If you don’t know by now that Khloe Kardashian is expecting (with Khloe herself posting “baby bump” images all over social media) with boyfriend Tristan Thompson of NBA fame, I can’t imagine what rock you’ve been living under. First of all, Khloe is due sometime in late April and seems to be positively glowing with the news. She Twee-Insta-Snapped her now infamous shot of her bump and the couple’s hands cradling it in late December and captioned the picture: "Tristan, thank you for loving me the way that you do! Thank you for treating me like a Queen! Thank you for making me feel beautiful at all stages! Tristan, most of all, thank you for making me a MOMMY!!! You have made this experience even more magical than I could have envisioned!” Yeah, like I said, Khloe is quite excited about having her first child at 33 years old.
The best part for Khloe might be that sisters Kim and Kylie are sharing the baby wealth, as both have newborns rocking the cradle, so she can expect a lot of Kardashian-style baby loving and playdates in the near future. We suppose that also means we can all expect the next generation of Kardashians to be as close-knit with each other and as ubiquitous to the rest of us as this current generation has been. If you’re a fan, then you must be happy that Keeping Up with the Kardashians just became the front runner for the longest-running TV show ever.
While there’s no official word on whether Khloe is having a boy or girl, most sources have said it’s a boy. We’ll all just have to wait and see, but in the meantime, let’s take a look at the very best, most expensive, most flat-out crazy baby products Khloe should splurge on for the newest member of the “K Club.” Here are 15 lavish ideas for Khloe.
15 UBBI Diaper Pail $80
We start off our list in a little bit of an odd way. I know we're going to discuss luxury baby products that Khloe should splurge on, but just consider this ringing endorsement of the UBBI from
older sister Kourtney: "It’s made of powder-coated steel so it does not absorb odors like plastic ones can.”
Did you hear that everybody? No stink, no stink! Kourtney should know at least — she has a bunch of kids. But the real reason this diaper pail that costs almost $100 made the list is, well, because it’s a diaper pail that costs almost $100. Most people get a cheap plastic one from Walmart for like $10 and just spray Febreze at it all the time. Some people even just use a plastic trashcan and scented trash bags. It might seem ridiculous, but it’s true; when you’re rich and famous, even your kid’s diaper pails can become a luxury item.
14 Clover And Birch Activity Gym $100
I’ll admit it, when I became a new dad, I wanted to get everything possible for my kid (status update: he’s still not very old and I still want everything for him — that’s just parenting). But most average American parents can’t get whatever they want for their kids at the drop of a hat. We have to make choices and splurge on the real essentials that will last forever — that’s why I got my son Chicago Bears season tickets (I’m joking, people). No, we purchased an awesome crib and a few other things.
But when you’re Khloe K and big-sister Kim recommends something, of course you’re going to splurge.
Enter this “gym” that Khloe’s little one can roll around on the floor under and reach for various objects. It’s made of “natural wood” (I wonder what "unnatural wood" is, by the way) which is nice, I guess. My kid’s activity gym was made of cheap felt and plastic and cost $8 at Costco. But hey, to each their own.
13 DockaTot Deluxe+ Dock $175
Here’s another offering from Kim K, one she originally recommended to sister Kylie, who just had her baby, but one I’m sure she would recommend to Khloe as well. To be honest, I’m not sure why this is even a thing, but the very rich can be a little bit different than we mortal folk. It’s called a DockaTot Dock because that’s what you do — you put your infant inside its warm embrace.
It is supposedly great for offering “a safe and comfy spot that lets baby rest, lounge, play, cuddle, do tummy time, and get diaper changes.”
First of all, I thought docks were for boats and iPhones. Second of all, you know what my wife and I did? We stole all of the birthing towels the hospital gave us. Guess what? We completely and safely “docked” our baby right on top of those puppies every single day and never had a problem with resting, lounging, or diaper changes. Okay, that last part is not entirely true. We did have diapering issues but every parent does. Point being, we sure didn’t splurge almost $200 bucks on what is basically a blanket.
