If you are at all present in the day-to-day right now then there is no way you haven't heard a thing or two about North Korea. It's that place that Donald Trump really badly wants to turn into a nuclear waste dump. That place where "Rocket Man" lives; the Dear Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un. It's been kind of a big issue in the news lately.
And in case you didn't know, issues with North Korea have been around for decades now. These issues go all the way back to Kim Jong Un's grandfather who started the whole strange dictatorship that is starving North Korea artistically, infrastructurally, and literally. It's a pretty hideous place to be, even though the Dear Leader will always talk about how great it is.
That hasn't stopped photos from being leaked to the western world. Photos of the poverty and the military and other various things in North Korea are technically illegal but that hasn't stopped journalists and photographers from sneaking them out and getting them online for everyone to see. Let's take a look at some of the ridiculous photos that the Dear Leader really doesn't want you to see.
15 Harvesting Grass For Dinner
Yeah, that's right. This guy is picking at grass and other greens kicking around in order to add some extra nutrition to what is obviously going to be a pretty pitiful meal. That's the state of North Korea right now. It's no wonder that Kim Jong Un doesn't want most photos of North Korea to get circulated around the world. Why would he want the world to see that he's an awful leader who is starving his people? It's crazy! It's actually very messed up. I mean, I've picked dandelions from my lawn to go with a salad. But that salad had all sorts of peppers and lettuce and other vegetables. This guy is probably having some sort of thin broth, a grass salad and if he's lucky, some sort of bread that he would have had to make himself.
14 Not Allowed To Photograph The Back Of A Leader's Statue
This is just hilarious. Apparently, it's illegal to photograph the backside of a statue of one of the Dear Leaders. This means a statue of either Kim Jong Un himself, or his father or grandfather. This has been made illegal because the Dear Leader thinks it's disrespectful to take photos of the back of him or his family. If that's the case, I'm kind of surprised that not every side of this statue is just the Dear Leader's face. Wouldn't that make more sense then? Some people are actually just interested in the whole construction of a statue. If you never wanted the backside of it to be photographed...then why would you put it there? It just doesn't make much sense to me. That being said, not much about how North Korea is run makes much sense to me.
13 Soldiers Can't Be Photographed, Or Shown Doing Nothing (Like Napping)
Don't worry. This guy is not dead, I promise. He is just very tired of probably more than 12 hours of work. I'm just assuming that the starved soldiers in North Korea are worked pretty damn hard. So, this photo is technically illegal for two reasons. First of all, it shows a soldier and that's a no-no, apparently. Secondly, it shows a soldier doing f– all. Kim Jong Un can't have the rest of the world thinking that his soldiers aren't always working and ready to fight. So far as I can see, there's not even a gun near this soldier. What if the United States decided to drop some soldiers into the country (don't put it past Trump to try)? This guy would be screwed. Sorry Kim Jong Un, we can clearly see how lazy your army is...or how exhausted they are because of your awful leadership.
12 Practising Her Typing On A Broken Computer
This really did make me laugh. It seems almost like this photo was taken as a promo of the technological advancement of North Korea. There was a photo-op with the Dead Leader when North Korea got an internet cafe. So...I guess that's cool. But there's something a little wrong with this picture. Can you spot it? That's right. This woman is typing at a computer that isn't even turned on! That being said, she may not have noticed that it turned off yet in this shot. Power outages are so common in North Korea that they probably don't even notice the electric hum stopping when power does go out. The Dear Leader blames the U.S. embargo for the constant outages, but he only mentioned them once people started taking pictures of the constant power outs.
11 That's A Bus Line!!!
Holy sh*t! I can't believe this is actually a bus lineup. That's crazy! So, look, I've never lived in a place like New York or Tokyo, but I have lived in Toronto and I thought I had seen some pretty crazy transit lineups and crowds. But this is just ridiculous! You might notice that the lineup even goes farther back out of frame at the bottom. This is definitely something the Dear Leader doesn't want us knowing about. I mean, most western metro cities have some pretty awful transit stories, but this is a regular thing! There are parts of that lineup that are five people wide! That's just completely ridiculous. Even in just that single-file line of people actually getting into the bus, there are over 50 people! I am not going to bother counting the other part of the line.
People Dressed Inappropriately Cannot Be Photographed
Alright look, I'm not quite sure what exactly is going on in this shot. It sort of looks like these ladies are up against a boat...hopefully, not a torpedo. But obviously, it really looks like they're mud-wrestling. I'm almost sure that can't be the case because it seems like something the Dear Leader would make illegal. But the bigger issue here is why Kim Jong Un wouldn't want this photo to get out. It's because these ladies are not dressed properly. It's apparently illegal to photograph people in North Korea who aren't dolled up at least a little bit. The superficial standards of the Dear Leader are hilarious. Especially if you've ever seen the man's haircut. But that's the way it is in North Korea right now. At least we know that there are some pretty exciting citizens there...
10 Oh, Photoshop...I Hope
Alright, this is obviously Photoshopped. I think it's hilarious...and scary...and something I will never be able to unsee...but it's still pretty hilarious. I still think it's strange that all of these female soldiers are crying over the Dear Leader's presence. I also have a feeling that the actual Kim Jong Un is probably about the same height as these women. So whoever altered this photograph actually made Kim Jong Un even better than he really is. The person who made this photo also managed to shut the Dear Leader up, which is great. And it seems like one of the soldiers is getting ready to flog the Dear Leader. I bet there are a number of people in North Korea who would love that to actually happen (as long as Kim Jong Un doesn't like that sort of stuff). I think you know why he might not like this photo...
