breath strip yet can hold an unlimited amount of data. She has no idea that she lost you at the word “terabyte” and that you haven’t understood a word she’s said in thirty minutes. Good for you, you’re great at pretending to listen.
11. Coming Across As A Creepy Older Gentleman
This happens before the relationship begins (or possible rather early on). How do you approach a woman you are sweet on? How inappropriate will she think it is for you to tell her you fancy her? So many women will flip you off for flirting with her if you’re very much older than she is. It’s hard to find out if she’s a no-go or not for quite some time. There’s not really anything to lose but pride. Yet on the other hand, you don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.
This is society controlling the opinion that girls have of you before you even utter one word. But to be fair, most older guys who hit on younger woman do have ill intentions. They seek only what they can get out of the relationship despite the absence of any real connection to her. So good luck proving you’re different.
10. Being A “Grandpa” To Her
This can happen in so many ways, whether it’s slipping her twenty bucks or telling her to walk on the inside of the sidewalk. Feeling protective is normal in any relationship, but when you are in a relationship with a much younger woman, it’s like everything that happens is because you’re “old.”
Oh, you’re not “up to” whatever she has in mind? Must be because you’re an old grandpa! Telling her that too many sweets are no good for her? It’s because you’re a grandpa, not because you care. You could be fifteen years older than her, hardly old enough to be her father, and still, this will cross your mind daily. Or at least every time there’s an issue. She gets mad, and she lashes out, you’ll feel like she’s throwing a fit rather than having a normal fight with her boyfriend. Chances are, you’re more mature than her and at times, this will get to you.
9. Contemplating Telling Her When She’s Making Life Mistakes
You’ve been around, and you’ve made more mistakes than she could even dream of making. You’ve seen a million people do the exact same thing she’s getting ready to do and it’s killing you to watch her do it too. Yeah, she thinks that skipping college at her age is a great idea. She can just work at that department store Jennifer works at. But all you see is a missed opportunity when it will be so much harder for her to do so later. She thinks getting dental care is lame, and you know that you wished you would have had access when you were her age. Do you let her in on all of this or do you let her make her own decisions without your input? You want her to be happy but you don’t want to sound controlling. Or worse… old! Just another con of being in this relationship.
8. Realizing Her Male Friends Are Hotter Than You
You may be more “dapper” than them, but you can’t help but notice just how hot Kyle is. In fact, most of her male friends are way hotter than you. They’re young, energetic, and have the body of a movie star. When you see this, you’ll wonder why in the world she would be with you when she has so many options that absolutely love her! Then, you realize that you’re being unfair. Because saying that she would want one of them is saying that you don’t trust her. And that she should go for looks alone rather than the connection that the two of you have.
Always remember there’s a reason that she’s with you, and talk to her about it. Just remember to tell her why you like her as well. This will help strengthen your bond, and put your worry about all those other guys to rest.
7. When You’re The Only Gentleman She’s Ever Dated
Looking at her friends (even Kyle) and exes might make you a little jealous. But it will also bring one huge thing to light. You’re the only gentleman she’s ever been with. You might not be as lively as they are, but you are more romantic than they could ever be after a year of trying to learn how to be on YouTube. Yours was learnt in a way that they no longer have the opportunity to do. This is something you’ll always have over them.
Whenever you open the door that first time, the look of surprise in her face will confuse you. When you stop by the edge of the highway and pick her a wildflower that matches her favorite dress rather than spend $100 on roses form the flower shop, you will wow her. It’s second nature to you, but to her it’s a romance novel come true.
6. When She’s TOO Much Fun… Or You Are
Many relationships begin as just a fling for nothing but a little adventure. Especially relationships with large age gaps. But there comes a time in these relationships where one of you is ready to take things more seriously. This could be her, ready to take things to the next level and see it as something real, or you. It happens almost every time, and depending on what side you are on, it’s a struggle.
If you’re not done having fun, then you might get nervous wondering what she wants. Marriage? Kids? She knows you can’t have that right now! Or if you’re the one who wants to take things seriously, her over-exuberant, careless attitude might annoy you when she refuses to grow up and get into a real relationship. This is bound to happen, it’s your choice as to which piece of the two-piece puzzle you are. If you’re lucky, you get through it fast!
5. Meeting The Parents
This is awkward for so many reasons, and let us tell you why. Meeting the parents is always tough. But when they are the same age as, or younger than you, things get pretty uncomfortable. You may realize that you have more in common with her mom and dad than you do with her. Sure, you like her, maybe even love her, but your interests polar opposites. She knows nothing about football, but her dad likes all the same teams you do. She couldn’t sew a stitch to save a life, but her mother has the most beautiful quilts that remind you of the ones your mother used to make for the community at Christmastime. Now these aren’t all that common, but chances are, you actually do have more of the “surface” things in common with her parents than her. This changes little about your relationship, but the realization may just frighten you.
4. Thinking She Might Be With You because Of Daddy Issues
After meeting the parents and getting to know her dad, at times, you come to a screeching halt. Is she with you because of the lack of affection her dad showed her? Does she have daddy issues and is looking for a father figure rather than a lover? Gross! You’re here to be her equal, not her father, right? You may be more mature than her but that doesn’t mean you want to be her dad. You can protect her and take care of her, but that’s what any good boyfriend would do.
No one wants to think that their lover is with them because of a bad relationship with their parents. That just hurts. So you hope and pray it isn’t true because you just know she’ll deny it to no end. She doesn’t want it to be true either, but sometimes the subconscious is louder than what her mouth can say.
3. The Realization That She’ll Be Old One Day
This is a rather strange feeling. Right now she is young, beautiful, and full of life. But one day… one day, she’ll be older than you are right now. She’ll have wrinkly skin, weak joints, and her hair will turn grey. The worst part is, by this time… you’ll be long gone. It hurts to picture this, but it also makes you want to appreciate the time you do have. Live in the present, and appreciate any future you have together. Whether you’re ten, twenty, or fifty years older than her, you need to know that she’ll likely outlive you. But you also need to realize that she won’t be in her twenties for all of eternity, and you wouldn’t want that for her.
2. Weighing In The Decision As To How Old You Should Act
What does she want? You already contemplated whether she wanted a daddy figure or not and if that was okay. She could want you to be the father she never had no matter how much you deny it. But what if she wants a “playmate” that is nothing but an intimate companion to tag a long in her adventures? She’s with you for some reason that has to do with your age, right? Maybe… maybe not. She may like that you’re mature, protective, and giving. But she might also like that you’re more fun than any young man so focused on his career that she’s been with.
Deciding why she likes your age is tough. But you really need to be yourself either way. Because she does like you for you, even when she sends mixed signals, being who she wants you to be will not change anything. Love is love.
1. In The End: Is This Relationship Healthy?
In the end, you’ll question yourself if you’re any kind of moral man. Everyone questions their own decisions because they really do want to do what is right, especially by those they love. But in this relationship, things are amplified. You want to treat her right, and you want her to get everything she ever wanted. But is this healthy? Is this relationship okay? That’s what you’ll ask yourself. Especially when friends, family, and even strangers decide it’s their business if it is.
With stuck up noses from family, flirty glances from strangers, and whispered conversations from friends, you’ll wonder if you’re wrong. Maybe the whole world is right and your relationship is some ancient dream that you’re trying to fulfill. Or maybe… just maybe… the two of you are soulmates meant to find each other and live with the struggles of your odd relationship because in the end, your love is definitely worth it.
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