Till death do us part…now that’s a commitment! Throughout the world, things seem to commonly come in pairs: yin has yang, right has left, Mickey has Minnie, and husbands have their wives (or husbands, now that same sex marriage is legal!).
Marriage is a huge, life altering commitment and a concept that is almost as old as dirt. In theory, once you take those vows, couples are supposed to go on to lead happy lives, have kids, and take long strolls on the beach together until the end of time. But not every marriage is as idyllic as it should be. With divorce rates on the rise these days, one can’t help but wonder, “where have we gone wrong?” The answer to that question often lies in the lack of communication amongst couples. We all know how important it is to be open and honest with your spouse, but let’s be real: we’re also human, and every human has secrets.
No matter how great your marriage is, there are certain things that your partner probably prefers to keep private. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married or how well you think you know each other, there are at least a handful of specific topics that guys commonly keep super-close to the vest. It’s not that he’s stewing in his own closet of skeletons or hiding infidelities, he may just have a hard time expressing himself when it comes to his insecurities, desires, and emotional needs. Even if you think you and the hubs tell each other everything, a part of you probably still wonders if he’s hiding something. So what is the man you love hiding from you? Check out this list of 15 Things Every Husband Hides From His Wife, and you will begin to discover the key to unlocking his deepest, darkest secrets.
15. His Cheating Fantasies
Thanks to a study that was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, we now know that 83.4% of men admit to fantasizing about having sex with a person who is not their significant other. (And the other 16.6% are lying.) Men like a woman who is off limits, and they love to fantasize about what they can’t have. Yet husbands often hide this common, everyday daydream from their spouses, and probably rightfully so. I mean, can you imagine that fight that would ensue if your spouse confessed to his fantasies about sleeping with other women? There is a well known statistic that states that during a typical day the average male thinks about sex every 7 minutes. So if you think that your boyfriend or husband is thinking about you when those sexual thoughts flash across his brain multiple times an hour, chances are he’s NOT. He’s thinking about someone you both know, like the babysitter or your super hot best friend, and wondering what they look like naked because he already knows what you look like naked. But try not to take too much offense to his hidden cheating fantasies, it’s really not the guy’s fault. It’s just a fact of life and the male anatomy.
14. His Body Insecurities
Women slip on their sexiest outfit before a night out on the town and ask their man, “Does this dress make me look fat?” Your husband, on the other hand, is probably not going to fish around for a compliment when he feels insecure. Still, your man needs to know that you continue to find him attractive just as much — if not more — than you do. Even if they don’t say it. “Men feel pressure to put out an energy that they are confident and secure at all times, but most of them really need to know that you still desire them,” says LA-based couples therapist, Ellen Bradley-Windell. So whether they have packed on a few pounds and are feeling self-conscious about it or they simply no longer feel like the supermen of their former youth, guys do have insecurities about their bodies just like the rest of us. Just because they don’t verbalize those insecurities, doesn’t mean it isn’t true!
13. The Fact That You Annoy Them
When you spend as much time with someone as married couples do, it’s inevitable that your partner will eventually get on your nerves. Relationships are an adjustment, and especially when you are living together there are bound to be some things that annoy us about our loved ones. These little annoyances don’t take into account whether the people causing them are your parents, siblings, or life partners. They just drive you crazy! So no matter how perfect you think you are, there is a good chance that some of your habits, actions, thoughts, and friends may be driving your man nuts. No matter how irritating he finds your little quirks, it’s likely that he will stay quiet about them because he wants to avoid the argument that will inevitably turn into World War III, if he points out that his lovely spouse isn’t perfect. So whether it’s something small, like the way you talk during movies, or something big, like hating your parents, it’s likely that you will get to continue on living in blissful ignorance while silently driving your husband crazy because he will keep his grievances a secret.
12. His Perverse Fantasies
News flash, all men spend a great portion of their time fantasizing about “doing it” on the daily, even those dorky guys that you can’t actually envision having genitals. So yeah, it’s assumed that our partners think about sex on the reg, but you might be shocked to find out how dirty and disturbing some of your man’s fantasies really are. Thanks to a recently published study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, we now have a better idea of what exactly it is that your partners are fantasizing about. (And are too afraid to tell you.) Regardless of their age, all of the men in this study admitted to having a wide variety of sexual fantasies that their partner might find to be unpleasant or disturbing. So what exactly do these common male fantasies consist of, you may ask? Well some of the most popular ones include: domination, rape, cheating, sex with prostitutes, role-playing, group sex, exhibitionism, urine fetishes, voyeurism, anal sex, bondage, and same sex fantasies. As disturbing as this may be, it’s better to let your significant other quietly play out these fantasies in their head, rather than have them act upon them without your knowledge. So even though it is said that knowledge is power, in this instance, it might be better not to know.
