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15 Most Cringe-Worthy Post-Deed Selfies

High Life
15 Most Cringe-Worthy Post-Deed Selfies

Taking selfies after having s*x has been sort of a revolution on social media. Much of the pictures that are taken show happy couples embracing after passionate lovemaking, which is cringe-worthy in its own right. Many of the moments shared on Instagram and Snapchat are supposed to serve the purpose of bragging about the s*x. But, not all parties are always on the same page. There is often one partner who is more excited about the endeavor than the other.

The moments after s*x can either be beautiful or uncomfortable. This is usually dependent on how well you know a person, as a year-long relationship is going to look a lot different than a one-night stand. The following pictures deal with the cringe-worthy side of the #aftersexselfie movement. Many of them show the moment right after s*x or the following morning, where one partner’s excitement is notably different than the other. These also serve as a public service of sorts, as it appears that young women are blacking out in record numbers. There are multiple cases ahead that show just how forgetful some people can be when they wake up after a night on the town.

15. Forgettable

It’s a running theme with these pictures that a lot of the girls tend to forget who they just had s*x with. These were likely taken the morning after–unless the memory is particularly short–and they almost always involve the girl forgetting who is lying next to her. It’s not that guys aren’t having the same amount of anonymous s*x, but they at least pretend to know who they’re with.

Apart from the amount of hair on this guy’s chest, there are a couple notable parts of this photo. First, there is a 70% chance that the guy is texting one of his buddies about how fabulous his new girlfriend is; that little smirk betrays his intentions. The second is the cup in his hand. That looks like a coffee cup to me, and if that’s the case, then it means he went to get coffee and came back to bed. If she doesn’t know who he is, that would have been a perfect time to sneak out (assuming she’s at his place). If he’s in her bed, then leaving and coming back is a psycho move that should be punishable by internet shaming.

14. Think Or Know?

This is a tough look for the gentleman taking the photo, but you have to have a bit of self-awareness here. If you’re going to post a humble-brag Snapchat like this, then you have to be aware of how your face looks. Sure, he probably didn’t consider the fact that this Snapchat would be broadcast to the entire internet, but you still have to take a moment to consider your own face.

This emo side-part, the patchy beard, and the general low-key-school-shooter vibe coming off this guy is evident to begin with, but the caption of, “Think she’s dead” is the cherry on top. As far as we know, this Snapchat is not linked to any murders, but it wouldn’t be the most shocking news in the world to hear it was.

13. Excitement VS. Instant Regret

This picture displays the classic societal trope that men are way more pumped about having s*x than women are. This young fella couldn’t wait to Snapchat all of his friends, bragging about the s*x he just had. The girl he had s*x with, on the other hand, is trying to remember the fastest way out of his apartment.

This guy could be a victim of poor timing, but whatever this girl is watching on her phone appears to be infinity times more interesting than hanging out with her just-had-s*x buddy. This is the face of a guy who says “phew, nice. High five!” after finishing and then immediately pulls out his phone to document the occasion. After all, did you really have s*x if you didn’t tell all of your friends about it?

12. That Was Fun! Now Get Out

This may or may not be the same two people from the first photo on this list, which would be perfect. That chest hair and hairline seems pretty familiar. If you’ll remember, the girl was wondering the identity of the guy in bed next to her. Apparently, the guy doesn’t care who she is and just wants her to leave.

Spending the night with a girl for the first time can be intimidating, especially the morning after. Everybody poops, but nobody wants to take it out on the toilet with a hookup still lying on their bed. It’s even worse if you’re at someone else’s place. Pooping in front of a significant other is at least six months down the road, making the in-between difficult to navigate. By this picture, I think it’s fair to determine that this guy is pumped about the s*x, but ready to move on to the bodily function chapter of his day.

11. Problematic

I need some guidance here. Is this racist? Is it racist to assume that she’s being racist just because the guy she regretted having s*x with was black? This is a minefield that’s just begging for some “well, actually” in the comments.

