Girls (sometimes) kind of pretend to be nice and sweet and so totally not gross like boys. But, guess what guys? Girls are gross! And what’s even grosser than one girl on her own? Two or more girls together. Two girls and watch out. Three girls and it gets grosser. Three or more? You’ve got insanely gross. It’s what they “do” together. Girls love to share while doing stuff in the toilet. You know, sharing bodily functions and all the sights and sounds and…smells. They love to flick stuff harvested from their nose and sniff each other’s armpits or undies. And worse. Hey, is that just a pimple on my lady bits or…wait! Don’t ask your girlfriend or sister. They’ll only lie to you and say, “Don’t be stupid. I wouldn’t do anything that gross.” And, trust us, she probably won’t post her grossest pictures on her Facebook page. I mean, she could lose her job and her male friends in one fell swoop. No, the only way you’re gonna find out what she really gets up to with her friends is to hack her cellphone or read this piece. The former things are probably illegal anyway. So, you’re safer being grossed out here. Get ready for 15 (more) totally gross things your girlfriend does with her girlfriends.
15. Sniffing Armpits
Girlfriends don’t let girlfriends go out in public with smelly armpits. So, they are getting ready for a night-out, making a girlie group thing out of it. Make up? Check. Hot dress? Check. Have we forgotten anything? Yes! That all important crotch whiff and armpit sniff. A little iffy? The girls hit both with some perfume and hope for the best. Then, you and your best mate pick the girls up, hit a club, and get hot and heavy on the dance floor. Then, all of a sudden, the girlfriends are off in a pack to the restroom. Sure, they are peeing and pooping together. They may even be sharing a toothbrush to whiten up those pearly whites. But, you can also bet they are doing an armpit and a lady bits check. One of them will have something in their bag to spritz on either if there is an issue. And you? You just lock yourself into a stall in the little boys’ room and check yourself. Where’s the fun in that?
14. Picking Gunk Out Of One Another’s Teeth
Hey guys, we’re gonna talk dating manners. So, say you take a hot babe out for a pizza and it’s all doing great. You’re looking into each other’s eyes. You keep the beer flowing because you’re imagining an up-close-and-personal activity to come. Then, OMG! She gets a bit of spinach caught in between her teeth. What do you do? Nothing, right? And just hope it goes away. Say it’s two best girlfriends out for a pizza and the same thing happens. What next? Well, the BFF puts her pizza down, reaches over, and cleans out the gunk with her fingernail. Easy, huh? It’s what happens next that’s even grosser. Does one of them eat it or not? You decide. Ask your girlfriend or your sister. But remember, they’ll probably lie to you big time. It’s another EWWW! moment.
13. Booger-Flicking Competition
Your girlfriend and her BFF are sitting on the sofa watching TV…maybe in their underwear. Maybe naked. Maybe in their hasn’t-been-washed-in-a-month PJs. They are probably also absentmindedly stroking their hair. It’s a cozy comfort kind of thing. Definitely not for kicks. And, they’re harvesting boogers and flicking them at the ceiling to see who can get the most to stick. No, really. Look at the ceiling over the sofa the next time you are at her place. And you thought those little brown spots were bugs? Think again. Here’s something else to think about. Sometimes, just sometimes, those pesky little boogers dry out and drop down again. So when you look up at the ceiling, keep your mouth shut and your eyes peeled.
12. Cleaning Up Each Other’s Puke
Speaking of puke, as you often do, real girlfriends clean up after one another. Girls are into keeping thinks clean and tidy, you see. Say girlfriends are clubbing and one of them feels the need to throw up and they don’t quite make it to the toilet. Gross. There’s dinner all over the floor, slightly rearranged. Or girlfriends might be hanging on some lamppost outside a bar to steady themselves when up it comes. Real friends help. Real girlfriends clean up after one another. And what happens if a girlfriend pukes all over her friend’s new hot little tube dress? They find a hose or jump into the nearest shower together and wash away the gunk and the smell. And if that hot little tube dress shrinks, all the better. More on display.
