In this day and age of constant texting, it may be hard to break the habit when you break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend. We are so used to mindlessly and endlessly tapping away that we may forget that the relationship is over and continue to text our exes. Sometimes, the texts are harmless and innocent, but lots of times, the correspondence is simply mortifying. Perhaps you do not get the response you had hoped for or you write something super cringe-worthy or downright nasty. Was that really necessary? Wasn’t the breakup bad enough?
When the romance is over, delete your exes’ contact info from your smartphone immediately. Out of sight, out of mind, and there will be a slim chance that you will text them something embarrassing or regrettable. If you no longer care to be with this person, there should be nothing left to say. Text someone new, reach out to a friend, or just lay off the technology for a while. You’ll be better for it.
Here are 15 perfect examples of mortifying texts that nobody should have sent their ex. The ex is an ex for a reason, so leave the past in the past. Move on and let them do the same. Anger, hatred, or the hopes of getting back together are all a waste of time and energy. Why break your heart or theirs even further? If you must pick up your phone, flick through Instagram instead. Just don’t comment on any of your exes’ posts!
15. No Good Food
When your fast food choice reminds you of your ex for all the wrong reasons, you are best off keeping the thought to yourself. Texting your ex about their similarity to a fish taco or the delivery speed of a pizza pie is totally immature, no matter how clever you think you are. If you are so darn angry with your ex that this is the nicest thing you can say to them, then you may need a serious cooling off period. Go enjoy your fish taco or eat that slice of Papa John’s pizza while it’s still piping hot because one day, when you look back at the relationship, you will recall this stupid and silly text exchange and feel like a moron for participating in the madness.
14. April Fool’s Day
April Fool’s Day is meant for pranks, but texting your ex about how much you miss them as a joke is downright cruel. If they still have any feelings for you, you will shatter their hopes for rekindling the relationship in the matter of seconds. You may have some pent-up resentment for your ex (who doesn’t?) but tricking them into thinking you still care is mean and hurtful. Plus, they may hold onto this text to try to prove that you still really love them and are using April Fool’s Day as an excuse to cover up your true heartfelt desires. If you must engage in an April Fool’s Day prank, at least aim it toward someone you are on good terms with. Otherwise, the joke is on you.
13. Cheated Out Of A Relationship
To cheat, or not to cheat? That may be the question, but lying about cheating to get back at an ex who you thought cheated on you is just crazy. If you really think your ex cheated, then dump them pronto. Playing silly games only makes things worse and this text exchange proves the point. Apparently, neither of these two cheated, and they don’t have great grammar skills either. Maybe they deserve one another after all! Cheating is the pits, so it is no wonder a person would be pissed, but at least get the facts straight. Looking like a fool doesn’t help anyone’s cause. This pair should be happy they are rid of one another. Now all they need to do is stop texting and move on with their lives.
12. Doggone Done
Ah, nothing like reminiscing about the past. But if you do and text your ex, don’t be surprised if their reply is not what you had expected. You may have gotten over any bad feelings, but they may still feel the burn. If you see a loving couple walking hand in hand and they look like they are in love, this may bring up old feelings from when things were going well with your ex. But remember, you broke up for a reason. So, when they see a pile of dog doo, they may recall all the crap you gave them causing the break up. Just give that loving couple a smile and go about your day. Texting your ex will only make you feel sorry for yourself and leave you feeling stinky.
11. He Kissed A Girl And Liked it
Hey dummy, if you kiss another chick, don’t think your ex is going to be happy to hear from you. You may miss her deeply, but you should have thought about that before you played a game of tonsil hockey with that babe at the bar. Your girlfriend dumped you and you very well deserved it. She may have been “the one,” but you chose to let your lips slip and smooch another sweetie. Perhaps that gal would be happy to receive a text from you. Did you really think your ex would be happy to hear from her no-good cheating ex? Miss her or not, the relationship is over. Think before you plant a big wet one on someone other than your girlfriend the next time you get the urge.
10. Keep Dreaming
You may desperately want to get back together with your ex, but do not expect for one second that they feel the same way about you. Your bedtime dreams may have you two happily reunited, but your ex thinks that notion sounds more like a nightmare than a dream come true. Unless you think your ex wants to rekindle the romance, then save your loving texts for your friends and family. Dream all you want, but leave those thoughts inside your mind and off your phone. Even if you dream of getting back together with your ex, leave the love and longing in a far-away fantasy land. You will feel mortified if you text them and they do not feel the same. Break up and dream of a new love instead.
9. I Now Pronounce You Broken Up
Well, that pretty much sums it up. Do not text anything close to a marriage proposal to anyone, ever. Not only is it super cheesy, but it will not end well, especially if the important question is being sent to an ex. When a person would rather be six-feet under than standing at the altar with you, you know the relationship took a sharp turn for the worse. Of course, this person does not want to marry you! Text till your fingers are numb, but this proposal is the pits. Marriage is a major commitment, not something to casually text about. Your ex is better off without you if this is your way of asking for their hand in marriage. Stay single until you learn how to rev up the romance.
8. Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace
If you remain on good terms with your ex after you break up and they become engaged to someone else, by all means, text them your heartfelt congratulations. But if you are bitter and angry, a mean text is not a good idea, no matter the situation. And this texter got what was coming to them by getting further dissed by their ex. Just let it go and let your ex live their “happily ever after” with someone new. They obviously never want to be with you again and they do not even want to hear from you. Let’s hope one day you find someone to love and marry too, this way, you will not have to embarrass yourself by sending rude texts to your ex. Please do not crash and ruin their wedding!
7. Short And Not-So-Sweet
Your ex does not like you anymore, so why would they want to find someone else to date who is just like you? Apparently, according to your ex, you are no prize — not even close. If you break up, leave it at that. Do not try to convince your ex that they ought to be with you because there is nobody better out there. Because your ex certainly disagrees. They want to find someone who is the polar opposite of you, that is why you are no longer a couple. A text like this will only make you look completely foolish and embarrassingly desperate. You may have the thought, but keep it under wraps. Even if your ex does still love you, they will never admit it — not via text anyhow.
6. Fingers Up
This is completely mortifying! If you think you can get your ex back by offering up some fun in the sack, be prepared to be totally dissed and dismissed. Some people will jump at the chance for some nookie, but others will hate you enough to give up a roll in the hay since they can’t stand the sight of you. Never send an ex a text that suggests you kiss and make up when you know that they have no desire to be with you anymore. If you are so desperate, it will show, making you look like even more of a loser. Spend some time alone and maybe in a month or so you can get back to dating. Surely someone else will be happy to “lay in your bed” one day soon.
5. Fake As Plastic
Apparently, this person thinks their ex is a total fake and a phony. When you think you ex is like plastic, the relationship has surely melted into oblivion. Do not text your ex for some much-needed advice when you know they are going to come back with a sarcastic line to zing you. And if your ex considers you to be superficial, you are only asking for trouble. If you are burned by your ex, be sure you are not made of plastic! They will be the first to let you know that your materialism and superficiality is what caused the relationship to lose its sizzle. If you need some advice, ask a friend or better yet, see a therapist. Texting an ex for advice is like adding wood to the fire.
4. Burn, Baby Burn
Well that is one good way to get rid of your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend’s stuff — just set it on top of a fired-up grill and roast their personal belongings into oblivion! But for the fella or gal who dumped their ex over text when they have cancer no less, they deserve for their stuff to be set aflame. Lucky for them that was all the ex did. Things could have been even worse. There is nothing meaner than dumping a person over text, but then to ask to come get your stuff? Not a chance. This person should have thought about that before kicking their ex to the curb in their condition. Perhaps the ex grilled up some juicy hot dogs and burgers over this loser’s T-shirts and sweatpants. Yum!
3. What A Stiff
This is so cringe-worthy. Do not text your ex about your “little man” when they want nothing to do with you. S*xting when you are with someone is one thing if you are into that sort of communication, but to text an ex about what is happening in your pants! No wonder this person was taken aback at such a rude and crude bit of information. The middle finger straight in the air is the only decent reply to such a text. The next time this guy thinks it’s cool to text someone about their “stiffy,” they better recall this mortifying text exchange and think again. Ex or not, most people would not find such information noteworthy. Keep your text (and your body parts) to yourself next time dude.
2. Way To Celebrate
If you despise your ex, then why bother to reach out? So it may be “National Text Your Ex Day,” but that’s only cool if you have something nice to say. If you are going to be mean, then why text at all? The ex must realize that you do not like or miss them, so why send an unfriendly reminder of such? Be glad that the relationship is over and do your thing on your own. Perhaps you have nobody new in your life, so you are taking out your frustration on your ex. But what good does that do you? All you wind up doing is looking like is a jerk. You could take the high road and send a kind message, or better yet, send nothing at all and don’t celebrate the made-up holiday in the first place.
1. A Girl’s Got To Eat
Texting an ex makes little sense if they have expressed the feeling that they have no desire to keep in touch with you. Like this person wrote, it just makes you look sad. But if you keep texting how much you miss them, you will start to feel like a desperate fool. That said, just like this person, you may want your valuable cookbook back — totally understandable. But is it worth the humiliation of reading the cruel words of your ex? Perhaps you can learn to cook some other way. There are plenty of easy-to-follow recipes online or ask your granny for her secret cornbread recipe. Vow to make this the very last text to your ex, whether or not they return the Jamie Oliver cookbook. You will get over it, and they may finally learn to cook.
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