Whether she meant this as a racist post or not, it’s not a great visual. Cara definitely had to do some backpedalling with her friends after this one. “No, not because he was black. It’s because he snores really loud and I couldn’t get any sleep.”

For what it’s worth, I like to think that this one is not racist. I think we’re missing some context here and that there’s another reason she was regretting having s*x with him. When it’s all said and done, though, she escaped the roasting of that ridiculous face she has on because of the mental gymnastics we’re going through to try to figure out if it’s racist.

Update: sending this to the University of “Is This Problematic?” Lab for further testing. Will update with more information.

10. Just Trying To Get Some Z’s

There are a few instances on this list where a girl doesn’t remember who she’s slept with, but this one stands out. First of all, you have to give it to her. This isn’t exactly the mug you’d want to wake up next to. I can’t be sure, but that looks like an eyebrow piercing. That’s on her drunk self for going home with this guy, so you can’t really put her poor decisions on him.

Most of the pictures you’ll see on the internet with the same sentiment usually picture the “go home” person walking around, on their phone, or talking in bed. It’s completely reasonable to want them to go home, but this guy is dead asleep. You can’t roast someone for overstaying their welcome while they’re passed out. Nudge him to make sure he’s alive, and then you can send a snap talking about how you want him to leave.

9. Handyman

Some of the best photos that have been attached to the #aftersexselfie Instagram trend don’t involve s*x whatsoever. So many of these pictures are cringe-worthy not because they’re awkward but because of how cringe-worthy it is to see a happy couple. This may be a single person’s view of the world, but a couple bragging about how they just had s*x makes me want to puke.

This fella didn’t have a willing partner, so he took matters into his own hand (see what I did there). Drawing a face on his hand was a nice touch and certainly added to the comedic value of the picture. The only question left is: do you think he really jerked off before taking this picture? It would still be funny if he didn’t, but that face sure looks like he did. There is just enough sadness in those eyes to think that he is seriously considering his loneliness in this moment.

8. Rocking Out

This isn’t a by-the-books selfie, but it still highlights the variety of strangers these girls have found in their bed. It’s hard to tell if this is a bad sight to wake up to or not. Sure, this could be read as a maniac; but there is certainly a type of girl this guy would be perfect for.

Especially when you consider the amount of boring nobodies that are the subject of these pictures, this guy is a pleasant change of place. Sure, he’s overstaying his welcome and you keep having to call him “dude” and “you,” but at least he’s a breath of fresh air.

I’m only now realizing that this guy might be taking a selfie of his own in this moment, which is enough reason to kick him out of bed. It’s probably going to have something to do with the s*x that just happened, and that face is reprehensible. I’m torn on this one, but if I were her, I think I’d ride the wave. This guy has layers to him.

7. Sleep Shaming

Here, we have another example of a drunk person forgetting who they went home with the night before. It’s not an ideal situation for anyone to find themselves in, especially when it’s a person who sleeps with both arms above his/her head like a crazy person. In the end, though, it’s the girl’s fault as those bracelets are a pretty massive red-flag.

That being said, I don’t love the fact that this girl is roasting him on the noises he’s making while he sleeps. It may be because I am a noted sleep-grunter, but these things are impossible to control. We’d all love to sleep eloquently like we were in a Disney movie, but we all have our little sleep quirks. You don’t need to put the poor guy on blast just because he’s having a bad/good/indifferent dream.

6. Intimacy Problems

This is one of the most relatable pictures on this list. Almost everyone has been where this girl is. This is the perfect picture to illustrate expectations in the modern dating world. Some people cling while others are only looking for a fun time.

Some context would help to determine the level of creepiness here. If these two have been on a few dates, then it’s not the craziest move in the world to smother/fall asleep/die on top of this girl. If this is the first time the two have had s*x, then it’s a completely different story. If that’s the case, then this picture alone should be enough to get a restraining order on this guy. I don’t care how much you think you’ve connected; this is some six months plus of dating cuddle form right here.

