Everyone has a soft spot for looking at something Amish. It seems that a lot of people really get a kick out of their seemingly strange way of life. They do live like they’re back in the 1600’s with the exception of a few updated tools and toys. So that’s already pretty damn interesting. It’s not every day you see that.
In addition to that though, there have been so many scandals in past years involving Amish people that they have made headlines fairly often. I’m sure it doesn’t help them at all that some former Amish people have put out some “reality” tv shows. And even some current Amish people have put out some pretty ridiculous “reality” tv shows. It’s kind of sad, really.
But if there’s one thing that’s even better than “reality” tv and hilarious headlines…it’s photos of Amish people doing Amish things that make everyone laugh, cry and/or cringe. So, here’s a collection of photos of Amish people (or people pretending to be Amish) doing some very interesting things. You’ll either laugh, cry or cringe for sure.
15. The Awkward Casting For A “Reality” Show
You might wonder why this is awkward. Well, all I can really say is take a look at every other photo in the article and tell me how many people of color you see. I’m actually a little shocked that this photo even exists. The Amish are well known for documented outbursts of racism. Whether it’s simply not serving someone at their market because they’re Latino to having a full-on outburst by a Starbucks, calling an African-American a slave. Yeah, there’s some crazy stuff out there! However, you have to realize that the about photo was taken for a potential casting of a “reality” series. Which basically means it’s al fake anyway. And in this case, they already started being fake simply by choosing an African-American. I’m sure the point was to show how inclusive they are…but they’re not, so it is kind of weird.
14. Just Scootin’ Along
Alright…before anything else, this photo is just really REALLY making me think of Children of the Corn again. I can’t help it. Same sort of outfit and she’s scooting by a damned cornfield. You don’t know what monsters could be in there, demanding sacrifices! It’s just too damned creepy. Oh, and then there’s how this girl is using her scooter. She’s going at it in her bare feet! Is she a damned hobbit!? does she simply just have the hardest feet in the world that don’t get calloused, don’t get cold, and can withstand even hot rock from a volcano!? If so, then I need to learn way more about the Amish than I thought! Realistically though, I think this has more to do with the men of the community having power over the women. I’m not sure why you’d want your daughter or wife limping home every day, but there’s something to do with power there.
13. Which Is Which!?
This is actually just a creepy photo. I think so, anyway. These kids look awfully similar. And not just because of their matching slacks and plaid. It’s strange enough to give them matching outfits complete with matching hats. But there’s something even more strange. They actually pretty well all look like the same damn kid. I kind of hope that these guys are quadruplets because if they’re not, the matching outfits and the similar looks are even extra creepy and all I can think about is that little group of kids from Village of the Damned They all dressed the same, had the same hairdos, and they all had creepy glowing-blue eyes. I’m just waiting for these kids to start glowing and controlling the community with their minds! Maybe they already are!
12. Amish Paradise
I know, I know. This isn’t actually an Amish person. It’s just Weird Al dressed up as an Amish person while performing in one of his most popular videos “Amish Paradise”. It’s perhaps one of the most hilarious videos he’s ever had and I think it says a lot that he could make a comedic lyric using a Coolio song to poke fun at the Amish. I never thought they could be so amusing before until this came out. And I was pretty young when it came out. I thought they were all serious and didn’t have electricity and so on and so on. But it turns out they have actually been able to listen to this wonderful song. It’s not like they took to it too kindly, but I’m sure some part of the Amish Mafia thought it was pretty damn accurate. Rebels that they are.
11. Cops Pull Over Buggy And Empty All The Beer
How many times have you ever heard of a horse-drawn buggy being pulled over by the cops? In addition to that, how many times have you heard of the Amish being pulled over and told to empty out each and every can of beer that was stashed in a cooler in the back of the buggy? I imagine not all that often. But that’s what is happening in this photo. It’s not even a “just empty what’s open right now and make sure you don’t drink anymore on the way home”. Nope. This cop on duty here made sure to have them empty every single can. Which is kind of a d*ck move…but it’s still kind of hilarious. I bet the shame this girl was feeling by the end of this night was pretty unbearable. Hopefully, the cop didn’t escort them right back to the old barn because I’m sure mom and dad wouldn’t be happy…
10. The Amish Have A Mafia? Sure, Sure.
You may have heard of or maybe even seen some clips of Amish Mafia. First of all, it’s one of those “reality” tv shows so you know right away that it’s at least mostly bulsh*t. But there is apparently a group of Amish people who are still somehow Amish, but just don’t live by the rules. They are rebel Amish people. Which is kind of ridiculous. If you were really a rebel, wouldn’t you just get out of the community? If you’re going to go play with guns, drink beer and sleep around then wouldn’t it be easier to do if you didn’t dress like Jeremiah and Jebediah both do? Wouldn’t you want to style up a little and just join regular society? Well, apparently these three idiots think otherwise. The “normal” Amish community denies that such a group exists, but they also deny that they murder mass amounts of puppies in their horrible puppy mills.
9. How Do You Play Baseball In Bare Feet!?
Alright. There are a few things wrong with this picture. First of all, each and every girl here looks the same. I get baseball teams having uniforms, but when your uniform is the exact same outfit that you use to milk the cows, clean the house and cook the meal with…it might be a little too much. The next thing here is just the hilarious face that she’s pulling while she’s really putting her all into swinging that bat. It’s kind of amusing. And extra amusing when you see that they’re just playing with a tennis ball, so she’s really going to have to give it some hard-hitting to get anything decent (and she’ll probably break it too). Then there’s the fact that all of these women are playing in bare feet! What the hell possessed them to do that!? Is that one of those crazy Amish rules? And lo, God said that all Amish women who play sports must do so in their bare feet lest they actually get traction when running the field against their male counterparts?
