Exercising as little as 20 minutes a day can release endorphins; improving your overall well-being. Endorphins are amazing and like Elle Woods from the 2001 comedy Legally Blonde said: "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy and happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't."
So, are you thinking about possibly joining a gym or do you already go to a gym? Either way, this list is for you. There are certain types of people that you will find at almost every gym; and if you know how to spot them, you will now know how to either avoid them or make friends with them! You can thank us later, preferably with chocolate---because fun fact---chocolate also provides the release of endorphins.
After researching the various types of people commonly found at gyms across the country; we have come up with the 15 Most Embarrassing People You Will Meet At The Gym. Let's take a good in-depth look at each of their personalities. This comprehensive list will provide you with some invaluable information. What will you learn from this list? You will find out which areas of the gym these various personality types tend to stay in. You will learn to translate their different types of body language and eye signals. You will be able to identify them from over 100 yards away.
You have come to the gym to work out. That's it and that's all! Now let's get down to it. Without further ado here we go:
15 The Creeper
You know this guy. The guy who keeps catching your eye every time you happen to look up. You start thinking what the newspaper headlines will read tomorrow morning when you end up being this serial killer's next victim. You wonder how long it will take before your co-workers or your significant other notices your absence? Days? Weeks? Months?! You turn up the volume on the TV to get those stinking bad thoughts out of your head. You've definitely been watching too much Dateline.
Now about the Creeper. Thankfully, the Creeper generally won't approach you. He'll keep his distance. If you were to walk up to him and actually acknowledge him with a smile or a "Hello!" he would honestly probably just trip and fall off the treadmill or drop the 50kg kettlebell on his foot.
14 The Spandex Princess
She parades in with a full face of makeup. She looks like she could waltz on to the stage of the Miss Universe pageant. Her gym clothes look like she borrowed them from a toddler. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Spandex Princess. Her ultimate goals in life are to make men fall at her feet in admiration, women to feel inferior towards her, and of course--world peace.
The only weapons that the Spandex Princess has are her words. She's very good at making belittling remarks and snide comments, yet somehow always ends up appearing as the innocent victim. Some people might call this behavior 'passive aggressive'. Others might just call it the b* word.
If you see the Spandex Princess approaching, there are several actions you can take to defend yourself: You can attempt to exchange superficial pleasantries; You can start over-exaggerating some serious coughing and sniffling---who wants to be around a sick person?!; Pour Himalayan salt in a 6-foot diameter circle and stay inside it; or the last option would be to turn and run screaming the other way.
13 Captain Underpants
Working out is life. Life is working out. Captain Underpants comes in with one motive and one motive only. He wants to work up a sweat.
Captain Underpants is not interested in maintaining modesty. Captain Underpants is sort of like the male version of the Spandex Princess but without the attitude. Captain Underpants is very friendly and enjoys chatting about anything health and fitness related.
If you can get over the fact that he's basically wearing a speedo thong to workout in and just keep your eyes focused on his eyes and not *achem*, then you might actually get a good conversation going with Captain Underpants.
Thankfully, Captain Underpants will not step foot on the treadmill. He's smart enough to know that would give those around him way more than their gym membership pays for. He sticks to lifting weights and bench pressing. When he's not lifting weights he hangs around by the reception desk. Sometimes he's mistaken as the gym's official greeter or tour guide.
12 The Grunter
Seriously? Nobody grunts as much as the Grunter while working out! The Grunter is nothing more than an attention-seeker who sporadically shows up at the gym when he feels the need for an ego boost.
There is a direct correlation between how loud his grunts are with the number of hot girls in his vicinity. The Grunter's interactions with you will be minimal. The only times you need to worry about him approaching would be if you are standing in the weight-lifting area of the gym, and even then unless you are physically blocking access to the 15kg kettlebells---you should be all good, or if you are the Spandex Princess. For some reason the Grunter and the Spandex Princess are drawn together like magnets.
Now, let's say the Grunter attempts to communicate with you. It may sound like he's in fact speaking your language but don't be fooled, that's just your ears playing tricks on you. Whatever he says---"Hi..my name is Fred..." or "Is that your water bottle?" respond with a grunt. One grunt means "Hello". Two grunts mean "Yes!". Three grunts and a shake of the fist means "No!". Keep the conversation light. Don't delve into politics or anything like that.
