We all text, yet we just can’t seem to master the skill. How many times have you accidentally sent a text to the wrong person or texted something you wish you could take back that instant? It happens to the best (and the worst) of us, yet we will not give in and relinquish our treasured smartphones. The high-tech gadgets are just part of modern life, and without one, most of us feel naked, like we're missing out on the happenings in the world around us. FOMO!
All this 24/7 texting inevitably leads to some mortifying moments. Especially when we text something to our boss that has us red in the face. Your smartphone software may get an update every now and then, but too bad there is no “boss filter.” It is bad enough to embarrass yourself face-to-face, but the agonizing text lives on and on as your bewildered boss looks at your cringe-worthy words time and time again, wondering why he or she ever hired you dope in the first place.
You loved our first round of "15 Mortifying Texts You Should Never Send To Your Boss," so here are 15 more to give you a good laugh at someone else’s expense. If anything even close to these blunders have happened to you, you know that the humiliation is real and it can sting. So, remember the next time you text, be sure you do not send your boss something that will make showing up at the office the next day a traumatic experience.
15 Holy Crap!
If you are stuck in heavy traffic, for one, you should not be texting and driving in the first place, and two, if you are going to go ahead and do it anyway, be sure your autocorrect does not make a fool of you. Particularly if you are texting your boss. Even if you have a close relationship with them, no decent boss wants to have the visual of you taking a poop. Especially one that lasts an hour. Hemorrhoids anyone? If you are late for work, just leave the explanation for when you finally arrive at the office. Texting about toilets is crap (pun intended). You should know better and your boss doesn’t need to hear about your bodily functions.
14 Walrus Who?
Before you mortify yourself by accidentally calling your boss a large marine mammal via text, be sure to check your text message for any signs of autocorrect gone mad. You will embarrass yourself and potentially insult your boss. No woman wants to be compared to a walrus, particularly one who has recently packed on a few pounds over the holidays. The texter must have been so embarrassed for the faux pas, and if only they had checked their words before pressing “send,” all would have been peachy keen. In the future, this person will text their boss with a thorough review. Autocorrect can be helpful at times, but like in this case, it turned an innocent text into an uncomfortable matter. At least it didn’t change the word to hippo!de
13 Big Everything
You may “like big butts,” but do not let your boss in on it for heaven’s sake. Autocorrect is a doozy at times and one little word change can screw up an entire message. Luckily for this person, their boss was cool and did not let the mishap become an issue. Even so, the texter was likely mortified by their “big behind” comment. If the person actually has a large derrière, all the more embarrassing. “Junk in the trunk” is something lots of people carry around, but texting about it to your boss will only make an a** out of you. The next time this person texts their boss, they will be sure to leave their rear end out of the communication. Hopefully they can put this exchange behind them.
12 No Butts About It
When more than one person shares the same name on your contact list, you had better be on the ball when it comes to texting. One false move and you will be totally embarrassed when you send your message to the wrong recipient. And if you call your brother a “butt,” you will be even more mortified when you realize he never got the message because your boss got it instead! Who’s the butt now? You! Of course, your brother will just love hearing this story, but your boss will always wonder why he is the butt of your joke. The best bet is to change one of their names in your phone so it's crystal clear who you are texting. Not to mention, the boss probably was not invited to this person’s birthday in the first place, making the exchange even more awkward!
11 Boozed Up And Busted
This employee is totally busted by their boss who is well-aware that their employee isn’t truly sick. A late-night out drinking until the sun comes up may be fun while it is happening, but the next morning will be a doozy when a throbbing headache and unrelenting nausea sets in. Who could possibly go to work under such terrible conditions? But if you are going to call in sick, you better be sure that your boss is not aware of your hard-partying ways. He or she will catch on fast, knowing when you are lying so you can stay home and nurse a killer hangover. Next time, lay off the whisky shots and have a refreshing soda pop instead. You may not have quite as much fun, but at least you’ll keep your job.
10 Where There’s Smoke…
When your idiot brother gets ahold of your phone, you better brace yourself for some embarrassing moments that are about to come your way. Asking your boss if he wants to smoke your new bong is totally inappropriate, even if it was your bozo brother doing the texting. If you can’t control who texts on your phone, how are you going to be able to do a good job tomorrow at 9 a.m.? This boss is probably rethinking their decision to ask this person to come in in the first place. His brother might stoned and his boss probably thinks his employee is too. Smoking may be legal in some parts of the country, but unless you know your boss is into getting high with his staff, it's better to lock your brother out of your room when he’s baked.
9 The 9-To-5 Is Real
If you need to text your boss every single day to ask whether you are “on” for work the next day, you must have a very unusual job. This boss must think his employee is a real idiot who cannot grasp the fact that the job is every day, Monday through Friday. Perhaps this person is insecure or cannot follow directions, but texting the boss directly about something so absurd is a sign that this may not be the right fit. Perhaps this boss should view these moronic texts as a sign to put out a help wanted ad for someone new to come in to replace this less-than-smart employee. No boss wants a daily text asking the same thing from their low-IQ worker. The next time, the boss will change his tune and tell his employee to stay home.