9 Not The Kind Of Love Allowed In North Korea
Aside from it probably being illegal to take pictures of the subway system in North Korea, for whatever reason the Dear Leader wants, I'm sure he doesn't want the rest of the world to see that homosexuals exist in his country. Why? Well, he's a horrible human being already so you can't be surprised that he doesn't like gay people. There's a big chunk of the United States that doesn't like gay people either. The big difference is that you can still put out photos of gay couples in the U.S. But it's definitely not a thing that is allowed in North Korea. To be fair to these two ladies, they may be mother and daughter. They may just be good friends. But if they are gay it shouldn't matter is the main point. Of course, almost everything about how North Korea is run is disgusting so you can't really be shocked.
8 Is This An Aspiring Child Soldier!?
It's crazy that these kids actually don't look like their suffering very much. This little girl is wearing holding a toy gun (and not just any gun) and that makes me wonder something. Is this the age that North Koreans are brought into the military? Or is this the age North Koreans are introduced to the idea of war? Is she actually a child soldier in the making? If so, then Kim Jong Un really doesn't want this photo out for two reasons. One, it's illegal to photograph soldiers in the country (though there are tons of photos out there and she hopefully isn't one yet), and two, I'm sure he doesn't want it to get out that he employs child soldiers. And when I say employ, I mean he at least sort of feeds them.
7 Child Labour
I think most people around the world probably know now that child labor is a bad thing. That being said, it is still a very common thing. It's a disgusting thing, but it's common. Just like mayo. It's disgusting, but it's everywhere! I have to wonder how many of these kids manage to sneak some of the food they pick for themselves. Otherwise, I don't know how they manage to stay alive working days away picking food for all of the wealthy people living in Pyongyang. I'm not even going to get into statistics about the number of deaths or medical issues that are rampant in the poor and starving parts of North Korea. It would be far too depressing for you. I'm not trying to make anyone sad. I'm just pointing out how messed up North Korea is. The more people know how bad it is, hopefully, the more people will care.
6 Unfinished Paintings Are Forbidden!
This is perhaps one of the stupidest laws that Kim Jong Un has ever made. Apparently, it is illegal to take a photograph of an unfinished piece of art in North Korea. I think that's just silly. I mean, it's one of the biggest things in the western world to take step-by-step photos of the process of a painting or other artwork. Maybe that's why it's illegal? It's something that Americans do so Kim Jong Un can't stand the idea of doing it. Of course, Trump talks a lot about nuclear war and Kim Jong Un is spending a lot of time playing with nuclear weapons. And his father loved American movies...so, really I don't know why the hell it is that it's illegal to take pictures of unfinished paintings. Maybe someone photographed an unfinished painting of Kim Jong Un that looked really silly...though he always looks silly.
5 Who Needs A Tow Truck When You Have People?
The Dear Leader would never want us to know that there is an issue with the transit system in North Korea. Or that the government would rather make people do the work than have tow truck services to take care of broken down busses. I can't believe that though. Instead of communicating to the bus depot (if that's even possible there), or flagging down some help, soldiers riding the bus have to get out and push the damn thing. It's bad enough that the people of North Korea are already starving and worked to the bone. But they also have to gather together behind a bus they were meant to be riding on, and push it the rest of the way to its destination. I'm sorry but that's pretty f*cked up. Actually, I'm not even sorry.
4 Don't Take Photos Of Soldiers!
This is a really big deal for the Dear Leader. I'm guessing that he doesn't want the rest of the world to see that his military is starving. He wouldn't want people to know that his soldiers could be blown over with a strong breath from a healthy lung. That's right. I said healthy lung. It would only take one. Maybe two if you're a smoker. Anyway, I can also understand another reason Kim Jong Un wouldn't want to have his soldiers photographed. He wouldn't want the world to know what his military is up to. He also wouldn't want the world to see how weary his soldiers are. They don't often have smiles on their faces. I think probably only when they go to see the dolphins playing around in the strange dolphin park they have in Pyongyang.
3 Bathing In The River
There are a few reasons why the Dear Leader might not want you to see this photo. First of all, if this guy stood up, you would be able to see just how starved he is. Secondly, you can see that this man is not wearing much, if any, clothing (and it's illegal to take photos of people who aren't well-dressed in North Korea). And thirdly, you might happen to notice that this guy is bathing in a river! Why? Probably because that's the only water that this guy is near that is even close to clean, running water. That's how poor most North Koreans are. Kim Jong Un only cares about his people in that they do all of the work in the country and he gets to do whatever he wants and has people worship him every minute of the day. Must be fun feeling like a god.
2 Don't Pose In Front Of The Dear Leaders
This is a big no-no. I can definitely understand why this woman is hiding her face in this photograph. One of the most disrespectful things you could do is take a photo in front of photos of the Dear Leaders. Why? Well, because you're not better than the Dear Leader or his father or grandfather who are also still leaders and apparently some sort of gods or something...or whatever the hell the crazy North Korean dictator decides to make up each day. Because the leaders are so important, no one is allowed to be ahead of them. It's probably perfectly legal to take those photos down and hold them in front of the woman in this photo. Why? Because then the leaders would be in front. They are the most important part of any North Korean's world on pain of torture and death.
1 Disobeying The Leader!
I actually love this photo. Mainly because it's a North Korean kid who is basically saying "f*ck you!" to Kim Jong Un. That really makes me smile. What doesn't make me smile is that, if that kid was found and taken in by the government, he was probably tortured to some extent if not wholly "disappeared". That's scary. And that's basically why this photo is technically illegal to take in North Korea. It shows someone disobeying orders from the Dear Leader. When the Dear Leader tells you to stop, you better stop or be ready to face the consequences. Another reason why this photo is illegal is that this kid isn't wearing a shirt. And it may have already been brought up that it's illegal to photograph people who aren't dressed nicely in North Korea.