Hooking up might seem like a recent phenomenon but it is something that people have been doing since we discovered how awesome sex is. It’s just that the times that we live in make it more acceptable. Not everyone has the time or the desire to be in an ongoing relationship but almost everybody has the craving for sex. This is why one night stands make so much sense. There are no commitments, no shameful feelings of guilt, and it’s OK if you never hook up with that person again. It’s a thing between willing and consenting adults who don’t want all the baggage and drama that comes along with traditional arrangements. Simply find yourself a playmate and head for the jungle gym of passion.
Even though most guys are looking for great sex, they don’t always get their wish. Of course, this applies to women too. For guys, a woman who just lays there and shows no emotion isn’t that exciting to be with whereas women are less than thrilled with a guy who pounds away for thirty seconds before rolling over to go to sleep. You might have just met a lady who is willing to go home with you but you should look for the tell-tale clues that will tell you that she might not be so great when it comes to sex. Here are 15 signs she’ll be a terrible hookup.
15 She’s Self-Centered
You meet your hookup at a quiet bar where you are engaging in light conversation. The problem is that no matter what you try to say, she keeps talking about herself and her interests. She doesn’t appear to care one bit about what you have to say. You tell her that your father recently died after a long illness and she responds by telling you how much she likes her new shoes before giving you a blow-by-blow of last night’s episode of America’s Got Talent. You don’t even get a hint of sympathy. This chick is obviously quite self-centered and not interested in anything except what goes on in her seemingly boring life. She’ll be a lot more trouble than she’s worth and, in the end, you will probably regret hooking up with her.
14 She Looks Rough
As much as you would love her to show up in a sexy negligee and high heels it’s not like you really expect it. What you do expect is that your hookup has taken the time to dress nicely, take a shower, and maybe have a quick shave. It’s such a downer when she shows up in wrinkled sweat pants and an old t-shirt while smelling less than fresh. It’s even more of a bummer when you see that tuft of hair growing in her armpits. If she doesn’t take the time to look presentable then she probably won’t be a great hookup. It might be best to suggest that the two of you take a shower together. That way you might be able to kill two birds with one stone.
13 She Complains Non-Stop
All you want to do is get it on with her and all she seems interested in doing is complaining. You endured her whining at the restaurant where you met up when she rudely told the waiter that there was too much ice in her soft drink. You put up with her when she told the taxi driver that his air freshener smelled like rotting garbage and then once again brought up how there was too much ice in her soda. Then, when you were trying to cozy up to her on your couch she complained about the soft background music that you had on. At least she seemed to have forgotten about the ice incident. You want to hear her moan and groan but not like this. One thing that’s likely is that you’ll be complaining about the hook up to your friends tomorrow.
12 She’s Drunk
You noticed that she seemed to be slurring her words a bit when you called her up and invited her over to your place. She arrived at your door an hour later and you plainly saw that she was wasted as she staggered into your living room and onto your couch. That’s a bad sign. The first words that came out of her mouth were “Do you have anything to drink?” Uh oh! This might not turn out too well. It was kind of fun when she flirted with you and talked dirty as she downed a bottle of wine but the fun is starting to fade as she begins to drift in and out of consciousness. Unless you are some kind of depraved monster, this hookup isn’t going to work out.
11 She’s Trying To Get You Drunk
Let’s say that you met your hookup at a nightclub and you’ve been there for a few hours. The conversation has been good, she seems like a fun gal, and you’re almost positive that she knows how to please a guy. You both begin to talk about calling a cab and heading back to your place but she insists that you have a 6th beer and then a 7th. Before you know it you’re half-cut and things are starting to look pretty grim. It’s not that she’s going to perform poorly. Quite the opposite. It’s that you won’t be able to perform at all after pounding back so many beers. This could end up being the worst hook up you’ve ever had. You’ll probably want to forget anything that you remember in the morning.
10 No Sense Of Humor
Being with someone who lacks a sense of humor can be a total buzz kill. You are trying your best to lighten the mood with a little levity but she’s not responding at all. She’s neither said anything remotely amusing nor has she even attempted to humor you with fake a chuckle. She’s just sitting there like a lump on a log. Gee. If she’s this much fun outside of the bedroom then just think about how much of a blast she’ll be in the sack? She’ll be about as fun and animated as that blow-up doll you have stashed in your closet. At least the inflatable doll has a smile on its face. You are in for a long night in which you will probably be doing all of the heavy lifting.
9 She Lacks Confidence
If a woman lacks confidence then she is sure to be a disappointment in the sack. If you have ever hooked up with a chick that is insecure then you know that those insecurities are even greater when they are in the bedroom. There are no unbridled displays of passion and they almost certainly won’t be too receptive to trying out some new or kinky position. You might achieve your goal of bedding her but you shouldn’t expect the experience to be like a ride on a roller coaster. It will be more like a slow moving merry-go-round that grinds to a halt and shuts down midway through the ride. The best you can do is to try to boost her confidence and hope that she can at least temporarily overcome her perceived shortcomings.