11 He-Man and She-Ra
"The couple that works out together, stays together."
Barf. The matching warmup suits. The synchronized iPhone fitness apps. The constant googly-eyes back and forth at one another. It's enough to make you sick, isn't it?! You've heard of couples being in-sync and best friends with one another and that's all good but really---matching socks and water bottles? Sit ups with kisses? Enough!
It's difficult to work out with He-Man and She-Ra slobbering all over each other right in front of your face. It's great that they share a love of fitness and....each other but enough with the free show! Whenever you are forced to share workout space with them you walk away feeling queasy--and not because of your workout.
He-Man and She-Ra should stick to playing Masters of the Universe at home, behind closed doors.
10 The Yogi
He controls the sun and moon. He is the master and creator of his own destination. He is the Yogi. He is often seen wearing leggings in bold patterns and crop tops with inspirational sayings. He smells of patchouli and hummus.
Have no fear. There is absolutely nothing remotely dangerous about the Yogi. The worst the Yogi could do might be to perhaps corner you in the yoga studio and shove a big glass of homemade Kombucha in your face. But, other than that---harmless. To make the Yogi go away all you need to do is close your eyes and say: "Namaste" three times. When you open your eyes the Yogi will have gone away.
9 The Uncertified Personal Trainer
This person is not an employee of the gym but aspires to be. They are extremely helpful and offer unsolicited advice and spotting services free of charge. Although this is very generous and go-giving of them they unfortunately don't have a clue about what they are talking about. They know nothing about form or technique. Some of their advice is flat out idiotic and dangerous.
Uncertified personal trainers are found in every gym. If you happen to come across one, now might be the perfect time to get that 'important' phone call that you need to take or start up a conversation with that person on the treadmill next to you. They will eventually go away to find someone else that needs their 'help'.
8 The Wanderer
It never fails; at every gym there is always that one person who lives in the locker room. These people are known as the Wanderers. Wanderers have no clue what they are doing. They are dressed in their spanking new gym clothes and look ready to walk out and get to work but strangely you never see them working out. You never actually see them outside of the locker room.
It's slightly disconcerting that they just seem to wander around the locker room, getting oh-so-close to the door but then keep doing 180s and returning to pace in the locker room. Putting eye drops in their eye, touching up makeup, having to use the bathroom, taking phone calls, checking their shoe laces for the 10th time, filling up their water bottle again and again.
The Wanderer is very friendly and upbeat. They just seem lost. The best course of action when you encounter the Wanderer is just smile and say "Hello". You could also ask if they need help finding the door.
7 Mr. WTF
Seriously, Mr. WTF! WTF is your problem?! This guy loves drama. He likes creating conflict and jumping into the conflicts of others. There is nothing he likes more than the sound of his own voice. The louder he gets the more desperate he's vying for attention.
You'll see him walking around the gym like he owns the place. If someone looks in his general direction and he doesn't like it or if someone is using "his" weight bench, he'll say something like "WTF?!" or "What's your problem, man?!". Mr. WTF can do no wrong and anyone that thinks otherwise must just be jealous.
Do your best to just steer clear of Mr. WTF.
6 The B.O.D.
The B.O.D. stands for "bada** old dude". You know the B.O.D.! This 90 year old lifts more than two 20 year old bodybuilders put together! He does one-arm pushups, upside down rope climbs, runs 20 miles a day, 500 sit ups, and does it all without breaking a sweat.
The B.O.D. literally runs circles around everyone else at the gym. It doesn't matter if you're 20, 40, 60....this guy will put you to shame. He's absolutely awe-inspiring. Everyone wants to be the B.O.D. He's someone you definitely want to be rubbing elbows with because he has so much legit knowledge about health and fitness.
If you have a B.O.D. at your gym, consider yourself lucky.
5 Mr. Chicken Legs
Mr. Chicken Legs doesn't do leg day. His upper body is massive and he's incredibly built...from the waist up.
He's super focused on his biceps and triceps. But for some reason he's not concerned with his lower half. Mr. Chicken Legs can't get enough mass on his arms but those legs? Nope. There's absolutely zero muscle on them.
