When it comes to dating, Tinder is probably the handiest phone app that can connect you with women that you’re interested in almost instantaneously. There’s an nearly never ending variety of people that you can find, whether you’re focused on looks or personality or location or really anything you can imagine. But despite the apparent ease with which Tinder should introduce you to exactly the kind of girl you’re looking for, much like other dating apps and websites, quite a few guys have trouble making connections with women. That’s really no surprise considering how aggressive so many guys can be on dating apps, because if a girl is fielding dozens of messages from different men on a daily basis it’s incredibly easy to just get lost in the shuffle.
However, that doesn’t mean that making a connection with a girl you like on Tinder is a hopeless effort. Actually, there are some pretty simple ways that you can improve your presence on Tinder and make yourself stand out from the crowd, and the inverse is also true. There are some pretty simple ways that most guys are screwing up the impression they’re making on Tinder that they might not even realize are mistakes. So what are the easiest and fastest ways to change your image on the app, and what are the best ways to make the right impression on the girls you like, or even just the best ways to figure out which girls you actually like? Read on to discover the mistakes you might not even know you’re making on Tinder!
15. Being A Creeper
Pretty much every girl on the planet has a pretty well developed radar for creepy guys, and any woman who uses dating apps probably has that radar fine tuned to perfection because of the sheer volume of creepy behavior they’ve had to endure using the apps. So if you want to make a good impression with a girl you’re just beginning to talk to, talk to her like a normal person. If you want to ask her out on a date then go for it, but other than that you shouldn’t say anything to her that you would feel uncomfortable saying to a dude you just met. Obviously everyone is on Tinder because they want to meet somebody, but when a girl gets the impression that you see her as just a hookup instead of a person it’s very unpleasant. And quite frankly, if she were looking for some random guy to hook up with who will treat her like a non-human she could find that on Tinder in about eighteen seconds, so if she’s still looking it means that she’s not looking for that.
14. Having Lame Pictures
Clearly Tinder is an app where first impressions mean almost everything, so it’s no surprise that your pictures should kind of tell people the story of you. But the essential aspect of that is you, and you’re much better off posting pictures that show your real personality and appearance instead of doing the typical vanity shots that so many people do on social media. I get the impulse to show off whatever assets you’ve got, but honestly a girl is going to be able to tell whether or not she’s into you no matter what. There’s no need to take a dozen cheesy photos in your bathroom mirror of you flexing your abs, and you’re really unlikely to pique the interest of many girls if you have the same gallery of poses and ideas that half the guys on Tinder are doing as well. You need to have at least one picture where you look like yourself, but other than that it’s better to show a bit of your personality with your pictures.
Women aren’t one giant hive mind that all want the same thing or go after the same people, so while it might be hard to believe sometimes, there will almost always be a woman out there who will be attracted to the person that you truly are (unless you are an absolute jerk who treats women horribly). Therefore, there’s really no reason for you to lie on your Tinder profiles. Yes, it might get you more attention initially, but if any of these girls you talk to meet you in person and find out that you’ve lied about something they’ll probably be really put off by it. What’s worse, you’ll probably have a lot of women who wouldn’t have minded whatever it is you were trying to hide by lying, but who will be put off by the very act of you lying. And girls are socialized to be polite to everyone, so she might not bring up the fact that you outright lied about something, but that definitely doesn’t mean she didn’t notice.
12. Taking Things Too Fast
If a girl is on Tinder, you know that she is interested in having some kind of interaction or relationship with a guy, which means that at some point she probably wants to experience intimacy with a guy. This means that you don’t have to ask her if she wants to hook up 20 minutes into your first conversation, because that pretty much doesn’t need to be said, and the fact that you’re saying it will make her think that the only thing you care about is hooking up. And honestly, even if you are only interested in hooking up you can certainly find girls who feel the same, but you’re rarely going to meet a woman who likes to feel like you only see her as an object that you can use. Even if a girl is only looking for a friend with benefits she still wants to be treated like an actual human being, so hold off on the propositions.
11. Pushing Her To Meet
Tinder is a dating app, so clearly the end goal of being on Tinder is to actually go on real live dates. However, women are really strongly socialized to be wary of strangers and to get to know someone before trusting them, so if you get super pushy about wanting to meet up immediately it’s a pretty clear warning sign that you’re the kind of guy to stay away from. Trust is something that needs to be earned, and while you might not get why a girl is uncomfortable with something that you propose it really doesn’t matter whether you get it or not. What matters is that she’s uncomfortable with it and she will definitely judge you if you don’t respect that discomfort. A lot of dudes on dating apps and sites can get scary fast, so if she’s reluctant to meet up at first it’s almost certainly not because of you; it’s because past experience has taught her that it’s the smart way to go about things.
10. Sending A Generic Intro
When a girl is on a dating app she usually gets so much attention that it kind of feels like getting spammed, and Tinder almost makes that feeling even easier because you don’t even have to introduce yourself or genuinely check someone out. You can take one look at them and swipe right if you want. So if you’re introducing yourself to a woman who you’re genuinely interested in then you don’t want to send them a message that they’ve seen a thousand times before (and yes, that includes an immediate proposal to hook up, because that really does happen a thousand times). You don’t need to try super hard to be different or to stand out, but sending an intro that makes it obvious that you’ve actually looked at her profile and are interested in her as a person instead of saying something that makes it seem like you’re just taking a shot in the dark is way more likely to get a positive response.
