Are you with someone who is baby-obsessed? From paging through baby name books to poking into maternity shops, this gal must be hearing her biological clock ticking like a time bomb. But you, on the other hand, are in no way interested in becoming a dad. You are barely mature enough to take care of yourself, let alone a mini-me. Your woman may be ready and able to expand her family, but the last thing you want to see expanding is her belly.
If you are getting that gut feeling that your gal’s got babies on the brain, do not ignore the signs. One slip-up and you will go from an easygoing child-free fella to a stressed-out, freaked-out father. Not where you want to be at this stage in your life.
These eight signs that your S.O. has babies on the brain are not to be brushed under the rug. Because a babe who wants to have a baby will go to great lengths to make it happen. Do not be the fool who thought his gal was using protection when you need to be the one to step up to the plate to keep your DNA to yourself.
And you can do your part in other ways to hold off on becoming a baby daddy. If she wants your “little swimmers” to take a splash in her pool, you better be sure you have a lifeguard on duty so they don’t go too deep. These seven ways of maintaining your childless status will surely help you when it comes to convincing your woman that you are not dad material… at least not yet anyhow.
SHE’S GOT BABIES ON THE BRAIN
15. She Wants To Get A Puppy
When a woman’s maternal instinct starts to kick in, she may be in the mode of wanting to take care of and nurture others. If she does not already have a baby and there are no infant nieces or nephews around, she may go the animal route. Puppies are not children of course, but they are super-cute and in need of plenty of attention and affection. Your gal may start giving you hints that she wants a puppy for her birthday or Christmas. She will send you links to animal adoption shelters and check out the classified ads for breeders. Every time you pass a pet store, she will “oooh” and “aaah” at the sight of the adorable perky puppies in the window. She even promises you won’t have to walk the dog. But once you get that puppy – if you do give in – beware that the next item on her to-do list is to have her own human equivalent.
14. She’s Only Interested In Being Intimate At Certain Times Of The Month
As a guy, you are willing, ready, and able to “get it on” anytime, anywhere. And your girlfriend used to be the same way. But nowadays, she is only prepared to “get busy” if she has the chance to get pregnant. She has her calendar marked and her alarms set, and she will call you in to “do your duty” when she is in prime shape for conception. This is completely unromantic and unsexy, but you readily give in since you want to get some action yourself, despite the circumstances. You hope and pray that your “little swimmers” don’t get very far, but your chick is coaxing them towards the finish line for an “egg” breakfast. If your gal is no longer spontaneous in the sack, be warned that she may be planning for a family of three.
13. She’s Obsessed With All the Kardashian Pregnancy Rumors
You know your gal loves to watch mindless reality TV, but as of late, she is completely obsessed with the Kardashians. And for one reason alone… non-stop baby bump patrol. Those sisters seem to be getting pregnant like it is going out of style, and rumors of pregnancies are filling up the pages of gossip rags daily. Kourtney already has three cute kids, but the stories that she is planning for baby number four never quit. Kim is onto her third via surrogate, and even the youngest – Kylie – is rumored to be “with child.” And just a few days ago, Khloe revealed to the social media world that she is preggers too. If your babe is always “keeping up” with this famous family, then she may want to follow in their footsteps and have a kiddo all her own.
12. She’s Been Scoping Out “Babymoon” Vacation Destinations
Many couples, including celeb pairs, take a “babymoon” before they have their baby. Pregnant women want that one last hurrah before they give birth and their life changes forever. Couples plan to take that one last trip together before they are tied down with the major responsibilities of parenthood. Perhaps your gal is interested in such a trip, so before she tries to get pregnant, she wants to make sure she can find a good deal on an awesome babymoon getaway where she can flaunt her ever-growing baby bump on full display. If she surprises you with two plane tickets for a trip about 8 months from now, beware that you may be traveling with a babe who is carrying a bun in the oven. The bright side? You can drink all her cocktails.
11. She Keeps Asking to See Your Baby Pictures
Has your chick been calling your mom to ask for old pics of you from when you were just a wee one? She is not just trying to get closer to your family or tell you how cute you were. She wants to see what she may be getting into if she were to choose you as the father of her future child. She may like how you look now, but perhaps you were a freaky-looking tot. A gal’s gotta be prepared if she is going to give birth to a mini-ogre. On the other hand, you may have been a super-adorbs little one. This used to work in your favor, but now it may come back to bite you in the rear if you are not ready to become a poppa in the present. Alert your mom to find the most awkward pics of you possible. This may keep your woman at bay for a bit until her bio clock rings the alarm again in a couple of months.
10. She’s Stopped Drinking And Smoking
You may be glad that your gal has finally stopped smoking those smelly and sickening cigs, but you still enjoy going out to the wine bar or kickin’ it with a few cocktails with your cutie on a weekend night. But these days, along with her choice to kick those bad-for-her butts to the curb, she has poured out all the Absolut and now orders a tall glass of OJ with brunch rather than her usual staple, the boozy Screwdriver. What gives? Here is a hint… she is prepping herself for pregnancy. No more rum and Coke when there’s a fetus filling up her middle. You may enjoy your whisky still, but your woman will no longer join you for a nightcap. Better stock up on plenty of apple juice and chocolate milk.