12 Bloom Coco Stylewood Bouncer $200
Here we have one last Kim Kardashian endorsed product for her little sister to purchase. I think the title pretty much gives away that this one is a bit beyond the pale when it comes to everyday baby products. Bouncers have been a thing for babies for years. They’re usually made out of thin shaped metal with an ugly plaid coverlet. Kids can lounge in them forever and the bouncing motion soothes them. I bet Khloe’s kid is going to be very relaxed then because the Stylewood bouncer is made out of “organic wood” (isn’t all wood organic? I’m just asking for a friend). The little seat pad is also organic, so the kid won’t get the rashes that my kid did on that scratchy plaid. But best of all, it is only about $200 at Pottery Barn. If you’ve ever been inside Pottery Barn (even virtually online) then you know that is an absolute steal — those guys do not mess around! I’m pretty sure I could build one out of stuff I found at Home Depot for $25. But then again, it wouldn’t be organic, would it?
11 Baby Bjorn Baby Carrier One Outdoor $300
I think I spent the first 6 months of my son’s life unceremoniously carrying him around in whatever position worked at the time, usually slung sideways under my arm while I tried to wash dishes or change the spark-plugs in the car with the other hand. It never once occurred to me to use one of those front baby carriers (my wife did) because, well, because I’m a man and not very bright. But I do know that our Baby Bjorn was a hand-me-down from my wife’s cousin and it didn’t cost her much either. But guess what? I’m here to let Khloe know that, hey, if you’ve got the money get the swag. This Baby Bjorn is almost $300 and offers a new mom all of the amenities a regular one does! The extra cost seems to be because it’s “ergonomically friendly” for both mom and kid and has a water bottle holder. Is there anything these days that doesn’t have a water bottle holder?
10 Medela Sonata Smart Pump $400
I had to include this particular item on our list of baby product splurges for Khloe because of one word in its name. Can you guess which one it is? That’s right — the word is “smart.” As in, if you have a Smartphone (I’m pretty sure Khloe has heard of these devices), then
you can download the Medela app and start getting personalized information on your milk supply and your baby’s eating schedule.
The best part about this is that Medela makes it very clear you can “personalize” that information. Which leads me to ask, why would you ever want non-personalized breast milk information sent to your phone? Although one must say, as close-knit as they are, those Kardashian women do sometimes get a little bit competitive. Maybe they should all download this app and talk on KUWTK about who is generating more milk or whose baby is eating the most. I hope I didn’t just give them any ideas.
9 Orbit Travel System Stroller $1,000+
Here’s baby expert Kourtney K again on this stroller system that is apparently all the rage in Hollywood:
“I find this extremely easy to use and I adore the sidekick skateboard that attaches onto the side of the stroller for my older child!”
Okay, that’s actually pretty cool. So while your infant snoozes away in ultra-comfort in the Orbit stroller, their older sibling can skate along beside them. Don’t give this one away to Goodwill when your first one outgrows it Khloe — you may find yourself needing it again someday. Kourtney also had to say this about the stroller: “It has an easy attachment to turn it into a double stroller as well. There is nothing that this travel system doesn’t offer, and we travel a lot!” So does that mean that it costs twice as much if it’s a double stroller? Because normal people actually do purchase strollers for a few hundred bucks or at the aforementioned Goodwill or even at yard and garage sales — $2,000 is enough to take your kids to Disney!
8 Prada Diaper Bag $1,400
I’m pretty sure this would be a no-brainer for Khloe in the baby splurge department. I mean, after all it’s Prada. Is there any mom in the world who wouldn’t want a Prada bag, even if it was a diaper bag? There is not. That would be like asking your girlfriend if she wanted a Coach purse or chocolate for Valentine’s Day — no contest. Here’s one more from good old super-mom Kourtney about this bag:
"The best diaper bag I have ever used so far is my Prada diaper bag that my sister Kim bought for me. It’s simple, has lots of amazing compartments, and it's made of the perfect fabric which can be easily wiped down. It’s all about having lots of different compartments when it comes to a diaper bag!”
And just in case we all forget, the label also says Prada. But hey, it’s got lots of compartments! The funniest thing about this is that Kim gave it to Kourtney. If I give my wife a diaper bag I found at Sears, will it have the same impact? I think not — luxury begets luxury. So go ahead Kourtney, make sure you splurge on one for your little sister.
7 Eiderdown Heirloom Silk Pillow $3,000
The company, which sells full-size “adult” pillows for like $5,000, promotes these as side pillows to keep babies from rolling off the bed and then they can use them as real pillows as they get older. It’s good to know you can get extended use out of this $3,000 pillow.
The pillow is supposed to be light and warm and hand-collected from Icelandic and Scandinavian birds’ nests.