9. Not Showing Your Personality In Your Profile
When it comes to online or app dating women and men seem to come from two completely different schools of thought. Women tend to seek out quality, and men seem to focus more on quantity, which means that women tend to get flooded with right swipes and propositions but they tend to be choosy about who they actually respond to. So if you have a really mediocre profile that doesn’t tell a girl anything about who you really are as a person then she’ll probably just move on to the next one. And why wouldn’t she? If she’s got dudes all over her at all times then the only ones who are really going to stick out in her mind are the ones that she has some kind of personal interest in. It’s also a really good starting point for any communication and interaction with you two, because if she already knows you have stuff in common it’ll be a lot easier and more comfortable to get the ball rolling.
8. Being Cocky
Most guys seem to be under the impression that girls are really attracted to alpha male jerks, but honestly in most instances that’s really not the case. Confidence is hot but arrogance is not, and if you think you need to be an alpha dude in order to snag the kind of girl that you want then you should focus on the good alpha traits instead of the bad ones. And a lot of times being cocky doesn’t come off as confident; it comes off as someone who is insecure and trying to project an image of confidence, but doing that in a really crappy way. If you’re a catch then any girl with half a brain will be able to figure that out on her own, and if you’re acting uppity about what a great guy you would be for a woman then it will most likely backfire on you.
7. Spelling And Grammar Mistakes
This seems like stupidly simple advice to give, but it really can make all the difference in the world. Obviously you can only initially get to know each other through what you’ve written in your profile, and if you talk like a normal, coherent person it really can make a good impression, especially in an app littered with people who are content with filling their profiles with nonsense. Knowing that you’re intelligent enough to at least string a sentence together definitely makes a good first impression, and the inverse of that is also true. Knowing that you’re not smart enough or don’t care enough to actually say something that someone else can read and make sense of gives a bad first impression. It’s always the things that seem like the easiest and most basic that can make the most difference, so make sure you’ve made everything clear and readable on your profile.
6. Talking About The Girl You Want
Dating apps like Tinder obviously give you an insane amount of options to choose from, but that doesn’t mean that the app is your very own Build-A-Bear Workshop for chicks. If you want to list certain personality traits or interests that matter to you in your list of dating or relationship requirements then that’s fine, but if you say that you’re looking for a 5’2″ brunette with green eyes then you’re not only going to be eliminating a ton of possibly awesome options from your dating pool, you’re going to be telling every girl who actually fits into the model date that you want that you really could not care less about her as a person so long as she fits your specific standards. Instead of talking about the girl you want you should talk about the guy you are. Then you’ll get swiped right by girls who have an actual interest in you and you can decide whether or not they’re the kind of person you’d want to go on a date with.
5. Not Having Enough Pictures
Obviously whatever you have to say about yourself is a really important aspect of Tinder dating. However, what you have to show about yourself is super important too, so having too few pictures in your profile can be off putting for a few reasons. First of all, any girl who’s looking at your profile photos isn’t going to get much of an impression of your personality or what kind of guy you are if you only have a few pictures for her to look at. Secondly, having very few photos in your profile can make it seem like you have something that you want to hide for some reason, which at best can make a girl suspicious of your motives for being on Tinder in general, and at worst can make a girl assume that you’re up to something you really shouldn’t be doing and that she really doesn’t want any part of.
4. Trying Too Hard To Be Different
The thing about trying too hard to be different and stand out among an ocean of Tinder users is that usually it’s really obvious that you’re trying too hard. And frankly, whatever you’ve decided will differentiate you from everyone else is probably something that a whole lot of other people have already thought of doing, so even if you’re trying to stand out you’ll just look like everyone else who is also trying to stand out. The easiest and best way to get a girl’s interest is by just being genuine and real, and when it comes to app dating, honesty actually is something that will probably make you stand out among everyone else. If there’s something unique and special about you that you think you should share on your Tinder profile then you should totally go for it, but if you’re trying to embellish or create something interesting out of thin air then that will come across to the girls who are seeing it.
3. Not Knowing How To Hear “No”
I know that an entire lifetime of romantic comedies have been teaching guys the exact opposite of this, but the reality of the situation is that most women really don’t want you to be super persistent about something once they’ve already turned you down. Ultimately you’re not going to wear someone down into liking you, and when you can’t or won’t take no for an answer that slaps a gigantic flashing warning sign above your head for most women. If she turns you down outright then you should just move on to someone else, and if she has a clear negative response to anything you say you should drop it. And if you do say something that clearly puts her off, just sincerely apologize and then change the subject, even if it might hurt your pride. The very fact that you’re willing to hear what she’s saying and respect her boundaries will make her feel infinitely more comfortable with you.
2. Swiping Too Much Or Too Little
It can be a tricky balance to pull off, but if you’re swiping a ton or barely swiping at all it can be a red flag that wards off some of your potential matches. Obviously if you swipe right on nearly every profile you see any girls that you’re legitimately interested in are just going to assume that you’re trying to get attention from any girl that you possibly can, and most girls are not going to respond positively to someone who appears to just be throwing out as much bait as possible and waiting to see if anyone bites. But on the other hand, if you’re not using Tinder on a regular basis a girl might assume that your profile could be an inactive profile, could be fake, or you could just not be very interested in actually meeting anybody through Tinder. So it’s good to get swiping, but don’t under or overdo it.
1. Not Considering The Girl Representation In Your Profile
When a girl is checking out your profile on Tinder, she’s not just checking you out. She’s looking at everything around you to see what kind of a person you are, and more importantly she’s looking at if you have women in your profile and what kind of women they are to see how you look at other women. This means that if you include a picture with you and your mom a girl might presume that you have some respect for women, but if you post a picture of you and your bros at a gentleman’s club then she’ll probably assume that you’re kind of a creep who doesn’t see women as people. Also, if you’re trying to impress by including a lot of pictures of you and hot girls, the ladies looking at your profile will 100% notice if you’re hanging out with women who actually want to hang out with you or just taking pictures of yourself with women who are with you because they have to be.
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