9. She Only Wants To Hang Out With Other Couples Who Have Kids
You used to go out with your honey with other childless couples to bars, clubs, movies, dinners, etc. Who needs bratty kids along for the ride when you want to have mature convos and do stuff that’s not meant for kids? But these days, your gal wants to stay right at home and invite her pals over who just had kids or have one on the way. This is no fun for you, but she loves doting on their little ones and patting her friends’ bellies. She is in full-on motherhood mode and wants to get in good with the other mommies so she has friends to talk to on the playground. You’d better hope that the dads are still cool even when their kids are whining and making a mess of your house.
8. She Wants To Move To A Bigger Place
You love your little cozy apartment and it suits you and your gal just fine. It may not be a sprawling pad, but it is in a nice neighborhood and the rent is super-affordable. You thought your babe was on the same page and enjoyed living there as well. And she did until recently. Suddenly, the “cramped” place seems far too small for her, but you are not sure why the change of heart. Here is an idea… she wants a nursery for the kid she plans to have soon. Yeah, your kid. Your one-bedroom just won’t cut it anymore. Not only that, she is seeking a place that is in a good school district. You had better get on board the parenting train or find a new roommate pronto.
7. Bring Your Buddies With Out-Of-Control Kids Around All The Time
Want to convince your baby-minded girlfriend that having a baby is going to suck big time and change your lives for the worse? Hold off on becoming a pop by inviting your parent pals over for an afternoon. And be sure to extend the invite to the friends who have kids who need to be kept on a tight leash, so to speak. The rowdier, the better, and the more destructive, the more ammo you will have to show your babe that babies are a bummer. Leave all sorts of valuables around and coerce one of the little crazy kids to spill their strawberry milk all over the sofa’s creamy white upholstery. Your shocked chick will call the clinic asap for a refill on her birth control pills. No baby, no problems. Plan averted.
6. Lavish Your Woman with Expensive, Kid-Unfriendly Gifts
There is nothing better than gifting your gorgeous gal with special presents that she will cherish. But this time you shop for your sweetie, be strategic. Get her things that you know she wants, but will not pair well with infants. For example, get her a pair of sky-high designer stilettos. She will not be able to wobble in those when she is 9 months pregnant. You can also get her that skin-tight leather skirt she has been eyeing or one of those super-slimming bandage wrap dresses. You get the idea. Nothing billowy or baby-friendly. She will not want to bust out of her new wardrobe or crack a high heel under her new 50 lb. weight gain. Fashion can be a powerful force… use it to your advantage and you will remain baby-free at least through Fashion Week.
5. Get A Secret Vasectomy
This may seem extreme, but if you are hell-bent on not becoming a baby daddy, then you need to take the appropriate measures. Get yourself snipped and there will be no chance your gal will get knocked up… at least not by you anyhow. You might want to keep this info to yourself if you want to remain in a relationship with your woman. Because once she finds out that you had the sperm-blocking procedure behind her back, there will be hell to pay. She will dump you like a hot potato and find a new fella who wants to be her baby daddy. And now, when you do want to have kids one day, you’ll be in a dilemma. You will need to get the vasectomy reversed or consider another route for procreation. Maybe being a baby daddy now won’t be that bad after all.
4. Tell Your Gal That Insanity Runs In Your Side Of The Family
3. Plan An Island Vacation – She’ll Want To Remain Bikini-Ready
Want to rev up the romance without the chance of becoming a premature pop? Plan a whirlwind vacation for your honey to a place where she will want to look svelte and sexy. Buy her some barely-there string bikinis too and there will be zero shot that she will want to ruin her eye-catching island look with a big bulging belly, no matter how much she desires to become a mom. This technique is only temporary, but at least you can bide yourself a little more time before becoming a baby daddy. If you can afford it, make the no-babies-on-board vacation last as long as possible. And do not forget to bring the protection in your carry-on luggage! Don’t let the trip trip you up and let one slip through the crack, so to speak.
2. Give Her Plenty Of Attention In Bed… Aside from Going “All the Way”
There are plenty of things you can do in the sack that do not involve hitting a home run. You can pleasure your princess with no chance of her getting pregnant. While this may not be as stimulating for your man parts, at least you can be certain that you will not become a baby daddy after a rockin’ roll in the hay. Your woman will think you are a stud and she may even forget about her goal of becoming a mom. She will be so satisfied that she won’t want to ruin the fun with morning sickness and bloating. Not to mention, she will be so impressed by your manly moves between the sheets that “going all the way” will be an afterthought. Perhaps you will get lucky and she will return the favor, but the biggest gift of all is remaining childless. She will be so satisfied that she won’t want to ruin the fun with morning sickness and bloating.
1. Get Her That Puppy
Give in. Get her that darn Yorkie. It sure beats raising a kid, despite the pee and poop on the floor and the incessant barking. You may grow to love that little yapping pile of fur and adore the licks and cuddles. You won’t have to pay its way through college either. If your gal is in mommy mode, put a halt on it in a jiffy with a precious pup. She may think a dog is the gateway to motherhood, but it is really a way to divert her attention onto the pup rather than the pre-natal vitamins. Go to the dog park with her and buy that pooch plenty of toys and breath-freshening chews. She will happy being a doggie mom for the time being and you will be happy that your woman isn’t trying to drag you to the mall to pick out cribs and strollers.
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