11. They Are Snoopers Too
According a Men’s Heath magazine poll, half of all husbands are curious about the inner workings of their wives’ thoughts and lives, and almost half of the men questioned in the poll admitted to checking their spouses’ computers and/or phones in the past (usually without their partner’s knowledge). So what’s with all the snooping, boys? Well according to Dr. Phil, “invading a loved one’s privacy is usually less about jealousy and more about the culprit feeling unsure about where their relationship is headed.” Often, men are uncertain how to ask their partner these kinds of difficult relationship questions, and thus they have been known to resort to snooping for answers. It may sound crazy, but you know men aren’t good at expressing their feelings. So instead, they learn their partner’s passwords or place their sleeping wife’s thumb on the unlock button of her phone in order to gain access into the inner workings of their spouses’ personal life. Better go change those passwords ladies, and make sure you have nothing to hide!
10. They Have Solo Sessions In Secret
Almost 75% of all husbands admit that they are intimate with themselves on a regular basis, and have gone to great lengths to hide this from their wives. However, the act is not something that needs to be kept secret, as it is just a normal fact of the male reproductive life. It’s natural for men to masturbate, even if they are having sex regularly with their partner, because men have more testosterone than women. Testosterone that needs to be released. It’s just nature’s way of making sure his physical reproductive mechanisms are in good working order. Husbands reportedly keep this type of solo physical intimacy a secret mostly because they think their wives would be offended, critical, or even hurt by the act. But ladies, Dr. Oz says that self-pleasure is a natural and normal part of a husband’s life — and it’s good for his health too. It can even lower his risk of prostate cancer! So have at it boys…don’t be ashamed, it’s for your health after all!
9. His Money Concerns
We aren’t living in the 50s anymore and we have moved on to the age of equality, but even so the subject of who’s the breadwinner is still a concern in most households. According to a recent poll, most husbands wish their wives were spending less money, and about half of all husbands wish their wives were contributing more financially to the home. This is a concern that often goes unvoiced in most marriages, and rightfully so, as the subject of women’s equality in the home and workplace is often a touchy one. “Women who stay home and take care of the kids are sorely underpaid,” says marriage and family therapist Dr Berman. “But, financial stress hits husbands right in the core of their manhood and can damage their sense of self.”
It’s no secret that money can tear a marriage apart, so it’s important to sit down together on a regular basis to talk about how money is affecting your marriage. Secret money troubles and concerns about finances are a common topic that husbands withhold from their wives on a regular basis, and one of the major reasons that divorce is on the rise. So talk about your cash concerns regularly to avoid surprises in the finance department and pent up resentment from your partner.
8. Men Think They’re Smarter Than Their Wives
As they say, “men are from Mars and women are from Venus,” which means that men and women are living on different planets intellectually. Although there is no data to support the claim that men are smarter than women, according to a Men’s Health poll, more than half of husbands think that they are smarter than their wives. This is a secret husbands don’t want their wives to know, as I’m sure it could spark a very heated debate! According to scientific research, there are different types of intelligence and brain matter, which means that women have different amounts of smarts in different areas of intelligence than men do. Men have more gray brain matter, which allows them to focus on one thing at a time. While women have more white brain matter, which allows them to communicate better and process information faster. This makes women better at communicating then men. So maybe women’s superior communication skills are to blame for the fact that men often hide this little secret from their wives.
7. His Secret Accounts Online
It’s hard to give up the single life, and let’s face it, swiping on Tinder is fun! Women are often under the notion that their husbands love speaking to them about absolutely everything that’s going on in their lives. But the reality is different, in most cases. No man in his right mind has the courage to tell his wife that he has an account on a dating site because he knows that this secret may evoke divorce papers! I mean, do you remember the Ashley Madison scandal? A couple of years ago, several married men and even celebrities were caught cheating on the popular dating service, Ashley Madison, but for most married men the desire to play around on dating sites online isn’t really about cheating at all. It’s about their need to be wanted and desired by women other than their wives. Married men often get that satisfaction through flirting with strangers online (that they will probably never actually meet in person). So don’t start packing your bags just yet ladies. Chances are if your man is swiping on Tinder it’s really just his harmless need for attention, as infuriating as that may be.