8. The Amish Want To Make America Great Again…
It’s strange to think that the Amish would want to make America all that great again. I mean…they are living several hundred years in the past. That being said, so is Trump’s government, so maybe that makes complete sense. But that doesn’t stop it from being pretty scary. And it really doesn’t make sense to me at all just how these people would know much about Trump at all. I mean, it’s not like they’re supposed to turn on the tv they don’t have or tune in on the radio they shouldn’t own. They’re not supposed to have electricity. Many of them do, but according to their own beliefs, they’re not supposed to have it. I guess they could get a hold of a newspaper if they go into a town or something. But it’s not like they were ever going to make it to one of Trump’s rallies.
7. Rumspringa Is An Interesting Tradition
For those of you who have been readers of The Richest for some time, you will be pretty familiar with the event of Rumspringa. This is when the Amish come of age and are given a certain amount of time to experience parts of the “outside” world to see if they want to stay in the Amish community or go off to start a new life. Well, a lot of things can happen during Rumspringa. Usually, the Amish youth actually end up just having some beer and maybe watching some tv, but others are given a car allowed to go explore the big city. And when that happens. Boy, oh boy things can really start to get crazy. Like the ridiculous guys above with their interesting butt sticker that reads “Amish men do it with a hoe.” That’s just bloody ridiculous.
6. Kate Stoltz – Breaking Amish
Alright…I don’t know about you, but I find this photo pretty damn awkward. And I think there’s a little bit of cringe in there too. Why? Well, on the right you see what Kate Stoltz used to look like as an Amish woman. But on the left, you see her basically both dressed and looking very much like Jenna Haze. I’m sure you thought only one person looked like Jenna Haze…and that would be Jenna Haze herself. But apparently not. And it’s kind of creepy actually. I know some people eventually manage to break free of the Amish community to do all sorts of exciting and naughty things…but Stoltz never really did break free. Sure, she became a model, but she used that popularity to create a “reality” tv show all about how she managed to leave the community…sounds like there are some unresolved issues there.
5. How Can You Tell Them Apart!?
There are a few very awkward, pretty cringe-worthy, and rather hilarious things going on in this photo. First of all, it’s looks like the guy up to bat is going to break his leg in that swing. Secondly, I know you’re meant to wear a uniform in baseball…but I think it goes a little far when everyone shares the same haircut. It’s kind of strange…Almost Village of the Damned strange. And it’s worth noting a couple of things here too about equality. When women in the Amish community play ball, they have to do so in their bare feet! F*ck that! But these guys get to wear their boots. I’m actually wondering which is worse for running around. Oh, and women get to use a tennis ball. these guys get an actual baseball. It seems that inequality in sports exists even in the Amish community…
4. Isaac Will Give You Nightmares!
Alright, so I might be cheating a little here. It never specifies that the children from Children of the Corn are actually Amish, or were Amish. But I mean…look at what Isaac here is wearing. It certainly looks like their community was once Amish before the monster in the cornfield told the kids that every person over 19 must be sacrificed to him. And aside from that…Isaac certainly has the look to make you think that every single Amish person is damned creepy. This isn’t obviously true in reality, but if nothing else it will make you wary when next you’re traveling through Pennsylvania and need to stop because you’ve found a dead body and want to report it. Make sure you go to bigger town. Don’t just pop into your local Amish community!
3. A Little Song In The Subway
I know they’re not in Harlem, but there’s something incredibly awkward knowing that Harlem isn’t far away and this big group of traditionally racist Amish people is singing hymns in the subway. I’m not sure if this would be more awkward and cringy for the Amish people there or for the regular citizens there. I mean, this group seems harder to avoid than the Hari Krishna who used to dance around airports. They seem pretty in the way. But they must be amazed at the structure they’re in. And they must want to sh*t themselves every time a train goes by. Imagine living your life on a farm with no electricity…and then you go into New York and sing church hymns just a little way from Harlem…yeah, now you can understand just how awkward that might be.
2. Amish Puppy Mills Are Disgusting!
At first, you might not catch what’s going on in this photo. But it will become all too clear soon enough. On the table there, the two boys are holding big dogs that they are auctioning off. The Amish communities are well known for their dog breeding and selling. They are also well known for their cruel treatment of animals in their puppy mills. The fact that it’s called a mill already tell you they process the poor pups. After they get a certain breeding and certain dogs are of no use to them, they tend to mass slaughter them rather than give them a new home. And you see all those little cages at the back of the photo? That’s how thousands of dogs are kept (often mushed together) until they no longer serve a purpose for the Amish.
1. Yuliana Dementyeva Playing Amish
This Eastern European beauty is…I guess going way back to her roots somehow? Before the Amish even left for the Americas to flee persecution and start up their own communities so they could harm others the way they were harmed? Long story short, Yuliana is far from actually being Amish. The reality of the situation is that she thought it would be fun to go out to the farm, dress up in black, put on a little dainty collar and play off that she’s some sort of artistic and hot version of an Amish person. I applaud her efforts, but I think she should stay off the far. This photo is far more cringe-worthy than it is hot, I think. Sure, she’s definitely not a bad-looking woman, and she’s definitely hotter than most in the Amish community…but still…it’s sort of creepy.
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