5. Double-Check The Recipient List

The only way that these Snapchats get leaked to the internet world is if someone screengrabs them and puts them on Reddit or social media. Otherwise, none of these snaps would make it out of the small circle they were originally intended for. This makes me think that this picture somehow got back to this gentleman’s best mate.

We’ve all been in a situation in which we send something to the wrong person. This can be as insignificant as a two-word answer, but can be as damning as…well…this picture right here.

Even if this wasn’t sent directly to the friend in question, who was it intended for? I assume, like most people, that this guy has a group of friends who all hang out. Does this mean that everyone in the group knew Tim banged Ryan’s ex and sent a picture to the group? I have no idea how a person would handle this snap. We need to check the bro code on this one.

4. I’ve Made A Huge Mistake

This one wasn’t taken directly after s*x was done (only assuming that pregnancy tests don’t work like that; haven’t had to stare one in the face as of yet <knock on wood>) but this may be the most regret we’ll see on this list.

It’s hard to read those pregnancy tests, but we have to assume they’re positive. It’s never a good sign when she’s holding two of them, as that’s basically a confirmation of this life-changing event. The girl in the picture seems relatively happy, although she might be making the best of the situation. The guy, on the other hand, was definitely not pleased.

It’s hard not to think that this picture was staged, but it’s still something to which many of us can relate. Until out mid-twenties, virtually no one is having a baby on purpose nowadays. Once you hit the point where people are trying for babies, the appropriate response to “I’m pregnant” is confusing as hell. For many, the hypothetical is one of the worst imaginable consequences of s*x. Anyone who has had a pregnancy scare knows exactly how this guy is feeling.

3. “You Gonna Post That?”

This is a rare picture in which it’s the male who seems to be ashamed of the s*x he just had. Most of the time, it seems as though the female s*x-bragging displays the guy as a happy camper. Instead, this picture shows a guy who is regretting all of the choices he made for the past six months with the covers pulled up like a woman on a sitcom.

I could probably wrong, but it feels like we can deduce this entire relationship based on this photo. The girl is clearly interested in the guy, who knew it and decided to give in during a moment of weakness. We’ve all settled once or twice in our time, and once it’s over, there is only regret. She may be thinking that this is the beginning of a lasting relationship, while the guy looks like he found out his childhood pet just died.

You can’t blame that face, though, especially when you consider the fact that his girly-a*s bedroom just got transmitted to the internet.

2. Had A Pillow Fight?

Most of these photos are of one-night stands, but hardly any of them provide context. This could have been a one-night stand picture, but it’s also a fair assessment that this is the kind of picture a new couple may post to Snapchat. It takes some balls to Snapchat a post-s*x selfie with some girl you just met to brag about s*x. Now that I’m typing it, though, that is the face of a guy who would post a selfie to brag about s*x with a random girl.

The obvious roast in this picture is the girl’s face. He thinks he just rocked her world, but Sarah is back there retracing every decision she’s made for the last five years. He’s probably still completely naked–thinking this is the beginning of a lasting relationship–while the girl is searching the room for her belongings, eager not to leave anything lest Brian views that as a sign that she wants to see him again.

1. The Real Girl

After-s*x selfies has been one of the hot-in-the-streets memes on Instagram, with each photo being more insufferable than the last. These pictures aren’t like most of the ones on this list, as they’re taken the other way around and are usually not meant to be funny. Broadcasting your happy relationship to the world just makes single people want to puke, and this young man took it upon himself to make a mockery of the whole thing.

The subject of the photo got his point across: that all the people taking these pictures are ridiculous. There isn’t much more to grasp of this photo, but there is something weird about owning a blowup s*x doll.

It’s all well and good to use a s*x doll as a prop, but people are going to start asking why you have it. Even if your use for the doll has been 100% for humor’s sake, people are always going to wonder if you’ve banged it. Great, you took a comedic picture to mock the #aftersexselfie, but did you really bang the doll?

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