Mr. Chicken Legs is at the gym to work out. He's not there to chat. He's not there to offer advice. He's there to keep piling the pounds on his arms.
You'll obviously recognize Mr. Chicken Legs by his legs and he will have some sort of creatine supplement or protein shake with him. Don't mistake his lack of eye contact and lack of apology after bumping into you for rudeness; he really isn't capable of having manners.
4 Mr. and Miss Can You Hear Me Now?
"Put the da*n phone away!" is something you will definitely have to fight the urge not to yell at "Mr. or Miss Can-You-Hear-Me-Now?". These people have zero consideration for anyone else. They are self-absorbed and arrogant. Their iPhone is as attached to their hand as their head is attached to their body. It's not going anywhere.
Mr. or Miss Can-You-Hear-Me-Now? generally stick to the treadmill or recumbent bike. They need to keep their hands free to hold their phone. Yes, there are headphones and arm bands they could invest in so that they wouldn't have to hold their phones but that's too much of a bother. Plus, having the phone in their hand let's everyone know that they are on the phone--which falsely gives Mr. or Miss. Can-You-Hear-Me-Now? the impression that everyone thinks they are super important and uber-popular to have to be on the phone while at the gym.
3 Veronica & Victor Vanity
Strike a pose--making sure, if you're a girl, to accidentally capture a bit of cleavage. Snap the picture. Use your phone editing app to insert inspirational saying on the picture. Post your picture to all social media accounts. Obsessively check the picture for new likes and comments.
Not enough likes and comments? Time for another one. Veronica and Victor Vanity are incredibly insecure with themselves. Their self-esteem and confidence are directly linked to the amount of likes and comments they receive on photos of themselves.
Veronica enjoys taking selfies that she believes portray her as deep-in-thought or I-just-had-the-toughest-workout-and-didnt-break-a-sweat. Victor thrives on selfies showcasing his muscles. He's not so much as interested as appearing deep in thought as he is appearing hot AF. He wants women to be wiping drool off their iPhone screens when they see his latest selfie.
Don't worry about coming across a Victor or Veronica. They are in and out of the gym in under 15 minutes flat. Their main objective coming to the gym is to get that perfect selfie. They want everyone to know they were at the gym. If you get in the way of their perfect selfie, they will let you know by staring you down until you slowly back away so they can get their Instagram-worthy shot.
"On Wednesdays we wear pink!" Oh yes. The coordinating BFFs. The BFFs coordinate everything from what they'll wear to go workout to what equipment they'll use. Everything is done together. If one has to break to use the ladies room, the other will also use the ladies room.
The reason behind the coordinating workout attire is so one doesn't get lost. If they somehow lose each other, they can simply look down at their own clothing and be reminded of what their other half looks like.
BFFs always come in sets of two. Once in a while you might spot a set of three but that's not what it looks like. Looks can be deceiving. One of the three is the odd duck that doesn't belong. You can spot the odd duck because she is either not as attractive as the other two or when they walk anywhere the BFFs are walking side-by-side whereas the odd duck is walking behind them.
BFFs don't bite. They tend to appear a bit aloof and immature but that's only because that's exactly what they are.
1 The Crossfitter
The Crossfitter is like the majestic lion of the animal kingdom. They are magnificent beasts. Their feats of strength and endurance are astounding. The workouts they put themselves through are hell---and they seem to love every minute of it!
The bloodier their shins become from hitting those hard boxes they jump on and over--the happier they become! Their hands are ripped from climbing up and down ropes--and they smile about it!
The language of a Crossfitter is particularly challenging to learn. They speak and write in acronyms and dash marks known as Crossfittish. If you have a lot of Crossfitters at your gym it might be handy to pick up a Rosetta Stone language guide in Crossfittish; just to keep in your gym bag. You never know when you might need to engage in conversation with one.
If you are really lucky you might catch a glimpse of a hybrid crossfitting B.O.D. (badass old dude)! Watching a crossfitting B.O.D. is basically the equivalent of watching Usain Bolt sprint 100 yards and high jump on to the back of a unicorn. You can't take your eyes away because it's so mind-blowing.