If you are comfortable texting your boss that you cannot come to work because you must binge-watch television, be prepared to see all your stuff shoved into a cardboard box outside your cubicle come Monday morning. At least come up with a better excuse than a television season finale for heaven’s sake. Lie that you have a high fever, your dog needs to get neutered, or your poor sister fell down a flight of stairs. Claim that your lemon of a car broke down or you have a case of laryngitis. Anything aside from the fact that you intend to be a lazy couch potato and watch the “boob tube” instead of going to work. Because before you know it, you won’t have a paycheque to cover your cable bills.
7 Big Man, Big Blunder
It is unclear why this person calls her younger brother “big man,” but that is beside the point. If you plan to text such words, be sure they are at least sent to the big man himself and not to your confused boss. Calling your boss “big man” is not only awkward, but could be seen as sarcastic or rude. And if the boss is a full-figured fella, the text will be taken literally and can be hurtful. From now on, this person had better check who they are texting before winding up in an embarrassing situation. Coming to the office the next day must have been terrifying. Hopefully the boss kept this weird text exchange to themselves and didn’t spread the word to the rest of the staff. Big Man may be okay with that name, but “big mistake” is how the mortified texter must be feeling.
6 At Least They’re On The Same Page
Do not text during meetings. Why? Case in point. You may inadvertently text your boss rather than your co-worker and find yourself burying your head in your shaking hands. In this case, at least the boss was on the same page and felt that the meeting was super-boring and pointless too, but if things didn’t turn out so smoothly, this texter would have a heck of a lot of explaining to do. No matter how pointless the meeting, do not text during it. It will only land you in hot water. If you must complain, do it after the meeting comes to a close, and do not do it over text message. Talk to your boss or manager and perhaps they can come up with better topics to discuss the next time around. Let’s just hope the topic isn’t about texting during staff meetings.
5 Perhaps A Job At The Cemetery?
Well this is awkward. Okay, so lots of people can’t stand their job, but most would rather live than die. And most people would also be careful not to text their boss about how much they despise their job! Don’t you wonder how the next day at the office went for this embarrassed person? If they were brave enough to show their face, their boss must have been pretty pissed off. Is the job really that horrendous? If so, why doesn’t this person just look for a new job rather than hoping to drop dead? Are these the only two choices? Even a low-paying job is better than one that makes you question living any further. Maybe their boss can help out by adding some new company perks to perk things up for this person.
4 Good Luck Tomorrow
Whoops! Well, this is going to be a real problem tomorrow at the office. Drunk texting never turns out well, particularly if you text your boss that you are going to quit. Bad move. The texter blamed the text message on silly friends who love to partake in practical jokes, but the joke will be on him or her when they are fired come Monday. Why people drink to the point of intoxication and text is a mystery, but we will have to blame it on one too many shots of Absolut and a bottle of merlot. But here’s the deal — the truth comes out after the blood alcohol level spikes and so does the phone. Hopefully this person’s boss is forgiving, otherwise the texter is really going to need a stiff drink!
3 Sure Beats the Conference Room!
We've all heard about gathering by the water cooler, but by the stripper pole? That is surely a new way to hold a staff meeting! Plus, who needs to text anyone to meet them by a stripper anyway? Isn’t the fact that you are in close proximity to a pole dancer good enough? Do you really need a buddy to chaperone you? The next time this person hits up the strip club, you can bet that they will not be texting a soul. After texting their boss to meet them by a scantily-clad woman, the lesson is surely learned. After that blunder, suddenly a lap dance would not seem as exciting. Leave a tip and head home. And here is a tip for the tipsy texter — never drunk-text again.
2 Do Not Disturb
Things are about to get too close for comfort when you invite your boss back to your hotel room. Totally crossing the line here! Then again, why is this person asking a coworker to come by? That is not on the up and up either. Ordering too much from room service is one thing, but opening the door to your boss is an even bigger mistake. Perhaps these folks are on a company retreat, but even so, everyone ought to remain in their own rooms. Business and pleasure don’t mix, especially at the Holiday Inn. Hopefully this person got themselves out of this mess and went to bed after eating some overpriced goodies from the mini bar. Let’s also hope the boss didn’t get their hopes up that they’d have more fun than expected at the hotel.
1 What Do You Do When You’re Off?
This double blunder is not only highly embarrassing, but concerning. Of course, autocorrect made a mockery of the texter, but they should have taken a second look at what they were about to send to their boss, who is now quite likely in complete shock. The substance element of this text was wild enough, but add in the self-intimacy part, and this employee seems to have a lot of time on their hands (and a lot else in their hands, for that matter). A text like this will have this person checking their messages from this point on. If their boss was ever able to get over it, that is one thing, but this person must be super-embarrassed to the point that they’ll never want to set foot in the office again.