The lifestyles of the rich and famous are way different from us mere mortals, right? Right. But the rich kids of these rich parents might just be from another planet altogether, made just from green bills rather than blue seas. They breathe money instead of oxygen, drink champagne instead of water, and live such extraordinarily lavish and wasteful lifestyles, that most of us cringe just by looking at it.
Sure, in one corner of our heart that never sees the light, we do wish that we had this kind of money at our disposal. For a microsecond, we do wonder what it’d be to live like that – drive those cars, shop till you drop, eat like a king and live a life beyond the ordinary. But we squash it pretty quick and then we troll the kids who rub our faces in the grim fact that we could never, ever have as much as they do.
Look at these kids long and hard enough, go through their Instagram accounts, and you might wonder what dark corner of damnation humanity headed for. They are rich and carefree, though with the resources they have with them, they could be doing so much good all around. But all they do is pretend to be the kings and queens of the world, and consider everybody else a peasant. Classy, right?
So we dug through Instagram and the dark depths of the Internet, and fished out these 15 pictures of the rich kids of Instagram that have us hoping and praying for the future of humanity in desperation. And just to irk them a little more, we are not going to name them! Like they need any more followers...
15 Let’s Talk About Money Baby
So either the d-bag in this picture has a phone so modified that it actually looks like a wad of cash (unlikely but okay) or he has confused his phone with a wad of cash (more possible, especially if he’s on something or coming down from something). Or he’s just being a d-bag and showing off his wealth for the world to see and envy, and for him to gloat (yep, we think that’s it!) and feel better about himself.
Seriously, we get it that you kids have money. You have unlimited wads of cash that we “peasants” may not even be able to dream about but have you heard about keeping it down or playing it cool? You have money? Tons and tons of money? Good for you man – so do something with it and get on with your life instead of posting stupid pics of yourself holding all that money that you didn’t earn.
14 Little Money For Ice Cream
So here’s an innocent belle of the ball, with a wad of cash and a double-the-trouble kind of cleavage who’s innocently asking “is this enough for ice cream?” Well, damn lady, we don’t know… Will a wad of 100 dollar bills actually cover the cost of your ice cream? For all we know, you are planning to have a flavor that has diamond dust or gold flecks floating in a dessert that’s served in the world’s finest crystal for you to smash after… And maybe you’re on some kind of fad diet with your equally rich friends and are planning to eat ice cream off each other all through the summer sun, especially if the ice cream is covered in a layer of 24-karat edible gold.
Nothing’s too good for you doll, though the wad you are holding is enough to feed all the starving children of Sudan one good meal. Not to say that you don’t do charity or anything, who knows.
13 Putting Their Worst Foot Forward
So let’s move to the rich girls of Instagram. It might have sounded like we were announcing the Oscars but trust me, these gals get Razzies only. If this pic was about showing off your pretty feet (not!) dressed up in those Jimmy Choos or Manolo Blahniks or Pradas or Gucci or whatever – we’d still be okay with it. In fact, us girls might even be tempted to join you in mutually admiring the beauty of these way-too-expensive heels.
Underneath those heels, you are trampling money – showing us that you are on top of everything and basically the alpha bitches of the food chain of the human world, but frankly girls, go and get a life. At least go get a life in which you actually do something constructive instead of playing dress up and dolls with your money. It's a thin line between classy and vulgar and your pointy heels have taken you way over vulgar, into a garish display of wealth that’s just barf worthy.
12 Only The Best For My Pooch Princess (Or Prince!)
So I don’t know what I am supposed to be more horrified at in this pic? The dog drinking the champagne or the dog drinking champagne? I mean, who in their right mind gives alcohol to their pets? Someone who has more champagne running in their veins than common sense, we are sure!
The lady here (guessing solely from the painted nails, though knowing the rich kids – it could easily be a dude too!) is pouring a hefty splash of Laurent-Perrier Rose Champagne (comes for about $80 a pop) for her darling pooch who’s too busy lapping up its chow to be bothered about what he’s getting to drink after. As far as I remember from Pet 101, alcohol and dogs don’t mix well – but then it’s pretty clear from this pic that neither do rich kids. The girl had to have an addled brain to have done this, right? I just don’t know anymore, I think I need a pint myself...
