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15 Ways Meghan Markle Will Embarrass The UK

High Life
15 Ways Meghan Markle Will Embarrass The UK

While many people from all over the world are over the moon that Prince Harry has chosen to marry an American woman, some people believe in tradition and wish that he had proposed to a British gal instead.

With Meghan Markle’s unlikely-to-become-a-princess past, traditionalists and conservatives wonder if she has the makings of a future royal. After all, she once held briefcases on a game show to make a living, and her modeling photos are as far from buttoned-up as one can get without going full-frontal. Sure, her acting career took off and she made a name for herself in Hollywood, but she dropped that gig like a hot potato as soon as her redheaded real-life Prince Charming hooked her in and sealed the deal.

Meghan is off to Great Britain where she will marry Prince Harry and become the most talked-about American the land has ever had the opportunity to gossip about. She seems to be enjoying her new role as fiancé, and now that her man “put a ring on it,” the world is waiting anxiously until the big day arrives and we can call Prince Harry and Meghan Markle “man and wife.”

But those naysayers are skeptical of Markle’s motives. Is she truly in love or just looking for a new pad in the palace? Will she be a stand-up representative of the royal family or be a royal screw-up, embarrassing the U.K. like nobody’s business?

Here are 15 ways Markle could make a mess and embarrass the royals and all of the Brits who felt in their collective gut that Prince Harry should have remained a bachelor a little while longer.

15. She’ll Try To One-Up Kate At Every Turn

Step aside Kate, there’s a new sheriff in town! And she is more than ready to rule the royals. Now that Markle is the name coming out of everyone’s mouth, she is going to milk her fame for all it’s worth. And that means that she must win the hearts of the British people even more than Kate has delighted them. With Markle’s sizzling s*x appeal and Hollywood background, she certainly knows how to work it. She will dress to impress, speak with eloquence at every press conference, and have the most adorable of babies. She will do her all to embody the high levels of grace and elegance of Prince Harry’s late mother, and she will have the world as putty in her hands. Soon we’ll all be asking, “Who’s Kate?”

14. Her Steamy Internet Pics Will Come Back To Haunt Her

As an actress, participating in risqué photo shoots is no big deal. S*x sells, and Markle was all too eager to make a buck. And with looks like hers, posing provocatively for the camera came to her easily. She is very attractive and has a fabulous figure. Just Google her name and you’ll find your screen flooded with sizzling snapshots of the star in barely-there outfits. But now that Markle is about to ditch her day job and head off into the sunset with her royal redhead, those hot pics will cause the royal family to boil over with embarrassment. Photos like those are not a decent representation of a future member of the high-class clan. Markle certainly cannot get rid of what is already out there, so she had better find a way to stop the queen from spending time web-surfing.

13. She Won’t Know The Proper Etiquette For Buckingham Palace

Markle seems to be poised and proper, but when it comes to the standards of Buckingham Palace, she probably does not know as much as she ought to about how to behave while inside the fancy walls of the royal family’s not-so-humble abode. She may know which fork to use with each dinner course, but dining with the dapper is a far cry from going out to eat at an L.A. hot-spot. One slurp of soup or an elbow upon the table will cause the family to let out a collective gasp of grief. And word gets around. Before you know it, tabloids will have Markle on their front covers with headlines like, “Royally Rude,” and “Messy Markle.” Let’s hope the royal family signs Markle up for some royal training courses before she gets too used to her American way of life. Laid back won’t cut it in the laps of luxury.

12. She’ll Get Caught Making Fun Of Royal Customs

Markle may be head over heels for Prince Harry, but she must find that some of the stuffy royal customs are completely outdated. She is an American woman, after all, and has never had to worry about following strict rules and rigorous codes of conduct. As an actress, she was able to be free with her creativity and sense of expression, so her new role as a royal will be a swift change of pace. And she may believe that some of the traditions and customs of the royals are not in line with her Hollywood sensibilities. That’s all well and good — if she keeps her thoughts to herself. But she is sure to slip up one time or more, and someone will be in earshot of Markle’s ideas about how she ought to be able to live her life. She may mock the customs and the truth will be out there. She’s going to have some explaining to do when the royal family catches wind of her whining.