11. Licking Each Other’s Armpits
This is a gross out kind of girlie activity. A truth or dare thing. It’s way more intimate and hot than locking girlie lips, you see. Now, there’s the smell thing, especially if your friend’s armpit has been clubbing and dancing and drinking. It’s nice and salty in there, you see. And you can enhance the experience by dabbing on a bit of coconut oil or lemon zest. Quite often, feeling one another up is part of the experience. And, like girl-on-girl kissing, guys just love to watch. So, next time you are out at a club, keep an eye out for girls in strapless tops and tubes. Another thing: Whatever you do, don’t try this on random chicks yourself guys. It’s strictly a girl-to-girl kind of sport. But watching, even taking pictures, is okay.
10. Squeezing One Another’s Pimples
This is another portable girl-on-girl activity best undertaken when there is a mirror coming in handy. Why a mirror? Well dummy, when you squeeze a zit, part of the sport is trying to hit the mirror with the squidgy yellow mess that pops out. Now, it’s easier to do that if you are doing it yourself, but harder to manage if you get a friend to pop and squeeze it for you. It’s like an I’ll-squeeze-yours-if-you-squeeze-mine kind of thing. Bathrooms are perfect places to play the zit-popping game. Are you getting the picture? If your girlfriend and her BFF are locked in a bathroom together, be afraid. Be very afraid. We’re gonna look at more bathroom-based girls-together fun and games. It just gets grosser. Trust us.
9. Feeling One Another Up
This is multi-layered and complicated. Sometimes, it’s kinda hot. A feel-up can be combined with lip locks, armpit-licking, and the like. Or, it can be a (literally) helping hand. See, girls feeling girls up is sometimes a practical adjusting thing. You know, like making sure the twins fit nicely into that cleavage-inducing bra. Here’s a girlie secret: If a chick buys one of those push-up low-cut bras…well, if she buys a size or two too small, then there will be more spilling out. You know, like an overflow. In that case, a friend can help out by adjusting the straps and positioning the assets to achieve eye-popping displays of mounds of flesh. Here’s another girls’ secret: You know how guys sometimes stuff toilet paper into their underwear to enhance their manhood? Girls do a little under-boob toilet paper-stuffing to boost that cup size.
8. Binge-eating Junk Food
This girl-on-girl activity can also be done while fully clothed, naked, in underwear, or PJs. When two or more girls get together and there is food, well, it can get gross. Most popular female binge food? Fried, sugar-overloaded anything, ice cream, and pizza are right up there. It’s even more fun if you force-feed your girlfriend until she cries “stop” or “I’m gonna puke,” whichever comes first. Guys everywhere are going EWWWWWWW! And girls long for crumbs to fall into their bras. Why? So they can fish in there for those yummy little bits of bread or doughnut or french fries. It’s even yummier if those little morsels have wedged themselves into the bottom of the bra, ‘cause you might even get a bit of salty bra sweat to sweeten (or not) the experience. We don’t think you are ready for the crumbs from the undies experience yet.
7. Checking Out One Another’s Lady Bits
OK. This is going to be gross. Sure, older girls teach younger girls about the fine art of inserting a tampon. “I stick it where?” That’s no big deal, really. But what if a chick gets a bump or pimple or thingy down there? The million dollar question is this: Is it a pimple or is it the pox? You know what we mean. Sure, a girl can always get a mirror and do it herself. But trust us, it just ain’t that easy. In fact, it sometimes leads to neck aches and back aches. So girlfriends check out one another’s junk to see if it’s all cool or whether a stern lecture from their doctor and killer antibiotics are in their future. Now, if that pimple or thing is on their backside, well, girls totally need other girls to check it out. No, guys. No matter how close and intimate you are, your girlfriend will never, ever ever ask you to do that.