11 Bling Bling, Every Time I Buy A New Ride
Yep, that’s the 1999 hit song of BG aka Baby Gangsta – and it fits this princess to a tee. Maybe the header should have read "Pimp My Ride" cause it certainly looks like it – a “gold” car that has given countless people blinding headaches, has forced them to root in their bag for shades, sent them to the doctor with a severe eye glare and has also made grown men cry for their mamas.
Okay, yep, I am being a little over the top with sarcasm but hey, if these kids can go OTT with money, my sarcasm at least doesn't cost any money! The gold you see is not cheap neighborhood mechanic's metal wrap – this is solid 24-karat gold plating, on a Bentley, no less. We are sure the neighbors, rich as they are, have taken to wearing industrial-powered sun shades to keep the glare out, and also the envy in! And we thought diamonds were a girl’s best friend…
10 A Bed Made Of Clouds? Nah, Money’s Good!
Poor little rich boy, abandoned by his jet-setting parents and finds comfort the only way he knows – asleep on a bed made of bills, with a bottle of his favorite and expensive champagne in his hand. Reminds us of a baby, with his bottle and his favorite comforter.
Little boy blue, or should we call him little boy green, looks oh-so-comfy, lost in dreams of la-la land… But wait. The man probably already lives in la-la land, a mansion full of servants who in turn are full of servitude, where this prince here dines on the finest of fine and sips from the bowl of the finest liquor. And then he de-stresses from his rich, I-don’t-have-to-do-anything life by vacationing in equally grand resorts, where he carries in his custom-made bills bed – for he cannot lay himself down anywhere else except on a mattress made of green… Right? Whatever!
9 The Empress’s New Clothes
I saw this picture and remembered a story. There was an emperor, drunk on his lavish lifestyle, self-importance, and his collection of treasures. He was duped by a couple of swindlers who promised to make clothes so fine that only the noblest, richest, and most discerning of eyes could see them. The swindlers swindled a bundle out of him and then gave him his “clothes” to wear. Of course, they were not clothes but the Emperor could not say so lest he proved that was not noble enough. And thus he strode naked out on the street, and finally, a little boy could not hold his laughter. The Emperor learned a lesson we hope.
I guess his great, great, great granddaughter didn’t! So she too strolled, oops, drove into the streets in her pimped OUT ride, without a stitch of clothes on her. Or maybe, we just aren’t noble enough to spot the fine fabric on her. Maybe, she’s actually dressed in clothes so cool, so advanced that only the rich kids can see them. For us peasants, she’s as naked as the day she was born!
8 Money Will Always Keep You Warm
Or so this person in the pic believes. We think it’s a girl, but with the rich dudes waxing themselves to baby smoothness, it’s difficult to guess, considering we cannot see the face or spot any unmentionables. With the hair visible, we do think it’s a dude, but with rich dudettes doing all sorts of strange things to their heads, again, we cannot really make a safe guess.
So person here was probably feeling cold – it is sorta lonely at the top you know, particularly if you live in a drafty condo or penthouse from which you can see your whole city – and being a rich kid, decided that things like blankets and comforters were way too overrated. Nothing beats the heat generated from the comfort of green, so this rich kid decided to get naked, and get cozy with all those bills. Nothing like the smell and feel of too much money to lull you to sleep.
7 The Girl Who Has Vuitton
For us peasants, having a Vuitton would probably be the zenith of luxury, and if we did go crazy enough to mortgage our house to buy one, we’d probably frame it somewhere and look at it lovingly all our lives till we grew old and gray and turned to dust. This girl here, though, has a whole arsenal of Louis Vuitton. Purses, baggage, wallets, carry-ons, and backpacks – the list does seem endless.
I pulled a Monica (from Friends) and counted all the pieces that I could see, peering into the screen like a maniac and got to 34. That’s a small fortune, enough to buy a small island in some corner of this Earth, we’re sure. And look at that diva-esque pose she throws at you. The girl knows she’s made of money, with probably a little help from a cosmetic surgeon, and she wants you to know it!
6 Polar Opposites Don’t Always Make For a Picture
Dude here sits in his daddy’s yacht, arms thrown wide in a kingly pose with a smirk at the camera that says “hey, I’m rich. Look at me, I’m cool. Watch me, I’m a king.” Put that into perspective with the poor child someone photoshopped sitting right in front of him, a pitiful, emaciated boy with all his bones visible and his head bowed in defeated supplication, and wham, this picture guts you like none other.