11. She’ll Get Bored And Seek Out Acting Jobs On British Soap Operas

Will life as a royal be as fulfilling as being an actress? Surely being part of the British royal family will have perks Markle could have only dreamed of, but she may miss being on camera. As a creative and talented woman, standing by her man’s side day in and day out may not give Markle the thrill she once felt by being in front of the camera. She may want to seek out acting gigs “across the pond.” But she may have to start with soaps like many actresses must before the Brits give her the roles she’s aiming for. Can you imagine the embarrassment this would cause the royal family and the members of the U.K. as a whole? What sort of royal would lower their standards to be on TV in low-budget soaps? And most roles on soaps involve romance and questionable behavior. How would the Brits be able to separate Markle’s role as an actress from her role as a royal? If she becomes a D-list actress, she is sure to win the award for most embarrassing royal.

10. She Won’t Continue With Charity Work

Giving back is part of what being a royal in the public eye is all about. Even before hooking up with Prince Harry, Markle was big into kind-hearted charity work, even traveling around the world to help those less fortunate. This may have been one thing of many that Prince Harry found appealing about his fiancé. But now that she has snagged her man and has her diamond ring, she may put a lid on her charity work and sit back to enjoy the many luxuries of being Prince Harry’s leading lady. For the Brits who embraced Markle as an upstanding and giving woman, they will be utterly humiliated that she is now giving no thought to the people who could use her royal aid the most. Did she fake her concern for others just to win over her prince? If so, karma’s a you-know-what.

9. She’ll Trade Up Her Engagement Ring

When Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced their engagement, naturally, everyone wanted to see the ring. Markle gushed over how exquisite it is and how meaningful the proposal was. She complimented her man’s fine taste in jewelry and flaunted her ring finger to anyone who was interested in seeing her “bling.” But once she is settled in and the wedding has taken place, Markle will embarrass, not only Prince Harry, but the entire royal family by pawning the ring so she can upgrade to something even flashier. If you’ve seen any of the rocks on the fingers of A-list celebs, Markle’s ring looks like a pebble. For the Brits who thought Markle was humble and not in it for the money, they will feel like fools as Markle walks through the streets of the U.K. with a 10-carat stone weighing down her delicate hand. Good thing Harry has deep pockets.

8. She Won’t Invite Her Family To The Royal Wedding

Family drama has no place in Buckingham Palace. At least public drama for that matter. And we have all read gossip pieces about Markle’s issues with her sister and other family squabbles, be they truth or fiction. But Markle may cause a public outrage when she does not include some family members in her lavish wedding to Prince Harry. The Brits will suggest that her family is not suitable to be related to royalty and the whole ceremony will be disrupted by chatter among concerned citizens. The royals will question Prince Harry’s choice in a mate and the “I dos” will be overshadowed by “Oh no she didn’ts!” Pippa did a fine job as Kate’s maid of honor, so let us pray that Markle’s family can be just as participatory.

7. Her Ex-Husband Will Come Out with Eyebrow-Raising Allegations

Before Harry, there was Trevor. Trevor Engelson. He is a 41-year-old film producer who was married to Meghan Markle for two years before they divorced in 2013. Little did he know she would be trading up big time. When Markle had her sights on the entertainment biz, Engelson seemed like the perfect fit, being in the Hollywood circle himself. But the lights and cameras were not bright enough for Markle, and apparently Engelson wasn’t either. So, she did away with both and found a new man in Prince Harry and a new gig in becoming a future royal. As a Long Island, NY native, Engelson’s background could never be a match for life in Buckingham Palace. He must be reeling at the thought of his ex being a part of a grand lifestyle, and gossip rags have a way of pulling info out of people. Surely, he’ll slip and reveal something juicy and salacious about his ex. And even more certainly, the royal family will be crapping in their knickers when word gets around.

