If you have ever been in a relationship with a woman that has lasted more than a few weeks, you are all too familiar with the often-dreaded “what are we” discussion. The lovely lady you are seeing wants some instant clarification as to the status of your romantic relationship. Are you seeing/sleeping with other people? Are you boyfriend-girlfriend? Will you be moving in together soon? Do you plan to propose this year? When will she meet your family and when can she bring you around her mom and pop? Can she post about your relationship on Facebook? The nagging questions are endless and will never stop until she is satisfied with your answer. The thing is, you are a self-proclaimed jerk and you do not want to deal with the mind-numbing badgering. You just want to do what you feel like, when you feel like it.
You are having tons of fun with this gal, but you want to avoid the “what are we” talk like the plague. What to do? Here are 15 ways you can dodge the issue before she even has the chance to ask. With these 15 jerk-worthy techniques, your babe will be hesitant to even consider wondering what the deal is between the two of you.
Of course, if you keep seeing her, the question is bound to come up, so implement as many of these 15 tips as possible. If all goes well, she will not even bother talking to you at all, let alone ask any questions pertaining to the status of your relationship. Good luck!
15 Never Meet Her Parents
Once you meet your girl’s mother and father, your gal will have some serious questions as to where the relationship is headed. For most women, meeting the parents is a really big deal. She won’t bring any old doofus around to her treasured family, so she must think you are something special. If you are not already BF-GF, then you better get ready for the talk. She wants to “go steady,” but do you? And if you are already exclusive, this meeting with ma and pa means she is ready for something more. If you are not planning to move in together or propose to her, you are in for a long and uncomfortable discussion. Do not meet her parents unless you are prepared for a line of questioning. Feign the flu and send them a bottle of wine instead.
14 No Brunches, Only Booty Calls
Keep your relationship easy breezy by opting for “booty calls” rather than dates out in public. With this in mind, your chick won’t get the wrong idea of what your intentions are and will never question your motives. When a guy calls a gal at two in the morning, there is no chance he is looking for a girlfriend, let alone a future wife. You will get all the nookie you want without the worry about the pressure of commitment. If a booty-call babe thinks the guy she is hooking up with in the wee hours of the morning is looking for something serious, then she is delusional — no brunches, no dinner dates, not even tickets to the movies. Keep this gal in the booty-call box and the “what are we” talk will have an obvious response.
13 Keep Her Away From Your Friends
If you want to avoid the talk, then you must keep this girl away from everyone you know, including your group of friends. The closer she gets with your inner circle, the more explaining you will have to do. Plus, she may even begin to question your buddies about your motives with her. The last thing you need is to have your friends involved in your personal relationship. In addition, if any of your friends are in serious relationships, she will question where the two of you are headed. If you are not ready to take the next steps with her, then see your bros without her. If she asks why she cannot meet your best buds, tell her you have none. That idea alone may have her rethinking her relationship with you. Until you are sure she’s “the one,” your friends must be kept away from her at all costs.
12 Never Stay the Night
Get in and get out, so to speak. If you are in an intimate relationship with a woman, get it on and then get going. No staying over no matter how much she urges you to “spoon” until sunrise. As tired and comfortable as you may be on her soft satin sheets, get your pants on pronto and head home. Once you start spending the night at her place, she will begin asking about your intentions for the future. Perhaps she will enjoy having you around and hint about moving in together. If this isn’t something you are ready for or even want to discuss, then you will have a lot of explaining to do, and same goes for her. If she comes by for a little “action,” she cannot sleep over. This will be difficult to put into play, but make it clear that there will be no sleepovers allowed. Surely this jerky rule will bother her and she won’t be inclined to have “the talk” with you anyway.
11 Always Call Her “Babe”
Avoid the “what are we” line of questioning by never referring to your woman as anything but her first name or simply, “babe.” Never call her anything sappy or sentimental like “honey” or “sweetie pie,” as those names are far too intimate. “Babe” keeps your girl at bay when it comes to her wondering what the status of the relationship is. And never, ever call her “my love.” Once the “L” word is part of the conversation, you had better be prepared for some major questions. “Babe” is cool and casual, leaving your woman to believe that the relationship is too. Until you are ready to answer any of her questions, be sure you remember to refer to her as “babe” and nothing else. Otherwise, you may wind up calling her your fiancée.
10 Saying “I Love You” Is Out Of The Question
No matter how you feel, if you utter the words “I love you” to your lady, you have officially set yourself up for a line of questioning that will have you biting your tongue. Unless you are ready to move forward in the relationship, keep the love locked inside. Love is a powerful force and your girl will go bananas as soon as you tell her you love her. If you want to keep the relationship as it is, never say “love” unless you are seeking to move into the future with this woman. If you are just dating and declare your love, the next thing you know, she will be asking you if she is your girlfriend. Then comes the engagement question and so on and so forth. Tell her she’s rad or pretty cool, but save the love talk for when you can handle the aftermath.
9 Just Do Drinks, Never Dinner
Your gal will not worry about the status of the relationship if you never move things along. Keep your dating life simple and casual by only going out for drinks, never dinner. A couple of draft beers or some cocktails at the local bar, and then call it a night. As soon as you start romancing her with fancy meals out at restaurants, she will start wondering where the relationship is headed. And then comes the “what are we” talk. If you are not into that, then remember it's okay to wine, but never dine. She will get the not-so-subtle hint that you are not ready for any sort of commitment, so she will not bother asking about it. Just remember to have a filling snack before heading out.