6. His Forbidden Habits
No wife can tolerate her husband’s bad habits long-term, and women usually attempt to nip them in the bud before marriage. The most common of these hated male traits include smoking, drinking to excess, flirting with strangers, and overeating. These kinds of bad habits not only have an adverse impact on your man’s health, but they also often disturb their normal way family life. However, most men confess to knowing some tricky ways to hide these habits, so that their wives are non-the-wiser. Have you been insisting that your husband stop eating junk food to save him from obesity, and you believe that he respects your wishes? Well, chances are that if you aren’t seeing the pounds fall off, then your man is probably the same old junk food junkie that he has always been, he just doesn’t binge in front of you. He might drink green tea and do intense yoga at home, but in actuality he is eating a Big Mac in his car on the way from work and disposing of the evidence in someone else’s trashcan so that you will never find out. Even Chandler hid his smoking habit from Monica in Friends, proving that, for men, old habits die hard.
5. His Thoughts On The In-Laws
When it comes to family life, men value their privacy, especially since not all men are social butterflies. Just because your husband respects your family doesn’t mean that he feels the same level of comfort with your parents as he does his own. So when the in-laws interfere too much in your personal life men often become disgruntled, but your husband will probably make sure that the thoughts of annoyance don’t flash across his face because they are your parents after all. So when your parents made that surprise visit on the weekend to help out with the kids, you are elated, but did you observe the disappointment in your hubby’s eyes? Making polite chit-chat with the people who raised you might not be his idea of a fun filled weekend. However, he’s probably too afraid to confess his feelings about this because he doesn’t want to cause friction between himself and your parents. It doesn’t have to be a Meet The Parents type of situation to stress your man out. At the end of the day, men simply like their privacy, and your in-laws aren’t his relatives.
4. His Secret Plans
Not every secret that your husband hides from you is bad. When polled about the secrets that husbands typically keep from their wives, one of the most common answers that men gave was surprise birthday or anniversary plans. (Aww, how sweet.) So if your usually-thoughtful husband wakes up in the morning of your big day without any excitement and you believe that he has forgotten about you all together, go easy on him because you just might be wrong. Men state that surprises are one of the most stressful secrets for them to keep because it is during those times when they are busy planning that their wives often get mad and even in some cases suspect them of cheating. So if your husband goes out his way to surprise you on your big day, make sure to give him a special wifely thanks because your suspicions undoubtedly didn’t make this secret easy for him.
3. His Social Media Passwords
The Facebook wall of a married man may look like a family photo album to the public, with husbands sharing pictures of their kids and writing sweet words on their better-half’s wall. But if you think that’s all your husband uses his social media for then it’s time to get a reality check. Even if their social media appears to be squeaky clean, a man’s online accounts hold all of his secrets, which is why they protect the secret of their passwords at all costs. His social media accounts know all of the women with whom he has ever had a history, the people he’s been chatting with consistently, and even the type of content he is searching for online. Any man would be embarrassed if all his hidden social media activities came to light, which is why the majority of men hide their passwords from their wives. Especially since, as we learned earlier, men are the kings of online snooping.
2. He Secretly Feels Dependent On You
Most guys can easily wear the provider and protector hat, but very few will readily fess up to needing someone else’s constant support— even if it’s the support of their own wives. “Men have buddies at the gym or in the workplace, but it is very uncommon for them to have a true loving friend who unconditionally understands their heart or emotions,” says LA-based couples therapist, Ellen Bradley-Windell. They desire the idea of being able to lean on their wives for that support, but also don’t want to appear weak. So, don’t just be his lover and wife, you should also strive to be his best friend. Ask him what’s going on at the office, or plan a date night just to talk about stuff. If he seems stressed, tell him you’re there to listen, even if he says nothing is wrong at first. When he does share, absorb what he’s saying, and don’t be afraid to respond. He wants your opinion. Your honest and positive feedback is the most important part of being his best friend, and your support and friendship and is what he really desires deep down. Though he may never admit to how much he truly depends on you.
1. His Past Relationships
The past is in the past for a reason, and almost every man wants to hide those minute details about his previous relationships from his current partner. Some men are brave enough to share the in’s and out’s of their former relationships with their partner, if their significant other is mature enough to understand his past and deal with it appropriately. If a wife is too suspicious or jealous about her husband’s past, then most men would prefer not to share it. For some men, it is a way to keep their married life safe from any potential harm, and for others, simply about not dragging their past along with them as they live in the present. According to a survey in Men’s Health magazine, hiding or sharing information about their ex-girlfriends completely depends on the level of understanding a husband has with his wife. So, ladies, if you really want to know what your man has done in his past relationships, prepare to hear the worst and most unexpected of things. Always remember that sometimes it’s better not to know, but if you must, then remind yourself to judge him by his present actions, and not by his past.
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