6. Farting Together
The more the merrier. Like a line of girls standing outside a bar sticking their butts out and farting on cue. You can bet they have a designated fart video-taking friend. If that friend gets pissed off, you can bet the noisy, smelly clip will show up on Snapchat with cute little rainbows and puppy noses. Girls farting together can also be BFFs sitting on the sofa together and counting “One, two, three, FART.” That way, there’s a sniffing opportunity to add to the fun. Girls can compete. The longest fart. The smelliest fart. The most farts in one minute.
5. Doing Number One And Number Two As A Group
This is something that guys don’t understand. Why do chicks go to the bathroom together to share their bodily function smells? Sure, guys stand up next to complete strangers to do their business, but go in a group of guys and share a giggle while you pee? No way, guys say. For girls, it’s not so much about sharing as it is a girlie socially acceptable gross thing to do. Add to this talking on the cellphone while things tinkle and plop around you and toilets flush and…well…it’s just fun. Did you know the ladies toilet is sometimes called “the ladies conference room?” Why, you ask? Well, it’s because it is a blissfully guy-free zone where girls can gossip and wee and poop and have a laugh. Still don’t get it guys? Ask your girlfriend. She’ll explain it to you. Or not.
4. Peeing In The Shower With Friends
Did you know that the average person can save over 1,000 gallons of water a year by peeing only in the shower and not in the toilet? Or did you know that studies demonstrate that pee shows up in scary quantities in swimming pools? Sp*rm too. But, we digress. Girls love to get naked with one another. Sitting on sofas. Sitting on toilets…or in beds. And they love to shower together. And, it’s just a fact that peeing in the shower together is a great bonding exercise for best girlfriends. Girls (and guys) wee in the shower all the time. But girls are different from guys (duh!) because they like to make it a group activity. And if it’s “that time of the month?” Don’t go there guys. Just don’t. And don’t ask either.
3. Sniffing One Another’s Underwear
OK, guys. We know YOU don’t do this, but a lot of guys love to take a sniff of their girlfriend’s underwear. We heard of one guy who kept his love’s undies in a zip-lock bag to preserve that whiff. But guess what? Girls do it too! No, they are NOT sniffing your underwear. That would really, really, really be gross. No, they prefer to sniff one another’s undies. Sometimes, it’s a “who has the best whiff” thing. Sometimes, it is just a check to see if they can get another day’s wear out of those thongs. Yes, girls do that. Do you change every day? Of course not. You’re doing the sniff test as well. And when girls get together for a sleepover, they sometimes have “guess whose undies these are” sniffing competitions. Don’t even ask what the winner gets.
2. Picking Each Other’s Noses
No, this is not normal. We admit it. It is sick and gross, gross and more gross. Is it worse than examining one another’s toilet bowls? Yes. Is it grosser than friends examining friends’ lady bits? Yes! Why? Because it’s about sticking your finger up somebody’s nose and harvesting those little gems. Now, we don’t even want to get into what these girls did with those protein-packed snacks. Why do it? It’s like so totally intimate and gross that only BFFs of the highest order are ever, ever going to attempt it. Guys would have to be drunk off their minds to even consider it. And girls do it stone cold sober. Guys, if you see chicks getting up to this, make sure to film the video. It’s like the best blackmail material ever.
1. Talking About Your Performance In Great Detail
We all know that guys swap stories about those “intimate” moments with girls. They brag about how many times and how long it lasted. But, you probably didn’t know that girls do the same thing. Well, kind of. And yes, girls talk size. Because size does matter to chicks. Remember when Jessica Simpson trashed her hubby’s tiny manhood? But, girls also talk (and laugh) about the funny noises you made or how you tried to talk in a sexy voice. And, yes, before you ask, they also talk about how they faked “that big moment” while in the sack with you. Go on, we dare you. Ask her if she’s ever faked it. Don’t worry. If she still loves you, she’ll lie and say no. If she says yes? Then she’s gonna dump you big time.
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