6. She’ll Refuse To Change Her Name And Take On A Royal Title

Once Markle ties the knot with Prince Harry, she will be given a royal title, just like Prince William’s wife Kate. Kate was billed a duchess and Markle will become something of a similar nature. But she may want to continue to be her own woman and refuse to be labeled anything other than Meghan Markle. The Brits will be in shock as they see Prince Harry’s other half parade around with all the perks of royalty without embracing the traditions. Many women keep their name when they wed, but royals are not the average Janes. Without a title, the Brits will have a hard time considering Markle as a representation of high class and special status. Heck, even Kim Kardashian West took Kanye’s name. Then again, Kanye holds himself in very high regards.

5. She’ll Get Super Drunk At The Wedding

“A toast to the bride and groom!” Yep, Markle will be in disbelief that she is actually the wife of a prince. And what better way to celebrate the occasion than to guzzle back glass after glass of the world’s finest champagne? Before long, the bride will be blitzed and trip over her train. She will do shots with the staff and keep a flask tucked in her undergarments in case she starts to lose her buzz. As she slurs her words and stumbles on the dance floor, the royals will be flabbergasted that Prince Harry could be forever joined in holy matrimony to such a hot mess. The wedding night will be less-than-romantic as Markle passes out on the palace floor, and the next day’s family brunch will feature a heavily-hungover and nauseated new wife. She’ll portray the very worst in “for better or for worse.”

4. She’ll Contact Bravo To Start Up A Real Housewives of The Royal Palace Franchise

What better way to remain on television than to dip into the ratchet world of reality TV? And who better to contact than the “Daddy of Drama” himself, Andy Cohen from the Bravo network? We have seen the Real Housewives franchises from many U.S. cities and other places around the world, and many of the women featured on the programs certainly think of themselves as royalty. But Markle will be actual royalty, so why not start up a Real Housewives of the Royal Palace? Surely there will be plenty of drama to make the show a ratings success, but the royal family will be in no mood for cameras to follow their every move 24/7. The Brits may tune in to see what unfolds each week, but they will watch the show on the down low to be sure they are not mocked. Wonder what her tag line will be?

3. She’ll Confess To A Reporter That She Initially Had Eyes For Prince William

Too bad Kate got to Prince William before Markle could weasel her way into his loving arms. But since he’s the one who got away, Markle had to settle for the younger, rougher-around-the-edges redheaded brother, Prince Harry. While out and about with her man, Markle’s eyes sparkle with adoration for the prince, but deep inside, she fantasizes about being with the older, more sophisticated brother. And one day, she will be interviewed and confess her burning desire for Prince William while caught off-guard. The royal family will not believe their ears and Kate will not take her eyes off her man when he’s in the presence of Markle from that moment forward. Now this would make for a good plot line for the aforementioned Bravo series! A royal love triangle never gets old.

2. She Will Give Her Kids Weird Celeb-Trendy Names

No “Prince George” for Meghan Markle. She is still of the Hollywood mindset, and traditional, boring names will not suit her precious offspring. No matter what Prince Harry may think, there is no way Markle will name her baby something ordinary. Just like the Gwyneth Paltrow’s of the world, Markle will name her kids something off the beaten path. “Meghan” and “Harry” could not be any more ho-hum, so Markle will give her kids names with uniqueness and flair. They may be mocked by the Brits and the royal family may not be on board with her unusual name choices, but Markle will not back down when it comes to her own children. Kate may have stuck to the script, but Markle’s is ready to shake, rattle, and roll!

1. Her Bachelorette Party Will Be Wild

Those celebs, they sure know how to party. And that is surely what Markle has in mind to celebrate her last moments of singlehood. She may have to act all prim and proper around the stuffy royal family, but when she is out on the town with her best girlfriends, she will party like she is back in the U.S.A. Dancing ‘till dawn, drinking to excess, and flirting with male strippers will all be part of Markle’s mischievous bachelorette brouhaha. Naturally, the paparazzi will find Markle and her “squad” and take photos of her that will have the royal family aghast. We’ve all heard that Prince Harry can be quite the partier, but even he might be embarrassed by his wife-to-be’s unbecoming bachelorette behavior. Let’s hope her hangover subsides before the big day!

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