8 Attend Company Holiday Parties Alone
When the holiday season rolls around, never mention that your company is holding a fun holiday party to the chick you are seeing. Once you open this door, questions about the status of your relationship will get fired off like nobody’s business. If you are not interested in moving further with the relationship, do not invite the woman you are seeing to a company party, even if it is low key. This type of invitation is reserved for spouses and serious girlfriends only. If you are seeking to keep things casual with this babe, an invite like this means you want more from the relationship. She will take the hint and start asking away. Go solo and chit chat with your co-workers. If she’s open to it, drop by her place afterward for a private party all your own!
7 Don’t Buy Her Gifts Over $25
Once you start lavishing the gal you are seeing with pricy gifts, she may assume that the relationship is moving to a new place and the questions will start coming. If you want to avoid this line of questioning, then never buy her anything that costs more than $25. In fact, don’t get her anything at all. But if you are feeling generous, you can gift her with a pair of argyle socks, a six-pack of imported beer, a used waffle maker, or an air freshener for her car. Keep the gifts non-sentimental and cheap. She won’t get all lovey-dovey about your offering and won’t think you are seeking to take the relationship to the next level. But once you start lavishing her with jewelry, long-stemmed roses, or vacations, be ready for the engagement talk. You set yourself up for it.
6 Always Choose “Boys Night” Over Date Night
“Bros before hoes,” right? Well, if you're trying to be a jerk and avoid getting too serious with the gal you are seeing, then always choose to hang out with your boys instead of taking her out on a date. If they are hitting up the club, then so are you. Cancel plans with your girl at the last minute to go to a concert with your buddies if the opportunity strikes. If they are going out for a round of drinks, tag along. Just don’t bring your lady with you. As long as you show your girl that she doesn’t come first, she will not question you as to where the relationship is headed. She will understand that you are still a frat boy at heart and she won’t picture you long-term. But if your buddies branch off and get girlfriends, you will be flying solo, so be prepared for some lonely nights home with your ferret.
5 Leave Her Hanging For At Least Two Hours Every Time She Texts
If you want to avoid the questions about your relationship, be totally unavailable to your gal. When she texts, ignore them for a good stretch of time. If she calls, don’t answer. This may not be polite, but it will give her the hint that you are not serious about the relationship, thus no need for the “what are we” talk. Get ready for her to be pissed off at your lack of communication, but if you don’t want to engage in those sorts of discussions, then this is the way to go. Of course, you will receive a stream of frustrated texts from her until you reply, but put your phone on vibrate mode and watch a little TV. If she doesn’t get the idea that you are not interested in moving forward, then you may have to change your phone number. A small price to pay perhaps.
4 Be Sure To Ogle Other Women In Front Of Her
Want to avoid the “what are we” talk? Then show your woman that you are a total jerk by staring like a goon at other women while she is right there beside you. She might want to know what your problem is, but she will not wonder if you want to be her boyfriend any time soon. Of course, you will hear it from your jealous and annoyed woman, but to you, this is far better than having the relationship-status discussion. Plus, how can you avoid looking at all those beautiful women that come into your line of vision every day? It's not your fault that the waitress is a total knockout. Naturally, you will deny looking at anyone else but your chick, but she won’t buy it.
3 Tell Her You Never Want To Get Married By Date 3
Be sure your gal knows how you feel about long-term commitment by the time you take her out on date 3. The sooner, the better, and the less likely she will question about the status of your relationship. She will know you plan to take the relationship nowhere, so it will be up to her if she just wants to only date until the end of time. If you want to keep her around, you had better hope that she is not the marrying kind, or else, she will dump you like a hot potato for her future “Mr. Right” rather than “Mr. Right Now.” You will never hear any “what are we?” questions because she will already know your position on the whole thing. No “I dos” means no annoying questions.
2 Don’t Get A Puppy Together
The minute you adopt an animal together, your chick will start the “what are we?” talk faster than your new puppy pisses on your expensive rug. This sort of move is monumental for a woman and it could only mean that you are on the path toward a serious commitment with her. In no way is adopting a dog together a good idea if you want to keep things casual between the two of you. She sees a new puppy as the first step toward starting a little family with you. If you want to adopt together, get a goldfish at most. The commitment is short and you won’t get attached. If she is dying for a puppy, go with her to the pet shop, but never sign the papers. You are not the father!
1 Remind Her About Your Friend’s Boring Relationship With His Long-Time GF
If your chick starts asking when she will be your steady girlfriend or if you plan to marry her one day, step on the breaks pronto by describing how your buddy’s relationship with his girl is horrible. Tell her that ever since they took things to the next level, their love life has dwindled to the point of near celibacy. You know your girl enjoys a good roll in the hay (as do you), so this news may startle her and have her thinking that getting serious is a seriously bad move for you two. Tell her that you want to keep things hot and heavy between the two of you and her questions about the future are putting out the fire. Once she lays off the line of questioning, you can get back to the sparks that have kept your relationship sizzling so far.