This is the reason that we troll these rich kids. Not because they are wealthy and we aren’t. Not because they have it all and we don’t. We troll them for their utter disregard for human misery and suffering, and for throwing away money as if it's nothing when so many people are in need. We pity not only the poor emaciated boy photoshopped into this picture, but also the well-fed poor excuse of a human sitting behind it.
5 Stuffed Face, Stuffed Hands, Empty Brain
This rich gal is in her car, gorging herself on what looks like spaghetti in pesto sauce. And she’s literally gorging, for the enormous bite she’s about to take may just undo a cap or two on her pearly whites. And in case you are grossed out by the open mouth and that gigantic forkful, look at her hand holding a giant wad, no strike that, a fan of bills.
Sigh. We really don’t know why. It’s actually rather tiresome to keep trolling these rich kids. They keep repeating themselves, following the same trodden path as do grazing sheep and cows – no sense, purpose, or intelligence behind their picture. We’d like for them to show some self-deprecating humor sometimes, just so that we know that they are actual flesh-and-blood humans and not zombies made from bills. I mean, seriously people, use those brains, especially when posting on Instagram. It would be fun for us too!
4 The Lady Or The Tiger
There is this story by Frank Stockton, where a barbaric king has an odd custom of proving guilt or innocence. The accused is stood before two doors and he must open one. Depending on his fate, for he alone chooses which door to open, the door he opens will either let out a bloodthirsty tiger who will then devour the accused thus proving guilt, or stand before him a lovely maiden, which proves his innocence. And if the accused is innocent, the king himself will marry him off to the fair maiden amidst great pomp and show.
I doubt any of these rich kids have heard this story or even understand the philosophy behind it, but the image here immediately made me think of the story. The bikini-clad girl and the chained tiger who is coolly lapping up water from what looks like a splash pool. These are the rich kids... Forget tiger conservation, they’d rather have one as an exotic pet!
3 The i-Jengas
If you think that all this display of wealth has made this writer go bonkers, you are only partially right! Here, yet another rich kid has decided to play Jenga, rich kid style. In typical rich kid mentality, “only peasants use Jenga blocks.” Rich kids use phones – the more expensive, the better. And if a couple of these phones, or hell, all of them, shatter while the game goes on, they’ll just get more. Of course, they have to finish their game of i-Jenga, rich kid edition. And it has to be played well.
Mind you, most of these phones that are doubling up as Jenga blocks are likely to be the ones we lust after all our lives and sometimes scrimp and save to buy – for these rich kids, these are trivialities and not to be valued. With cars that cost the price of a London apartment and houses that rival castles of yore, what’s a phone or two, or 11. Yep, I counted again!
2 Stop Being Poor? Or Stop Being Stupid!
Girl here has just stumbled upon a miraculous solution to end world poverty, hunger, and starvation. She has had her Eureka moment, which is why she’s probably sitting in that empty bathtub with a t-shirt that carries an inspiring message, a peekaboo thong, and of course, a Chanel party hat and party balloon.
While her daddy dear is probably thinking of nominating her for the Nobel Peace Prize, her solution to end poverty is simple and straightforward: “Stop being poor!” That’s it. So simple. I mean, why in heaven’s name did none of us think about it? People should simply stop being poor – like it’s so uncool to be poor, why doesn’t everyone be like her ? Be cool, and be rich? Stop. Being. Poor. Three magic words that have just solved the world’s greatest divide – that between the rich and the poor.
Now Miss Rich Girl, are you going to give us the money yourself or should we just come and take it?
1 To Choose Red, Or Red, Or Red
Frankly, this writer is seeing red and I don’t mean just the cars. This rash and rad dude here has a lineup of the flashiest red cars you have ever seen together. While I can spot a Ferrari, the logos of the other cars escape me – but obviously, since he’s a rich dude, these are expensive cars.
Poor rich boy here is in a bind. Which of these lovelies is he going to take for a ride today? Forget about third world problems like hunger, poverty, hygiene, or education. This first world problem needs to be solved right now. “Which one? First world problems…” This guy could always get his father to send over a few minions to address the pros and cons of each car and draw up a slideshow presentation of which car should be used, where, to seat whom, and valeted by which guy to ensure maximum productivity of his nothingness of being...
And that folks, ends my quota of sarcasm today, because this writer has run out of words to write!