8 She’s Not Flirting
It doesn’t matter if you are in a park, a restaurant, or your place, if she’s not flirting with you then it’s going to be a terrible hookup. Generally speaking, women love foreplay and flirting is a part of that. It gets them in the mood and enables them to convey certain messages that they might not otherwise verbalize. It’s also a pretty big turn on for guys. If your hookup isn’t the flirty type then she’s probably going to be a dud in the love den. Sure, you may get your rocks off but the encounter will have a pretty empty feeling to it. You might be better off grabbing your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, a bottle of hand lotion, and a box of Kleenex. At least the bikini models are winking at you.
7 She’s Not Adventurous
Now, there are tons of women out there who come across as shy and reserved but are total animals in bed. Shyness in public does not directly translate into a snoozefest of a romp but it is just one of the many signs that she’ll be a terrible hookup. If she has a hard time telling you about something mildly embarrassing then there is little chance that she’ll be all that adventurous in bed. Does she remain silent, blush and break eye contact when you ask her if she likes the reverse cowboy position? Not a good sign. It takes a lot of prodding to get a shy person to try something new. Even if you do manage to talk her into some experimental stuff, she probably won’t be all that comfortable with it and it won’t be the experience that either of you expected.
6 She’s A Bad Kisser
So, you’ve got the romantic music playing and the lit candles are providing the ideal atmosphere for a great hookup. You’ve both been getting a little touchy-feely and you finally make your move to lock lips. Unfortunately, it’s like kissing a bag of melting ice. You’re trying to ram your tongue down her throat but she’s responding like she’s kissing her dad on the cheek. No passion. If she isn’t a good kisser then there is a good chance that she won’t be all that exciting in bed. This isn’t always the case but it’s usually an accurate indicator of how well they will perform during sex. It also means that the foreplay won’t do much for you. Unless she’s one of the exceptions to this rule, she’s going to be a lousy hookup.
5 She’s In A Rotten Mood
It’s pretty easy to tell when someone is not in the best of spirits. You might not immediately know the reason for her sour state but you are sure from her snippy comments and pouty face that she’s uptight about something. The problem is compounded when you try to find out what the issue is and she gets even angrier talking about it. People that are preoccupied or just plain angry seldom perform well. She will not be able to clear her mind and concentrate on the task at hand which will leave you unsatisfied and even drawn into her black hole of bitterness. Don't ruin your night by trying to improve someone who is just going to suck the fun out of everything.
4 She Can’t Dance
So, you and your hookup decided to meet up at a dance club for a few drinks and a little dancing before heading to your love pad for a night of wild lovin’. After a couple shots of tequila, you hit the dance floor. You’re doing your best MC Hammer imitation mixed in with some pretty sweet moon walking but she might as well be standing still. She’s moving her arms and legs from time to time but she looks like she’s doing an uninspired version of the Hokey Pokey. Alarm bells should be going off in your head telling you that she’s going to be even less entertaining in your bed. If she can’t put together a few rhythmic motions together on the dance floor then how can you expect her to keep a beat in the sack?
3 She Acts Like She’s Too Good For You
She was all for it when you called her and asked if she felt like coming over for a little meaningless romance. Now that she’s arrived, she is giving off a vibe that tells you that you are an inconvenience and she’s acting like she’s doing you some kind of favor. Well, she actually is doing you a bit of a favor if you think about it. Still, she doesn’t need to be constantly reminding you about it. Nor does she really have to make you feel like some kind of third-rate chump who would never have a shot at a long-term relationship with a girl like her. Reality check, Babs!! If she was half the hot dish that she thinks she is then there is no way she’d be available for a last-minute hookup with a loser like you. If there is any sex, don’t expect it to be Earth shattering.
2 She Tells You That Her "Friend" Is Coming
You might have images of a wild threesome when she announces that her friend is coming. “Awesome!!” you think to yourself. “What’s your friend’s name?” you ask. Your excitement takes a 180-degree turn as she explains that she is referring to her period. That’ll take all the sizzle out of the sausage. It gets even worse when she informs you that the two of you can still cuddle. She just can’t go all the way. That’s great!! Nothing cures a huge appetite like going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and just looking at the food. This has all of the ingredients for a night of sexual frustration and sheer boredom. You might as well take that erotic fantasy DVD out of the disk player and cue The Notebook”. It’s going to be a terrible hookup.
1 She’s A He
You found her husky voice to be a bit of a turn on when she was talking dirty to you and you loved the fact that she was also a huge Denver Broncos fans. You seemed to have so much in common. It didn’t really bother you that her hands were a little big and that she held you much tighter than any other woman has ever held you during a slow dance. You didn’t even mind that her butt wasn’t firm when you gave it a quick squeeze. She seemed to like it. It wasn’t until you subtly brushed your hand across her nether regions and discovered a bulge where no woman should ever have a bulge that you knew it was going to be a terrible hook up. That’s right!! She’s a he. You’ll probably want to run to the nearest exit and never tell anyone what happened.