I know down is the best pillow material and all that but seriously, who does that job? How freaking cold is it out there when they climb those trees? If those benefits include getting one of these pillows for free, even a kid’s one, then I’m in.
6 Deluxe Infant Stimucenter $3,100
I think the best expensive baby item Khloe could ever buy would be to get this “play yard” for her newborn. You know why? Because there would never be any doubt that she had splurged on something she didn't need. That’s because the Stimucenter is listed by its own makers as being good from “0 to 5 months.” The kid is only gonna fit in, on, and around this thing for five months? Do you know how many dollars a month that is for a freaking baby product? Listen, when I was a kid, my mom basically tied a rope around herself and then clipped me on — that was my play yard.
5 Towel And Washcloth Set $3,100
Both of Khloe’s older sisters have endorsed various products before that have come out of the Aden & Anais luxury baby goods company. Some of these have even been vaguely affordable (you know, if you believe baby food should be $9 a jar). But Aden & Anais are, after all, a luxury company. Enter this terrycloth towel and washcloth set, which is as good an item to splurge on as any. Why? Well, because it’s there, that’s why. When you’re Khloe Kardashian you don’t have to ask, you just do.
Apparently, these towels get softer the more you wash them.
The hooded towel is double-layered 100% muslin and the washcloths (you get two of them— what a bargain!) are quadruple layered. Who could ask for anything more?
4 Onda Luxy Bubbles $3,200
Alright Khloe, it's your (and your baby’s) world, the rest of us are just living in it. If you think splurging on a little baby bath to keep your precious baby’s bottom clean is the way to go then have I got the product for you! It’s called the Onda Luxy Bubble and it’s a baby bath for the rich and famous for sure. You’ll never need to wash your kid in the sink, like a lot of working parents do, and
you might find it hard to convince your kid to try the real bathtub when they outgrow this thing.
Although I’m willing to bet your tub is all Venetian marble and gold fittings, right? Anyway, this one is Italian and will gently soothe your baby in their own self-sufficient little jacuzzi bath. That’s why it’s called Luxy Bubbles after all. But there is a price for luxury and you’ll certainly pay it if you splurge on this thing.
3 Diamond Pacifier $17,000
Pretty much every kid needs a pacifier at some point. Some of them use them for a week and are done with the whole concept. Some of them fight tooth and nail into their toddler years to keep their precious “binkie” for as long as humanly possible. But what every kid doesn’t need is a diamond-encrusted pacifier. This would be a splurge and a half for good old Khloe — I can just see the Instagram posts now. There’s only one problem with getting an infant a diamond pacifier — what do kids do with pacifiers? They lose them. Where do they lose them? Everywhere. When do they lose them? All of the time. Maybe a diamond pacifier isn’t the best possible thing to put in a baby’s mouth.
2 Hypnos Handcrafted Mattress $10,000 To $50,000
I don’t know about you and I certainly don’t know about Khloe but if I were her, I would definitely be thinking about this little number.
After all, everyone knows both Prince William and Prince Harry slept in one of these as children.
No, William did not hand his down to Harry; that’s not how royals work people! Anyway, the mattresses are “bespoke” which is a fancy way of saying they are handmade following a centuries-old tradition. They are also made out of incredibly high quality cashmere, so much so that there is a legend company testers will reject beds that have already been made if there is even the slightest clumping on them. I suppose that’s what happens when you are the exclusive mattress maker for the English Royal Family. I’m willing to bet Khloe, a true member of American entertainment royalty, wouldn’t mind bedding her kid down in one of these custom made beauties.
1 Fantasy Coach Crib $65,000
There is a high-end baby product company called Posh Tots (yes, of course they’re British) that specializes in the crème de la crème of baby stuff, as it were. We are most decidedly not talking about plastic teething rings, board books and Bubba cups. These guys offer you just a little bit more bang for the buck and if Khloe really wants to spoil that new baby, she’ll put it to sleep every night in the Fantasy Coach Crib. I know it’s designed for a girl (Cinderella, anyone?) and she is rumored to be having a boy, but if I were a boy who found out his mom had him sleep in a $65,000 crib, I would be like “mom, you rock.”
Khloe better hurry if she wants to splurge on this one though — there’s a six-month waiting list to get one.
The beautiful linens, stuffed animals, etc. are definitely not included in the price. But I’m sure Posh Tots can find something for your baby — maybe even an Eiderdown pillow.